There are times when I like to carefully draft, edit, compose thoughtful messages here at the blog. (Ok, so that is a rarity…I don’t do it often.)
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Then there are times when I just sort of let it all hang out. Today is one of those kinds of posts, because truthfully, those of you who visit this blog probably don’t need the “super-sanctified” version of life. You are living REAL life and you see through the facade when it is put out there.
So, today’s post is taken from an email that I sent a small group of ladies who I am traveling with through the Thin Again book by the Hallidays. I hope it challenges you (in a good way).
God has been working on a theme in my life recently. Here are some thoughts that have come of it:
How much inspiration do I really need?
How many verses that convict and encourage?
How many great books and devotionals about making great choices?
How many study groups (and goes through the Thin Within book and workbook)?
How many accountability partners?
I have all of the tools, all of the knowledge, all of the conviction and more. I have everything I need for life and godliness, according to God’s Word! I have His Holy Spirit…so what on earth is holding me back?
I am nuts if I think I can be free without SAYING NO TO MY FLESH. The reality is, I have to DO what I know and I may not WANT TO, but then if I don’t want to do it, then I must want to live in bondage more than I want to live in freedom. Living in freedom will take some HARD choices, but God has given me so much to “inspire” me to walk that path.
What really am I waiting for? For it to get easy? It won’t. Or if it does for a while, it might be hard again. I have to say NO to myself just like I do when I want to buy something and can’t afford it, or want to zip around a slow driver, but the double yellow line tells me I can’t, so I don’t (even if no one is looking). I don’t take things I want from the store. I don’t slap my children’s mouths when they are impertinent. I say no to my flesh all the time, so it is high time I do the same with food.
I can keep patting myself on the back (“There, there…don’t worry….”) with an eye to all the things I have to process that have set me up to have this battle with food, such as:
- the fact that my mom abused me regarding food/eating as a kid…
- the molestations (my dad)
- shoving down all the things that were true about our family so I didn’t have a voice as a child
- my mom’s suicide attempts (too many to count before I was 16)
- my parents’ knock-down-drag-out fights, even though they were “professional” and church people (we had to keep up the appearance) – and the Sheriffs coming to our house because of it!
- the emotional and physical abuses of my childhood (in addition to those mentioned above!)
- the other things I struggle with and feel “victimized” by more recently in life…
…but the reality is…this is the life God has sovereignly ordained for me to live…NOTHING has come to me that isn’t according to His plan. He intends for me to be VICTORIOUS through all of these things. If I put off obedience and making good choices until I have “processed my junk,” I am, simply, SINNING. I am called to obedience NOW. He calls me to this with gentleness and love—not one shred of condemnation. He KNOWs how hard it is, but he gives me Jesus as the example.
What choice will I make today—EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO? What choice will I commit to offering to Him as a sacrifice? What today will be an expression of my love for him and of dying to self?
What about you? 🙂 (You knew that had to come, right? Really…I would love to hear from you.)