by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 7, 2010 | Blog
I woke up this morning and had a good time with the Lord before focusing my attention on a challenging physical workout. By 8:15am I headed to a nice, long, luxurious bath–which always seems to be where I am still enough long enough for God to really get through to me. I heard him as clearly as if it were an audible voice (it wasn’t). Would I choose to forgive? Or will I only write about it?
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances
you may have against one another.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
And over all these virtues put on love,
which binds them all together in perfect unity.
– Colossians 3:12-14
In all my years, I have had the challenge of forgiving many things, but never have I been in a situation where it is likely that I would be called to continue to forgive someone(s) who would continue in their behavior without repenting or even being sorry. This is a first. (I have led a charmed existence, I realize!) Forgiving everything else–even for things that have wounded me deeply–seems mild in comparison. There is something challenging to my core about choosing to forgive something/someone(s) that is/are likely to be ongoing. And to know that Jesus calls me to forgive not 7 times, but 70 times 7 (the equivalent of an infinite number of times).
But if I am to pursue Christ, if I am to live as He calls me to, I know that I am without an option here. To choose not to forgive–even in the midst of ongoing wrong–is not only to resign myself to a life of anger and bitterness, but to deny Christ what he requires–that I forgive just as in Christ God has forgiven me.
How have I been forgiven? Constantly, repeatedly, even when I haven’t been sorry or truly repented. He paid for ALL my sin once for all. Not only that, but he has attributed righteousness to my account. This is unbelievable!
Look at these statements that come from Colossians 3:
1. I am chosen
2. I am a dearly loved child
3. I am wearing different clothing – that of compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility and patience
4. The Lord forgave me
When I am aware of my identity as a chosen, dearly loved child, when I have cast off the clothing of my past with sin, shame, and vengeance, when I wear, instead, the clothing of Christ, when I am in touch with my own identity as a forgiven child myself…wow. Then I can only follow the Lord in His example and choose to forgive as well. How could I say no to him?
There is a sense where this step of forgiveness is as letting the one doing the wrong “off the hook,” but the truth is, what I am really doing is letting go of my “need” to control things. I am ultimately just prevailing upon God to take what is going on and to be God even in this. I am daring to believe that God will have his will and his way in me and in the one committing the wrong(s) and I believe, say, act: “It is well with my soul” and trust God that it will in actual FACT be “well with my soul.” (Huh…imagine that!)
The pressure is off, though. I am free from having to be clever and witty enough to convince the other of their wrong. I just let God be God in it and let His Holy Spirit move in His way, in His time. It doesn’t mean I don’t speak the truth in love, but once spoken, I allow the Spirit to be the HOLY Spirit and I step aside. Sometimes, it is all too easy to try to be the Holy Spirit for another brother or sister in Christ. I have to have to have to let go of my longing to control my world and the people in it. They are not pawns for me to do with as I please.
I don’t want to be hurt. And, certainly, there are times when godly boundaries must be established relative to repeat offenses. God alone can direct in each individual situation. Situations of physical abuse, for instance, or illegal activity–there is little question that these call for godly boundaries and quite probably getting out of the situation entirely (at least temporarily). There are still other situations in which the biblical mandate calls for bringing someone with me to lovingly confront the one sinning. If there is no repentance, then there are other steps that follow in succession, but even in these situations, we choose if we will forgive…or not.
In light of how great my sin has been and, even, continues to be today, how could I say no to the Lord when he asks me “Will you choose to forgive, child?”
Even as I stretched out against the jets in my tub this morning, the atmosphere muted by soft blue light and the sounds of nature music, with an act of my will I released my way — I said “Yes, I choose to forgive,” to the Lord…His peace descended and confirmed a thousand times over that what I chose in that moment of dying to myself was a gift–not to the one who needs forgiveness and doesn’t yet accept that–but to me. It was a gift given to me. A gift paid for by Jesus. Yes, his forgiveness OF me is a gift to me, most certainly, but I don’t think I ever realized just how much Him working in me to forgive another is a gift to me as well. I sensed shackles falling and my spirit rising. Truly, from the ashes I rise as I choose to forgive.
Practically speaking, I find myself not nearly so agitated, not wandering into the kitchen so often, not wanting something to numb my pain. Forgiveness really is the “magic bullet” for me in so many ways. I know that this process has only just begun during this season of my life, but I will choose to practice forgiveness again and again as often as I have opportunity. How could I say no?
How about you? Are you willing to let go and forgive…now?
