by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 6, 2007 | Blog
Thoughts about 5…for me the real change in my thinking and results came when I began to evaluate “When am I no longer uncomfortable from hunger?” That helped me a lot. The truth is, in the past, I wanted to see how much I could eat *before* getting uncomfortable again. That was because I didn’t want to let go of food. It was that idea of that while I was avoiding sin, I was not hating it…so I tried to go right up close to the edge and *maybe* stop just before I had eaten too much. That phrase “how much can I get away with?” was true of me.
Now it is more “How little do I need?” No…not like the anorexic might do. If a person has that in her past, I would guess she would have to ask God to help her not to fall prey to that again…but for me it works well.
As I said before, Judy Halliday referred to 5 as being where you stop when you are energized and could get up and exercise without that “Oops, I ate too much” feeling! For me, after she said that, I tried it…I actually exercised after eating and found it really helped define it for me.
As I mentioned in chat, there is a range for me…from the minute I am no longer hungry, to what I used to call a 5….it is where I don’t feel the sensation of food in my stomach.
I asked my 14 year old son what a “5” feels like and he said “Nothing.” He has a point. It is a *lack* of a sensation and for me, that is satisfied. I think it is unusual to consider *nothing* “satisfied!” LOL! But frankly, when I feel food pushing on my stomach…or even settling against it…I don’t like that any more. So stopping before that IS satisfying. (I have to laugh…as I typed the above about my son, he announced from the table where he was eating a late dinner that he was STUFFED and that his hunger number was “12” and that he is going to be sick! Sigh!!)
Anyhow, if I add to this description, where am I comfortable (no longer uncomfortable from hunger) and energized so that I could exercise…well, that about sums it up for me! No erpy burpies…Yes!
I don’t know if this helps anyone else, but boy…it has brought clarity to me.
by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 6, 2007 | Blog
Doing a bit better with the things that had me concerned last I wrote. I need to release my hold on caffeinated soda. So hereby begins the decrease of that. I typically drink caffeine free diet soda, but sometimes, have way too much normal diet coke in a day. So…Goodbye to that! I won’t even confess what I have been drinking…as it is obscene! But no more. I am convinced that the postural hypotension that I seem to have been struggling with is related to all the caffeine since diuretics can cause that and caffeine is a diuretic!
The constipation seems to be behind me. LOL! I hope! I may have to use some of that fiber stuff that you add to beverages…forget what it is called, but we have that. Not Metamusil…it is something else, basically a psyllium product.
Today I was able to enjoy Dance Praise again. I was so uncomfortable over the weekend that I missed out on that!
Back to “normal” I hope!
by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 4, 2007 | Blog
I am having a hard time with dizziness and light-headedness, headaches and other weird stuff.
I am not bypassing hunger intentionally. So if I am bypassing it, it is because the signal flew by me. When I eat, I like to stop when I don’t feel anything in my stomach. No hunger, no food pushing against the sides of my stomach….but with as active as I am maybe it isn’t enough…. I am wondering if I am dealing with low blood sugar more than I realize. I do lots of horse chores and work outside and I love to exercise using http://www.digitalpraise.com “Dance Praise” or other way of moving around…I am not sedentary.
I realize that this is a part of my journey and since I have shared other aspects of my journey…all good stuff….I figured I should share this. If any of you have experience with this, I would sure welcome hearing about it.
I may have to go to my doctor…I really don’t want to. The last time I was there, her comment about my weight gain was “Wow…your *poor* horses!” Talk about professional. :-/ While I am at least 35 pounds lighter than I was at that appointment, I still don’t want to see her. Bleah.
I hate going to the doctor even if they aren’t rude and condescending.
One other problem I am having…sigh…another true confession…constipation! BLEAH! I can’t stand eating a thing when I feel this bloated!
My journey…the good, the bad, the ugly…bleah!
I prefer the good!
by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 2, 2007 | Uncategorized
So many things are hitting me.
I am feeling like this really will happen this time. I will reach my God-given size…and not just because I have mechanically applied the physiological aspects of 0-5 eating. God is really transforming me INSIDE (within) and out.
