Some time back, Carrie from South Africa, shared an incredible story of God delivering her from an intense eating disorder that had kept her imprisoned for years. That postgives context to this one. Don’t miss it! 🙂
After getting to know Carrie a bit through the preparing of her testimony, I wanted to follow up with her about the God’s healing in her life. Today, I interview Carrie a bit and get her thoughts:
Heidi: Carrie, on November 4th we shared your testimony. So many people were greatly encouraged by your story. It is an amazing tale of escaping from incredible, long-term captivity to dieting and eating disordered behavior. How did you ever begin to break free when you were in so deeply?
Carrie: Thanks Heidi. I look back at that time in my life and it is incredibly dark. I sometimes wonder how on earth I managed to get out of it! You know, when you’re in that kind of bondage, you don’t realize how obscured your thoughts have become. I was just at such a place of exhaustion and hatred for myself, and I thought that Jesus surely didn’t die for me only to for me to live in such a hell hole. (Excuse that, but that’s what it felt like. Trapped.). So I think my desire for self preservation must have kicked in and I began to think about what I was thinking about. I know that sounds silly, but I knew that my thoughts weren’t right. All my disordered actions where coming from a disordered thought.
All I knew at that time about spiritual warfare, was that somewhere in the bible there was a verse that said that some things can only be broken by prayer and fasting. And so started my amazing journey of freedom.
Heidi: What did you sense God was leading you to do to change the disordered thoughts that were fueling the eating disorder that you struggled with so much?
Carrie: Well firstly I just want to say that I’m not a person who sees the devil behind every little thing. If the waiter is slow in bringing my coffee, I don’t automatically think the devil is behind it! LOL! But I’m also not of the school of thought that believes the devil is a fairy tale and doesn’t exist. The bible is full of references pertaining to the devil and his demons. In Ephesians 6:12, it says we are involved in an invisible war that has eternal implications.
So when I was in the midst of my fasting weekend [mentioned in the testimony], this verse kept on coming up, in almost every book I was reading: 2 Corinthians 10.3-5. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
And I thought, well how does this war work then? If it isn’t a war in the flesh, how does the enemy attack me? And how do I fight a fight I can’t see? I started to get filled with fear and cried out to God. There are verses that say we must just stand our ground and God will fight on our behalf, and then other verses that say that we must put on our armour and actively fight.
And I didn’t know what to do!! But God is so gentle and PATIENT!! It was like He was saying to me not to get my knickers in a knot, and just chill. I felt I needed to read and believe the verses in Isaiah 40. I realised that even though I was a saved, born again, Christian, I was being influenced by the works of the enemy. I think I had been so influenced by how “Hollywood” had portrayed “evil” and the “devil”. You know those terrible movies of exorcisms and evil stuff – that’s how we think the enemy operates. And I’m sure he does but he is a lot more subtle too. If he were to present his evil self at the get go, then everyone would be frightened off. So he whispered a thought to me, to put it into my thoughts. I don’t know what it was. Perhaps that I wasn’t good enough, or pretty enough. Or perhaps I have sinned so much, God will never love or accept me. I don’t remember what the lie was that I started to believe. But what ever it was, I “thought” about that thought, and then came into agreement with it. That’s the danger! As soon as I accepted that thought, the enemy had legal ground to start influencing more of me. I was horrified at this, when God revealed that to me. I got those knickers in a knot again and in the midst of my frenzied panic, I felt God say,”You are not fighting FOR victory. You are fighting FROM victory. There is victory through the cross of Christ (Colossians 2:14-15)
There is victory in the name of Christ (Mathew 10:1, Acts 5:16)
There is victory in the power of the Holy Spirit. (1 John 4:4)
Proverbs 23:7 says For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…..
So my problem was, I had no good thoughts about myself. I hated everything about me. God had now lead me to a place that made me realise that the thoughts I was thinking, were not from Him. But what now? (Although, just coming to that point was a miracle in itself!).
Heidi: So what did you do?
