Hebrews 12:1b
The video below may be very hard to watch. Supposedly no horses or people were permanently physically hurt or killed in this video (there is no bloodshed).
The video is of a pleasure driving class. Fancy clothes, fancy horses, fancy “buggies,” and a wreck. A BIG wreck…
Horses are prey animals. They are hard wired to think things are chasing them to eat them. The fact that they ever pull something behind them safely is an amazing thing. But, given one scary moment, what often happens is the switch is flipped in their mind and instinct to survive takes over. They aren’t just afraid they will be *hurt*, but are convinced they will be gutted and killed by whatever it is that is behind them (one reason I don’t think I will ever ride in something pulled by a horse).
What I see in this video is precisely what I have been doing in my life…Blinders on, racing through life, afraid of what seems to be chasing me. I don’t seem to realize that I carry it with me. I have wrecks constantly, taking out innocent bystanders along the way. Just what damage do I do…?
The safest thing is, of course, to stop the forward momentum–to be still. To allow my “Handler” to remove the cart, the baggage…and to free me from what ails me. He will remove the blinders, too. He will enable me to catch my breath, to see clearly…what I was running from like an out-of-control locomotive is something I bring with me. I have to let Him show me this or I will keep doing it…without meaning to.
I can blame others all I like, but the truth is…I bring it all with me. I must let it go.
This is what God has been doing in my life over the past couple of months…showing me that I have been bringing very “quiet” baggage into my life. I didn’t even know it was there, attached, stuck to me. Suddenly, when I DO realize something is there, I react! I want to run! I MUST escape!!!
It has affected how I have responded to circumstances (like doctor appointments or conflicts at church). I have been *reacting*…or what Get Thin Stay Thin calls responding “reflexively.” A knee-jerk sort of thing. In fact, with conflicts and struggles at my church, it has even caused me to want to escape…to run for all I am worth–JUST like the horses in this video. “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” Truly, safety is in the center of the ring with my Handler helping me to see that, when I am with him, all is well…the cart that is attached can be removed, the blinders removed…the baggage unpacked. I can be unencumbered. I can see Truth. I can breathe.
Heidi, the visuals along with your post say a thousand words. Lots of paralles in my own life.
Lindsay, thank you for your comments on the blog. It blesses me to know when something speaks to you in some way. I appreciate the continued connection. Hugs, Heidi
Those runaway horses are just like our maladaptive ‘schemas’ or mind states which consist of negative thoughts and feelings. Once an experience triggers those schemas, we may feel like those negative thoughts and feelings are chasing us. So we react with irrational and counterproductive behaviors in attempt to escape painful feelings. BTW I’m discussing my common schemas (deprivation, subjugation and failure) in my blog at http://healthywithin.blogspot.comSUE
Heidi,This spoke to me so much. Wow!! I have reacted this way many times in my own life. Thank God for using you and others like you to help people like me.Allison
I can very much relate to this! I have been going through a very quite season with the Lord, many changes and has forced me to be alone with God and REALLY get to know Him and He is showing me my heart! You have very similar story here to me, I have rushed so fast through life…and always looking to what is next, and what God keeps telling me is this “BE STILL and know that I am God.” Being still wow, so hard for me, I love reading your posts, thank you for your dedication to your blog. It speaks to my heart regularly! Blessings to you!