On Wednesday, I began to do what God has been leading me to do through my study of the Get Thin Stay Thin book…to risk a bit more, to love, believing that there is some way in which He will allow my giving to satisfy rather than deplete me.
So, I began to do some little things…little things that, I am sad to say, I would have avoided. It started rather simply…cleaning the kitchen, taking my son driving…Before, I couldn’t be bothered unless there was something in it for me. Playing tennis with my daughter, celebrating my son’s willingness to get past some fears with the dentist and take him to lunch–taking the kids to get their hair(s) cut. All simple “Mom-type” things…duties that I shirked previously. All because it put me out…
Those were the little things.
But God challenged me to love “bigger” too…still within a certain realm of quasi-safety, I suppose. By posting the truth, the confessions to the blog…I was taking a stab at loving, too. Some of you who read my ramblings are my friends. I couldn’t stand the pretense any more of pretending that all was right. So I jumped off the cliff to love enough to be honest. You have blessed me with your response. Nevertheless, to take the plunge was not only a hit to my pride yesterday, but it scared me. It was a big risk.
So in the last two days, God has begun to show me that what he has been teaching me in theory is true in practice–in reality. That there is something about giving myself away a bit more that causes my soul to be swelled up, filled to overflowing. “Vat brimming over with new wine” sort of soul satisfaction.
Yesterday, it was so surprising. Yet, there it was–joy!
Food had little lure for me–in fact, the miraculous occurred–I sat across from my son at McDonald’s and stopped eating french fries long before they were gone! This is unheard of, if you know me at all! I DO love McDonald’s french fries, can you believe it?
In fact, physical hunger didn’t cause the same agitation that it has been. When I got hungry about an hour before my husband came home from work, I settled in and delighted in the fact that I could look forward to eating dinner with him on a totally empty stomach…I didn’t feel the panic, the urge, to “take the edge off” my hunger by eating a little something.
I really believe this was because my heart was full. Maybe it was also due in part to the fact that my conscience was clear. I did the things that I know God has ordained for me to do. Things that, in my dysfunctional, self-protective way, I haven’t been willing to do (as simple as they sound to others).
–> How about you? Are there little things you could do today to love your family, your co-workers, your friend…or someone you don’t care much for? Is there something you can do to “spend yourself” just a bit? Think of one thing and then note how you feel once you get past the initial fear of doing it…and do it. Does it change the way you perceive yourself, the world, food, your body? Maybe it won’t take just one thing…but maybe try one thing today, two things tomorrow and three things the next day. Prayer journal about how you feel and if you observe any subtle shifts in your attitudes toward others, toward God, toward yourself, food and eating. I would love to hear about what you discover.