Carrie: I slowly picked up my sword and began the fight. The sword is the Word of God. It is what has brought me so far. In those early days I literally had to take most of my thoughts (and you have at least 1500 thoughts per minute!) captive. For example, I would walk past the mirror and instantly think,”Suck in your stomach. You are so fat.” I would catch myself while in conversation with someone. I’d suddenly find myself saying,”Ah man! I’m so stupid!” Or “I’m such an idiot!” I felt the Holy Spirit making me feel uneasy when I’d say these things. So the first thing God did was to let me know that my thoughts were not in agreement with His truth. The second thing, was the Holy Spirit giving me a sensitivity to what I was thinking and saying about myself. And the third thing was the picking up the sword, which is the word of God, and fighting the thoughts.
Heidi: What did that look like for you practically speaking, Carrie?
Carrie: In those early days I struggled a lot with fear. Behind everything I did or said, fear was the motivation. So I would literally ( and still do this) say out loud,” I rebuke you fear in the name of Jesus.” And when I said that, I would back it up with a verse. Something like: “God has not given me a spirit of fear.”
I did that with every thought I had. And I did it out loud. I must have looked a tad crazy. I would think,”This healing is fake. I will never get better. I’m useless and fat. No body likes me.” And even though I didn’t feel like saying the truth ( or even believe it), I would immediately say,”I rebuke that thought in the name of Jesus, because he says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He has plan for me that is good, to prosper me. Not to harm me.”
Heidi: Did that take care of it?
Carrie: In the beginning, I didn’t even believe the words I was saying. But I did believe in Jesus. And that’s all I had. As I took each thought captive that way, I found the attacks less and less. And my sensitivity grew more and more.
Just the other day, I was having lunch with a friend who is very beautiful and much thinner than I am. And all of a sudden, I start thinking I’m not a good person because I’m not as pretty. And while I’m not as pretty, I may as well go to gym tonight because I feel so fat and unworthy. I stopped myself right there and went to the bathroom. I started rebuking (softly… LOL!) and calling upon God. I find that if I know that I’m being attacked but I can’t think of any verse to say out loud, then I start to praise God. I sing full ball and out of tune ( usually in my car). My kids are use to this now. If I’m alone in my bedroom, I’ll put on some worship music and sing and dance before The Lord. Usually within minutes, I’m flooded with peace, and I realise how bizarre those thoughts were.
Heidi: What else can you share with us about doing battle, Carrie?
Carrie: I think one of the biggest lessons I have learnt, is what I need to do when I’m thinking things that don’t line up with what God says. In that moment, I’m in FULL agreement with my thoughts. I totally feel fat or stupid or less than. Or what ever it is. But the secret is – even though I totally feel like that, I go against what I’m feeling and replace those words and emotions with truth. I have got to do what is right even when it feels wrong.
Heidi: I call that letting TRUTH define my feelings rather than letting my FEELINGS define what I consider TRUTH!
So, Carrie…how do you think this is different (or similar) to the renewing of the mind that I have been crowing about here at the blog for so long? 🙂
Carrie: Hahahaha. Well Heidi, it is absolutely NO different to what you’ve been harping (LOL!) on about! Faith comes from hearing, so maybe the more we speak about it, the more people will confront it and fight.
It says in 1 John 4:4 and 5:4-5, that we are to claim Gods promises out loud. We need to take our authority and position in Christ to command demonic forces to stop their activity and depart. If you don’t know what your authority in Christ is, read Ephesians. (Particularly chapter 4).
What does this have to do with losing weight?
The way we think, what we think will have an impact on how we act. Many of you may just want me to share practical tips about how to eat 0 to 5 or how to handle being at parties, etc. I hope you do get practical help with the mechanics of Thin Within here, but constraining the outer actions will only last a short while before we boomerang back to acting like we used to… unless we change the way we think.
How About You?
