Anxiously Awaiting Zero
My flesh machinery has really been riled up these past few days, with food loudly and persistently calling my name, like, all the time! Awaiting zero has been harder than usual.
We are taught in Thin Within that overeating – eating when we aren’t hungry – can cover raw, uncomfortable emotions, thus numbing us and keeping us from dealing with emotions that really need to be dealt with, not buried alive or smothered.
Doing things that I know I should be doing often helps me ignore the loud calling of my name by food.
My food is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to accomplish His work.” (John 4:34)
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I’m fully aware this is Jesus talking, and that I’m not Jesus! Or diety! But I believe that this principle – that doing the will of God is food to us – is true for us, too, and Jesus lived it out first to show us how to do it.
But still… right now all I want to do is eat! EAT EAT EAT!!!! UUUUGH!!!! (This is as embarrassing to admit as it is frustrating to feel!)
But the Lord reminds me… I am not without help! He Himself helps us:
Apart from Me you can do nothing…
But He has also inspired His people to create resources that help us more clearly see – and accurately apply – these truths. And He has given us many wonderful resources in Thin Within, especially via Judy and Arthur Halliday, and Heidi Bylsma! I am currently going through Rebuilding God’s Temple, and in the Week 10, Day 4 lesson, we are asked to take note of specific emotions that are stirred up in us while awaiting zero, and then also journal about them. So that’s what I’m going to do right here – share with you my process… for better or worse…
1. Identify the emotion that’s surfacing while awaiting zero:
That’s easy! ANXIETY!
2. Journal about it:
I know scripture clearly tells us to not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, to let our requests be made known to God…
And I totally get that and agree with that! Well, I totally agree with that, but I’m not so sure I totally get it, or I wouldn’t still be dealing with this stuff, right? But nonetheless, I am anxious.
The wonderful thing is that God knows us, He knows we will be anxious, and He has made provision for this emotion in these verses:
Pour out your hearts to the Lord for He can help.” … “Make your needs known to Him.” … “Come and talk with Me, oh my people…”
So I will take Him up on his offer and start pouring… making my needs known to Him… and coming to and talking with Him…
Here are my current anxiety-causers: (They really boil down to two.)
One is that I have a busy few days coming up, and I am anxious about how I’m going to get everything done. How do I best prioritize, not get side-tracked, and use my time the most wisely?
The other is that we will be having company staying at our home for several days. I have a melancholic personality and I enjoy – and actually need – time to myself. Having company will entail interruption to my usual quiet days – quiet because we are empty-nesters and my husband is retired. So this will be challenging to my flesh, especially since hospitality does not come easily or naturally for me – probably because I am basically selfish, and hospitality is basically all about unselfishness. It will be rewarding, too, I enjoy people once they are here, but I am still anxious about this.
So identifying the emotion and journaling about it got everything out in the open, and definitely helped, but now I need to take it to the next level and “finish it up”; I need to…
3. Pray it all the way through.
Okay, Lord, here I am…
Lord, You know all about the anxiety that is having a hayday in me right now. And I’m sure this is part of what’s drawing me so strongly to want to eat right now, to try to mask it or smother it or avoid dealing with it, or D. ALL THE ABOVE.
Of course I know full well that none of those will work, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fall for it, again.
Lord, I want to be honoring to you in how I eat, and I know I have not been, and for that I ask your forgiveness.
I come to You with the weightiness of my emotions, my selfishness, my confusion, my frustrations, my anger, and my insecurities…
…in this case, about hosting and entertaining guests. And I give it ALL to You, Lord…
You know what You want to happen with our guests, and I ask You to lead me that way and give me Your heart, Your love for them.
Help me think less about myself and more about them and their needs, and to make them feel welcome, and to show them Your love.
I also ask You to help me use my time wisely and get done those things that You want done, and let the rest go!
I cast all of these cares on You, Lord! I can’t fix them or get rid of them anyway, so I bring them to – and leave them with – You.
And I trust You with them, and to get me over any hurdles, and through any tough times that come up today and once our company is here. Please give me the words, the heart, the direction, and the wisdom I need in each moment.
Thank you, Lord, for everything You are doing and are going to do! Aaaaaaamen!
