Forgiveness has transformed my life…not merely the amazing gift of forgiveness that God has extended to me through the cross because of Christ’s sacrifice on behalf of my sins, but in the ongoing provision and power that I have experienced.
I will share more about some of this when we study chapter 20 in the Thin Within book by Arthur and Judy Halliday this week, but today, I focus a bit more on the principles at the heart of chapter 19.
My 17 year old son, Daniel, has an extremely tender conscience. He frequently asks others for forgiveness (a good thing, certainly)…to a point where I have felt the need to caution him to really evaluate if it is the accusing voice of the Enemy that insists he needs to do this or the comforting, yet convicting voice of the Holy Spirit. (Some of what he asks forgiveness for is hard to really grasp, as it seems so trivial outwardly.)
The last time we discussed this, he confessed that he has a hard time believing that God forgives him for the many things he has done wrong and continues to do wrong.
I realized that this is so often the case for me–for us as humans.
I think we tend to believe we can “out sin” the grace of God! But the fact is, the forgiveness that God extends to me, to you, to my precious son, is boundless. It is endless and His Word speaks to this. Many of us know 1 John 1:9, but let’s have a closer look at it today:
he is faithful and just
and will forgive us our sins
and purify us
from all unrighteousness.
But let’s not stop there…HIS FAITHFULNESS and HIS JUSTICE require that when we do confess, He purifies us from all unrighteousness.
This isn’t about me convincing him that I deserve to be forgiven! This isn’t about me proving that I am sorry. This is about HIS CHARACTER. The character of God, Who He Is requires some things…payment for sin is one of them because He is Holy, but in light of that perfect, complete payment for our sins (in Jesus) which the Father has provided and deemed sufficient, when we DO confess He has promised to forgive and purify us from ALL unrighteousness.
If you confess, you then stand before him PERFECTLY RIGHTEOUS, cleansed.
Do you believe Him? Do I?
so that in him we might become
the righteousness of God.
– 2 Corinthians 5:21
I ask again: Do you believe Him? Do I?
I apologize if my redundancy is tiresome, but let me explain why this is so important to being healed of eating disorders, whether overeating, bulimia, anorexia, an unhealthy body image, and all of the many things that plagues so many of us.
If we don’t believe that God forgives us in Christ, we tend to take our insistence that we haven’t “made the mark” as a badge of shame. Shame perpetuates the cycle of addiction and sin. Truly, there is NO way to escape when we are entrenched in shame.
If forgiveness is what opens wide the prison doors, then shame is what those prison doors are made of.
Embracing–believing–that God has forgiven me RIGHT NOW, no matter how many times I have repeated the same offense, blows the door off the prison cell. In fact, I would be willing to guess (from my own experience with myself and others) that if we struggle with the same sin again and again, no matter what it is, it could be that, at the heart, is a belief that even when we have confessed before, we aren’t really forgiven.
If not that, then it is a refusal to forgive ourselves.
Who do we really feel we are? Rotten, no good sinners? Or saints, saved by God’s amazing grace who struggle with our flesh to surrender to God and not to sin? What we believe about ourselves will most assuredly affect how we behave.
When we fail to forgive ourselves, we are claiming that Christ’s torture, death and resurrection were not sufficient. We claim to have a higher standard than God! This is a lie and slams God’s character! He says in 1 John 1:9 that He is faithful to forgive us and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness!
Let us choose NOT to embrace shame, but let us confess our sins…ask God to show them all to us and go through them one by one and then confess just as strongly:
you see me as holy and righteous in your sight.
You have forgiven me.
I stand as one cleansed of
ALL unrighteousness right now.”
If you haven’t yet worked through the material in chapter 19, please don’t skip it. Sequester yourself away where you won’t be interrupted and beg God to help you believe Him–that He forgives you and cleanses you of ALL unrighteousness. Then ask Him to help you to forgive yourself very specifically for anything that you think you may yet be resenting yourself for.
This is vital.
And please don’t assume this is a once for all process. We need to practice this daily…when I have a moment where I have given in to indiscretion, given way to my flesh, I quickly (without letting any time go by) confess again…both my sin and my praise and knowledge that as I confess, God forgives me and cleanses me.
This is the way we are to walk…applying His grace in the present moment…the power, pardon and provision for all that we need to believe that we have been redeemed and we are being sanctified!
Hey Heidi, you called out for a roll call and I have not been able to keep up with comments like I'd like, but I'm here! I'm still leading a small group through Thin Within, and our pace is MUCH slower, 1 chapter a week, so we're doing Ch. 10 this week. Last week, and every week so far, we have had great discussions and realizations–but for the past 5 chapters, it's grown discouraging for each of us. As a leader, I haven't known what to do with my own personal discouragement as I've trudged through week after week of seeming "failures" (maybe experiencing hunger 1 meal a day, but eating often without true hunger, and eating beyond it.) I have cried out for God to interrupt my independent way during the day to help me "wake up" and pay attention. I started out strong–saw a release of 10 lbs and then the trials and distractions gained ground, and I gained some back…but, I'm STILL HERE! I have tried a couple tools (food log), and put notecards around the house asking me if I'm hungry, what number, do I want to stuff emotions…and I've still given in to my flesh fairly regularly. And you are right, I "feel" like my sin is stronger than God's power! I'm "counting marbles" to help stay encouraged and not completely throw in the towel (realizing too, what am I "throwing in the towel" in and to? This is the life of the believer, learning to believe and letting go of old beliefs and ways!? Trusting in God to deliver ultimately–so nowhere to "throw"!) Hope of experiencing freedom from the pull of food and for released weight though has dimmed lately (and for the group, though I've continued to speak hopeful words to them). Last night I had confession time with the Lord and realized I had taken back a sense ownership of my body, believing I could do as I please, when I please, and knew best. HA! Yeah right, I wouldn't be desperately crying out to Him if I "knew best"! I committed ownership back over to Him as I went to sleep and woke with the same conviction that I am not my own. I do not know what is best, I do not get to treat my body however I please…I'm a steward. It IS hard for me to "feel" forgiven each time I confess sin for gluttony because it feels hollow…I "feel" so weak in my "correction" to not overeat again in just a few hours…it "feels" like I'm just blowing smoke around with God. In my head I hear "if you REALLY loved Me, You'd obey Me, and since you don't, you don't really love Me…" and that breaks my heart. I hear, "if you really wanted to obey, You would…" I hear, "…when you 'decide' to follow me, you will really pay attention, focus and 'get it', and the weight will follow…" I hear, "I can't obey for you. You have to choose Me, over the food. I cannot transform you until you let Me in and that's through obeying what I say to do." They have the appearance of wisdom and Truth, it's hard to discern shame from my own point of view sometimes. I "feel" stuck. I want to obey Jesus, in everything. Even if it means I don't get to eat the cheesecake everyone else is eating at the table because I'm not hungry, then I want to "lose the cheesecake" and "gain my soul". I can picture God transforming me IF I'm obedient…I can see my heart soaring, my mind being clear, weight falling off, etc.. But my obedience is unfortunately NOT something I can put my confidence in…I disobey regularly, confess 90% of the time, think and pray through correction about 60-75% of that time…and generally feel "guilty" at least 50% of the time. If God's ability to transform me is really limited by my obedience/disobedience, I'm in trouble. This is where I was at today, and then I read your recent entries on shame/forgiveness…life changing! I want to go meditate on this for a while, and though we're a ways off from Ch. 19, perhaps I'll go spend some time there tomorrow. I'm still here, still believing and learning new beliefs as I unlearn the old~ Bless you friend!Heather
Hey Heidi, you called out for a roll call and I have not been able to keep up with comments like I'd like, but I'm here! I'm still leading a small group through Thin Within, and our pace is MUCH slower, 1 chapter a week, so we're doing Ch. 10 this week. Last week, and every week so far, we have had great discussions and realizations–but for the past 5 chapters, it's grown discouraging for each of us. As a leader, I haven't known what to do with my own personal discouragement as I've trudged through week after week of seeming "failures" (maybe experiencing hunger 1 meal a day, but eating often without true hunger, and eating beyond it.) I have cried out for God to interrupt my independent way during the day to help me "wake up" and pay attention. I started out strong–saw a release of 10 lbs and then the trials and distractions gained ground, and I gained some back…but, I'm STILL HERE! I have tried a couple tools (food log), and put notecards