Well, there they are…sitting on the counter. The nap was sort of ineffective. I will be leaving for my meeting in 15 minutes. Right now, I am basking in the scent in the house…no temptation to carve into the brownies, praise Jesus!
Reading the forums at thinwithin.org and someone wrote something that was straight from God’s own heart to my own. The upshot is… “Press on!” God doesn’t want me camping on my previous successes or camping here trying to figure out what has gone wrong..why I am not still feeling free…He wants me to cling to him, press on and in to him…cling to him with tenacity.
So that is what I am about right now today.
If I don’t post how I do about the brownies, I hope some of you who may visit my blog will email me and ask. I want to be accountable for this!
The weather…she is a changing…I found out last winter quite by accident that some of my flesh machinery is WEATHER CHANGES!!!! I am a FAIR WEATHER person…and I despise wind…and rain…and we have a big old storm brewing. The first one of the fall…YIKES!!!!! (Need those emoticons, I so desperately miss!)
Anyhow, case in point…my dear daughter (Michaela, 13) wants to bake brownies. 6 months ago, I felt a freedom to have her do that any time…I could have a bit of brownie or not…no big deal having the pan in the house. In fact, when I finally got around to cleaning my kitchen one day I found a pan of partially eaten brownies (all the edges…my favorite part…were left) underneath another pan…totally forgotten! I felt so FREE in that moment!
Today, when she asked if she could bake brownies, I PANICKED! I said NO WAY! I feel stress about the upcoming women’s retreat welling up in me…and the weather is making me wiggy, too….and I would LOVE to plant my face into a fresh pan of brownies, chasing it with vanilla ice cream and a diet soda. YUP! That sounds wonderful to me right about now…So I told her not right now…
Nuts if she didn’t ask me later…I asked her why my no doesn’t mean no and she stated honestly “Because you didn’t SAY ‘no,’ but said ‘Not right now!'” Smart kid…ahem…
Well, I told her she could go ahead…now she is 15 feet behind me…making brownies…I am going to go take a nap…so I don’t have to smell them!!!!! (And beause I am tired.) Then, when I get up I will leave the house for a meeting I have…
OH LORD! STRENGTHEN ME! Why have I returned to this place where I live intimidated by a pan of brownies???? What is UP with that?????
God never ceases to amaze me. What an incredible privilege. After hoping and praying (on and off) for SEVEN years (!!!) that I could be involved with women face-to-face (not only online) to walk through the Thin Within material, that is now happening! I am so thrilled!
Monday morning I had the joy of having my first meeting with a lady at my church who wants support going through the Thin Within book. I SO enjoyed her company and I delight that God has provided her in *my* life to offer added accountability and prayer support as well. We are using the little study guide that Pam Sneed and I put together some years back and that the Thin Within Company (thinwithin.org) now has available for the cost of printing. I already am really enjoying being a participant again! 🙂
Today, I read the introduction material in the book and the first day’s worth…the first chapter. Boy…it is soooo weird to be in this place…instead of starting reading trying not to be afraid to hope, I am at a weight I never dreamed of being…God has done so much in my physical body…I know that it has been him. (There is so much work yet to be done in my heart, though…it almost seems like it isn’t right…) I have been applying the principles of Thin Within pretty faithfully (generally) for 10 months now and released 80 pounds or so (a few more fell off while at horse camp…go figure…I am not convinced they will stay off…).
Today, I journaled as I read the first chapter of the book again and these thoughts came to my mind and heart:
I know my heart is still (again?) not fully surrendered. I have changed what I *demand* certainly. What I declare ever-so-subtly as “my rights” may not be quite the quantity they once were…but I still have a defective–no, let’s call it what it is…a SINFUL–heart attitude! It needs to be submitted to the Lord!
I see that I have wandered consistently from applying the Keys to Conscious Eating. While I am not restricted to a series of laws…the keys are helpful. I want to recommit to eating only when I am truly physiologically hungry. It is like I know what I can get away with to stay at this weight now…but what if God wants to remove more weight from me? Of course, the weight isn’t the point…I KNOW that he doesn’t want me to cling to the things I cling to (Oreos, for starters). I should cling only to him!!! But it is like I know what I can get away with and so I keep sneaking or something…
Another Key I need to apply is to eat more slowly…boy, I can still inhale food and when it is less food than it used to be, it is gone in nothing flat! I also need to savor each bite. I need to pay more attention to the food. This morning, I actually read EMAIL while eating! Good grief! I wonder if I have been doing that for long? When I was done, I realized I hadn’t given Daisy (my dog) the bites I usually do…and that meant I hadn’t been mentally present for my breakfast!
