In our world, we hear the message loud and clear all the time: Thinner is better.
So, then, how can someone lose a bunch of weight, keep it off for a year and gain some back and be happy? And be ok? And have it be the right thing?
Everywhere we look, even in our Christian circles, it is conveyed to us: Weight Gain can’t possibly be a good thing…and it definitely isn’t the godly thing. :-/
I have news for you! It can TOO be godly! Weight gain can be a good thing! I have this on good authority! 🙂
While I know there will be times when I will struggle with this, and Lord knows I certainly have during the past 6 months, God has been at work inside me, through me, in spite of me. I am at so much more peace with myself and my size than I ever imagined. And I am also at peace with food and with God about all of it! (Sunday mornings do tend to wreak havoc with it a bit, but even the past couple of Sundays have been miraculously peaceful…thank you, Lord!)
I have given Him my heart in this.
That counts for something BIG! He has been doing a HUGE work in me.
God IS doing a new thing!
Strongholds and idols galore have crashed to the ground. They have been busted apart! Three years ago, I never would have imagined I would be where I am today…free. Just because I have disappointed people who have followed my story by gaining some weight back, doesn’t mean that the story has had an ungodly, sad, or failed ending! I stand here today testifying that right now, as I am TODAY, I am a testimony of God’s grace and his amazing rescue!
To those who think that “Heidi used to be an example of success on Thin Within. Now she is just like everyone else who has tried it. She has failed. She has gained weight back…”
I say this…
HEY! Listen up! I was outside of God’s will being owned by the strongholds of diet soda and caffeine, a certain size body and the scale! I clung to the scale to prove I had value and worth to “justify” that I was TOO still godly! GOOD GRIEF! No! Don’t buy this lie! I went to the scale for my worth…even though I hid that fact from many I talked with on the Thin Within forums, in person, and in email. (I wasn’t completely honest…I really WAS owned by the scale…even more than I realized at the time…) And I constantly had a diet soda in my hand…CONSTANTLY. That is bondage! That isn’t godliness.
I was obsessed by my body, my looks, my clothes and stifled by fear that everything upon which I was fixated would vanish.
Please hear me, my blog family. 🙂 You are dear to me! Know this! While my “Super Duper Thin Within Woman” cape is torn and my crown tarnished ;-), while I have fallen from a pedestal in many ways…this weight gain is NOT indicative of any of that. FAR FROM IT!
In fact, get this…I believe that this weight is actually an award of victory…that pronounces that God is king over areas of my life that were not surrendered to him while I was struggling to maintain such a low weight on my frame.
Please know this, too….I enjoy DAILY accountability with a partner who is one of the best gifts God has ever given me. My goal continues to be to honor the Lord and glorify him with my eating and drinking every moment of the day. I shoot for 0 to 5 eating–and am not perfect, but I continue to live out the patterns I have established over the last two and a half years.
And I stay off the scale. COMPLETELY.
Additionally, I am gloriously free from caffeine headaches if I don’t have soda constantly…I can honestly say, THIS IS A GIFT FROM GOD!
It is hard to post this so blatantly. I mean…someone would ask…”If you are so free, then why the weight gain?” Well, I have to say it again…the size I was before was NOT God’s “natural God-given size” for me! Why would I want to do whatever it takes to be something he doesn’t call me to be? Caffeine is a drug! How would people feel if I had taken amphetamines to be thin and finally admitted it!? They would likely feel compassion for my admission and celebrate my “coming clean” –they might even understand the weight gain, perhaps.
Why not in this case?
I am convinced that my “natural God-given size” is closer to where I am than where I was. And it is ok! I have gone ahead and purchased new jeans in one size up…and have gotten out some of my old clothes that I had celebrated putting away…I now celebrate that I feel ok about needing another size.
I am ok with this. I mean, if I still need to feel good about things, I can look at it this way…I have released 80-85 pounds and a truckload of strongholds. God has worked this in me.
I am praising him! I hope you will praise him along with me!
God really IS doing a new thing!