This morning my heart is heavy. It ebbs and flows during this season of suffering. I can choose to cry my way through the minutes and hours, or I can choose to focus on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith. Right now, even as tears stream down my face, I know that I have a choice set before me. I can go inward into the pain I feel and focus on my disappointment, my pain, my heartache, my loss…Or, I can focus on my incredibly sufficient God who has promised never to leave or forsake me. This isn’t denial, but it is, instead, bringing to him all the heartache and loss, even as it surfaces.
So, right now, I choose to turn to a place in my Thin Within workbook (inside the back cover) where I have been keeping my running list of God’s attributes–what He is like and what He does for humans. I choose to use this list as a prayer to Him–right now–before my thoughts runaway with me and take me down an even darker path.
God, you are doing a new thing. I praise you. (Isaiah 43:18-19)
Lord, it blows me away that you desire intimacy with me. (Isaiah 40:12) Thank you.
I am your beloved, Oh, God. How precious is that to me right now to know that you love me so tenderly and so completely. How my heart needs to focus on that. (Jeremiah 31:3).
You draw me with loving-kindness. You will never reject my love for you or me. (Jeremiah 31:3)
Lord, you esteem me. (Psalm 5:3-8)
I thank you that it is your nature to love and that it gives you pleasure to do so. (Ephesians 1:5; Hebrews 12:2)
You are aware of my ever breath and thought (Psalm 139:1-5).
You work in me to do your good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13) Lord, I need that today because apart from that I know I will revert to trying to comfort my broken heart.
You draw me to yourself–you never push me away. You never tell me “Not now…” (John 6:44)
You pursue me.
You are my Maker. (Isaiah 54:5)
You are my Husband. (Isaiah 54:5)
You are Lord Almighty–there is no weakness in you. (Isaiah 54:5)
You are my God, “my Righteousness.” (Jeremiah 23:6)
You speak. (Jeremiah 1:4)
Your love reaches to the heavens. (Psalm 36:5)
You are faithful…your faithfulness stretches to the skies. Even if everyone else I know abandons me, you won’t. (Psalm 36:5,6)
Your unfailing love is priceless. (Psalm 36:7)
You invite me to take refuge in you. Oh, Lord, I choose that today. I need you to harbor me, to hold me close. I know apart from you, I will look to counterfeits. I am so very needy. I despise that neediness and the sinful ways I choose to stifle the cries of my aching heart. Thank you that you invite me close, even now. (Psalm 36:7)
Thank you that when I pray, you listen. Even now, you listen to my pleas, my cries. (Jeremiah 29:12)
You bring me OUT of captivity. Thank you for this promise. (Jeremiah 29:14)
You love me with an everlasting love and draw me closer with loving-kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3)
You are with me (Zephaniah 3:15)
You are mighty to save me, Lord. Please save me from myself today. (Zephaniah 3:12)
You take great delight in me even if no one else does. (Zephaniah 3:17)
You rejoice over me with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
You dwell in me, Lord…You are ever and always with me. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
You will completely satisfy my longing. Nothing else will do. (Psalm 73:25-26)
You, Lord, are the strength of my heart, my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25-26)
You want me to know you better. (Ephesians 1:7-ff)
You are my shield. (Deuteronomy 33:29)
You are my helper. (Deut. 33:29)
Lord, I could continue, but I must move from this place of quiet and rest today. May I take these truths with me. Thank you that you travel with me. There is no place I can go that is outside of your presence (Psalm 139). Help me to fear God more than I fear man. Help me to esteem your love for me more than I esteem the praises and love of man. Amen.