As I think ahead to leading the Thin Within class starting October 3, some things have really struck me. A big focus of Thin Within is to encourage the participant: 1.) To no longer be anxious about food or SELF and 2.) to learn to trust the body God has designed…that it is reliable for telling us when and what we need to eat and when to stop.
It occurred to me that these two things may seem pretty near impossible for some participants to imagine! It is really something to be looking at this material from a completely different place…I am so thankful that God has a wonderful way of making all things new…He is doing a new thing yet again…wow. Thank you Lord.
Lord, I desire to really be surrendered. Please do your work in me. In Christ Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Goodness! What is God up to? (Why doesn’t blogger have smiley faces? LOL!)
October 3rd begins my first real live LIVE group! I will be leading a live group for women at my home church. I am excited and nervous! On Monday (day after tomorrow) I will begin meeting with a lady who will be in accountability with me…she will help pray me through leading this group. I am very excited and I hope she grows through the experience and experiences goals of becoming healthier too. I SO need support.
This week, I was gone ALL week at bible horsemanship camp. It was quite an intense week. WONDERFUL, but they schedule everything. While I wasn’t totally on their program (I took my own breakfast foods and foods I could eat if hungry), the lunch and dinners were so amazing…I hadn’t eaten that richly in a long while. I am paying for it today with a stomach in upheaval! I hadn’t realized just how much my palate had changed! WOW! Tomorrow I will weigh and see if there was any damage…I know the truth without weighing…I didn’t submit completely to the Lord. Some, yes, but I went back for another bit of home made cheesecake last night (oh my word, was that yummy and I think it is what pushed me over the edge with my tum tum at 3:30am when I was whining in the outhouse, shivering my socks off! LOL!…sorry…too much info, I bet! LOL!)…anyhow, that little tidbit of cheesecake isn’t the problem, but the attitude of pride is…that says I can do what I want and get away with it…that was with me a bit more than I would like to admit this week.
I munched on granola and almonds when I was hungry, but there were times when I had to really stop and evaluate…AM I hungry? Or am I just wanting to CRUNCH?
:-/
Well, here is to regaining my focus right now!
Lord, I reject the toe-hold that the enemy is attempting to get in my life. I know his plans for me ARE for Harm…to hurt me, to warp my mind, to thrash me, to give me a terrible “future,” one burdened and with NO hope. But you have set me free from that! Shall I return to slavery! NO WAY! Thank you, Lord, that your grace is enough for me! In the precious Name of Jesus, AMEN!
Thank you for your prayers today. We survived…I think I *barely* survived, but I did…and I think I was nice enough! 🙂
The photographer and the stylist were very kind and supportive. I tell you…having make-up plastered on my face is NOT my thing! 😀 No offence to Shellie Rae! 🙂
The photographer, Terrence of 521productions, took a picture of my kids and me just for us to have a record of today’s craziness! I did have a chance to talk about Thin Within and Dance Praise with Shellie Rae…that was neat. She was very nice. Terrence was a crack up with stories upon stories, including a couple about his dog and cat and how his cat has literally saved the life of his chihuahua at least twice!
Anyhow, the issue is supposed to be out in October sometime. Please pray for the truth to be in the article. As “vain” as this all seems, I know God can use this for HIS glory and to make the way of freedom known for many! That is my prayer. Please join me!
The Thin Within message forums have sure come alive. It is great to see such an inspirational and encouraging community already in full throttle.
Other big news…I may be leading a Thin Within group at my church. It is hard to believe that with all the years and all the involvement I have had with Thin Within, I have never led a “live” TW group! (I have led and co-led online groups, however. But it IS different!) We will be studying the book.
I won’t be around for a week starting on Sunday. I am leaving for a bible horsemanship camp. When I began to turn my heart back to the Lord and ask Him to make me willing to be made willing to let go of food, I must admit it was motivated by a desire to go to this bible horsemanship camp. My husband bought it for me for Christmas in 2005!!! There were no spaces available until this camp coming up…I never would have gone had God not enabled me to release the weight I carried. I know that sounds awful. I wish I could say my motives were more noble than they were…but God used that to change my heart…He can take just about anything!
True confessions…I know that right now, where I sit, there is yet much work (much work *again*???) needing to be done on my heart. For instance, if all the Oreos in this world suddenly vanished, I think I would curl up and die. NOT a good thing! I definitely cherish Oreos in my heart more than God wants me to..I am saying this somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but I am very serious…and I know that any attachment to which I cling…unless it is GOD ALONE…well, it is something that isn’t a good thing…I want to be rid of any attachment that keeps me from full-hearted devotion. Like that song… “Give me one full and holy passion” (or that is how I think it goes). So far, no weight has returned…but I feel strongly that giving the enemy a toe-hold in this, will evolve before I know it into a foot-hold and on into a stronghold again. I will NOT allow that! God has set me free, should I go back to slavery? NO WAY!
