New Things Still!

God is still doing new things and still beckoning me to allow him to do even MORE new things. The question is, will I allow it?

I have realized lately that I still have (have again?) an attachment to certain types of foods…SWEETS. I am prayerfully considering what God might want me to do to be set free from that.

While I haven’t gained any weight, and stayed steady at the low end of a weight range that I seem to be within most of the time these days, I know that there is yet some weight that *could* be released if I were to truly live in a surrendered state to the Lord. I know the weight isn’t the point. But my heart is. I want to hold nothing back, but I am and do. So what will I do about this?

I find it odd that the weight I am staying steady at is my highschool/college weight. I spent the most time in my life at that weight…my body seems to like that weight. I am glad to be there now…but again, that “victory” is diminished by what I know is in my heart right now…a passion for sweets!

I ran into a woman I used to play tennis with over 15 years ago. She was shocked at the weight I had lost. Funny, as I didn’t realize I was that much bigger that long ago! I guess so! My chiropractor hadn’t seen me in two years and made quite a big hoopla about the changes, too. That was interesting as well. My sister in law hadn’t seen me in a long time until Sunday…yet more celebratory praises.

All the praises of men seem so empty when I know in my heart that I am not truly walking in freedom. In fact, I feel so dishonest! I have often lamented that my sin (gluttony) is out there for everyone to see when I gain weight…and that is true (unlike the alcoholic or drug addict who often can “hide” their sin from others, the glutton wears her sin like a brand in the excess weight she carries…). But right now, I know that there is sin still. It may not be gluttony, but it still is a prideful, arrogant heart…and it isn’t obvious to others so, instead, I get praised for being thin(ner). It just doesn’t seem right.

Boy, I can’t seem to be happy to save my life! HA!

I was interviewed today by a magazine doing an article on the virtues of using Digital Praise’s “Dance Praise.” They wanted before and after photos. I sent them…and told them in the interview about Thin Within. I HOPE they will include that! 🙂 The two worked TOGETHER very well for me. With the nice weather, I haven’t been using Dance Praise. But in a way, I can’t wait for the rain just so I have to use Dance Praise again! Right now I am riding horses a lot, doing a lot of outside work, and playing tennis with my family. My metabolism must be supercharged as I am hungry all the time…Dance Praise isn’t on my radar screen until the rains come again, I guess. Then I will hop to, literally!!!

I guess one other victory recently was that I actually bought a couple of shirts in the *junior* department of JC Penneys. Haven’t done that in a while. Sure, they are XLs but so what! My daughter was shopping there, so I tried them on and loved them. Just polo shirts to wear with shorts or jeans. I can’t remember if I posted about trying on my wedding dress…but I did and it fit. Years ago hubby promised that once that happened, he and I would take a trip to Disneyland…so I hope he will pay up! Hehehehehe

More Thin Within writing projects are on the horizon. We want to support the group leaders, so are putting together some materials for that purpose. Hope to have something done by the end of this month! YIKES!

Well, I ramble…all for now. Thank you for your support, your notes, your encouraging words.

I have thought about starting a yahoo group where we can dialog with one another…not sure about that, though. Anyhow, press on! God IS faithful, even when we are NOT!

Aftermath

Getting my bearings again after the passing of Bo. I reread my blog telling about his passing and it really doesn’t show much emotion. I find that odd. I have been torn up by his passing. Below is his memorial video. It is rather long…almost 6 minutes.

For those interested, I hope you enjoy.

All for now. I will return to blogging my journey soon.

Thanks for caring.



The following is text from a post I sent to an Incredimail list that I co-own. It tells a bit about Bo, his life and so on.

Hi, everyone.

This email is long, but I wanted to share some things about the Bo Man for those interested.

As some of you may know, the trainer I took Daisy to this past winter, “just happened” to recognize my description of Bo when we first met…she had helped a friend place some wolfdogs into new situations when they were about four years old. From my description of Bo (and his name), and what I had already learned about his history, Kathy was able to know with certainty that he was the same as one of those woldogs she helped place. She put me in touch with the daughter of the person who bred Bo’s mom and dad (she owned both). Dad was a wolf (had papers, if you can believe that…from Canada) with some malamute and his Mom was a shepherd/wolf cross. She was the one who had confiscated the dogs from her own mother, an irreponsible breeder who left Bo and the other littermates to grow up untouched by humans (for the most part) for their first almost four years. The males and females were separated only to avoid pregnancies, but Bo was chosen of the 12 because he was considered most likely to succeed in life after such a rough beginning. In fact, the daughter kept him as her own for a while, and hoped it would be permanent. She even took Bo to Kathy’s (Daisy’s trainer) “Family Pet” class (the same one I took Daisy to). But Bo never trusted her husband…and when she had a baby, she felt it unwise to keep Bo and placed him.

Bo and one sibling were taken by the daughter of the irresponsible breeder and Kathy (Daisy’s trainer) to Never Cry Wolf in Sacramento, a wolf rescue. According to the owner of the rescue, Bo was taken on outreach programs with other residents of the rescue, before someone adopted him. It baffles me that he never acclimated to a leash given his experience with the rescue and his experience with the daughter of the breeder.

But before the new adopted owner got Bo in the front door of her home in Rocklin (where we lived at the time), he escaped.

In October of 2001, Bo began to visit our home through an opening in the fence we had because of landscaping the backyard. Our property adjoined a huge undeveloped area (oaks, creeks, coyotes, turkeys, rabbits…you get the gist!) where Bo had been living off the land, I guess, for a couple of months. He was drawn to us by his desire to bond with Samson and my earliest memories of Bo include him sitting outside our door howling…he wanted his new friend. In fact, some of the most warm memories I have him are of him howling in his sleep…as if he was running with a pack somewhere. Sometimes, that sound would awaken me during the night and I would check on Bo, to find he was howling in his sleep!

Back to my story. So in 2001, I began to use Samson on a leash as my “bait” to try to win Bo’s confidence. I even drew Bo into the house by having Samson on a leash attached to the furniture! I will never forget the day I won Bo’s heart. I had read on the internet that a sign of acceptance into the pack was if the alpha offered a submissive posture and bit the new pack member on the leg…so, being a science-minded person and having taught about nature extensively for years at a science and nature center, I figured it made sense for me to at least try the experiment…and it worked! I believe some of you may remember my posting about it before…I laid on my back, belly exposed, he came close and I bit him on the leg and smiled and popped back up on all fours. At that moment, he rolled onto *his* back, offering me his belly…and the rest was history. You would have thought I had shot Cupid’s arrow into his heart because everything changed. It was amazing!

At that time we called him “Bear” as we didn’t know his name. We phoned tons of places (shelters, rescues) looking for a lead about his owner, put up signs…we called the Shepherd rescue in Sacramento who, upon one look at Bo’s photographs, had me email Never Cry Wolf. I will never forget the day I got a phone call (after emailing the man in charge of the rescue with photographs of Bo and descriptions of him) saying “I know your dog and I can tell you about him.”

The rescue owner then planned to try to find a permanent home for Bo with the word to us that, since Bo had chosen us, perhaps we could consider being his forever home.

I guess I should confess to you now that I never really *asked* my husband if this was ok…I just sort of let Bo take over our hearts…which he did, Samson’s included, of course! Bob couldn’t argue with that…well he could have, but he didn’t. Bless him. Given that it wasn’t until FIVE YEARS LATER that Bo began to accept Bob and allow Bob to even touch him…that is huge! LOL!

As many of you who knew us then may remember, there were times when it was REALLY rough, as Bo had to learn we were not a literal wolf pack and his status would have to stay omega–last on the list. He had to learn *not* to do what wolves do to one another in a pack situation (and neither would we!). Remember, that was all he knew…attack or be attacked. From what I was told so much later, he hadn’t fared well with his male siblings, and had scars on his face to prove it. That was what he knew when he came to us and he had to be shown another way. He was smart and “took to his learnin’ well.”

I will never forget the day that I was wrestling 8 year old Daniel on the carpet so soon after Bo even began to be willing to wander inside the house (the door was always kept open for him)…I didn’t have a clue then the message I was sending to Bo…that Daniel’s status was up for grabs and the alpha female (me) was rebuking one of the pack…From his wolfish perspective, this was his opportunity. He joined in. It could have been a horrible accident. We were fortunate. Daniel was shaken up, as was I. That day, I made sure I learned how to speak “wolf” to Bo and fast…researching and learning…The kids were taught some things, too…and our homeschool focus changed to studying wolves. Our literature unit was “Julie of the Wolves” and we learned a LOT during that time.