For some reason the 35 pounds I have lost seems like it was ALL really significant–like half from my tummy and half from my bottom. My profile looks different…when I accidentally see my reflection, now, I don’t cringe…I don’t freak. I look *different*…Almost…well, “normal.”
So what is my fear? How many times have I lost weight….a bizillion. And then gained it again. A bizillion. Just since having kids, I have lost over 210 pounds (not counting the latest 35) and gained it back…
I remember after I lost 110 pounds with Weight Watchers and made a huge monumental decision to break free from my fear of gaining the weight back…and I got rid of all my biggest sized clothing. (And the smaller sizes between that biggest size and where I was). I struggled with doing this for a long time before taking those large sized clothes to Good Will. When I did it, I hooted and hollered and celebrated! I was FREE!
I regretted it within two years. I had no clothes that fit as I gained back the weight and had to go out and *buy* the bigger sizes. That was awful.
Today I had the thought hit me, “I will probably gain all this back again just like I always have.”
Well, nuts, if that isn’t from the pit of hell, I don’t know what is. But I also am a realist…this thought has history supporting it as fact. However, on the other side of things, I also know that because this is so different this time…since God really is making me different “within” that former history doesn’t have to be repeated. I can truly FORGET what is behind and press on! So there!
So…I am going to do something different. No, I won’t get rid of the big sized clothing. I guess that says something….
Instead, though, I am going to type up little notes to pin inside the pockets. If I ever wear those jeans again, I will find that note. I know myself well enough to know that I will HAVE to read it…I am like that. In that note, I will point out how wonderfully easy and quick God has been making this. I will put my testimony of seeing God work, transforming me…and the way He is also calling me to be restored in ministry at the same time as well….
I think that it could matter. I know that the worldly thought that kept me from starting this sooner was that it would take “such a long time” to release weight. Well, that isn’t true at all. Not only that, but eating this way has felt GREAT.
Yes, there have been times I have stumbled. Around Christmas, I went bonkers. I still manage to eat beyond the place God has told me to stop many times. I am in process….
I will just slip a reminder in the pocket of those pants.
Who knows? Maybe when I finally DO get the courage and overcome my fear to give those jeans away, I will have forgotten about the note pinned in them and some unsuspecting thrift store shopper will find the note…and get hope! LOL!
Do I sound nuts?
by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 2, 2007 | Blog
What is a 5? This is a question that comes up a lot for folks just starting out with Thin Within and,even, those who have been at it for a while… I know that as I look back over my experience with “0 to 5” eating or eating between the parameters of hunger and satisfaction (which covers the time of about 7 years), when I ask this question it is usually (usually, but not always) because I don’t LIKE the answer!!! So often, I don’t LIKE that a 5 is reached as quickly as it is…after all…there is still LOTS OF yummy food left!!! LOL!
I think that if we are trying to eat as much as we can before we hit a 5 then finding 5 will seem more elusive. But if we just decide ahead of time to delight in removing the sensation (discomfort, really) of hunger, we will be glad to stop when we are no longer hungry. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of it.
Last night, I realized another good way for me to identify 5. I hadn’t been able to take the time to exercise any time during the day before dinner, so I knew that I was going to bounce around (for a step aerobics workout) immediately after dinner. As I was eating a very YUMMY bit of dinner, my thoughts reflected back on something Judy Halliday had said to me in a telephone conversation. She had mentioned that a person who stops at a 5 can easily go out and exercise afterwards without being uncomfortable. This resonated with me and provided a good goal for me while I was eating my delicious dinner.
Dinner was pizza and because I was *so* hungry when I sat down, it tasted remarkably beyond good. It was delectable, in fact! In order not to eat any more, I told myself that I could easily get another pizza just like this one any time I wanted…that this is *not* the last pizza on the planet nor is it the last time I would have an opportunity to eat pizza. I was able to walk away…and I was relatively sure I had stopped in plenty of time. Hunger was gone.
I went downstairs and began my workout. Sure enough! No “erpy burpies” assaulted my enjoyment of my exercise!!! Yay! I was able to bounce around the step bench with abandon, without fear of upchucking extra food. What a difference between that and times in the past when all I could stand to think of following a “pizza fest” was to unbutton my pants and nap.
