I’ve come to realize that what I’ve been through – the pain I have been experiencing – is necessary for me. I don’t know why God chose this path for me, but I’m sure there is something He wants to bring out of me, and pain is the only way it’s coming out.
My pain is that I have had a foot amputated. When a limb is amputated, you still have the same nerves in your body even though your limb is not there. There are times when my leg is hurting with shock pain and I can feel the pain in my foot that is not there. Or my foot may itch and there is nothing there to scratch. It’s very weird.
Imagine lightning. That’s how my pain feels – quick, and it hurts like a shocking pain. It doesn’t happen every day but when it does, it’s not real fun.
I’m also hoping and praying that He brings me out of this season of my life.
Have you ever thought that, even when situations are not perfect, you could still be right smack-dab in the center of God’s will for you?
The Bible is full of people like that. For instance, Joseph’s brothers completely betrayed and abandoned him, and he was sold into slavery in Egypt and later thrown into prison under false accusations! Amazingly, no matter where he was, even in the worst and most painful of situations, he still rose to the top.
He was chief in Potiphar’s house with only Potiphar and his wife being above him. While in prison, he was the person who everyone came to for advice.
It took seventeen years for him to realize he was right where God wanted him to be, uncomfortable as it was for him.
So, even though what I’m going through is not what I want, I can only believe that it is God’s will for me.
I would not have known that I had the gift of writing had this not happened, or that I love encouraging others. In my earlier years I never thought that anyone would want to listen to me, or that I had anything of worth to say. I don’t know where that came from, except that it was a lie whispered to me that I believed for years.
Decades ago, when I was a child getting bullied for my weight, my self esteem took a real beating!
The enemy accused me of things that God never would have said to me, locked me up in a prison of lies, and bound me up with extra weight. Low self esteem hung like heavy chains around my neck, adding even more weight.
Lies, accusations, and low self worth kept me in bondage for half of a century. I felt like Samson when he was tied to the mill going around in circles, blind, with no hope! I begged for a way out!
“Set me free from my prison that I may praise your name.” (Psalm 142:7)
Now God is using the very things that have bound me up to free me and bring me where He wants me to be!
This extremely long and arduous journey has me right here, right now, finding my purpose, mission and assignment, doing what I really love, encouraging others out of what I’ve been through!
I am developing a greater love for God and accepting this assignment from Him, begging for Him to let me accomplish this for His glory!
I don’t want to give up! I want to see this through.
Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added!”
I have always said that I want God to get the glory for my weight loss, not realizing that this is what He would call me to do.
I had no idea that this program – Thin Within – existed, and that God Himself led me to buy the Thin Within book. But even that was not a smooth start as I never read it because I was too into ME being in control of losing the very thing I was in bondage to! I could have tried for 100 years and it would not have happened!
But God has used it all and is now opening my eyes. Had things not gone the way they have, our paths would have never crossed! I had to go through this because of my own stupid stubborn will. I can be tenacious, and was back then too, but often to my own detriment!
In the midst of all of the chaos, depression, failed attempts to bail myself out of my mess and pain, feeling trapped and lonely, He never gave up on me. I praise God that, on December 11, 2017, I finally heard His still small voice that was prompting me to just open this book and I started reading one chapter a day for 30 days.
It turned into one of the best decisions I have ever made! I feel like… I… AM… HOME!
(See her bio below.)