When we lifted up the 6 foot section of fencing that we had down for landscaping, we were surprised to discover that Bo had been using that section of fencing as the roof on an elaborate multi-roomed wolf den. It was astonishing! When we closed up the fence, in essence ending Bo’s freedom, part of our homeschooling was to try to replicate his den. HA! Three humans couldn’t manage what Bo had done with his own four paws!

Bo’s last fresh meal was Kitty–the only cat I ever loved, a sweet stray who came into our lives a couple of weeks before Bo did. He killed her quickly about a month after Bo began to come around…that was hard as Daniel had announced that Kitty was his best friend just the day before. I think it is a testimony to the character of my son that he not only forgave Bo, but adored Bo so very much.

When we moved from Rocklin, I had to find a way to move Bo. He didn’t like Bob at that time and freaked at the sight of a leash. He was terrified of being on a leash. I had vets come to the house if we needed one…and one suggested I use dramamine to get him drowsy enough to leash and put in the car for our move to Cool.

I managed to move he and Samson one early morning on my own and he loved Cool. The yard we fenced for the dogs provided lots of room, lots of shelter, hiding places and a steep hill for romping up and down on…not to mention a nice back porch to lounge on if they chose. We put a wading pool there for them to splash in during the summer. Samson and Bo played recklessly on that hillside together, sometimes falling head over heals in their play! It was such fun to watch! In so many ways, I think Samson’s life was extended because of Bo–he had to be “younger” just to keep up with Bo, who we often referred to as “Tigger.” They were actually the same age, but you would never know it.

While Samson was alive, Bo never seemed to age. He was so playful and squeezed every bit of life out of each moment. WHile his suspicion of humans generally was still unsettling for many people who knew us (extended family), we knew Bo as a much different “person.” He was definitely a family (and pack) member for good. He loved my kids and me tremendously. No, he wasn’t typical…but he was immeasurably special. During this past year, he came to trust Bob…the breakfast cereal helped! LOL! (I can laugh about that now!)

As you know, when Samson died, a part of Bo died. I thought he would die then, too. Daisy rescued the day there…a month after Samson died, we brought her home and Bo could NOT believe we were going to allow such a tyrant to take over! He moved into the house in a way he NEVER had before, sleeping inside each night and wandering through all the time, if not snoozing inside during the day. He and Daisy spent most of the days inside, in fact, rough housing and playing a lot in the living room. She definitely breathed new life into him for a time.

So many things I would love to tell you all about…about how he and Samson did tours of Rocklin *together*…and my heart ached that they might never return…and then when they got out in Cool…gosh, they came home again…Bo knew where the grub was free!

The kids and I just ate lunch together and laughed as we remembered Bo always peeking his wolfish bandit eyes over the top of the dining table from the other side, looking at us…he was just so cute. That, of course, was only if he wasn’t nudging our elbows with his nose! We often said that he was the cutest 10 year old dog on the planet. He always looked like a puppy…he really did. He grinned so happily all the time.

I miss him terribly.

Heidi

Bo Passed Away

My precious wolfdog, Bo, had to be put down on Monday morning, my son’s 15th birthday. It has been a rough week. Bo wouldn’t stop bleeding through his nose and tons of tests were inconclusive. The vet could get it stopped for a while, but his red blood cell count wouldn’t rebound before he would bleed again. A transfusion appeared imminent…or, he would continue to bleed to death. A recommendation was made to “tie off” the carotid artery–an artery that is a primary supplier of blood to the brain. This clearly sounded beyond what God wanted us to do.

I had total peace that it was right to let Bo go, so went to the vet clinic and spent some time outside on their soft grass. I got to cuddle and scratch him and kiss his precious face, saying goodbye. Then, the vet added the medicine to Bo’s catheter to cause him to “sleep.” It was a peaceful goodbye, but oh, how I miss his fun and silly presence in our home.

Miss Crazy Daisy Pirahna Puppy from the Amazon now has an incredible burden of being our one and only canine…poor thing! Not having been socialized properly during her first 9 months (she was a rescue), she didn’t really bond with Bo. She loved playing with him–tormenting “Grandpa” actually…and I think she notices his absence, too. But she hadn’t bonded with him, I guess. She is doing just fine being the only canine.

The first three days I didn’t feel the heartache. I guess that isn’t surprising. I began to numb my pain, I guess…with food. I am surprised at how quickly I returned to old habits…Fortunately, I didn’t gain any weight back…and I am refocusing again.

