Thoughts as I head off…

by Heidi Bylsma | Jun 2, 2009 | Blog

Just a reminder: My blog entries may be daily, but please don’t feel like you have to visit the blog each day, read every word or answer every question. Be gentle with yourself! Ask God what level of participation he has in mind for you and then ask him to give you the strength to do what HE wants…no less, but also NO more! Ask for him to help you NOT to beat yourself up if you feel you haven’t “kept up!” He will use whatever time and heart you invest in this process!
======

Wow. I so enjoyed beginning my reading yesterday. Even as I read the acknowledgments pages and the About the Authors…I was touched that the Lord raised up the Hallidays to bring this material to the printed page.

I was also reminded about the blessing that God gave me…when I was so deep in my own struggles, that he invited me to participate with the Hallidays as the collaborator with them on the book. I bring this up not to elevate myself to you. NO! Please don’t put me on any kind of pedestal. I just want you to know that, given where I was when I was invited to participate, that there was NO merit in me–not writing ability, not a “successful” track record…nothing–it floors me how gracious and merciful our God is. He is with EACH of us. Every time I think of how I had the privilege of participating in the Thin Within book project and it was so clearly ALL about God and not at all about me, I am reminded that he calls the things that are not as though they are (Romans 4:17 – read the context, too…it is amazing!).

He loves to take what we think we “know” and surprise us in a huge way with just how awesome he is.

I hope you will take this as encouragement on this journey. Whatever you may think you “know” about yourself…forget it. 🙂 God knows better. He is calling the things that are not in your life as though they are, because in him, he can speak it into existence! THIS is the God we serve!

In the acknowledgments pages, I underlined things like these: “gratitude,” “faithfulness of our sovereign God,” “His message of freedom and hope,” “freedom in Christ,” and “inerrant Word of God.” As I mentioned previously, these kinds of things in the opening pages allow a reader to sort of “get to know” the authors.

In the “Meet Judy Halliday” section Judy says that she has joy, peace, and contentment relative to food, weight and her body. In recent months, when I have spoken with Judy on the phone about my own struggles to accept my body as it has changed without the help of tons of caffeine each day, she has encouraged me so much…She reminded me first that perhaps this IS my GOD-given size. What grace she expresses. I needed the reminder…

I share all of this because the very grace this author teaches in her book, she expresses and offers. That says a lot.

This time, as I read Judy’s testimony, something hit me that has never hit me before. I share this with you all here in keeping with my commitment to be honest on this journey…She speaks on page x about Thin Within becoming her identity. She says:

“It was my family and my passion, which I served seven days a week. Thin Within had become my god. I deified it just as I had deified food and exercise. I was without a weight problem, but I was not really free. I had simply changed addictions!”

I believe this is what happened to me relatively recently! I had allowed being a “poster child” for Thin Within to become my identity…and in many ways, I had deified that role…YIKES! Reading the words on the page yesterday, my heart testified as to the truth of this in my life!

I want to maintain a godly perspective…a deep awareness of the blessing that God has called me to participate in His ministry to people through Thin Within, without elevating Thin Within or the Hallidays improperly. Balance in all things…an appropriate focus.

Judy says on page xi:

“…my performance had nothing to do with my identity; it was about Him giving me a new heart.”

This little statement hiding in the About the Authors section is powerful! So often we bash ourselves about our performance. When I gained some weight after giving up my caffeine addiction, I did this very thing. I allowed myself to be obsessed with my “failed performance” and all I thought it said about me…If you had asked me, I would have told you that of course this isn’t all about the physical body. And yet, somehow I had made it be about that so that when my physical body changed, I felt like a failure.

God is at work doing a heart transplant in each of us. I have found that he is perfectly willing to allow me to come to the end of myself in order for me to see that my focus is wrong…that I have clung to something that is out of his will for me. Even GOOD things can steal our heart if we allow it!

In Dr. Halliday’s biography section, he closes with something that ties in perfectly to these thoughts and I just have to challenge each of us with these words…

“God loves us and accepts us as we are and where we are right now. He will gladly enter the life that is surrendered. He doesn’t wait for us to get it all together first.”

God chose to give us Jesus while we were yet sinners. Why do we act like he disapproves of us when we sin? He disapproves of the sin, yes…but he totally loves and accepts us! Oh, that we would ALL believe GOD about what HE says to be true of us!