By no means are Carrie and I saying that there is a demon under every rock and behind every bush. But the truth is, the Bible speaks about the warfare we fight. We are called to demolish strongholds of the enemy. The first line of attack in almost any struggle we endure is the MIND. Taking captive your thoughts and submitting them to obedience is vital. Here at the blog we have talked about Truth Cards, Truth Journaling, reading God’s Word, doing the Renewing of the Mind Bible Study, listening to Sound Cloud files, memorizing scripture, watching You Tube videos, adding songs and playlists to your mp3 player so that you can hear the truth wash over your mind throughout the day. What are your tactics for trading lies you believe with God’s truth? Are you stuck letting your feelings define what you think of as fact? Or are you letting what God says is true…true FACTS…define your feelings?
It is relatively easy to lose weight compared to learning to think differently. But it is worth it to learn to think differently. That is where lasting change is birthed!
Christina posted yesterday about the spiritual warfare she is experiencing lately.
I am in the trenches, too. Even though I may be a “veteran” and have been at this a loooooong time, I nevertheless go through seasons of difficulty. To be honest, this is the most challenging I have ever experienced.
As a result, I have been struggling with an ungodly behavior pattern in the evenings. It is a pattern of not caring nearly so much about obedience as I do to use food to deal with life…to cope!
My accountability partner challenged me to truth journal even several times each week, knowing that God has used it in such an amazing way with me in the past. I am so grateful for this challenge and have since decided that I need to do it every day.
To coddle myself into being willing to do this, though, I told myself when the urge to eat outside of my boundaries hit in the evening, “I can eat after I truth journal…” This is a strategy I learned from Barb Raveling in her Taste for Truth Bible Study material (have I ever confessed to you all that I wish I had written that study? LOL!). After I have truth journaled or used another method to renew my mind, I often don’t want to eat outside of my godly boundaries after all–which is, of course, the point. As warped as this sounds, this causes me to be more willing to truth journal. It is almost like in my old-way-of-thinking-now-resurfacing, I tell myself I get a food reward for truth journaling! Crazy, right? Especially given all the things I share here at the blog. By telling myself I can ignore :-/ my boundaries if I want to after I have done some of the nitty gritty renewing of the mind work, I end up being more willing to live within the boundaries God has established for me. After I truth journal, my heart has a different focus and I feel as though I have feasted. My hungry heart has been fed a rich, nutritious “meal” of what it really longed for.
In this pretty intimate video (that I have designated as “unlisted” at YouTube), I share with you as the struggle unfolds. I give you a glimpse into the battle that is raging for me (even by the light of the Christmas tree) and what I am doing about it in real time. I also tell what happened after I renewed my mind.
I hope it is encouraging to you. There is really no way around the hard work of training our minds to think differently. THIS will cause lasting change.
If you get blog notifications in email, you will have to visit the blog for the video to display correctly.
How About You?
What work are you willing to go to in order to REALLY beat the tendency to eat outside of 0 and 5?
In the last couple of days I’ve been struggling. I know part of it has been that I haven’t been renewing my mind as often as I need to be. Thoughts like this keep coming to my mind:
“Why does this have to be so spiritual?”
“Why do I have to think about this so much some times?”
“Why does this have to be so hard at times?”
“It was easier when _____, so maybe I should just go back to dieting.”
These are LIES! I’ve noticed that as I delve deeper into the Word and closer to the Lord in this journey, and the more I’m open and share the positive, godly message of Thin Within (with friends and on this blog), the more I am attacked. Friends, this is spiritual warfare!
The enemy wants me to quit. He wants me to feel like a failure. He wants me to feel scared of being vulnerable. And that just shows me that the message Thin Within has to share is a POWERFUL one because it is backed up by the Word of God. The enemy wants to put those shackles back on my feet, but I refuse!
Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1
I REFUSE to go back to slavery! I refuse to go back to focusing on food, to obsessing over food! Are you in this with me? Are you tired of the lies of the enemy like I am?
The Word of God is our weapon! Let’s raise up our banner. Let’s put on the full armor of God so we can withstand the attacks of the enemy! We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus!
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints. Ephesians 6:10-18
I will not give up!
But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved. Hebrews 10:39
Fight the good fight of faith!
Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12
I realize that if I’m not spending time reading through my truth cards and renewing my mind, that I become vulnerable to the enemy’s attack. It’s becoming so ever clear to me how important it is to fight this battle with the Word of God. I am defenseless without it!