What this did though was show me that I really need to seek God in dealing with issues that have been below the surface, I guess. There is healing yet ahead…and issues that still need to be resolved.

I know He is faithful.

Our Eyes are on You

Early this morning, I watched the first installment of Beth Moore’s Daniel bible study. The first of her six points was “We … have an enemy who wants to return us to places God called us to leave.” I knew that my immediate application of this truth is to my old ways of eating, of thinking about food, my body, myself, my relationship with God.

I had just gotten started in the DVD segment on the second point: “God has also been sovereign in our captivities” and Beth’s justification for making this statement.

I noticed that my wolfdog, Bo, was standing next to me, but something wasn’t right. Then I noticed…he was literally gushing blood from his nostril (“gushing” is the word the vet used upon seeing him), earnestly trying to get ahead of it by licking himself.

I stopped everything to rush him to the vet. Now, 19 long hours after it started, it has been a long day…a day filled with heartache, confusion, tension, disappointment (I realize that this is nothing compared to what many deal with–a friend of mine lost her husband to cancer–I am a jerk for thinking that my dog stuff is as bad as I think it is…).

The news is mixed…some good, some not so good. The good news is that Bo has heartworm which is treatable. The not so good news is, because this had been ruled *out* three months ago, we have a fortune to pay in a vet bill now (and yet ahead) as they ran all sorts of intense tests to try to ferret out reasons for his bloody nose before they checked again for heartworm. A bleeding nose isn’t typically caused by heartworm, but that is a good place to start for the other things and the specialist thinks that it could be connected.

Right after I left Bo at the vet’s, I felt the rotten thinking of my past come over me. I argued with it. I was at a convenience store getting something to drink. The thought “I need to eat something” hit me like a ton of bricks. Fortunately, my mind (and heart) kicked in with “That won’t cure this aching feeling, this heartache, this dread” and continued with “Not only that, but if I were to eat, afterwards I will still be empty in my heart, but having to deal with having plunged headlong into food for solace and comfort. No thanks!”

I wish I could say I remained this resolved all day. By evening, my restlessness overcame me…I must confess to feeling some anger toward God about this money business. We did what we could three months ago to find out what is wrong with Bo. We even had a second heartworm test taken then to (supposedly “confirm” it). It was expensive, but we could manage those expenses. Both tests were negative and it was concluded that he had chronic bronchitis and given antibiotics. It seems like a cruel joke of sorts that we would go through all of this to the tune of over $2000 (amazing, isn’t it?) only to find out that Bo is positive for heartworm…something a relatively inexpensive test shows…and something that he was negative for before. It doesn’t make sense that if this is heartworm, that it would be so advanced a case as to cause bleeding and coughing, but *not* show up three months ago in his tests.

So, I guess I allowed that old rebellious feeling in me to come out in eating. It wasn’t so much what I ate or how much as it was *why*. It is rarely about the food. It is about *why* I am eating at that moment. I ate because I was *angry* at God, plain and simple. I still don’t feel “satisfied.” I feel out of control and angry. I feel disappointment and I am baffled.

Now I will choose to face into the fact that was mentioned by Beth Moore this morning in the DVD. That Satan is my enemy and he wants with everything in him to return me to a place that God called me to leave. That is a place where I looked (PAST tense) to food–not God–to give me comfort, joy, or a numbing from the pain I feel. I refuse to go back there. Yes, it is true…I began to head back this evening…I allowed my thoughts to take me captive instead of taking captive my thoughts. But I can stop this now. I choose to stop it now.

I can’t pretend not to be angry or confused still. I am. Bo has a lot of secondary problems and may not make it. Each time he is treated for the heartworm (three times) it could cost another $300 or more. I can’t fathom how God will pay for this. But it is *HIS* to deal with.

Like Pam Donaldson mentioned in a talk she gave at the TW conference, like Jehoshephat, I pray, “This vast army is too great for us, Lord. We have NO clue how to even begin to handle this battle. But our eyes are on you…our eyes are on you…”

SEVENTY EIGHT???

I was feeling feisty today when I went to the doctor for my physical exam. I have “Dragon Lady” as my primary care physician. Truthfully…Last year, when I went to have my physical, she looked at my ever-escalating weight and her response was “Your *poor* horses!”

