This week I have an adventure ahead. I get to join folks on a Rock-N-Water Living History excursion on Thursday and Friday! This is a shameless plug for Rock-N-Water. I have been so impressed with everything I have seen and heard about this company and their staff. If you are in California anywhere, consider bringing a group for one of their outings! Check out their website for more info! I will become a different person as I don blouse, skirt, apron, cape, and bonnet (believe it or not!) for the outing with a bunch of 4th graders studying US History and the Gold Rush! SUCH fun!
If you have visited this blog for any time at all, you know that I celebrated a loss of 100 pounds using only the Thin Within principles…eating when hungry, stopping when no longer hungry, eating any food I wanted to, and not being involved in any exercise routine of any kind. Because of all the reasons I tended to want to eat aside from hunger, I learned to depend on God a whole lot to be my “portion” when heart hunger and head hunger called. These can’t be satisfied with physical food. During the time I released the weight, my walk with God deepened as I leaned on him for strength. So, from Nov. 2006 to Fall of 2007, I released 100 pounds of physical weight and emotionally and spiritually, I felt set free as well.
Four and a half years later, I remain a healthy size. That is the good news.
But, I haven’t kept all 100 pounds off. I think there was something magical about “100” pounds for me…the number became almost more important than anything else. I don’t think that was where I was supposed to land for the rest of my life. So being that thin isn’t God’s “ideal size” for me.
In fact, last year at this time, I saw just how easy it was for me to be obsessed with weight, size and exercise again! I revisited an obsession I hadn’t known in over 15 years! I exercised 2 hours a day in addition to the tennis I was playing. That clearly was out of line.
Truthfully, since 2007, my size has fluctuated. I have remained a healthy size during all that time, but there IS in fact, a lot of work yet that God is doing regarding how I view food and my body. I am definitely still a work in progress.
In my rather lengthy dieting history before 1999 (when I stopped dieting), I never stayed a healthy size for more than a year once the weight was lost, let alone almost five! So I continue to celebrate the fact that I am still a healthy size! WHOO HOO! It is, after all, so easy to beat myself up (even now!) for ways I fall short.
I thought I would share with you some of the struggles I do have…
“Nutritionally dense” foods are not my preferred fare. I am stuck in Phase 1 of Thin Within most of the time…the “Freedom Phase.” Since much of my childhood abuse was focused on food, I do try to extend some measure of grace to myself about not eating raw carrots or green salad. Truthfully, I only like vegetables in salsa and well-cooked stew or soup! I hope to “grow up” relative to my eating preferences.
This continues to be a journey of my heart–much more so than of the body. It doesn’t take much for me to rush back to the comfort that I have found in food over the course of my life–maybe not with the abandon and zeal of my former years, but the thinking is still there…or there again.
I got rid of my bathroom scale at least four years ago at the encouragement of my accountability partner at the time. It was a great choice then, but right now I am drawn to the added accountability of numbers! This BUGs me–the truth is, I know if I am eating according to the boundaries God has given me without a bathroom scale! If I eat according to those boundaries, I need not fear weight gain. If I don’t eat according to those parameters, I know I will likely “find” weight that was “lost.” Numbers are so motivating because they are so instant. But I want a heart that is transformed…both in terms of how I think of food and what is most important to me–heart change or body change? I could use the numbers of the scale to be motivated more to stay focused on 0 to 5 eating, but the expense to my heart might be rather high…I might become obsessed with weight–numbers–again. I don’t want to go there! Goodness! I am over-thinking this, I am sure. I just want to be normal!
Fear has a grip on me again (still?). (I am sure that is obvious! LOL!) I live in fear that I will weigh 250 pounds again. I want to value having a heart change more than a body change…but honestly, I don’t live with such noble motivations much of the time. :-/ I know God wants to renew my thinking in this. I am even more fearful because of my role in the Thin Within company and with a possible book project (being pitched this month)–if I am going to be connected with “Thin” anything, I better be sure not to blow it and not be a healthy size! How is that for godly, deep, thinking?
