Then there are times when I just sort of let it all hang out. Today is one of those kinds of posts, because truthfully, those of you who visit this blog probably don’t need the “super-sanctified” version of life. You are living REAL life and you see through the facade when it is put out there.
So, today’s post is taken from an email that I sent a small group of ladies who I am traveling with through the Thin Again book by the Hallidays. I hope it challenges you (in a good way).
========
God has been working on a theme in my life recently. Here are some thoughts that have come of it:
How much inspiration do I really need?
How many verses that convict and encourage?
How many great books and devotionals about making great choices?
How many study groups (and goes through the Thin Within book and workbook)?
How many accountability partners?
I have all of the tools, all of the knowledge, all of the conviction and more. I have everything I need for life and godliness, according to God’s Word! I have His Holy Spirit…so what on earth is holding me back?
I am nuts if I think I can be free without SAYING NO TO MY FLESH. The reality is, I have to DO what I know and I may not WANT TO, but then if I don’t want to do it, then I must want to live in bondage more than I want to live in freedom. Living in freedom will take some HARD choices, but God has given me so much to “inspire” me to walk that path.
What really am I waiting for? For it to get easy? It won’t. Or if it does for a while, it might be hard again. I have to say NO to myself just like I do when I want to buy something and can’t afford it, or want to zip around a slow driver, but the double yellow line tells me I can’t, so I don’t (even if no one is looking). I don’t take things I want from the store. I don’t slap my children’s mouths when they are impertinent. I say no to my flesh all the time, so it is high time I do the same with food.
I can keep patting myself on the back (“There, there…don’t worry….”) with an eye to all the things I have to process that have set me up to have this battle with food, such as:
the fact that my mom abused me regarding food/eating as a kid…
the molestations (my dad)
shoving down all the things that were true about our family so I didn’t have a voice as a child
my mom’s suicide attempts (too many to count before I was 16)
my parents’ knock-down-drag-out fights, even though they were “professional” and church people (we had to keep up the appearance) – and the Sheriffs coming to our house because of it!
the emotional and physical abuses of my childhood (in addition to those mentioned above!)
the other things I struggle with and feel “victimized” by more recently in life…
…but the reality is…this is the life God has sovereignly ordained for me to live…NOTHING has come to me that isn’t according to His plan. He intends for me to be VICTORIOUS through all of these things. If I put off obedience and making good choices until I have “processed my junk,” I am, simply, SINNING. I am called to obedience NOW. He calls me to this with gentleness and love—not one shred of condemnation. He KNOWs how hard it is, but he gives me Jesus as the example.
What choice will I make today—EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO? What choice will I commit to offering to Him as a sacrifice? What today will be an expression of my love for him and of dying to self?
What about you? 🙂 (You knew that had to come, right? Really…I would love to hear from you.)
So many of us who struggle with food and eating (and body) issues, if we are asked “Where is your focus?” would have to answer honestly, “On my food.” “On my body.” “On my weight.” “On my clothes.” Etc.
There is a common denominator here. Do you see what it is?
ME.
I believe that moving our focus off of ourselves and on to God is transformational. Here is a video that offers a tool to help us do this practically.
So, will you start your God List today?
It can make all the difference–honest!
Which attributes of God will you start with?
How about if you turn to Jeremiah 32:17, 19-21 to start with? What attributes of God do you see there? How does he treat human beings according to this passage?
This week I have an adventure ahead. I get to join folks on a Rock-N-Water Living History excursion on Thursday and Friday! This is a shameless plug for Rock-N-Water. I have been so impressed with everything I have seen and heard about this company and their staff. If you are in California anywhere, consider bringing a group for one of their outings! Check out their website for more info! I will become a different person as I don blouse, skirt, apron, cape, and bonnet (believe it or not!) for the outing with a bunch of 4th graders studying US History and the Gold Rush! SUCH fun!
If you have visited this blog for any time at all, you know that I celebrated a loss of 100 pounds using only the Thin Within principles…eating when hungry, stopping when no longer hungry, eating any food I wanted to, and not being involved in any exercise routine of any kind. Because of all the reasons I tended to want to eat aside from hunger, I learned to depend on God a whole lot to be my “portion” when heart hunger and head hunger called. These can’t be satisfied with physical food. During the time I released the weight, my walk with God deepened as I leaned on him for strength. So, from Nov. 2006 to Fall of 2007, I released 100 pounds of physical weight and emotionally and spiritually, I felt set free as well.