around the house asking me if I'm hungry, what number, do I want to stuff emotions…and I've still given in to my flesh fairly regularly. And you are right, I "feel" like my sin is stronger than God's power! I'm "counting marbles" to help stay encouraged and not completely throw in the towel (realizing too, what am I "throwing in the towel" in and to? This is the life of the believer, learning to believe and letting go of old beliefs and ways!? Trusting in God to deliver ultimately–so nowhere to "throw"!) Hope of experiencing freedom from the pull of food and for released weight though has dimmed lately (and for the group, though I've continued to speak hopeful words to them). Last night I had confession time with the Lord and realized I had taken back a sense ownership of my body, believing I could do as I please, when I please, and knew best. HA! Yeah right, I wouldn't be desperately crying out to Him if I "knew best"! I committed ownership back over to Him as I went to sleep and woke with the same conviction that I am not my own. I do not know what is best, I do not get to treat my body however I please…I'm a steward. It IS hard for me to "feel" forgiven each time I confess sin for gluttony because it feels hollow…I "feel" so weak in my "correction" to not overeat again in just a few hours…it "feels" like I'm just blowing smoke around with God. In my head I hear "if you REALLY loved Me, You'd obey Me, and since you don't, you don't really love Me…" and that breaks my heart. I hear, "if you really wanted to obey, You would…" I hear, "…when you 'decide' to follow me, you will really pay attention, focus and 'get it', and the weight will follow…" I hear, "I can't obey for you. You have to choose Me, over the food. I cannot transform you until you let Me in and that's through obeying what I say to do." They have the appearance of wisdom and Truth, it's hard to discern shame from my own point of view sometimes. I "feel" stuck. I want to obey Jesus, in everything. Even if it means I don't get to eat the cheesecake everyone else is eating at the table because I'm not hungry, then I want to "lose the cheesecake" and "gain my soul". I can picture God transforming me IF I'm obedient…I can see my heart soaring, my mind being clear, weight falling off, etc.. But my obedience is unfortunately NOT something I can put my confidence in…I disobey regularly, confess 90% of the time, think and pray through correction about 60-75% of that time…and generally feel "guilty" at least 50% of the time. If God's ability to transform me is really limited by my obedience/disobedience, I'm in trouble. This is where I was at today, and then I read your recent entries on shame/forgiveness…life changing! I want to go meditate on this for a while, and though we're a ways off from Ch. 19, perhaps I'll go spend some time there tomorrow. I'm still here, still believing and learning new beliefs as I unlearn the old~ Bless you friend!Heather
Dear Heidi,I have gone back and forth to our summer camp, and have checked in but have not posted. I am still with you but a bit behind you in the book.I have had some trying times, and Satan is trying to discourage me, so far he has not won, but has made me stumble a bit.I will write you more about that in another posting. God is great, he gets us through everything, even discouragement, when we seek him. Sometimes though, it takes a bit to recognize what is happening.Satan can try but with Jesus, and his sweet sweet name we can defeat and fight and resist him.Keep me in your prayers, as I keep you and all in mine.Madaline
Dear Heidi,I have gone back and forth to our summer camp, and have checked in but have not posted. I am still with you but a bit behind you in the book.I have had some trying times, and Satan is trying to discourage me, so far he has not won, but has made me stumble a bit.I will write you more about that in another posting. God is great, he gets us through everything, even discouragement, when we seek him. Sometimes though, it takes a bit to recognize what is happening.Satan can try but with Jesus, and his sweet sweet name we can defeat and fight and resist him.Keep me in your prayers, as I keep you and all in mine.Madaline
Hi, Heather. I am so glad that you are still with us! 🙂 And thankful for you leading your group. A chapter a week is a great pace, truthfully. 