Ok, I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she had NO idea just how terrible a thing that was to say. Today, though, I had half a mind to tell her. I really did. I thought I would go in there now having released weight and give her a piece of my mind (that I couldn’t afford to lose) about how unprofessional she was to say that.

Not only that, but it had messed with my head BIG time…I wouldn’t ride my horses at the time partly because I feared hurting them. My most ridable horse at the time was Breezy–and he is small. Putting a 250 pound woman on him seemed somewhat brutal. He can’t weigh more than 800 sopping weight! They say a horse can carry comfortably 20% of his weight including tack…even without a saddle I was far beyond that!

So today was sort of important to me I guess. I really just wanted to get in, get out, get it over with. Whoever heard of spending Saturday afternoon getting a pap smear and breast exam? Bleah!

I didn’t have to wait long and Dr. Dragon Lady came in with her “wonderful” bedside manner saying something rather rude (I think she was trying to be funny)…as we talked I asked her to tell me what my weight had been at my last physical exam. She told me. I asked her what it was today. Both of us did the math quickly…I am down SEVENTY EIGHT pounds since June 6, 2006.

My plan to say something so clever and eloquent was reduced to this. I said: “Nanner nanner Moo Moo…”

Can you believe it? I actually SAID that! I still can’t believe I said that. Of course, she had NO idea what I was talking about and just smiled condescendingly and said, “Congratulations. What have you been doing to lose it?”

I know that no matter what I say to her, she is convinced that you only lose weight if you “Quit eating junk and start exercising.” Well, I haven’t done either faithfully…quitting eating junk? No…not even close. I have been making some more beneficial choices, yes. And my exercising has been hit and miss…sometimes faithfully playing with Dance Praise and sometimes not, but my life is moderately active anyhow with the ponies and work around here. The bottom line though is, trusting God that my body is fearfully and wonderfully made. If it *needs* food, it will tell me. If I eat only what it needs, I will release extra weight and maintain the right size when we arrive there. If I am active, I will need more food and my body will tell me.

Anyhow, sure enough…she heard what she wanted to hear. I did tell her about Thin Within, but I don’t think it registered.

One thing that was clear to me…she thinks it is all so easy. I tried explaining to her that for so many it isn’t simple. We run to food for so many reasons and, like the drug addict or alcoholic, we have to deal with “our issues” in order to truly break free from addictive and self-abusive patterns. Some of us control the substance and just switch substances.

Anyhow…I am praising the Lord that I am 78 pounds healthier than I was in June of 2006. I knew I was heavier than when I started actively doing TW in November, but I don’t think I really realized how *much* heavier!!!! Whew!

Thin Within RETREAT!!!

Hi, everyone! I had an ABSOLUTE BLAST at the Thin Within retreat! Oh my goodness! Judy Halliday had to come without her wonderful hubby, which was unfortunate. It was like a reunion for some of us, though, as I got to see Pam Sneed again as well as Judy, who I hadn’t seen in a few years!

I flew to Tulsa to meet up with my good friend Jan. The picture is of us at the retreat. On the left is my friend Jan (LOVE YOU, LADY!). Next to her is Pam Sneed (YOU ARE PRECIOUS to me!). Second from the right is Judy Halliday (what a doll you are!) and I am on the far right.

The retreat center was beautiful and the schedule was jam packed with activities. The feeling of the weekend was so amazingly deep and the Spirit of the Lord showed up with power. It was absolutely stunning. On Friday night, as ladies began to introduce themselves around the tables after dinner, it was clear that these precious ladies (and a couple of men) had such hearts to do God’s will. There were some hurting hearts longing for His healing and many who reached out to one another to encourage and support. It was such a privilege to get to be a part.

The focus was on “Grace and Truth” referring to the fact that Jesus was (is) full of grace and truth and likewise calls us to be Christlike in extending grace and truth to ourselves, receiving grace and truth from God, and extending grace and truth to others. Joe and Pam Donaldson, who now “run” the company, Thin Within, were a couple of DYNAMOS!!! WOW! They were something else. Both are great teachers and the best cheerleaders anyone could ask for. They love the Lord and have such humble spirits. I am so thrilled that they are leading Thin Within into the next phase.

Judy presented material a couple of times…and it was such a joy to see her do that. One of the things she did was “unveil” the “food target” to explain what beneficial choices are and how they can fit into our lives as we progress along the path. She did a MASTERFUL job of this with truth *and* grace! She even offered some tried and true Halliday recipes for those wanting to give a shot to incorporating even more beneficial foods into their lives.