Four and a half years later, I remain a healthy size. That is the good news.
But, I haven’t kept all 100 pounds off. I think there was something magical about “100” pounds for me…the number became almost more important than anything else. I don’t think that was where I was supposed to land for the rest of my life. So being that thin isn’t God’s “ideal size” for me.
In fact, last year at this time, I saw just how easy it was for me to be obsessed with weight, size and exercise again! I revisited an obsession I hadn’t known in over 15 years! I exercised 2 hours a day in addition to the tennis I was playing. That clearly was out of line.
Truthfully, since 2007, my size has fluctuated. I have remained a healthy size during all that time, but there IS in fact, a lot of work yet that God is doing regarding how I view food and my body. I am definitely still a work in progress.
In my rather lengthy dieting history before 1999 (when I stopped dieting), I never stayed a healthy size for more than a year once the weight was lost, let alone almost five! So I continue to celebrate the fact that I am still a healthy size! WHOO HOO! It is, after all, so easy to beat myself up (even now!) for ways I fall short.
I thought I would share with you some of the struggles I do have…
“Nutritionally dense” foods are not my preferred fare. I am stuck in Phase 1 of Thin Within most of the time…the “Freedom Phase.” Since much of my childhood abuse was focused on food, I do try to extend some measure of grace to myself about not eating raw carrots or green salad. Truthfully, I only like vegetables in salsa and well-cooked stew or soup! I hope to “grow up” relative to my eating preferences.
This continues to be a journey of my heart–much more so than of the body. It doesn’t take much for me to rush back to the comfort that I have found in food over the course of my life–maybe not with the abandon and zeal of my former years, but the thinking is still there…or there again.
I got rid of my bathroom scale at least four years ago at the encouragement of my accountability partner at the time. It was a great choice then, but right now I am drawn to the added accountability of numbers! This BUGs me–the truth is, I know if I am eating according to the boundaries God has given me without a bathroom scale! If I eat according to those boundaries, I need not fear weight gain. If I don’t eat according to those parameters, I know I will likely “find” weight that was “lost.” Numbers are so motivating because they are so instant. But I want a heart that is transformed…both in terms of how I think of food and what is most important to me–heart change or body change? I could use the numbers of the scale to be motivated more to stay focused on 0 to 5 eating, but the expense to my heart might be rather high…I might become obsessed with weight–numbers–again. I don’t want to go there! Goodness! I am over-thinking this, I am sure. I just want to be normal!
Fear has a grip on me again (still?). (I am sure that is obvious! LOL!) I live in fear that I will weigh 250 pounds again. I want to value having a heart change more than a body change…but honestly, I don’t live with such noble motivations much of the time. :-/ I know God wants to renew my thinking in this. I am even more fearful because of my role in the Thin Within company and with a possible book project (being pitched this month)–if I am going to be connected with “Thin” anything, I better be sure not to blow it and not be a healthy size! How is that for godly, deep, thinking?
Here is a photo that hubby took on Saturday…his newest hobby is photography and the silly man likes to take pictures of things in motion the most, it seems. I tend to be his primary “subject.” It definitely keeps me “honest.” So one more thing I guess I struggle with…when I see this photo, I see “fluffy.” I don’t like that. I want to see hardened, athletic muscles! I know this is something that God wants to change in my thinking, too. Somewhere between “fat acceptance” and “obsession with thin” is a place where I honor God with my eating, worship with joyful movement of my body, delight in who HE is, and who He is making me to be!
Well, there you have it. The truth tossed out on the table. So, though I have kept off most of the weight, though I am a healthy size, my mind is definitely stuck in a place that I don’t think is healthy for me! I need to “lose” the old mindset!
But I am optimistic that God is doing a new thing even now! I refuse to live in condemnation because I don’t “do this” perfectly. He is sanctifying me, one babystep at a time!
How about you? Can you relate to any of the struggles I have listed? What new thing is God possibly doing in you right now?
