But…Lord!

On Saturday morning, I felt God invite me to step on the scale to see what He had done. That surprised me as Sundays have been my “weigh day,” but I had promised the Lord I wouldn’t weigh even on Sundays until He gave me permission, since I had become rather fixated on numbers…

So, I stepped on and there it was…I had released enough weight to bring the total to 50 gone since mid-November! Talk about blown away! That was fun and encouraging, though I still wasn’t into the next “set” of numbers… 🙁 There I was, being blessed by God and I was wondering why it couldn’t have been just one tiny pound more. What an ingrate!!!!

Sigh…

Yesterday, I felt like God tested me A LOT. I haven’t had a day like that before. The past couple of days have been intense for me with the writing deadline and the upcoming vacation. I have thought of food a lot when I wasn’t hungry…that old feeling of “I need something to eat.” It has surprised me. I have met it with “Am I hungry?” “No, I’m not…” Then I have wondered what is up with all of that! I still don’t know the answer, so maybe some of the testing has come because God wants me to see just how much He has accomplished in me.

Breakfast, he asked me to eat half of what I usually do. I knew that would be ok, since if I got hungry again before church, I could eat again. I did, on both accounts. So that went ok. But lunch…well, it was like I just started eating…and it was SOOOOOOO good. My half of the burger and fries that hubs and I split…I took the “small half” but nevertheless after about three bites (ARG!!!) God asked me almost audibly… “Do you love me more than these?” Oh nuts….well, I gave hubby the rest.

Later, it happened when I began to eat the tiniest brownie when I was hungry. Mid bite, he asked me to put the rest down….

I did.

Yes, Lord…these ARE demonstrations of a the amazing way you have been working in my life. Thank you so much for setting me free….

I waited all evening for hunger….and it didn’t come. I had planned what dinner would be. Everyone fended for themselves yesterday because of my being sequestered in my room to write, so there was no pressure on me to make something if I wasn’t hungry. I really thought I would get to eat dinner….it wasn’t until 9pm when I got hungry. I had a tiny something…really…tiny…and ate it…and God said to give half of THAT to the dogs!!!! WHAT????

I must say that while I obeyed, I didn’t do so with joy. I wish I could say it was with a joyful heart, but the joyful heart *did* come afterwards…long afterwards.

Yesterday was definitely a different sort of experience for me. I want my heart to be totally given away to God all the time, whether I am being tested or not. I want to respond to the Lord with joy all the time. That is my heart. I want to be grateful that it takes so little to sustain me. It really blows me away that, with as active as I am, it doesn’t take more to sustain me. It floors me. I am thankful for that and I am thankful for the ways he has been at work in me. I am also thankful that he has released me from the captivity of 50 pounds of weight.

Thank you, Lord.