I think the highlight for me, though, had to be doing Dance Praise with Judy. As soon as I get a video together, I will put it at You Tube. For now, here is a photo of me, Judy and dear Pam Sneed! We giggled quite a bit together and Jan was our photographer. 🙂

I guess that was the FUN highlight, but the spiritual highlight was the worship on Saturday night. OH MY WORD! I sat next to a wonderful woman named Kim. She has the voice of an angel and I was SO blessed! All of the ladies sang in such incredible harmonies! I felt like I had been transported to heaven and was standing before the throne of God like it might be one day in heaven. It was incredible!

I also had the privilege on Saturday morning of sharing some things that God has been up to in my life. Some of these things are here in the blog already, but I may put them up here in consolidated form.

Some good news for people who lead TW groups is that all weekend there was a professional videographer who was taking video of participants. These recordings along with video that will be filmed of others leading real life groups will be used to make new DVDs that group leaders can have as a teaching tool in their groups. Oh it was a wonderfully inspiring weekend!

Pam Sneed led two sessions for group leaders and people who might want to lead a group. What came of that was not just learning from Pam, but some incredible brainstorming with the group leaders present about things that can be done to better support group leaders! WHOO HOO!

So much more to share, but wanted to update you who visit the blog on occasion!
Hugs,
Heidi

Long Time No Blabbering On!

Hi! Does anyone visit this blog? LOL! No matter. It is therapeutic for me to write. Life has been just so busy. Now that Harley, my horse, is home from training, I have orders from hubby to ride him every day! 🙂 Sort of “orders” anyhow. Then the kids have been busy with summer activities.

In just two days I leave town for a week! I am heading off to the Thin Within conference in Kentucky after meeting up with my dear friend, Jan, in Tulsa Oklahoma! I can’t wait to see her and then the folks at the conference.

I wanted to share with everyone who has wondered…YES, I am still hanging in there with Thin Within and applying the principles in my life. Releasing more weight has slowed down…we have been toying with releasing a couple more now, but with all the sweating I am doing working outside and riding Harley it *could* be water weight.

No matter. I feel good.

The bronchitis is about gone, fortunately. Just a little cough here and there.

The ulcer, treated with some NASTY meds, is managed now. I have two more weeks of one of the meds I am on, but one of the two antibiotics they had me on made a nasty taste in my mouth. I was eating mints ALL THE TIME! It was awful! God graciously allowed me NOT to gain any weight even though I was sucking NON-stop on Wintergreen Lifesavers. Anything else was wreaking havoc with my stomach and causing pain…go figure! I mean 24/7 for two weeks of being on Biaxin, I was sucking on those! Even in the dead of night! Can you believe it? I bet my teeth are rotting out of my head! LOL!

Anyhow, this ulcer stuff sure challenged the old “gotta eat 0 to 5 or else” mentality. I learned that God can perform HIS will in my life even when I have no guidelines to fall back on!

Right now, I am trying to prepare for sharing my testimony at the Thin Within conference. I am just not sure what to share…so prayers are most appreciated. I want it to be whatever God wants it to be…and I want HIS Word to be what predominates…not my story…My story is really quite empty. But HIS is wonderful, deep, sustaining, lasting, fulfilling.

I need my bed. I hope to post while I am at the conference. That would be fun!

I don’t have a CLUE what to wear! I am a jeans, t-shirt and baseball cap type of gal, but I suppose that wouldn’t be a good idea! LOL!

Just Say No…

Something has come up several times in recent weeks. I think it is because God wants ME to get it and I know he wants me to share it, too. So here it is.

When we are faced with temptations to eat when we aren’t hungry…when we know in our hearts we should stop eating…when we are at the place of “satisfied” where our bodies have had enough food…whatever the temptation might be, many of us are willing (praise God!) to stop and pray and ask God to PLEASE remove the temptation from us. This is an awesome place to be, of course.

But what IF God doesn’t remove the temptation?

I truly believe that what we do in that moment is CRITICAL to our continued growth and spiritual formation and also our “success” on the Thin Within path…which is really about growing in Christ anyhow.

If I have found my face on the floor, BEGGING God to remove the temptation, if I have cried out and sung praise songs, if I have opened my bible and plunged the riches there and nevertheless, I get up an hour later and STILL want the food that my body doesn’t need…what do I do with that? Do I get mad at God and give in and eat, figuring that HE didn’t do HIS part, so why should I do mine???