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 6, 2010 | Blog
Forgiveness is a powerful thing that has a tremendous influence on whether I will walk in victory in the area of food and eating.
When I don’t keep short accounts by readily extending forgiveness to anyone who I perceive as having wronged me, I find that I am on edge, irritable and ready to eat at any given moment for any given reason! Maybe I am just nuts (probably), but for some reason, when I haven’t forgiven even something as simple as a rude clerk at the grocery store, it sets me up for a fall relative to my godly food/eating boundaries. Perhaps it is because I learned to numb pain with food while still very young.
Many of us are in situations in which we have to choose to forgive even while the offender might yet continue to offend. For instance, if our parents are still alive and we have an ongoing relationship with them, we may have to face a disapproving spirit, knowing full well that they may never BE repentant, or truly change. They aren’t sorry and may not even know they judge us so harshly. We get to choose to forgive even those who will continue to wound us, even those who are not repentant…
This is a challenge for me.
Yet my example is Christ. Jesus prayed to the Father: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” in Luke 23:34. He was willing to extend forgiveness to those who were being brutal to him, even while they chose to continue their sin. In fact, Romans 5:8 says that God demonstrates his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for the ungodly. Christ chose to die for the very ones who wronged him. Not only did he forgive them and plead with the Father to forgive them, but he died so that this could happen.
In other words, there was no waiting for them to be repentant first. Christ forgave even as the wrong doers continued to do the wrong.
And he died by their hand even after he forgave them.
I am called to forgive–even those who will continue to wrong me. I don’t wait for everything to be perfect before I forgive. If I am to follow Christ’s example, I will forgive now. The offender may not know the difference or care, but it will radically affect me. It doesn’t let them off the hook (Jesus’ murderers had to answer for what they did), but it causes me to be freed from their control. *I* am the one who needs to forgive for *my* sake!
How about you? Can you relate? When you have built up accounts–haven’t forgiven as readily as you should–do you find that it affects your behavior–your eating? Who do you need to forgive today?
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 27, 2010 | Blog
God has seen fit that this will be an extreeeeeeeme testing season for my family. I have never seen the fire turned up on us in quite this way and never seen so many of my own impurities surface. It is devastating to see just how ugly I can be (or is this only scraping the surface?! )!
Yesterday, I felt like I couldn’t handle even one person at church asking me that dreaded question: “How are you?” I am honest. I can’t handle saying “Fine” if I am not fine. Even if I am feeling a bit off, I don’t like to say “Fine,” let alone when I feel like my world is caving in…which I do…right now. (Note: If you are one of our church family, please know I love you dearly. Your hugs and prayers mean so much to us right now.)
So, I decided I was heading to an early service at a church some distance away.
You see, I had spent a very challenging night wrestling with God over big issues–over faithfulness (my imperfect perception of his as well as my own), forgiveness and my developing hatred toward other people (don’t worry, if you are reading this blog, it is doubtful you are one of them!), to name just a few. Yes, it is true! And even these words seem to sanitize what was really going on during the middle of the night. I had it OUT with God and it is amazing to me that I wasn’t given what I “deserve,” all right. I demonstrated in the dark of night that I am totally worthy of hell–my heart is so black. And even now, as I consider what transpired, I see I yet cherish sin in my heart. Oh, there is SO much work to be done…so much purifying. Why He tolerates me is beyond me.
People ruin their lives by their own foolishness
and then are angry at the Lord.
Proverbs 16:3 (NLT)
Anyhow, with 100% attitude and 0% humility, I burst in on my family members’ sleeping reverie at 6:30am and announced to them we were going to an 8:15am service 40 minutes away so they had 45 minutes to get ready. (What a treat to be greeted by a mom like that on a Sunday…sheesh!). We normally attend a service here in our town five minutes from our home that starts at 10:30am.
Sherwood Carthen was the special guest speaker and he delivered a message which God, in spite of my arrogance, used to slap me (lovingly) upside the head. The question that brought me to the end of myself was, simply, “What am I pursuing? Godliness? Or happiness?” (It is related to the question asked a couple of days ago and echoing in the empty corners of my mind ever since…”Is Jesus enough for me?”)
In my anger and frustration with the trials I am currently facing, with my threats to God about how I intend on handling what he has ordained for me, it is clear that I feel happiness is not only my priority pursuit, but it is my RIGHT. This is defective. I know this. Even on a day when I am dim and lacking sleep I know this. But God somehow moved in and exposed just how selfish and superficial my insistence has been that I have things MY way. This simply isn’t pursuing godliness. Not even close. Even when the things that I insist on seem good, godly, wonderful, biblical, and like God has given them to me. (OUCH!)
