Leaving town is always hard for me. I must admit that I worry too much about the animals. Not so much since Bo and Samson have passed away. But I do get concerned.

This time, I am leaving when I just got a diagnosis on Breezy–Old Reliable–our Tried and True trail horse. He has low level of Cushings *and* internal parasites. He is probably feeling pretty poorly. He is also not responding well to the tetanus shot he got on Tuesday.

I am in flesh machinery mode. I can feel it…that old familiar call…the lure of food to drown my sorrows in the taste of food. I know it is a lie to think that it helps. The problems and worries are still there when I surface after eating to numb out. So I won’t give in this time. I know it is a lure. I reject the lure. Only the Lord can comfort me in this. No food can, no diet cherry pepsi can, no human can. Only the Lord.

I think after all Breezy has done for me, for us, it is just really hard to imagine that his best years…OUR best years…are probably behind us. When I weighed 250 pounds, he is the one who carted me around bareback for 20 minutes at a time to get my horse fix (didn’t want to use a saddle as it would pinch too much to have my heavy load in a saddle and my behind spread out across his short back). He is probably not even 800 pounds soaking wet, but he has always been willing to carry me or my husband–even with a heavy western saddle. He has been more than willing, almost acting like he loved being out there as much as we did.

That is why we knew something was wrong when he began breathing heavier…asking not to trot on the trail…

I am so sad.

God created Breezy. This doesn’t surprise the Lord at all. I want to know what HE wants me to be and do, think, and say in this…and how to go on with the Thin Within retreat this weekend without being sad. Many horses die from Cushings. I know that we are catching it early, though we can’t start treatment until I return home…I am bummed about that, too. It feels like the longer we wait, the worse he will get.

I also need to research…

But no matter. The single solitary most important thing I must do is focus on the Lord. If I allow my feelings to define facts for me, I will find myself in a pity pit. If I choose to praise Him in this storm, I know that he will inhabit the praise of His people…me…and if he inhabits my praise, then he is with me…and the fact can, in turn, define my feelings anew. I know this. I choose to believe it.

I will praise Him in this storm.