Yesterday, I felt like while I could still work myself up into a lather when a loving friend, having read yesterday’s blog entry (you know who you are!), asked me about how I was doing…In spite of that, I nevertheless, know that I *have* released much of this to the Lord. Much of the bitterness and anger has ebbed back into the original feeling…pain. God has taught me that I can feel that and let HIM comfort me. His comfort is much more effective than food, too!
As I do that, I am able to ask him “Lord, what am I to do and be in response to these things?” “What would you have me to learn about myself and about you through this misunderstanding?” “Is there any way in which the way I was misunderstood so often through this trial …well…is that a mirror as to what *you* actually see in me, Lord?” “What do I need to change?”
Yesterday, I felt a willingness to give my eating to the Lord. It wasn’t perfect, no. But I made positive God-honoring choices most of the day. I rejoice in that. Not because of the eating, food and so on, but because of what it means is happening in my heart again.
I am so thankful that he doesn’t judge me or condemn me based on my eating. He nudges me, he comforts me, he convicts my heart, but because Jesus alone is sufficient for my salvation, my outward acts are simply an expression in response to so great a salvation!
I am thankful that Ephesians 1:3-5 is true – even before I was born and cared a wit for God!
And isn’t it amazing that it gave HIM pleasure to choose us? That is an amazing thought. I love Ephesians 1. I can’t condemn myself or remain in shame when I read that chapter of the bible and God gently asks: “Yes, child, but do you BELIEVE me? Do you BELIEVE what I say about YOU is true?”
During the week or two or three that I had my tantrum, I not only gained physical weight, but I took on a truckload of shame and self-condemnation. Satan stood laughing and accusing, “See! I TOLD you you wouldn’t keep it off! What kind of teacher are you, teaching the women one thing in your Thin Within class and doing another! HA! By the time YOU get to the Thin Within retreat in June, you will be 30 pounds heavier! HA! Some ‘testimony’ YOU will be!”
And the Lord gently reminds me of all these things that scripture says. It isn’t about the food. It is about righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. It is about the fact that YES, he IS doing a new thing–EVEN NOW! I have NEVER been at this place before and He is yet at work! I praise you, Lord!
Today…all His mercies are new again. Isn’t that a wonderful thing? I am so thankful that he doesn’t carry my mistakes and failings forward. He wipes the slate clean with his grace.