So, no sooner do I post that Anatomy of a Backslide than I get news from my vet that my 10 year old wolfdog rescue needs to get to the vet clinic and be hospitalized as his white blood count is up…he is terrified of going anywhere and I have the vets come *here* to vaccinate him or, like yesterday, take his blood. He is the only connection I have to the most wonderful Samson who passed away on July 3 2006…Bo was Sammy’s best friend. I just will not be able to handle leaving Bo at a vet clinic for tests…and overnight! Oh my goodness…
So I got that news on the phone and then ate brownies…
I ignored God’s voice.
I totally turned my back.
So here you have it…it is all unraveling…
All I need to do is fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith. All I need to do is pray, to cling to Him. All I need to do is hide myself in Him as my Rock…and yet that seems beyond me now…
Nothing like a dog returning to her vomit.
Observe and correct. Confess and Repent.
Lord, with an act of my will, I turn to you right now. I know that you want me to cling to you, to reach out to you, to hold on to you. EVERYTHING else is shifting sand. No human can do for me what you can. No animal, no matter how precious…No answers, no thing…only you. You alone have what my heart longs for. I have a God-shaped void within me, planted there by you and oh how great is that void right now, Lord. I confess that I have turned my back, shut my ear to your sweet voice. I confess that I have gone my own way…a way that I know leads to misery. I seek your forgiveness, your restoration, your solution. I want your will, your way in my life. NOTHING will have power over me except your Holy Spirit. I choose you, Lord. I choose only you. I confess that I have walked far afield of your will for me and I want to return. I choose to return to the path of God’s provision instead of my own performance. I know that you forgive. I know that you have promised in your word that you cleanse us of all unrighteousness when we confess our sin to you. I receive that cleansing now, Lord. Thank you for it.
You ARE doing a new thing right now. In the past, this turn back the way I have done this in the past week or so would spell disaster…but it WILL NOT MEAN THAT NOW. You are showing me freedom and I know you are showing me that now…even in the mistakes, even in the times when I choose my own way, you are LORD. You are sovereign. You are king. You are my Savior, my Shepherd. I welcome you to restore me now, Lord. I need that. Thank you. Take me, Lord…I want to be wholly yours. In Christ’s name and for His sake…oh and Lord…would you please heal my Bo-man, too? Please, Jesus. I entrust him to your care. He is so precious to me and I know you placed him in our lives…
Amen