Thoughts for you to ponder (this is optional!):

1.) Is there anything that you have “deified” like I did Thin Within? It may even be a good thing that has too elevated a value in your life. Prayerfully take this to God.

2.) How likely are you to get a sense of your identity from your performance, be it performance trying to lose weight, or any other thing that you may strive to do well? What do you think you should be aware of about yourself and this tendency as you begin this journey?

3.) Do you believe God? Not believe IN God, but believe God–believe what he says about you? Do you believe that, if you have come to Him through Jesus, that you are now 100% acceptable to him? How might this impact you as you begin this journey?

4.) What does God say about you in these verses? Romans 3:19-28, Romans 5:1-11, 2 Corinthians 5:21, Colossians 1:22; 3:12, Hebrews 10:14, Titus 3:7, Galatians 2:16, Galatians 3:24, Hebrews 9:22. Do you believe God and what he says in these verses?

Lord, I pray that each of us will experience freedom, peace, and joy relative to our bodies, food, and weight. You are after something so much deeper than a physical change. I pray that we would believe what you have to say about us and to us. Change us, Lord. I pray for my sisters here (and any brothers if they are along!) that we would just surrender ourselves to you to do with as you please. The thought is frightening, Lord…we want to maintain our illusion of control. But you are good and wise and loving…and you have a new thing in mind for each of us. You are doing it right now. I pray we might perceive it! Lord, some of us have gone through this material so many times and it feels tired to us. I pray that you will infuse us with a new perspective. You have called us to this place again for a reason. Truly, we have never been quite where we are today with the life experiences that we have now, the insight, the thoughts…so that alone shows that this isn’t the same old same old. You have been working on us. Help us to believe you that you will continue to work in and through us. Help us to believe you that…what you have begun, you WILL complete. Help us to cooperate with you in it today! Renew our minds by your word, Lord! In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.

Holy Struggle – Part 6

by Heidi Bylsma | Apr 10, 2009 | Blog

In the mid-80s, the Nike sports-shoe company was losing a lot of ground to Reebok. As “legend” has it, the “Just Do It” campaign was birthed during a meeting when someone threw out the comment “You Nike guys just do it…” rather off-handedly.

During the mid-80s to mid-90s, the Nike company’s “Just Do It” advertising campaign was responsible for a huge shift in the consumer dollars spent on sports shoes. Nike’s approach was a winner. Sometimes, “Just Do It” works. It did for Nike and, often, it works for us.

There are times when one has to choose, with an act of the will to “Just Do It.” To set aside all the excuses and to take one baby step toward choosing, in this moment, to live out the freedom that Christ has purchased for us.

Sometimes, as I am finding this morning (for instance), grabbing this moment for the Lord means a form of refusing to “Just Do It.” What I mean is that sometimes I have had this attitude that my choice doesn’t matter, so I will just get up off the couch where I have been having my quiet time, head for the kitchen and eat that donut instead of waiting until I am hungry…”Just do it” in a negative light.

So, this morning, as temptation has been present, I have chosen a “Just Don’t Do It” sort of mentality. Just DON’T give in to temptation. Just DON’T get up and have breakfast until I am hungry. Just DON’T make a cup of white chocolate, caramel cappuccino (a “new” vice for me if I let it be…caffeine and all!).

I want to refuse to give in to activities and attitudes that, in the past, have allowed my flesh to have rule over me, over my mind, over my heart. I am done with that…or I want to be.

Sometimes, I can choose an alternate activity to eating…when temptation faces me I can do something else:

We chose an alternate activity (to eating) so that what we’ve done in the past no longer has dominion over us. This will allow us even more time to sort out the feelings that arise and to choose how to respond rightly. By choosing to stop and not give in to disordered eating, we give the Spirit opportunity to speak. Get Thin Stay Thin, p. 173

WHY do I want to, time and again, eat when I am not hungry? What drives that? Why, when I know that eating more than my body needs causes a host of problems for me (including weight gain), do I want to keep doing that which causes such negative results? There is something inside me that isn’t rational…

The sinful nature of our flesh…says, “Get the pain to stop! Get rid of the discomfort!” The Spirit says, “Listen to that hunger. Wait for the Lord.” As we do this, we enter a new pattern of behavior in which we are continuously being renewed in intimacy with the Spirit, choice by choice. GTST, p. 174

Each moment matters…and not just in the “dieting” sense, though it matters there, too. It matters at a much deeper level. When I allow my impulses to drive me, then the first thought I get of the brownies in the kitchen or the left over chimichanga results in my heeding or “obeying” that impulse… I HOP up and follow my fleshly impulses and allow those impulses to drive my life.