God used this experience to remind me more of what He has in mind for me as my stopping point. If I live as though I might go running, aerobicizing, or jump roping after the meal, I am bound to stop in plenty of time. YAY!!!
by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 1, 2007 | Blog
“I am only human.”
This concept has been on my heart for a while. Basically, when I use the phrase “I am only human,” it is to *excuse* a behavior, attitude, or something I said.
Sure, it is a fact about my existence…I mess up…But….I want to find a way NOT to *admit* that I messed up…or find a way to justify that messing up is…well…*normal*…so I glibbly say “I am ONLY human!” (Usually with a bit of a defeated attitude, too….and for me…rebellion is there too when I say this….)
The truth is…I am NOT “only” human. I am human, yes….and that has some major drawbacks, to be sure. In fact, my human-ness seems to get in the way quite often!
However, because of the Lord Jesus Christ and what He did for me (and for you), I am not ONLY human! I have His Spirit resident in me. (Romans 8:15; 1 Corinthians 2:12; 1 Corinthians 6:19) In fact, scripture teaches that I have been made totally new in His sight!!! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Scripture teaches that I have been given EVERYTHING I need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) So, what is with my blaming my choice to sin on being “only human!”?
It is like I want to do what Flip Wilson used to do (a comedian from the 70s) “The Devil made me do it.” Am I really trying to claim that I had no choice in the matter, but my “human-ness made me do it?” Ridiculous, isn’t it?
The truth is, I no longer have to give in to my human-ness. I now have the freedom, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to CHOOSE to give in to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, who is resident in me. I have the ability and the responsibility. (See Romans 8)
Will I fail? Sure, but that doesn’t mean I am to use my humanity as an excuse for failure.
In fact, the Lord tells us “Be holy as I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:16) Woah. How holy is God, any how? Completely!
If I am supposed to be holy *as* He is holy, it basically is a biblical mandate for me to keep on keeping on, or as Paul says in Philippians to press on to reach the goal…nothing is worth keeping me from the goal. Holiness IS the goal–becoming Christ-like. It isn’t like I am human and should accept that I will live like a “mere mortal” with the occasional instance of doing something good or holy! Nope. Instead, I am called holy by God and now I am to live in accordance with the identity that HE gives to me. I will live making holy choices with *occasional* struggles with human-ness. NOT the other way around!
Before you think that I am a believer in achieving perfection on this earth….nope. I am not. The scriptures, while telling us God says we are to BE HOLY, also indicate that we won’t achieve that until the day of Christ Jesus–Phil 1:6– (or, as my dear Mother in Law often said…”When we get to glory!).
So why belabor this point???? Well, I have found that what I believe about my identity will radically affect how I behave. If I think of myself as “only human,” I am likely to live as “only human.” When someone says “I am only human” it usually comes with a defeated tone of voice, downcast, dejected. That AIN’T NO WAY TO LIVE!!!! I don’t want to live a defeated “only human” kind of life, do you? Not when the Lord Jesus Christ has paid the price for the glory of God…a treasure beyond fathoming…to be resident within me. No thank you!
Instead, I can believe and KNOW…”I am superhuman!” Believing God about what He says He has done in me, is the key, here. Believe what GOD says…He says His Spirit is in me. He says that He has empowered me for life and godliness…So, if I believe it, I will have a totally different expectation and approach to life! And definitely to my eating!!!!
If I keep eating when I am not hungry, or continue eating when I am already satisfied and blame it on being “only human” that is totally BOGUS. As one dear friend says, Jesus laid down His life for me. Will I not lay down a little food? Especially when I consider that He has sent His Spirit to empower me to do great things? Will I really insist that setting down food is beyond His ability to cope with? Do I think I am beyond the grasp of the Holy Spirit’s reach? Wow…I mean, this is GOD we are talking about! The one who causes the blind to see, stones to be rolled away and gives life to the dead! the one Who created the Heavens and the earth!!!
If I believe that the Spirit lives in me, then I will expect the Lord to empower me to LIVE in step with the Spirit with all of the fruit of the Spirit ripe and ready in my life! (Erm….this includes self-control!) So for me, I am done with excusing myself or my SIN as being all because (whine whine) “I am only human.”
That “ain’t no way to live!!!”
by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 1, 2007 | Blog
Ok, I may LOVE the B.E.S.T Step Workout DVD by Patrick somebodyorother, but I clearly have NO clue just how UNFIT I am! I have GOT to cut myself some slack….I have been doing Dance Praise for a while now…but this video is too huge of a leap, I guess, from that. It is an advanced choreographed step bench workout. I love it. It is a blast…I don’t use any risers on my step, but I guess I need to not even use a step! I about passed out tonight…I actually scared myself and my head felt like someone had it in a vise and was putting the screws to it.
I have to evaluate what has me continue to do this when I do NOT have to! I love the dance steps…but….sigh…I wonder if it isn’t pride once again, rearing its head. I want to be able to do that video start to finish! Not only do I want to learn the fancy dancy steps, but I want to be cardiovascularly fit enough to accomplish this. Truth is…I am NOT yet!
Hellooooo McFly!!!! LOL!
Maybe I will pull out one of the other tapes or DVDs. I just hoped to do something totally new so I wouldn’t have negative associations…you know from the obsessive days….
Lord…what would YOU have me do?
by Heidi Bylsma | Jan 31, 2007 | Blog
Oh, Lord….this is raw…coming from my heart with tears streaming down my face. Why did you see fit in your grace to call me in 2000 to come alongside Judy and Arthur and have the unsurpassed privilege of putting words to all their wisdom…why did *I* get called to help to write the book, Thin Within??????? What an amazing sense of humor you have, Lord! It makes me laugh and cry all at once!
Judy has sent me letters that people have been sending her…even now, 5 years after the book was published….telling her their stories…and another COMPLETE testimony being prepared for the TW Thin Line Magazine has come to me…it is all about you working MIRACLES through the words that you chose to be put in the Thin Within book.
Lord, tears of absolute joy, humility, awe…stream down my face. Why are you so kind to let me participate? This is amazing Lord. Not only are you doing a new thing in my life, but you are in countless others. Oh Lord! And to think I have been invited to continue to partner with Judy and Pam…and…well, Lord…how can I thank you?
Thank you for this joy….thank you for this calling. Thank you for this privilege. Help me, Oh LORD!…I want to live as one who is called…I want to live what you have already attributed to me…such amazing esteem…you truly treat me as your treasure….and so often I snub you. This morning as I read Amos, I was floored at the continued references to your overtures to Israel…falling on empty unresponsive hearts. Lord let me not be an unresponsive heart.
Thank you for this privilege…all of these privilegeS!!!!
Oh, God, my heart can hardly contain….I bow in adoration….why, Lord????
by Heidi Bylsma | Jan 31, 2007 | Blog
God used brownies last night to show me that I am still lacking in being prayerful. What is UP with that? I know what is UP…it is PRIDE. No matter how much I declare it, that just isn’t enough to make it go away. It is like looking out in the forest and saying, “Yup…there are rattle snakes out there…they could bite my horses.” But if I just stand up here and don’t go down and root them out…well, the danger remains.
So, too, with my acknowledging that pride is present. I seem to be good at pointing it out and saying “Lookee thar! That thar pride will wreak havoc if I don’t get RID of it” and the I stand back PROUD of myself for declaring it….uh…what is WRONG with this picture???? :-/
Well, I have to DO something about it. Like HUMBLE myself. That is where the rubber meets the road.
Before, during, after meals…I want to invite God into each moment. In the book this is referred to as practicing the presence of God. I want to return to that prayerful spirit that I have known before. I have to think that practicing pride has kept this humble way of living far from me.
I must get practical…foster a prayerful life…
So, I had a tiny square of brownie, but did I invite God into it? Nope. I did the “diet mentality” thing….”I wasn’t even at a 5 when I stopped eating at dinner, so I can justify having this brownie…it is, after all, just a fragment of my past indulgence!” BAH!
