The need to forgive runs very deep. It influences everything. It is pretty hard to live in the present moment if I harbor resentment for anything done an hour ago or a decade or three ago. Like so much baggage, it loads me down…
I am asking the Lord afresh…to please show me where a lack of forgiveness is hindering my walk with him. It is ironic…as I do this, there are fresh offenses occurring faster than my mind and heart can register…not to me personally, but indirectly affecting me profoundly.
I know that this is somehow intricately connected with my perception of myself, my value, my body, my eating. It is hard to be willing to “go there.” I believe that true forgiveness requires that I face full on into the offense and the wounds it causes…to allow myself to feel without the benefit of the “numbing agent” used previously…to ask the Lord to do the work he intends to do through the fires of this pain.
It is NOT fun.