I want God alone–Jesus Christ–to be what I pander after, what I dream about, what I long for, yearn for…and what I delight in. Nothing else.
Someone somewhere somehow told FIRST magazine (which I had never heard of before) that I had been using Dance Praise by Digital Praise to assist me in my “dieting” (gagamaggot!) efforts! The truth is, all winter long, I LOVED using Dance Praise, a “game” on the computer that has a mat to plug in to bebop to Christian songs for getting some exercise and also for some praise and worship time! It is a blast. If you haven’t ever seen it before, check it out! It is such a wonderful way to move and worship at the same time. When I am doing “Dance Praise” I don’t really notice time…I just get caught up in the fun and worship. I have found myself face down praising God in the middle of my “workout” time! You can’t beat it! It is SUCH fun to dance around to music by Chris Tomlin, the Newsboys and others.
Since the late spring and summer, however, and with all the outside activities, I haven’t done much Dance Praising. I guess I miss it, though! LOL!
Anyhow, back to the “news”… so FIRST magazine (a secular magazine that you find right next to the tabloids at the grocery store check out stands) is doing an article on using arcade dance games to get rid of weight. Can you believe it? They contacted me, interviewed me and though I crowed all about Thin Within their article IS on dance games…
On FRIDAY (in two days) I am supposed to go to have a PHOTO shoot done! Mind you, I am not a “hair and makeup” kind of gal. I mean, I get up, shower, braid my hair and put a baseball cap on and I am good to go! Truly! So I am not excited about having my face painted and someone messing with my hair. LOL! Ok…what an ingrate… I know, I know…it is probably another form of pride that God wants to demolish…
Anyhow, what I REALLY hope is that SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY they will hear that God is at work changing lives…yes, he uses arcade dance games to give us a lot of fun and fitness, but He also has made our bodies to be reliable for hunger and satisfaction…OOOOOh! I SO hope that this message can come through! If not, maybe they will consider doing an article on non-diet approaches to releasing weight. Wouldn’t that be cool?
So, if you are reading this, could you join me in praying that GOD will be exalted in this article? I mean, if this ends up being all fluff, I will be SO disappointed! I want God to be glorified and to get the word out about Thin Within, too…Wouldn’t that be neat? 🙂
Pray for me to be gracious on Friday, too…and not to cop an attitude. I really hate foo foo stuff. LOL!
Hi, everyone! I have GREAT news! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take time to visit the Thin Within website at http://www.thinwithin.org (the DOT ORG is important!). The Thin Within website now has forums and chat rooms up and RUNNING! WHOO HOO! I am so excited about this change and there are a lot of folks there posting and sharing and encouraging one another! If you are investigating Thin Within for the first time, unsure about it, or if you are a long term “veteran,” PLEASE feel free to visit and join in! Let others know of your interest, experience, questions so that you can be ministered to! God IS doing a new thing! He is moving!
This has been a most amazing summer. The horseback riding has been phenomenal! A dream come true! This picture was taken today by a runner we met out in the middle of nowhere. Michaela, my 13 year old daughter, is aboard Breezy. Harley sees the runner’s friends coming in the distance. I am not sure what I am trying to do, other than to get us to smile for the camera!
This summer has been fantastic for me personally and I know that it is due, in part, to being freed of physical weight. My weight held me back in so many ways. I lacked confidence being on my horses–especially Harley. And the family and I have played tennis quite a lot, too. It has been an incredible summer…the best of my adult life. It is hard to see it winding down. The kids start school two weeks from Tuesday.
Hmm…Got on the scale this morning and it read lower than ever.
Boy, why can’t I just rejoice?
Because I know the truth! I know that it is only because something weird has happened to my body…it is like my metabolism is super-charged right now. I feel like I eat a lot more than I used to. Maybe when the weather changes it will be different. I am outside a lot, but it doesn’t SEEM like I am so active as to explain the number of times I am hungry. And I know that I still have an ungodly attachment to sweets.
For some reason, the comments from people at church have come thick and fast during the past week as well. I guess I wonder if I am not being majorly tested or something.
I know that this is grace…nothing BUT grace as I have done nothing that could “earn” releasing weight, keeping it off, and releasing more. Yes, initially maybe. I mean I had to cooperate with God in BIG ways, but even that was His work.
…but right now…no. I mean, I feel like I eat more than I need more than I used to…that makes me really on high alert, in a way. So why do I keep doing it? I don’t know. And why is my weight going down?
Weird having it trickle off right now when I really don’t feel like I am living a surrendered life. It BUGS me!!!!
I will take it as grace, but now…what will my response be? Will I surrender? Goodness…It is His Kindness that leads me to repentance. This is about as kind as He could be over this…it truly brings me to my knees….