Rather, I aspire to stop. I can think of it in one of two ways (or both):

“Just Do It”…just make the hard choice, just say no to the flesh.

Or think of it the other way:

“Just don’t do it…” don’t allow the impulses to drive my choices…learn to harness my appetites.

There is something so much deeper at work here than the food, body size, weight.

As I have refused this morning to give in to fleshly impulses, as I have waited on the Lord in this place…and not gotten up from the couch to go eat breakfast before I am hungry, I have been embraced by his presence. I am more aware of Him. His voice is clearer, His love more tangible. Though it is always present, I so often insulate myself from intimacy with the One who created me by turning to food to be my Delight and my Comfort. These things HE wants to be.

Appearances Aren’t What They Seem

by Heidi Bylsma | Mar 16, 2009 | Blog

This journey has been about so much more than my weight…and it continues to be. Recently, God has shown me that I have continued to allow my perception of myself to be defined by my performance–externals–which, in the eyes of the world now appears to be “poor.” Having gained some of the weight I had lost, I am a “failure” in the eyes of the world (maybe even the Christian world!). I know in my heart that there is more at work here than that.

My eating, for instance, has been mostly within godly parameters during the past 2 – 3 months. The same parameters within which I operated to lose the 100 pounds and keep it off for a year. So, go figure. Bottom line… I know that I have God’s seal of approval! 🙂

As I have shared previously, I think my body has reacted to my choice to obey God about laying down the constant intake of caffeine (probably about the equivalent of 120 ounces of diet coke each day or more…). I think doing that has pretty well kept me at this “new” weight. (Again, God delights that I choose to obey him!)

I am realizing slowly and accepting even *more* slowly that THIS may be my “natural God-given” size and the previous lower weight may have been my “UNnatural, caffeine-given” size. It is a tough thing to swallow and shows me just how much I think like the world in this regard! I will continue to invite God to renew my mind and to transform my thinking. He is faithful.

When I began to read in The Search for Significance about shame, I realized that God has some lessons for me here. It is as if I have renewed a relationship with an old, familiar… …”acquaintance.” Shame seems to accompany me again… or it sure is trying to do so!

Shame often engulfs us when a flaw in our performance is so important, so over-powering, or so disappointing to us that it creates a permanently negative opinion about our self-worth. Others may not know about our failure, but we do. We may only imagine their rejection, but real or imagined, the pain resulting from it cripples our confidence and hope. The Search for Significance, McGee, page 101

With weight…everyone sees the “failure” or the “flaw in our performance.” It is a bummer!

I have made this “failure” so important and overpowering and disappointing…

But here is the deal. Having seen this, and been reminded of it again and again over the past few months, I WILL NOT allow it to define me! NO NO NO! 😀

Just as the quote above says, I have imagined people rejecting me over this and it has crippled my confidence and my hope! That is NO way to live.

God is continuing to work a change in my thinking. He is helping me to see just how valuable my choice has been to honor him about the diet soda–and that the struggle I have had since has been worth it. To the world, it may appear that I am another “dieting” failure. But I know that isn’t the case! I know that what I really am is a “laying the idols down” SUCCESS! 🙂

Going even deeper, though, I know what matters most is NOT my performance, but what Christ has done for me. He alone defines my worth and value. He is showing me more and more each day what that means…theoretically and practically speaking how it applies to my life when the rubber hits the road.

Worth Not Shame Part 5 – SO WHAT? :-)

by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 25, 2009 | Blog

When it comes to walking this thing out in the dust of the earth…SO WHAT? Great theological truths like:

I have been justified by God.
I am reconciled to God.
I am 100% accepted by and acceptable TO God right now where I am

…leave one wondering “So what?” “How does this impact my life right now?” “I just want to lose weight!” “I want to be THIN!”

The authors of Get Thin Stay Thin (formerly Thin Again and Silent Hunger) don’t leave us wondering:

When we know that our value is based on our new identity in Christ, we take on a godly sense of self-worth. With this comes a new direction and purpose in our lives: to live in such a way as to honor the one who laid down his life to give us security and significance. Get Thin Stay Thin, page 108

I can honestly say that this is happening with me now. My beliefs are finally making it through to my heart and to my actions. It has been a tremendously slow process, but I see the fruit. My actions really are affected by what I believe. And how we act sometimes reveals what we really believe in spite of what we say!

