About a week ago, my husband and son ventured off to parts unknown (Alabama) to take in all the excitement and events of “Talladega.” They are NASCAR fans and so this was an experience of a lifetime for them!
My husband is very dear to me. He is my best friend and so much more. Whenever he travels relative to work, I know that I have a lot of emotional stuff I have to deal with. It was interesting, however, all that I see in retrospect when I look back at this past week (they got home last night) and old behaviors and habits.
First of all, while my husband travels quite frequently with his work, he rarely is gone for 5 nights without coming home. Secondly, my son has never left home for this length of time. Clearly, this was new uncharted territory.
Truthfully, I felt on vacation, too…as with only Michaela home to be responsible for at home and given she is quite self-motivated when it comes to her homeschool education…well, it *was* sort of like a vacation for me, too.
In the past, when my husband left town *or* I was on vacation, I would console myself and/or celebrate with food food food. I would buy ice cream, cookie dough, candy and on and on and eat it with abandon.
I haven’t done that for a long time, true.
But last week, I guess I was tested without really realizing it. I knew that I needed to be guarded, but I didn’t see some of what I did as the old behaviors modified.
While I didn’t buy a bunch of stuff like that, I *did* get lots of foods I wouldn’t normally buy. “Dinner” types of foods…stuff from the “hot case” at Holiday market, for instance. Fresh french bread, garlic bread to heat up, lasagna, hot wings, chinese General Chicken and the like. It really was odd to see it in retrospect. These are more “normal” foods, though…not “binge” foods for me. So I ate them pretty much 0 to 5.
Editing: As I read this completed blog entry, I was reminded of one incident that DID seem perilously close to a real “binge.” But the odd thing was, since I used the keys of conscious eating, I was sitting at the table not doing anything else but eating…focusing on my food and had the thought suddenly strike me, “What am I doing? This is the old behavior! I know where THAT got me…” and by the power of the Lord I was able to throw away the carmel popcorn I was eating. Amazingly enough, I emerged from that experience not really past a 5 (from what I recall). I am so thankful. But I also was humbled to see how close to those old behaviors I really can be…
Additionally, my daughter and I went out to eat a lot and had left overs from those experiences. Basically there was a TRUCKLOAD of food from which to choose any time I was at a 0. It was the strangest thing to realize that, as I looked back over the week, I had pretty much done the first of the behaviors that began the binge in the past…the purchasing of foods. It *was* modified…which I found intriguing as it wasn’t intentional per say.
I then modified my response to it all without realizing it…eating pretty much 0 to 5. Though I do have to admit that I drank more diet soda than usual…and I wonder as I think back on it if this wasn’t the “bingeing” behavior showing up after all…drinking one soda upon another…
It is interesting to observe all of this. I think that it merits correction if there is a next time, though I am not entirely sure there *will* be a next time. All four of us in our family decided that we didn’t like having separate vacations this year…Michaela and I went to DisneyWorld during the summer for a week and the boys did the Nascar thing. Next time we want to be together. Maybe Daytona and DisneyWorld in 2009! LOL! I doubt it.
It is intriguing to me to look back over the past week and see that some behaviors that are from the “old” life were lurking there beneath the surface and I didn’t even realize it. I am thankful that God has worked such changes in me now that I didn’t just sit down and inhale one thing after another…Praise YOU, LORD!!!!
I think having an accountabilty partner helped with that, though. I wonder what I would have done without her in my life? I am thankful I didn’t have to find out.
I know now that I need to be aware of my tendency to do *modified* versions of old bad habits. I will be on my guard.
In the meantime, some of the food is spoiling since we couldn’t possibly eat 0 to 5 and eat it all! But you know what? That’s ok.