🙂 I am so sorry for the spirit of discouragement that has been growing. This is one of those times when you have to have to have to (said three times for emphasis!) look at the marble jar! Have you captured ANY moments for the Lord? I know you have…HE knows you have. Try to celebrate those moments and declare them as evidence that He is working on you! He is finishing that which he began. YES, still hanging in through the trials is PROOF that God is doing a new thing. You have NEVER been in THIS place before. So it isn't the same as with a diet where we just look at our weight to see if we haven't made progress. God is working on your heart and your character. Not quitting is proof of some HUGE changes going on. You say that you are counting marbles, but I urge you not to let go of the encouragement that you find there…it isn't like you have a "black marble jar" where you put black marbles in each time you blow it and compare the two. NO! What do you think you believe about God right now, Heather? Do you BELIEVE that he can and will make huge changes in you? Or do you believe that you can outsin his grace?OH! YOu have hit the nail on the head! I think it is chapter 10 that challenges us do we have, at the root, an attitude of "This is my body and I can do with it what I please?" We have to bring this to the Lord. I, too, have noticed my own spirit of arrogance, minimizing things that I know aren't the best choice in favor of what *I* want…God wants what is best for me, for you…I wonder why we ever argue with him! Yet we do and even while we were sinners Christ died for us to demonstrate God's amazing love!Yes, SHAME is HUGE in deterring us! God is doing so much in you, Heather. That is so evident from your comments posted here. Don't let shame be thrown on you like an old, dirty coat…throw it off. Put on the new man…keep on believing God. Try not to look at the big picture…just look at THIS moment. Try not to see things as "I obey 50% of the time" as that makes us look at the WHOLE marble jar and forget to delight in the tinkle of the sound of one marble going in. Heather, I challenge you to try something radical..maybe you have…try to do a ton of praising God…gratitude for everything you can think of…several times a day. Start a gratitude blog…I found this flipped my life upside down!!!!! In a good way. LOL! I found that when I keep on grabbing at my own food and my own way, it really is about pride…MY way instead of HIS way. As I praise and thank God and allow Him to build gratitude in my heart for all kinds of things, it puts me in a place of humility…and I begin to demand less…It really is amazing! Let me know if you try this…or try it again. I think this is, along with forgiveness, one of the most LIFE changing things I have ever learned! Praying for you!
Hi, Heather. I am so glad that you are still with us! 🙂 And thankful for you leading your group. A chapter a week is a great pace, truthfully. 🙂 I am so sorry for the spirit of discouragement that has been growing. This is one of those times when you have to have to have to (said three times for emphasis!) look at the marble jar! Have you captured ANY moments for the Lord? I know you have…HE knows you have. Try to celebrate those moments and declare them as evidence that He is working on you! He is finishing that which he began. YES, still hanging in through the trials is PROOF that God is doing a new thing. You have NEVER been in THIS place before. So it isn't the same as with a diet where we just look at our weight to see if we haven't made progress. God is working on your heart and your character. Not quitting is proof of some HUGE changes going on. You say that you are counting marbles, but I urge you not to let go of the encouragement that you find there…it isn't like you have a "black marble jar" where you put black marbles in each time you blow it and compare the two. NO! What do you think you believe about God right now, Heather? Do you BELIEVE that he can and will make huge changes in you? Or do you believe that you can outsin his grace?OH! YOu have hit the nail on the head! I think it is chapter 10 that challenges us do we have, at the root, an attitude of "This is my body and I can do with it what I please?" We have to bring this to the Lord. I, too, have noticed my own spirit of arrogance, minimizing things that I know aren't the best choice in favor of what *I* want…God wants what is best for me, for you…I wonder why we ever argue with him! Yet we do and even while we were sinners Christ died for us to demonstrate God's amazing love!Yes, SHAME is HUGE in deterring us! God is doing so much in you, Heather. That is so evident from your comments posted here. Don't let shame be thrown on you like an old, dirty coat…throw it off. Put on the new man…keep on believing God. Try not to look at the big picture…just look at THIS moment. Try not to see things as "I obey 50% of the time" as that makes us look at the WHOLE marble jar and forget to delight in the tinkle of the sound of one marble going in. Heather, I challenge you to try something radical..maybe you have…try to do a ton of praising God…gratitude for everything you can think of…several times a day. Start a gratitude blog…I found this flipped my life upside down!!!!! In a good way. LOL! I found that when I keep on grabbing at my own food and my own way, it really is about pride…MY way instead of HIS way. As I praise and thank God and allow Him to build gratitude in my heart for all kinds of things, it puts me in a place of humility…and I begin to demand less…It really is amazing! Let me know if you try this…or try it again. I think this is, along with forgiveness, one of the most LIFE changing things I have ever learned! Praying for you!
