My “boyfriend” 😉 for the past 26 years grabbed a pair of jeans from the Eddie Bauer outlet store shelf…placed them in my arms with other clothes he had selected. With a glint in his eye, he challenged, “…and try these on, too. But let me see you when you get them on!”
Didn’t my husband realize that these jeans–all of these clothes, in fact–were at least one full size smaller than any I have ever worn, even at my smallest? I have gotten XL shirts and tops for years. What was he doing handing me something with an “M” on it? And the jeans…didn’t he “get” that I am so much bigger than that? Didn’t he *see* that I wouldn’t look right in jeans of that style and size? How embarrassing this was going to be!
I miraculously slipped into the jeans (I now understand why stretch jeans exist!) and a top that he had selected and self-consciously emerged from the fitting room. He ogled me, which was uncomfortable on the one hand, but marvelous on the other hand! He said something about my “figure” and wearing fabrics and sizes to “show it off.” If his eyes hadn’t been on *me*, I literally would have thought he was talking to someone else. What he said, based on what he supposedly *saw*, didn’t match what I see when I look in the mirror. I wasn’t sure *what* to make of his compliments, but I decided that since God had ordained my matrimonial match with this man, I would go ahead and roll with it–and, perhaps, even enjoy it!
We had an amazing afternoon of shopping, purchasing more clothes than I have at any one time in forever…but ALL items that hubby specifically liked. Hmm…I could get used to this. If I ask him if I can shop for clothes, he sort of hems and haws about the money thing. But this time, I had coyly asked him if he would go with me and pick out a couple of things he might like…I ended up with a new wardrobe! SUCCESS! 🙂
When we got home, I made another appraisal of the things we had purchased–still surprised by the sizes and styles that he liked (are they making things bigger now? I have to think so!). I was struck by how differently my husband sees me than I see myself. I never would have guessed I was this wrong!
Months ago someone emailed me asking me to write a blog post about body distortion. I am not really sure I know what she meant, but I wonder if she meant that we sometimes think of ourselves differently than we *are*. I don’t know that I will ever think of myself as a women’s “M” – medium. I may always think of myself as a “large” woman…or Xtra Large…even XXL woman because I lived there so long. Based on what I discovered when I had hubby pick out clothes for me me…maybe my perception IS distorted. Maybe I am not seeing myself accurately.
Which makes me wonder about other things…How does Jesus see me? Do I see myself in a distorted way at a deeper level, too?
Do I “get” that I am not the “size” or “shape” that I have assumed? I am no longer SIN. Christ has done it all. He has won! He took my sin upon him so that I might BECOME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD! This is far more amazing than being a smaller size than I think. As great as that may be, to really grasp that what GOD says about me is TRUE–that I am the righteousness of Christ–this blows my mind. What if I were to *live* like I *believe* God about this? That I believe this to be true?
How about you? What would it make if you were to see yourself as God sees you–if you were to believe God? If you are in Christ, if you proclaim Him as your Savior and Lord, God says you *are* Christ’s righteousness!