For so long, my theology and my reality haven’t seemed anything like one another. I guess in many ways, I didn’t really believe what I said I did! It comes back to that old illustration of “If I say I believe the chair will hold me but refuse to sit in it, do I really believe the chair will hold me?” My action, or inaction, shows what I really believe about the chair.

Our beliefs have a very powerful influence on our eating habits and our identity. …we must set aside the false beliefs that determined our old character and actions and enter into our renewed mind. Only then will we experience the renewal of our beliefs, thoughts, and actions and ultimately the transformation of our character. Our goal is to be transformed by the renewing of our minds so that we can discard the fat machinery of the past and establish present time eating. GTST, p. 114

Again, fat machinery is those things we believe or do sort of “automatically” that result in eating without engaging the brain. They can be conditioned responses (turn on a video and out comes the popcorn) or responses to trauma or other emotions (we celebrate by having a feast) or even unworkable beliefs (have to eat 3 “square” meals a day to be healthy)…that sort of thing. Many of the things that affect our eating, as we have seen, are based in false beliefs or believing lies. We want to throw out all of those beliefs and allow God to renew our minds, transform our thinking. As we embrace TRUTH and take on new beliefs, our actions will be affected!

A solid sense of your identity and worth is the precursor to your ability to eat and live according to God’s intent and to being the person he designed you to be. GTST, p. 118

Lord, I pray that we might cast aside all the unworkable beliefs and lies that we have knowingly or unwittingly embraced. May we embrace the truth that you have redeemed us, forgiven us, and stand as Almighty Judge of the Universe declaring us NOT GUILTY–we have been reconciled and justified. Amazing, Lord. May this truth affect our actions…May we know when we reach for food outside of godly boundaries that we were created for more than this. Help us to respect ourselves with the esteem with which you have attributed to us. We belong to you. You purchased us. We are yours. May we treat “your property” appropriately, Lord, and allow your truth to establish our sense of value and worth. No matter who may reject, hurt, or fail me, this great truth–that you LOVE and ACCEPT me unconditionally–over-rides that…it is astounding. Thank you, Lord. In Christ’s Name, Amen.

Worth Not Shame Part 3

by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 23, 2009 | Blog

…right now…right as you are…no strings attached. You are…you are.

How does this TRUTH sit with you?

Does it seem presumptuous? Impossible?

Think about this for a minute…

If we allowed this to affect us, if we believed it as if it were true–and it IS…then, when we face defeat, failure–our own or someone else’s crashing into us–when we can’t believe we have messed up again…think of this…we can couple the pain of our feelings with this mighty truth:

Doing this won’t just numb me to the reality, but it will over-ride the pain in the reality! It is a BIGGER, GREATER, more ASTOUNDING reality!!!

Maybe you can tell that I am really excited about this. And it does connect with Get Thin Stay Thin chapter 5! How cool is that! 🙂

[The] undeniable, unavoidable longing for a sense of value is a sanctified hunger placed in us by God’s design, but we will never experience inner peace until we face the truth that nothing of this world–our appearance, our performance, others’ opinions of us, or our past experiences–can fulfill our longing for security and significance. GTST, p.101.

Our silent hunger will persist unsatisfied until we can see ourselves not through the eyes of the world, but through the eyes of our loving Lord. GTST, p. 102

Do you see it? Our world says we must act, be, do everything a certain way to win approval and acceptance! We get stuck in that mode and we put ourselves through strict paces…we MUST do this “Thin Within Thing” perfectly or we beat ourselves up. We must have the perfect body, we must love God perfectly…and if we don’t, we drag out that club of condemnation and don’t stop beating ourselves up with it.

What’s worse, we assume that this is God’s way!

This is the enemy’s delight.

It is a lie that the enemy has crafted and that the world has bought into. As with many things, the exact OPPOSITE thing is true…God has done it all. Every single solitary bit of your “acceptability” to God is because of what Jesus had done. ALL of it.

More on that tomorrow!

For now, I challenge you and me…will we believe God? Will we choose to believe that what he says is true? That he accepts us totally now? Without hesitation? Without condition? Without my having to jump through a single hoop?

–> How might believing, embracing, applying this truth affect your life? Affect your eating? Affect how you view your body?

Feel free to share in the comments! I love hearing from you!

This one is bowling me over! It has been radically affecting the way I live!

WHOO HOO! 🙂