A bundle of mish-mashed thoughts.
First, though…I had a wonderful ride with Harley today. My trainer and I went to a place with cows romping around. The upshot is, this was quite an adventure…and God put His peace upon Harley and in me. We did a little trotting and even moved the cattle gently. Harley seemed at one point to “lock on” to a cow and want to move him. All of this is such a miracle.
I believe that this is a parallel to new things God is doing in me and in my relationship with Daniel, too. You see, to Harley, the cows are like big bombad bad guys. Together, Harley and I can move them. As I provide boundaries and God-dependent leadership to Harley, he found confidence and his fears dissipated…as did mine.
I believe that the same is true for my Daniel and me. Daniel will face a lot of “big bombad bad guys”…a lot of “cows” in life. Right now, as I provide boundaries and God-dependent leadership, Daniel will find confidence and his fears will dissipate, too. Even as Harley’s did.
I know some of you who visit this blog have been praying. THANK YOU. I have found SUCH joy in my son in the past three days. Though having Asperger’s Syndrome, Daniel enjoys being cuddled and held so I have been doing a lot of that and a lot of praising him for as many things as I can. Daniel has just been beaming under this kind of attention. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS.
How does this affect my eating? In a HUGE way it affects me. My eating is impacted by my relationship with my son and my fears of Harley both. Facing into these things with delight, and relishing them for whatever God will choose to bring my way…agreeing with Him that I can stretch for what He invites me to become…there is peace and release in that. As I quit striving, the food thing isn’t quite the battle.
I am still not back at “stellar” with regard to 0 to 5 eating. There are yet tiny justifications (not really “tiny” at all). But these two are being offered to God bit by bit.
I will confess, I have thought about deleting some of my posts…the three about autism–accepting it or it being a gift from God or not. The last thing I want my posts to do is create shame in others or something else that the enemy can use. No way. I have felt that I should leave the posts, though. They are an honest chronicling of *my* journey. No one else’s.
My pastor called this evening and shared with me that he feels differently about some of these things. The way he put it resonated with me. There is a Divine Mystery associated with the will of God and what is “allowed” or what is “ordained,” what is “acceptable” and what is “perfect.” In reducing it to words and black and white labels, I have perhaps done myself a disservice.
If I can understand the way God works, if I can fathom “three yet one,” “free will and sovereign choice,” and other lofty mysteries…then I have basically reduced the Almighty down to my intellectual level. That is pretty scary.
So for now, I think He calls me, He perhaps calls you….to accept what has been given to us. To delight ourselves in HIM. Not in any earthly gift or condition or situation, but in HIM. I believe that the Lord wants to be the delight of our hearts. As John Piper says, God is most glorified in me when I am most delighting in Him. That is sufficient for me.
Lord, may I delight utterly, completely and with total abandon in you.