I was broad-sided — if tears were equal to repentance (they aren’t), then I would be in good shape for a 180 degree turn and transformational shift in my paradigm. I realize right now, so many hours after hearing the message, though, that I still have an attitude toward the Lord about the things that are going on in my life.I need to invite God to soften my heart and remove the calluses on my heart that are building by my rebellion.
What will I do with the message God personally made sure I heard this morning? I believe with all my heart that I am accountable for what I hear. Here is an outline of what Sherwood Carthen taught:
When Happiness is my Pursuit:
- Anything is ok – there are no boundaries, no limits (this addresses things I dared to “threaten” God with during the night!)
- It often ends in frustration and blame (I am blaming a whole bunch…when all else fails and no one else is around to blame, I have been blaming God…)
- God is not the priority – This one is trickier because it sure seems like “I HAVE made you my priority, God!” But I think it comes back to that old thing of making God’s gifts the priority. This can be subtle…very subtle. Even my “right” to a “quiet time”…that sounds so wonderful, but the fact is, quiet is a gift. A sense of His Presence is a gift, too. Do I esteem the Giver of the gift as much as the gift? If I don’t feel Him, or the Word seems devoid of feeling, will I still trust He is here and that is precious enough? Or do I insist that He “behave” in a way that meets with my approval? Who is God here, after all?
When Godliness is the Pursuit:
- The Spirit of the Living God changes the way you think – I really needed a change in my thinking in the wee hours of the morning…and I still need changes in my thinking…NOW. Pursuing godliness will ensure that I allow the HOLY Spirit access to my thoughts.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world,
but let God transform you into a new person
by changing the way you think.
Then you will learn to know God’s will for you,
which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Romans 12:2 (NLT)
- Training for godliness is a priority – recently, I have begun to give more attention to fitness. Not in an inappropriate way (yet), but in a way that I believe is best for me. I want to be stronger and have better cardiovascular health. Am I making my training in godliness the priority (at least) that I am my physical training? I don’t just mean having a quiet time. But am I considering all of life–the moments that challenge me–an opportunity to train? I do this when someone does something that wounds me and choose what I will say or do in response. I have a chance then to “train” myself in godliness. Or do I “indulge” myself in doing whatever I want in those moments?
- contentment is produced – this is a sweet promise, and absolutely true.
Therefore, the goal in this life:
- …is NOT happiness. This is a no-brainer, really, but nevertheless, I realized as I listened that it was precisely what I had been insisting upon. I had elevated my happiness to the place of “idol.”
- …nor is it heaven (heaven is a promise for those who are in Christ).
These points ALL spoke uniquely and personally to my personal “bullet points” laid out for God during the late night and early morning hours. In fact, God couldn’t have responded more obviously to much of my tirade had he spoken audibly at the time.
How about you? Can you relate at all? Is happiness your primary pursuit like it has been mine? Have you found yourself frustrated and blaming others (or even, like me, blaming God)?
Let’s allow God to change our focus and our priority. He will change our thinking and we will experience contentment.
In what ways might this impact your eating or your view of your body? I know it definitely impacts me in this way!
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 13, 2010 | Blog
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
Psalm 84:5-7
Typically, when someone comes to this blog, it is because they want encouragement with regard to their desire to change physically. Many (most?) visit this blog unhappy with the size or shape of their physical bodies. And this is the way it often begins. God gets our attention with our food or eating…and then the journey begins and sooner or later we discover that it really isn’t about food, eating, or body size/shape.
This is because (I guess) most of us realize that the physical condition in which we find ourselves is typically just an outward manifestation–a barometer, if you will–of something that is going on at a deeper level. “Within.”
We know almost intuitively that there is some inner churning or unworkable beliefs that have brought us to this place–this place of dissatisfaction with where we are.
So I ask you…are you ready for pilgrimage? Are you ready to move forward with the Lord? At some level, you must be! I don’t think you would be here at this blog if that wasn’t the case. So welcome! Let’s link arms together.
Question #1: Take a minute and answer in your journal or even here in the comments if you like–Describe that place from which you wish to “depart.” What are you hoping to leave behind as you move forward in your walk with the Lord?”
