Approval Addicts…

“…rarely expect to achieve anything or to feel good about themselves. Because they have failed in the past, they believe their present failures only show how worthless they really are. They often become extremely sad and stop trying because they fear more failure.” The Search For Significance Workbook, p. 26

I was so convinced that keeping the weight off was merely a “fluke” after all the years/times I lost weight only to regain it. The two months of indiscretion that resulted in this current weight gain merely confirmed the lie that I have embraced as truth–that I will always be fat and will always fail at keeping weight off. The shame and sense of failure has resulted in wanting to eat more–the fat machinery. (Journal, 2-05-09)

Practical things I now choose to do to combat some bad habits that have resurfaced and to also help me to be more conscious:

1. Setting my timer for an afternoon quiet time…even if only a few minutes to be sure I am quiet before the Lord again.
2. Renewed commitment to the Keys to Conscious Eating (called “The Principles for Weight Mastery” in the Get Thin Stay Thin book).
3. Cutting my portions in half like I used to. Even if my portions seem small to me right now…if I am hungry again later, I can eat, but right now, I need to offer what I might normally eat as an offering to the Lord. I certainly won’t starve. Unlike others who have commented on the blog, I don’t mind eating smaller portions frequently if that is what it takes.
4. Any time I eat, lingering a while with hunger to assess if it is truly physical hunger. Even if I put off eating for 5 minutes and sit still with the Lord about it…that can help me to see if this is really hunger or not.
5. PUTTING THE SCALE out of the house. My clothes are a really good indicator to me right now if I wonder. I will be comfortable again in my Levis 🙂 if I release weight. But it isn’t like I don’t *know* if I am lying to myself about my eating. I know if I am eating according to hunger and satisfaction. I don’t need a scale to tell me and I don’t need even my clothes to tell me!
6. Drinking only water. For years I drank diet soda…no calories and all that “great” taste. I can’t switch to sugared beverages and not expect it to have an effect. I am trying to develop my taste for water. This is hard for me! 🙂

These are the practical things that the Lord has led me to do.

But the things that are harder to measure…like “I will process what is really going on…” I will do that, too. This blog is part of that, my journal is, giving myself permission to make my quiet time include this stuff instead of just studying the scriptures (which I love to do)…These things are vital, too.

Under grace we have the freedom to err, knowing that we are always cleansed by the blood of Christ. This keeps us out of legalism and the distorted thinking that says, I must eat this; I can’t eat that; I did it right; I did it wrong; I was good; I was bad. Such thinking is part of the diet mentality that keeps us focused outward instead of inward, where the spiritual battle of disordered eating must be won. Get Thin Stay Thin p. 90

Some mistakenly think that TW teaches that we can sin all we want–that this is grace! This is NOT the case. The truth is that because of the amazing grace of the Lord, I want to respond in obedience. My salvation isn’t dependent on my obedience. It is unbiblical to think that it is. It is by grace I am saved, through faith and even *that* is a gift of God so that no one can boast!

But when I DO err, this very grace that brought salvation to me is available to me now as well…Like Joe Donaldson said recently on the TW forums, grace isn’t something that is a one time event for salvation. It is there moment-by-moment. God extends this grace freely to me–not that I might sin, but also that I might not wallow in self-condemnation! How self-indulgent it is to beat myself up! He calls me to lift my chin, lift my eyes, and move on! To allow His forgiveness, purchased on the cross of Christ with His broken body and spilled blood, to wash over me…