My battle plan: to be in the Word, to pray, to thank the Lord, to read my truth cards, to renew my mind, to keep pressing on!
Program Revelation Within (formerly Thin Within) focuses on physical, emotional. mental, and spiritual aspects. All four need to be addressed in order for us to be whole! Physically, we get to know our bodies and the signals they give us. We want to be...
What does success at Thin Within look like to you?
Like many, when I first stumbled upon Thin Within, I was looking for a way to lose weight. Sure, I wanted to do it in a way that honored God, but really… I just wanted to drop some excess weight and fit into a smaller pants size. And God was faithful, He drew me closer to Himself and He also allowed me to release 40 pounds.
If you read my post on Failure, you’ll know that in the years since first coming to Thin Within, I have regained 30 of those pounds back. And during that time, God has really been challenging me on how I define Success and Failure with Thin Within. In the last 4 months through my coaching with Heidi, I have been able to take a hard look at how I’ve set my standards for what success really is.
In these past fruitful months, God has revealed to me over and over that success with Thin Within is about so much more than just releasing excess weight. It started slowly, but I could hear Him whisper to me each week that went by, “What if my definition of success is more than just losing weight? What if that is just a small piece of the pie?”
He began to show me that success really meant having daily quiet times with Him. Success was about surrendering my selfish ambition, my pride over appearance and my self-centered efforts to release weight. Victory took the form of me depending on him in humble submission on a daily (and often minute by minute) basis. Success was committing to praying against the enemy’s attempts to throw me off track with Thin Within. Victory was inward change in my heart that was reflected in my outward actions.
And as the weeks have turned into months He has shown me more and more about what true victory in Thin Within really looks like. There are so many wonderful ways we can experience success with Thin Within. And I just can’t keep all of these things to myself! Consider the many ways we can experience victory in Thin Within through Christ.
Success is saying no to a second helping when you’ve reached a 5
Success is getting back on the horse if you’ve fallen off
Success is dying to yourself
Success is seeing your faith deepen and your walk with God strengthen
Success is listening to your body and obeying its hunger signals
Success is asking God to help you get through that all-you-can-eat buffet
Success is defeating Satan’s attempts to steer you in the wrong direction
Success is seeking the Lord’s face each and every day in prayer and through His word
Success is rejecting preventative eating
Success is not allowing a “slip up” or failure to hold you down
Success is seeing that your body actually thrives within 0-5 boundaries
Success is being set free from food’s power over you
Success is overcoming a stronghold for the very first time (hallelujah!)
Success is not letting yourself fall into shame if you ate from 6-9
Success is seeing changes in your heart, not just your appearance
Success is running to Him in prayer when you feel tempted to start eating and you’re at a 3
Success is spending just one day where every meal was eaten between 0-5
Success is setting aside attempts to lose weight through your own power
Success is honoring our bodies with foods that make us feel energized and satisfied
Success is giving all the glory to God when you release even a tenth of a pound
Success is allowing His power to work through your weakness
Success is walking in humble dependence on God in this journey
Success is overcoming a challenging situation for the first time (0-5 on Thanksgiving Day anyone?!)
Success is breaking a bad habit
Success is seeing the fruit of Observation and Correction
Success is realizing you are being set free from bondage, one chain link at a time
Success is when Thin Within becomes more about growing closer to our Savior than dropping a pants size
I believe that God absolutely positively allows success to also include the release of excess weight. I’m living proof of that. (Editors Note: Becky has released ten pounds in the past four months!) But that is just one small piece of the victory pie! There are so many other pieces of the pie that He cares more about…like how our hearts are being transformed and how our minds are being renewed and how we are being drawn closer to our Creator.
How about you?
Have you experienced success with Thin Within other than releasing weight? Has God shown you any other pieces of the victory pie in addition to weight loss? Have you experienced freedom from strongholds or broken a bad habit? Did you see anything on the list of successes that you didn’t even realize were successes? Let’s celebrate those together!
