Some may wonder why I posted the video in the previous entry. Merely because of just how powerful a thought it is to realize that Jesus laid down His very life for me to have freedom. If it is for freedom that I have been set free by the blood of Christ, I don’t want to settle for anything less than what he paid such a high price to give to me. I won’t let go until I am sure I have squeezed every bit of what Jesus wants for me out of life!
I am still at my friend’s house in Tulsa. I will be boarding a plane tomorrow morning. I will arrive back in California at 1:30 in the afternoon–about 6 or 7 hours after I depart (when you account for the time difference).
What awaits me in California has been hollering at me in email all week…
Mom Stuff.
Do any of you have an elderly Mom–with whom you may have had a tumultuous relationship growing up? Do you have a Mom who tries you? Who is, perhaps, a bit senile, maybe rude, very very needy and for whom you must bend over backwards?
My Mom is 83 and has been having a rough go of things the past couple of weeks. But it seems like all pandemonium has broken loose since I left. Thing is…this is the same Mom who is referred to in my testimony shared here in these pages. God has worked forgiveness in me, but it still tries me to the brink to deal with some of the things she brings on.
Most of the time, no…it is blessedly sweet, given our history.
But then there are other times.
So I go home, knowing that I may walk *into* a situation where my “flesh machinery” often kicks into gear. “Mom Stuff…” – dealing with my elderly Mom, the emotions that rage when feelings plague me that were birthed in my very dysfunctional childhood.
I know that the same King and Lord who chose to go to the cross for me infuses each moment I choose to set aside my will and my way with His blessing. Just knowing that I am serving my Mom…well, it is one of the rare moments I can choose to be like Jesus who gave himself for all mankind…even while we were yet sinners. To demonstrate so great a love.
So, I will return home prepared for what will hit–the flesh machinery that seems to lure me, draw me, to food when I am not hungry. I will resist and pray my way through knowing that if He could lay down his life for me (as one friend says), I know I can lay down food that I want when I am not hungry for Him no matter how strong the emotional pull.
I know through experience now that food will not make the agitation go away, but will only serve to make me more agitated, more irritable, more moody…not less. If I can walk through the coming trials with joy I am sure that I will experience “soaring on wings of eagles.” If I choose to wait on the Lord instead of rushing face first into a hot fudge sundae I know joy will be in that place…joy that lasts…
That is my plan.
Oh Heidi… I can empathize with the Mom stuff though haven’t dealt with it in the same way since Mom showed signs of Alzheimers. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
yes, i understand. I too have a mother who was the main source of disfunction in my childhood, I ended up raising myself for the most part. Now she’s getting up there, and is VERY needy, and a pure drama queen on top of that. You’re not alone. Hang in there!