Today, I am going to share about something that has been weighing on my heart and is something difficult to admit. Because of recent reactions of mine to things going on in my life, I had to ask myself this painful question: “Why do I still get upset when things in my life don’t go my way, even though in my heart I know that I trust God to take care of me?” Where is the disconnect? God has proven Himself faithful, time and time again, yet I go into a tailspin when something goes wrong. I am afraid that even though I trust Him, there are still many areas in my life where I am trying to control things by my own power. I have proven time and time again that doing life by my own power never works.
I have always heard it said that the distance between the head and the heart is one of the longest. Sometimes the distance seems insurmountable when it comes from taking head knowledge and making it heart knowledge. When I think about my anxious feelings over the last few weeks, I realize in my heart, I totally trust God, but it is my head that is getting me into trouble. I am too strong minded. I think too long and too deeply about issues that I can’t control. Wow, I didn’t think it was possible, but my heart is good and it’s my head that needs help. This is why it is so important for me to find the time in my schedule for renewing my mind daily. Oh, how life gets in the way…or should I say I allow life to get in the way. I make excuses…I have a new job, I didn’t sleep well last night so I have to press the doze button, I have a family commitment…I need to…whatever. Whatever I allow to be in the way of my growth is an excuse, and those excuses cause my daily life to suffer.
I am a firm believer that we always have time for what is important to us. I have to ask myself if my boundaries are important to me or if I am going allow the “stuff” going on in my life to “give” me permission to break them. Are the changes that God has done in my heart and life worth the extra time it takes each day to renew my mind so that those changes stay and grow to even more miracles? It is very easy to fall back into previous reactions to life. It is easy to run back to food. It is easy to run back to losing myself in TV or books or quilting or anything else that takes me away. It’s easy, but praise God, it is no longer comfortable. I want to guard the growth I have experienced this past year. I don’t want to lose the gracious gifts I have received from my Loving Father. I want to praise Him for even the “stuff” that could drive me back to the way I was before. I want to praise Him for the good, the bad and the ugly. I am grateful that God wants to grow my faith by letting me struggle. He loves and cares for me that much.
I have a favorite section of Scripture that has helped me in the past during times of frustration and fear. It is Habakkuk 3:17-19. It says, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no fruit on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will triumph in the LORD; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. Yahweh my Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like those of a deer and enables me to walk on mountain heights!” What this says to me is that even when things look and seem impossible to get through, even then, He is with me. No matter what I feel, see, perceive or experience that makes me believe that there is no way to move forward, the way is there and it is the road the Lord has laid out for me. I don’t have to figure it out and I don’t need to know what will happen tomorrow. I just have to put one foot in front of the other and follow Him.
It’s too late to make a resolution, and those are only made to break. What I will commit to is making a daily effort to renewing my mind. I will not do this perfectly, but no more excuses. Will you join me? I believe God has great spiritual growth in store for those in Thin Within/Hunger Within this year. Let’s commit together to use the tools we have at hand to grow closer to our Lord who is the Author and Perfecter of our faith. No matter what happens, let’s draw close to our Source of all that we need.