Here is a photo that hubby took on Saturday…his newest hobby is photography and the silly man likes to take pictures of things in motion the most, it seems. I tend to be his primary “subject.” It definitely keeps me “honest.” So one more thing I guess I struggle with…when I see this photo, I see “fluffy.” I don’t like that. I want to see hardened, athletic muscles! I know this is something that God wants to change in my thinking, too. Somewhere between “fat acceptance” and “obsession with thin” is a place where I honor God with my eating, worship with joyful movement of my body, delight in who HE is, and who He is making me to be!
Well, there you have it. The truth tossed out on the table. So, though I have kept off most of the weight, though I am a healthy size, my mind is definitely stuck in a place that I don’t think is healthy for me! I need to “lose” the old mindset!
But I am optimistic that God is doing a new thing even now! I refuse to live in condemnation because I don’t “do this” perfectly. He is sanctifying me, one babystep at a time!
How about you? Can you relate to any of the struggles I have listed? What new thing is God possibly doing in you right now?
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak,
then I am strong.
~ 2 Corinthians 12:10
The grave is empty.
The body is gone.
Jesus’ body never decayed.
Instead, Christ “exploded” from the grave! VICTORIOUS!
Death is defeated!
The resurrection proves that 2 Corinthians 12:10 is true! We can delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. Isn’t that precisely what Jesus, Himself went through? And look what happened!
Death was conquered.
The grave didn’t have the last word!
The word translated “strong” at the end of 2 Corinthians 12:10 seems significant. It is the Greek word from which we get the word “dynamite.” Paul declared confidently that when he was weak, he was DYNAMITE. This is the power of the resurrection alive in him.
This same power is available to you and to me to enable us to DELIGHT in–not just endure–weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and difficulties. Because of the DYNAMITE of the RESURRECTION, we, too, are explosively powerful when we are in a humble, needy state. Again, God’s ways are not our ways…when we feel we are at our worst, it is then, that we are right where we need to be…prepared for Resurrection power.
The Resurrection proves once and for all that in the moments of greatest “weakness”–when defeat seems evident–the final word is not in. In fact, when all seems impossible, it is then that a stage is set for a display of the greatest power–the moment is ripe for a most amazing miracle.
I can barely stand to consider how the disciples of Jesus felt following the brutal death of their leader, their Master, their Friend.
Hopeless…
Darkness…
Loneliness…
And guilt. Guilt…definitely. Given that all but John and the women had abandoned Jesus in His greatest hour of need, I have no doubt that they were plagued by guilt. Judas was dead…and I wonder if any of the others wondered about taking the same way out.
Nothing is worse than waiting for hope to come unless it is having found such a Great Hope only to see it dashed to pieces.
Did they ponder Jesus’ words recorded in Matthew 17:22, 23?
When they came together in Galilee, he said to them,
“The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men.
They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.”
And the disciples were filled with grief.
Was there even a slight glimmer of “What if…?”
Can you identify with the hopelessness of the disciples? I can. Have you experienced a moment in time when you wondered at God’s plan, knowing that certainly…
… this can’t be it?
God’s sovereignty and silence require that we just sit…still our souls…and quietly wait…
just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—
and I lay down my life for the sheep.
~ John 10:14-15
God gets to define things the way He wants to because He is God–in charge of the Universe.
I didn’t think it was “good” when my son was evaluated as autistic.
I didn’t think it was “good” when my depression descended on my husband.
I didn’t think it was “good” when my baby girl turned blue within hours of being born and was admitted to NICU.
I didn’t think it was “good” when the Twin Towers fell.
Had I been there, I wouldn’t have called what happened at Golgotha–at Calvary’s Hill–“good” either.
The injustice of an illegal trial that sentenced Jesus to die…
The brutal beating, ripping flesh…
The rejection and abandonment by the closest of friends…
The mockery of a crowd that had praised only 5 days earlier…
The agonizing, writhing of a body wracked with pain from spikes driven through ligaments and flesh, lifted up on a roughly formed wooden cross, shreds of wood lacerating already torn skin…we’ve all seen the movie, The Passion of the Christ…
What was “good” about what happened there?