I could have invited God INTO this moment with the brownie and He may have given His total approval about it all! It isn’t even about Him saying NO to food I want as I generally am willing to remain within the parameters he has set for me (generally…usually…not always….)! It is STILL about being HUMBLE before Him! It isn’t about the food. It is about the relationship….and that continues to be a weakness for me. I don’t foster it.
I did the mechanical 0 to 5 eating for so long that it comes so…ermm…”naturally” to me! Well, I am called to live beyond “natural!” To live “supernaturally!”
Lord, make it so!
by Heidi Bylsma | Jan 31, 2007 | Blog
January is ending on an amazingly high note with my 14 year old autistic son coming to me last night repentant and broken hearted…confessing all his sins! He shared them with me and then prayed with me to the Lord, begging the Lord’s help. He wants to meet with our pastor! He has been carrying a load for 9 years as he has been arrogant, angry, prideful…(gosh, a lot like his Mom!). Last night, he came out of his room in tears, climbed into my lap and wept…telling me of all the things he wants to do to live for the Lord. And here I wondered if he was even saved….wow. God certainly IS doing a new thing!
My resentment toward God about my son was a HUGE roadblock to me in ever really giving God my heart in the area of food and eating in past years. I could mechanically apply the principles of 0 to 5 eating (like a diet), but it was hollow. It wasn’t about loving the Lord more than food. It was about “what would people say if they saw me and knew of my connection with TW?” See? Pride! Bleah! And my disappointment with God was rooted in pride…but He really touched me powerfully in November and December that I was parenting in fear…that he knows my heart and understands how broken hearted I have been about Daniel. I feel like what I got to experience with Daniel last night was a HUGE SUPERNATURAL HUG from GOD!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!
I reported at the end of 2006 that God had removed a bit over 20 pounds since early November. I don’t really know what the timeline is in all of this (one drawback of NOT writing stuff down or using charts), but as of moments ago, the scale indicated that God has released 35 pounds from me. Now instead of weighing 200-and-some, I weigh 100-and-plenty! LOL! YAY, GOD! No, I haven’t released 15 pounds this month, so I don’t know where the timeline really fits, but no matter…I will take it. Praising God! I am on my way to reaching my God-given size by May as I had hoped. Praising God…this IS a miracle!
Other goals that I reported having for 2007 are on their way…the exercising is going really well. I bought an advanced step DVD…one that I would have LOVED back during my fitness craze. It is way beyond me right now, but I am having fun playing with it anyhow! LOL! That and Dance Praise. Having so much fun with activity again sure makes it…well…FUN!
With the nice weather here in California, I am feeding my horses all over our steep hillside, carting their hay around and spreading it so they move while eating (like horses in the wild might). This is not only good for *their* health, but it gives me a mini- workout three times a day… and I can sure feel the difference in not having those 35 pounds when I go up and down that hill! LOL!
God has made me continue to beg him to remove pride where it rears its ugly head…it seems almost constantly…it is devastating on the one hand and wonderful on the other….I want to exalt HIM!!!
Another surprise blessing from the Lord is the writing I am getting to do again for Thin Within. What a blessing. It is amazing to me how God has orchestrated all of this. He has brought me back to Thin Within at the time when the company was changing hands (the Hallidays now own it!) and there is a need for help with the writing again…oh God IS good! I couldn’t say that a year ago…I was too myopic….but He has faithfully revealed His goodness! THANK YOU LORD!
I welcome prayers for my precious Daniel …the enemy will want to snatch the seeds that God has seen fit to germinate…Daniel wants to share Christ with others…he has so many hurdles to cope with to do so…I just want what God wants for him. He has NEVER been this repentant over his sin before…I am just in awe of God’s timing for this…it boggles my mind.
Some of my other goals….Harley, my horse, is going to training in April with a wonderful trainer! Daisy, our rescued golden retriever, is in agility classes and we are having fun with that, though I may have to give that up after February due to expense.
One other goal I verbalized….I still haven’t made much effort to develop three of my friendships….and that is something I must give myself to during February. I have spoken with one friend about connecting again…and I need to with the other two. So this goal has been waylayed….
Anyhow, I am praising God for all He is doing.
So much more ahead, though!