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak,
then I am strong.
~ 2 Corinthians 12:10
The grave is empty.
The body is gone.
Jesus’ body never decayed.
Instead, Christ “exploded” from the grave! VICTORIOUS!
Death is defeated!
The resurrection proves that 2 Corinthians 12:10 is true! We can delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. Isn’t that precisely what Jesus, Himself went through? And look what happened!
Death was conquered.
The grave didn’t have the last word!
The word translated “strong” at the end of 2 Corinthians 12:10 seems significant. It is the Greek word from which we get the word “dynamite.” Paul declared confidently that when he was weak, he was DYNAMITE. This is the power of the resurrection alive in him.
This same power is available to you and to me to enable us to DELIGHT in–not just endure–weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and difficulties. Because of the DYNAMITE of the RESURRECTION, we, too, are explosively powerful when we are in a humble, needy state. Again, God’s ways are not our ways…when we feel we are at our worst, it is then, that we are right where we need to be…prepared for Resurrection power.
The Resurrection proves once and for all that in the moments of greatest “weakness”–when defeat seems evident–the final word is not in. In fact, when all seems impossible, it is then that a stage is set for a display of the greatest power–the moment is ripe for a most amazing miracle.
I can barely stand to consider how the disciples of Jesus felt following the brutal death of their leader, their Master, their Friend.
Hopeless…
Darkness…
Loneliness…
And guilt. Guilt…definitely. Given that all but John and the women had abandoned Jesus in His greatest hour of need, I have no doubt that they were plagued by guilt. Judas was dead…and I wonder if any of the others wondered about taking the same way out.
Nothing is worse than waiting for hope to come unless it is having found such a Great Hope only to see it dashed to pieces.
Did they ponder Jesus’ words recorded in Matthew 17:22, 23?
When they came together in Galilee, he said to them,
“The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men.
They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.”
And the disciples were filled with grief.
Was there even a slight glimmer of “What if…?”
Can you identify with the hopelessness of the disciples? I can. Have you experienced a moment in time when you wondered at God’s plan, knowing that certainly…
… this can’t be it?
God’s sovereignty and silence require that we just sit…still our souls…and quietly wait…
just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—
and I lay down my life for the sheep.
~ John 10:14-15
God gets to define things the way He wants to because He is God–in charge of the Universe.
I didn’t think it was “good” when my son was evaluated as autistic.
I didn’t think it was “good” when my depression descended on my husband.
I didn’t think it was “good” when my baby girl turned blue within hours of being born and was admitted to NICU.
I didn’t think it was “good” when the Twin Towers fell.
Had I been there, I wouldn’t have called what happened at Golgotha–at Calvary’s Hill–“good” either.
The injustice of an illegal trial that sentenced Jesus to die…
The brutal beating, ripping flesh…
The rejection and abandonment by the closest of friends…
The mockery of a crowd that had praised only 5 days earlier…
The agonizing, writhing of a body wracked with pain from spikes driven through ligaments and flesh, lifted up on a roughly formed wooden cross, shreds of wood lacerating already torn skin…we’ve all seen the movie, The Passion of the Christ…
What was “good” about what happened there?
To find the good, we have to set our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. What is seen is temporary…what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18).
To find the good, we have to trust that God gets to call the shots and he always does what he does for His reasons…and His ways are beyond my ability to comprehend (Isaiah 55:8,9). If I could fathom his ways, he wouldn’t be God at all, but would be small and impotent.
So, God gets to define “good.”
What happened that day so many years ago, was “good.” But it sure wasn’t obvious that it was good.
Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends.
~ John 15:13
Yet this was the greatest good that mankind could ever be offered.
God made him who had no sin to be sinfor us,
so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
~ 2 Corinthians 5:21
What God calls “good,” sometimes seems to be anything but. The cross proves otherwise.
Hey there! If you are wondering if you can join us for the new Thin Within class, the answer is YES! We “gather” in 20 minutes…which is 4:30 Pacific Time, 6:30 Central, 7:30 Eastern. You don’t need anything for this first meeting! Just come on along to http://www.thinwithin.org/chat.php — Yup…that means YOU! 😀