To find the good, we have to set our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. What is seen is temporary…what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18).
To find the good, we have to trust that God gets to call the shots and he always does what he does for His reasons…and His ways are beyond my ability to comprehend (Isaiah 55:8,9). If I could fathom his ways, he wouldn’t be God at all, but would be small and impotent.
So, God gets to define “good.”
What happened that day so many years ago, was “good.” But it sure wasn’t obvious that it was good.
Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends.
~ John 15:13
Yet this was the greatest good that mankind could ever be offered.
God made him who had no sin to be sinfor us,
so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
~ 2 Corinthians 5:21
What God calls “good,” sometimes seems to be anything but. The cross proves otherwise.
Hey there! If you are wondering if you can join us for the new Thin Within class, the answer is YES! We “gather” in 20 minutes…which is 4:30 Pacific Time, 6:30 Central, 7:30 Eastern. You don’t need anything for this first meeting! Just come on along to http://www.thinwithin.org/chat.php — Yup…that means YOU! 😀
From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples
that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things
at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law,
and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.
Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.
“Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!
~ Matthew 16:21,22
As sincere as Peter was, though he knew Jesus so very well, Peter’s “will” wasn’t the will of God. If it had been, I would be dead in my sins…stuck in my own slime pit, trying to claw my way to God.
He had walked with the Master–his Friend, Teacher, and Confidant.
Did Peter sense the shroud of darkness descending?
There would be no place of honor on the right and the left of Jesus anytime soon.
Victory songs and celebratory cheers would have to wait. Palm Sunday was great, but that now seemed like a lifetime ago. What was ahead?
The end of this season of the disciples’ lives was imminent. Was there a sense of failure? Of waiting? Of foreboding? Of anticipation?
While their own desires wouldn’t be realized, they stood on the cusp of something far greater.
Did they fathom just how far-reaching the plan of God was?
Sometimes I hold fast to my own will…it seems so godly….as if it were birthed in heaven itself, steeped in Scripture. Bible verses support my stand, my way of thinking. I boldly take a stand for the Lord by declaring “Thus saith the Lord” about ______________ (whatever it may be).
What if I have missed the point? What if, like Peter, my will actually runs counter to a greater plan of God’s?
The cross demonstrates as nothing else that God’s will might be so very counter-intuitive. It didn’t “make sense.” How could anything good come of a righteous man dying the shameful death of a criminal on a Roman cross?
How indeed.
What am I clinging to today that may be counter to God’s plan? What must I relinquish in order to experience a far greater plan? It may mean darkness, unanswered questions, a long wait. But is it possible it will be worth it? That I should open my mind to the possibility that I am…dare I say it…wrong?
About 2000 years ago, Jesus, King of the Universe, condescended from the throne of Heaven. He stepped out of incomprehensible light and love to walk this earth, putting on flesh. Perfect, sweet fellowship within the Trinity was transformed. Moved by compassion, he made such a sacrifice even before the walk to the cross. The expanse between man and Holy God–immeasurable. This, the only way to bridge the chasm.
Even before the pain, suffering, and anguish of the cross, Jesus’ offer to humanity is incomprehensible. He was GOD, existing in perfection as King of all! Yet he willingly stepped out of Heaven to walk among us where he subjected himself to human “stuff”–physical pain, emotional upheavals, rejection, loss.
He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.
~John 1:11 NLT
Why on earth did he do that? He had literally everything.
While it is our tendency to grab for more than is ours, he set all that was his aside.
What manner of God is this? He wants relationship so much with you, with me, that he set aside his role as King of the Universe to be Savior of the world. He did this though it cost him everything.
For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor,
so that you by his poverty might become rich.
~ 2 Corinthians 8:9
What will my response be to this grace…today?
What will your response be to this grace today?
Jesus did this. History records his presence on the earth. The question for each of us is So what?
Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian who survived life at the Nazi concentration camps, was asked by a reporter in a press conference if it was difficult remaining humble while hearing so much acclaim. She replied immediately, “Young man, when Jesus Christ rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday on the back of a donkey, and everyone was waving palm branches and throwing garments in the road and singing praises, do you think that for one moment it ever entered the head of that donkey that any of that was for him?” She continued, “If I can be the donkey on which Jesus Christ rides in His glory, I give Him all the praise and all the honor.”
I heard this illustration at last week’s Bible Study Fellowship lecture in Auburn, California. It struck me afresh just how much Jesus sacrificed when he set aside Kingly glory to take on flesh, to walk this earth for 33 years and to then go to the cross.
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus who,
though he was in the form of God,
did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,
but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,
being born in the likeness of men.
And being found in human form,
he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death,
even death on a cross.
Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him
the name that is above every name,
so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that
Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
~ Philippians 2:5-11
Jesus was/is GOD, very GOD, yet he chose to set aside everything for the sake of bridging the gigantic, unfathomable chasm that existed between Holy God and frail man. Jesus laid down what was rightfully HIS – the glory that he enjoyed with the Father before the world began (see John 17:5 and John 1:1).
Both the donkey and Jesus offer me examples of godly humility. The donkey never thought the honor and praise was for him (so often I do!) and Jesus himself set aside his “rights” as God the Son to do the will of the Father–to meet the great need of humans for a Savior.
How unlike Jesus I am. I grab for what I think is mine: “My food! My body! My way! My will! MINE MINE MINE!” like the gulls in the Finding Nemo movie. I am not even like the donkey. Instead, I am eager to claim any praise as “MINE! MINE! MINE!” as well.
This attitude is a stumbling block for me in my quest to grow more like Jesus. Sanctification is a process…a long, slow, arduous process of relinquishing, clamoring for what is “lost,” surrendering yet again, grabbing it back again, and on and on it goes. I must humbly acknowledge that all that I am, all that I have is for nothing if it is outside of God’s perfect will for me.
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for me will find it.
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world,
yet forfeits his soul?
Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?
~ Matthew 16:25-26
Today, I will stop hollering “MINE! MINE! MINE!” I will keep in mind the donkey who humbly carried Jesus out into the world. I will ponder the example of my Savior who possessed everything, but, for my sake gave it all up. I will choose to release my hold on things to which I cling and throw wide my arms to the unknown (and somewhat frightening) possibilities found when I walk in the heart of God’s will.
Practically Speaking: What is something you declare is “MINE! MINE! MINE!” that God may be calling you to lay down? I don’t have to look much farther than what I eat to find an answer to that. Am I really hungry? Is my body calling for food? Talk about mundane! God uses even something as commonplace as food to show me just how greedy and grabby I am for what isn’t mine.
Have you wondered for a while about diving in and giving Thin Within a try?
Are you someone who has dabbled in Thin Within but want a fresh start?
Have you been motoring along, but want a connection with a group online that is pursuing doing this thing together?
If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please consider joining us as we launch a brand new session of our online class, studying the Thin Within workbook series!
April 4th is our first introductory session…so you can order a workbook (if you don’t have one) before that time and be raring to go. The first assignment will be given following April 4ths class. April 4th will be sort of an overview as we launch into the material, discussing the first lesson on April 11th.
We meet on Wednesdays at 4:30 Pacific, 6:30pm Central or 7:30pm Eastern for an hour-long chat online. I also like to have everyone’s email address so I can send out transcripts, additional resources, assignment information and reminders–usually about two emails each week.
If you are interested, you can get the first workbook kit at Amazon or, better (Amazon takes a big chunk of the purchase price), order directly from Joe or Pam Donaldson by calling Thin Within’s toll-free number 877-729-8932 9am-5pm Eastern time. The other three workbooks are available from the Donaldsons. It doesn’t matter which workbook you use, but if you have never gone through workbook #1, I recommend doing that. Or if you need a fresh start. You can use the link for contacting me that is in the margin of the website here to let me know to add you to the class email list. I promise not to sell your email address! 🙂
If you want to know more about the workbook, there is information about the workbook on another page at my blog here and a video where I tell you about it found here.
Hope you will join us! Even better…gather some others together at your church to join with YOU! 🙂