Madaline, thanks for checking in. Lord, please be with us…there are so many discouragements facing us. I pray that you will not allow a spirit of discouragement to penetrate. I pray that we might look up, give praise and gratitude to you and exalt you. Help us to be in a place where we look to you for anything and everything, exalting you as the One who knows best. I pray for strength. Thank you for these ladies who are persevering. Please help us continue to hang in there. The enemy wants us to quit and we refuse to let him have his way. Have YOUR way with us, Lord! In the powerful name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!
Madaline, thanks for checking in. Lord, please be with us…there are so many discouragements facing us. I pray that you will not allow a spirit of discouragement to penetrate. I pray that we might look up, give praise and gratitude to you and exalt you. Help us to be in a place where we look to you for anything and everything, exalting you as the One who knows best. I pray for strength. Thank you for these ladies who are persevering. Please help us continue to hang in there. The enemy wants us to quit and we refuse to let him have his way. Have YOUR way with us, Lord! In the powerful name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!
Thank you Heidi, and I join you in praying and praising God, in the midst of discouraging voices! I will pray and explore how best to record gratitudes…a blog sounds like a great idea! I'm know that this IS the Lord's will for me (and all of us), to GIVE THANKS and PRAISE Him for His many blessings, and not to forget them. (My memory stinks when it comes to remembering good things and is an iron tank for the wayward ones! Time to be proactive about what I'm remembering!) Some Scriptures I read today are reinforcing these new choices: "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him!" Psalm 28:7"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber." Psalm 121:1-3"Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits, Who pardons all your iniquities; Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit; Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle." Psalm 103:1-5I think I'll be pulling my attributes of God from these passages today and will spend some time in intentional praise!In His grip,Heather
Thank you Heidi, and I join you in praying and praising God, in the midst of discouraging voices! I will pray and explore how best to record gratitudes…a blog sounds like a great idea! I'm know that this IS the Lord's will for me (and all of us), to GIVE THANKS and PRAISE Him for His many blessings, and not to forget them. (My memory stinks when it comes to remembering good things and is an iron tank for the wayward ones! Time to be proactive about what I'm remembering!) Some Scriptures I read today are reinforcing these new choices: "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him!" Psalm 28:7"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber." Psalm 121:1-3"Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits, Who pardons all your iniquities; Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit; Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle." Psalm 103:1-5I think I'll be pulling my attributes of God from these passages today and will spend some time in intentional praise!In His grip,Heather
Hi! I just got back from children's camp and had a great week learning 0-5 while there. I was so busy that sometimes I forgot it was "time" to eat until I hit 0! It was a great feeling. Also, I had a difficult time sleeping away from home so I listened to sermons that I downloaded onto my ipod. One went along with this chapter so well. I listened to it twice and I'm going to listen to it again today. One quote in the book really stopped me…"He wants to lift your countenance and raise your vision until all you can see is His face…" pg. 196This is what I want. To see His face and His alone…not all these other things in the world that are calling to me…Thanks, Heidi, for leading this. It has been a huge blessing to me and good accountability that I needed.
Hi! I just got back from children's camp and had a great week learning 0-5 while there. I was so busy that sometimes I forgot it was "time" to eat until I hit 0! It was a great feeling. Also, I had a difficult time sleeping away from home so I listened to sermons that I downloaded onto my ipod. One went along with this chapter so well. I listened to it twice and I'm going to listen to it again today. One quote in the book really stopped me…"He wants to lift your countenance and raise your vision until all you can see is His face…" pg. 196This is what I want. To see His face and His alone…not all these other things in the world that are calling to me…Thanks, Heidi, for leading this. It has been a huge blessing to me and good accountability that I needed.