I am at an unusual place. I have found myself in a similar place only one time in my life–and that was over ten years ago. I struggle a great deal feeling like I am here, again, now…when I should be ten years farther down the road. It is my hope that I will understand God’s view of this “do over.” I want to leave this place in the dust–permanently. This is a place of uncertainty. It is also a place where old habits and mind sets with regard to food…things that I thought were ancient history…are again in my face! Emotions are raging and with that has come an ancient, yet somehow strangely familiar, feeling–that of being drawn to food for comfort.
This time, I have boundaries and I am not throwing these safeguards aside–at least not entirely. I know to do that would be to court disaster physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Nevertheless, I really hope that I will leave this “place” … and SOON.
My heart is SET on pilgrimage. Is yours? 🙂 Dictionary.com defines “pilgrimage” this way: a journey, esp. a long one, made to some sacred place as an act of religious devotion…
So, “journey” implies a starting place, a place I LEAVE, and a destination…that place to which I go.
I am ready! Get me OUT OF HERE! 🙂 Beam me up, Scotty!
Question #2: Based on Psalm 84:5-7 (the verses above), what does God’s Word say about the person who sets their heart on moving forward with Him—on pilgrimage?
What do you see in this passage about that? If you set your heart on pilgrimage, what does this passage seem to promise?
In the past, you may have focused on garnering up self-control or self-discipline to get your weight under control. However, according to Psalm 84:5-7, the one who is truly blessed finds strength where?
How does this promise make you feel?
Question #3: What have you done in the past to get your “weight” under control? What are tactics and techniques to which you have resorted?
If you are like most of us, this doesn’t just include dieting and exercising, but it also includes some pretty physically unhealthy behaviors…maybe purging, using laxatives, throwing up, or not eating at all! If you feel so led, share with us what techniques, tactics, and dieting strategies you have relied upon. What were the consequences of resorting to these things?
If you are like me, you may have been enticed by the promise of freedom that obsessive counting, exercising, weighing and measuring offered, but freedom was *NOT* the result–even if you lost weight. I will never forget how thrilled I was to be thin after a year with a popular weight loss program…but my heart was ensnared more than ever before. After a year of fixating my attention on food and weight, that was all I could think about. This was NOT freedom!
Thin Within throws all of the “wisdom” of the world out. Everything that “makes sense” to us…well…God may have us toss aside and do something entirely different. I dieted for years and years. I was “good” at it, too! It wasn’t until I gave up all my dieting “wisdom” and exercising knowledge and began to listen to the Lord and what he was leading me to do that I could begin to be at peace and become healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
So, is your heart set on pilgrimage? Are you ready to leave everything you thought you knew behind and allow God to transform you inside and out by the renewing of your mind?
Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world,
why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules:
“Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”?
These are all destined to perish with use,
because they are based on human commands and teachings.
Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom,
with their self-imposed worship,
their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body,
but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Colossians 2:20-23
We are heading on a journey where God will teach us more about ourselves and about Him than we may expect. It will be a wonderful, wild, and terrifying journey. I can’t lie to you. But he provides us the strength we need. Let’s depend on Him.
by Heidi Bylsma | Aug 19, 2010 | Blog
WHOOO HOOO! I am celebrating!
After the mishaps with my doctor (actually a nurse practitioner) during the past month (of which I wrote briefly in the previous blog entry) and since I have never been very happy with my doctor there, I asked for recommendations from local friends and got one for a doctor who also happens to be a Christian man. Yay! I met him today for the first time.
I must confess that I called my previous doctor “Dragon Lady.” I have written about her here, here, and here.
There can be no doubt that I needed to get a new doctor a LONG time ago. But it took the medicine mishaps of the past month to get me to finally do it! It was scary what they were doing to me with prescriptions!
So, today, I had the joy of meeting Dr. Vince Licata. He smiles. A LOT. Nothing like Dr. Dragon Lady! In the course of conversation, do you know what he said to me? He actually referred to me as being about at my ideal size…he didn’t even LOOK at the number from being weighed today! (Neither did I, given my current insanity.)
I LOVE THIS MAN! He just looked at ME. He mentioned that I was clearly “athletic.” Can I KISS him, now?
Why was Dr. Dragon Lady so mean?
I certainly don’t see myself the way the new doctor does, but (pinch me, please!) this man is now my DOCTOR! I can die happy! LOL! I mean, if *anyone* could give me a non-biased, but professional, objective opinion, I think it would be him. It isn’t like I went shopping for a doctor who would say these kind of nice things to me. 🙂
How about you? What non-biased, objective statement might someone use to describe you? Is it possible that others see you very differently than you see yourself? As with my former physician, are there “unsafe” people in your life that God might want you to get distance from to act on godly boundaries?