I want to urge all of us…me included…if that is our response, this is clearly a place of pride. Perhaps God wants us to see this fact…that our walk with him is not in the place of humility it *must* be to truly be what He wants. God’s “part” is not for us to define. God is God! He IS at work doing a new thing all of the time even when we do not perceive it, but sometimes, he lets us discover that we are not “delivered” as we thought or that we don’t have it “all together” as we had hoped. Sometimes, he lets us know that we still need some work. It may be for no other reason than to help foster continued (progressive) humility in our hearts and lives.

In those moments when I arise from begging God to help me and he hasn’t removed that lust, I have to be willing to accept that God’s ways are not my ways, his thoughts are above my thoughts. I see in part right now. I don’t see the whole picture at all.

I truly believe that while yes, God sometimes does remove the temptation or the desire when we submit to him in prayer, there are times when…well…we have to draw upon the resources he has given us already to Just Say No. We will still FEEL like eating, we will still feel like maybe even rebelling, but God wants us to depend on the strength of His Spirit in us to SAY NO even when we feel the temptation. That same power that raised Christ from the dead is there for me to rise above the pull of ANY temptation.

The freedom in Christ we have been given is not always a “delivered” kind of freedom, but it will always be the freedom to be able to CHOOSE to resist temptation. The power of the Spirit enables us to say no, if we are willing. If we wait for the desire to be removed, we may get angry with God (pride) as he isn’t “living up to his end of the bargain.” The fact is, he has given us everything we need for life and godliness (from 2 Peter 1:3). In Titus 2:12 we are told that this same grace that brings us salvation teaches us to say NO to ungodliness and worldly passions…clearly we wouldn’t be told to say NO to worldly passions if the passions were to instantly evaporate every time with a prayer, reading or a song. Those worldly passions may remain even after these things. If that happens, we must choose, with an act of our will, to do what we KNOW is right. This is part of our spiritual formation and transformation. We have to Just Say No.

While we are told in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that God will provide a way out so we won’t be tempted beyond what we can bear, we aren’t told it will always be an *easy* way out. Sometimes the way out is through…we must fix our eyes on Jesus and follow his example in enduring suffering and scorn the shame (Hebrews 12:1-3). As we fix our eyes on him who endured opposition from sinful men, we will see that no…it is not going to be easy…He says in Hebrews 12:4 that we have not yet resisted to the point of shedding our blood as He has. He is our example! If we are to know Christ and to share in the fellowship of Jesus’ sufferings (Philippians 3:10) then we will say NO to our flesh and yes to what we know is godly.

In Gethsemane, Jesus asked God the Father to choose another way other than the cross for His will to be done…I don’t think his desire for another way was *removed* from him. Instead he said, “Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done…” (Luke 22:42) We are called to do the same…to choose to go through, past and beyond our own worldly passions… to that place of saying even when God doesn’t remove the temptation: “Not my will, but YOURs be done, Lord.”

That is what I mean by saying “practice having a soft heart.” In the moment I feel tempted, what would I do if I had a soft heart? If Jesus were, in that moment, my “first love?” I would heed the call of God willingly and with praise and thanksgiving (Rev. 2:3-5). In the moment when my heart is *not* soft, I can choose to practice having a soft heart, doing the things I would do if I did have a soft heart. With an act of my will, I say no to sin and yes to God. I redirect my thoughts…I give Him my lusts.

We have a choice when we are faced with temptation. Pray, yes…most definitely. Maybe God WILL remove the desire. But if he doesn’t, with a humble heart, I choose to draw upon the resources he made available to me through his sacrifice on the cross. I choose with an act of my will to Just Say No.

(Nuts, this is sure beating me upside the head…funny how God does that…)

Hope someone who reads this gets encouraged. Stand firm. Let NOTHING move you. Always give yourself FULLY to the work of the Lord! (1 Corinthians 15:58)

Let’s DO it, folks! I need you asking me if I am living up to what I am posting, too! 🙂

Faith instead of Fear

My horsemanship journey is intricately connected with my walk with God. I can’t segregate the two at all.




This is a video of Harley and I on our first ride. God is calling me to faith…to let go of fear. He is doing this in my horsemanship and in my walk with him. It is a high calling for me.