This morning, during my quiet time, I turned to Stormie Omartian’s book, The Prayer That Changes Everything. I often use this book to help me focus some praying time on praising God, using the sample prayers and verses to pray in a way that focuses my heart and mind on lifting God up and bowing humbly before Him. I don’t usually take time to reread any of the chapters in the book. But today, I noticed that my book mark was in the chapter on suffering loss, disappointment, or failure and knew it was more than a “coincidence.” My eyes fell on two paragraphs. Both were highlighted and one had the word “horses” written in the margin next to it. …no… definitely *not* a coincidence.

I want to share what I read there.

Can you think of a situation in your life when things didn’t turn out the way you thought they would, and it was such a source of painful disappointment that you were devastated? A time when you had big dreams or expectations about something, someone, or some situation, and then you were painfully disappointed when it didn’t happen?

The only way to survive these times of great loss, disappointment, or failure and see a reversal in what is happening is to surrender them to God, lift your heart and hands to Him, and praise Him in the midst of it all. Thank Him tht He is all-powerful, all-loving, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-caring, and all-encompassing. Thank Him that he is sovereign and knows the end from the beginning. What we see as going wrong is often God’s opportunity to do something great in our life. Our disappointments, losses, and failures don’t have to destroy our future. When we worship Him, we invite Him to rule instead. When we praise Him in our failure, He uses transforming power to work redemption and restoration in our life. He is a Redeemer and can redeem our greatest disappointments…*

Last night, I read my blog entry to my husband. As I read the part about what I wanted from Harley, I knew that what I wanted from Harley and from Daniel both…is …”to be normal.” What a heart ache this is to me. And it bothers me that it bothers me. I know that perhaps Harley’s role in my life is to continue to bring to the surface the truth about what I struggle with relative to Daniel. In fact, one line that I didn’t include in my quote from Stormie Omartian’s book above…the last one in the second paragraph I quoted says, “We will never be disappointed in Him.” Now I don’t know about Stormie, but I have been disappointed with God a million times. Perhaps I have no business feeling that way. Perhaps admitting that makes me among the dregs of Christian society. But God already knows how I feel. I can’t hide it from Him. He can take it, too. Frankly, I don’t think an entire book called Disappointment With God could be written or purchased by enough Christians to keep it being published if others didn’t feel this way. Admitting it is the difficult thing.

Lord, I offer you my disappointment this day. You know my heart feels so numb. So detached, so uninvolved…so…hindered. I feel dead in my heart. Please revive me. I confess that I have always been disappointed that Daniel isn’t “normal,” and I guess I thank you that Harley keeps reminding me that a lack of “normal” *offends* me…disappoints me. Lord, as warped as it sounds, I choose to forgive Daniel for not being “normal,” and Harley for being…well…Harley, too. You have created both of them. While my commitment to and love for Daniel is vastly different from my commitment and love for Harley, I know there are some parallels. Please don’t let me miss what you want me to see. Do you want me to become the person I need to for Harley? Will that somehow help me to become what I must be for Daniel, for…you, Lord? I need you so desparately. Not just to show me this answer, Lord, but then if it is to persevere with Harley to rise to the call of leadership…and to help me cease being so passive with Harley and with Daniel…and in life generally, Lord. I sure don’t like the things I have seen surface, Lord. Please forgive me for my arrogance, pride, independence. Please forgive me for hardening my heart all of yesterday when I should have prayed more to you, confessed my constantly thinking about food to you…and asked you to show me sooner what was going on. Today, Lord, I want to be different. My heart still needs reviving. These feel like words…they don’t feel connected to my heart yet. I trust you will make that connection for me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

* Taken from: The Prayer That Changes Everything
Copyright © 2004 by Stormie Omartian
Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR