Testimony – Rachel is On Her Way!

Rachel Before

Before!

I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can recall. I remember thinking I was bigger than all the kids in my elementary classes and equating that to being fat, although I was just taller than everyone else. My unhealthy self-image escalated and I began dieting the summer before 9th grade. I lost 10 pounds that summer and the exhilaration of dieting became a crutch that would follow me into adulthood.

By the time I found intuitive eating I had been on countless diets that always produced short-term results and lots of excessive baggage afterwards.

I had ballooned back up to 220 pounds and had finally decided to cry out to God for help with this stronghold.

Rachel Before 2

Before

I found another Christian weight loss program that is based on intuitive eating in May of 2010, but the condemnation that they promoted caused me to seek another option. I had lost a bit of weight, but knew in my heart that their program wasn’t what the Holy Spirit wanted to show me. I found Thin Within just one month later.

I continued to embrace waiting for true hunger, but this time I allowed grace to cover me instead of guilt. I lost 18 more pounds—a total of  34 pounds—before I found myself pregnant with our 3rd child. This was a new challenge that I honestly wasn’t willing to face so I threw out the principles of intuitive eating and gained all my weight back, plus a few pounds during that pregnancy.

I reached my highest weight ever during that time and after having my beautiful daughter I delayed doing what I knew God wanted me to do to achieve my God-given size. When I finally got over myself and started eating intuitively again, God was able to really start the lasting changes on my heart.

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Rachel with two of her precious little ones!

I was 228 pounds and a size 18 when I recommitted to eating God’s way.

I began to get active in the Thin Within ministry and lead a few groups. This is when the shift in my thinking really started to take place. This wasn’t just another diet for me. I wasn’t always perfect, though (not that God expects us to be) and I still had a lot to learn about how to become a naturally thin eater.

I did manage to lose 42 pounds and get into size 10 jeans, but that is when I discovered I was pregnant again with our 4th child. Knowing that I didn’t adhere to any Thin Within principles during my last pregnancy I was afraid of just how much time would be wasted. That is when I took my fear and apprehension to the Lord. He assured me that even during this season He could work on my heart and that’s just what He did. I gained weight, but He really chiseled the stoney places of my heart that have held me back for so many years.

I had my son on August 21st weighing in at 226 pounds and only 7 weeks later I am already down to 198 pounds. I have never lost 28 pounds this quickly after any of my pregnancies and I know that this coming year will be my best yet.

Rachel Before

Rachel Now — In Process! Looking Good, Rachel!

God has healed so many of my heart issues and I am beginning to reap the benefits of having a healthy relationship with food. I’m still a work in progress, but I know that God will indeed complete what He’s doing in my life. I’m only about 12 pounds from my lowest weight with Thin Within, but I know I’ll be breezing past that with God’s help. He’s going to do the work in me that produces long-lasting permanent results. I will be at my God-given weight and size sooner than I could have ever imagined. I’ve definitely learned more than I can express, but the biggest thing has been that no season in our life is wasted when we honestly turn it over to our Lord! We can do this because He is the victor and He’s alive in us!

Rachel L. Taylor

Way to Go, Rachel!

It is so exciting to see Rachel making such wonderful headway.  Watch this space for a follow up to share with you Rachel’s continued experience using Thin Within. If you are interested in the Facebook accountability group that Rachel administrates, please visit this page and request to be added. Let Rachel’s enthusiasm and success ignite hope for you! 🙂

Week 9 ~ “Why Should I Care?”and “YIKES! I Don’t Like My BODY! HELP!”

Image Source: iStockPhoto

Image Source: iStockPhoto

This is a stream of consciousness video…but maybe there is something here that can encourage you. Obviously, I have my work cut out for me this week! Do you? LOL!

Carelessly grazing as we walk through the kitchen, dipping into the candy dish on the office-mate’s desk, or sucking on mints just because they are there…these are little examples of Careless Eating. Careless eating is what often leads to that sudden panic… OH MY GOODNESS! I have been eating TOO much and I must GET SKINNY NOW!

All those moments when we said, “It’s just one bite” haunt us when we reach for a pair of pants hanging in our closet that we haven’t tried on in a couple of months. As we go to slip into them we wonder if our “just one bite(s)” will have cost us anything.

How does God feel about “just one bite?”

Is it possible that “Just one bite” is how we got in trouble in the first place? Either God has called us to the boundary of 0 and 5 or he hasn’t. If he has, does “just one bite” have a place?

How might those “just one bite” moments affect your appearance? Will this matter to you?

Monday

1. I haven’t asked you to do this in a while, so it is time. Are you committed to 0 to 5 eating? Do you believe it is from God for you? Why do you feel convinced in your heart that this is so? Write in your journal your thoughts about this and the statement “I know 0 to 5 eating is a boundary from God for my life” (or something similar). Date it and sign it if it will help. We want to recommit to this!

2. Visit Barb Raveling’s Careless Eating Study at her blog. Can you relate to her illustration about the alcoholic at all? Barb says: We can learn a lot from the life of an alcoholic. Although we can’t say not even one bite, we can say, not even one bite outside our boundaries. What do you think about that? Journal your feeling about that. What do you think of her statement, “The minute we think it’s just one bite, we are in danger.”

3. Do all the Bible Study questions that Barb has for us on that page, including looking up the bible verses. Journal what you discover.

4. Add any truths you have come up with to your Truth Cards.

5 Are you willing to take the challenge? TELL US! 🙂 Get an Accountability Partner. It isn’t too late!

Tuesday

1. Return to Barb’s Careless Eating Study at her blog for part 2.

2. Barb challenges us to incorporate the “Careless Eating Questions” into our lives so that when we are tempted to eat outside of our 0 and 5 boundaries we evaluate by using those questions. You can do these now, even if you aren’t experiencing temptation. I recommend going through these questions today and journaling your response.

3. Jot down any truths you have come up with for your Truth Cards.

4. Share with us here in the comments any thoughts that God has laid on your heart, truths you have added to your cards, or new insights (or old ones) that you got from the questions or the bible study.

Wednesday

1. Visit Barb Ravelings Appearance Eating Bible Study”. How important is it to you to lose weight? Ask God to show you just how fixed your heart is on the physical results you want. What if you could have God in all his fullness and beauty, but not be the size/shape you want? What then? Would he be enough?

2. Can you relate at all to my confession in the video? How so?

3. To what source are you looking for your happiness?

4. Is there any living you are waiting to do until you look a certain way? What would God have you do…today?

Thursday

1. Visit Barb Raveling’s Appearance Eating Bible Study again.  Complete Questions for your Journal numbers 1 through 5 and journal your answers.

2. Share here anything that God impresses upon your heart. What you share may encourage another person who visits and reads the comments–even if they don’t post. Consider it a ministry to others that you do in faith! (It ministers to ME! LOL!)

3. As you consider a person in your life that you feel requires you to be a different size or shape, it might be helpful to do some forgiveness work. When I do forgiveness work, it includes “telling on them to God.” Think of being a colossal tattle tale…you are God’s precious little child running to him to tattle on whoever it is. Pour it all out. What did they do to you? How do you feel about it? Tell your Heavenly Abba (Daddy) and then leave it with him. Ask him to help you to forgive…to choose to trust it all to His care.

Friday

1. Visit Barb Raveling’s Appearance Eating Bible Study yet one more time. 🙂 Complete questions 6 through 10 and journal your responses as time allows.

2. What truths can you add to your truth cards…or, if you aren’t yet creating a deck of truth cards, what truths is God speaking over you?

3. Share with us here how you feel God leading you to approach your desire for weight loss (Barb’s question 10).

4. If you haven’t done so as a part of any of the other questions in today’s assignment, you may want to reaffirm your confidence that God is calling you to 0 to 5 as your primary boundary. What are the secondary boundaries he is calling you to? Write these down to affirm them and date it.

5. How are you doing with your summer study?

6. How are YOU? 🙂 I care!

Attitudes: Entitlement and the Value of NUMBERs in This Journey

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When I create the audios and the videos, God speaks truth into MY life through the process. It reminds me of what is true and how great my God is. He uses my rambling on to you to remind me yet again of what is true and what He wants from me.

I hope that when I create the audios and the videos that you will have yet another modality for learning the stuff that God may want you to know. I hope that he uses it to breathe over you an enveloping peace, a saturating sense of his love, and a call to press on–to pursue holiness and excellence.

You may not agree with everything I say, but I do so hope that you will sense his invitation to intimacy with him and that he wants to use this struggle with food and eating as a forum in your life for a wonderful adventure of dependence on him.

This week, God has used my video and audio creating time to really minister to me. Does that sound just so selfish? As I speak the truth that he has given to me, then as I listen and evaluate, delete, re-record–whatever the process may be–he again and again bathes my mind with the truth. I hope it works that way for you as you listen or watch.

And if it is helpful to you to download the files and put them on your iPod to play, go right ahead and do that. I sure hope that doesn’t sound self-aggrandizing. I don’t mean it that way at all. I just know that, at least for me, every way possible that I can to create a way to bathe my mind with truth, is another step toward renewing my mind and experiencing the transformation promised in Romans 12:2.

This week, we looked at the premium we place on our appearance or weight loss in this journey. Barb has really gotten to the heart of a very important issue. I have an audio here talking about some thoughts I have about this aspect of our journeys. Just so you know, I am experimenting with a plug-in microphone, so I apologize for the fuzziness…the microphone was TOO close to my mouth for part of the recordings…I will improve on that in the future.

Appearance Eating
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Entitlement is a poison that can taint our pursuit of godly character. It affects not only my eating, but my relationships as well. In this audio, I share some of the things that God laid on my heart about entitlement. I have found that this is a perfect example of how God uses this journey about food, eating and my body to show me character qualities he wants to build into my life generally and I invite you to consider that may be the very purpose he has us on this course.

Entitlement Eating
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How about you? What connection do you see between what God is doing in the realm of eating, weight, how you view food and your body and growing you into Christlike character on a broader scale? What is God showing you about this connection?

How Much Food Do I Eat?

On the Thin Within forums, I have been asked some things about my eating. When I mentioned that I have refined and adjusted my hunger numbers over time, one member asked me if I was eating more like to what would be a “4” on the hunger scale.

Here is my (edited) response to her question:

Well, no. I would have to say that I am not eating anywhere close to what I would have called a “4” in the beginning. Here is why: I weighed 250 pounds when I began. I didn’t know it, but I had 100 extra pounds of fat to release. It takes X amount of food to sustain 100 extra pounds of fat. It takes less than that to begin to release the extra fat weight. As I released weight, I found that it took less food to sustain my NEW weight…but I wasn’t done releasing weight yet and I knew it.

God didn’t even let me evaluate it that way at the time…he made the process of change always be about him…and my heart. It is as I look back now that it seems to be so obvious what happened physically!

At that time, I could tell that, even with the releasing of the weight that had happened so far (say 50 pounds), I still had a stronghold with food going on. I saw a subtle attitude that I had that “I am owed” food to a “5”….and God began to gently nudge me…”Release it to me, child”…

Anyhow, so it took less food to sustain my new size and less food to release more of my extra fat as I went along. God nudged me that I was still clinging to the food…And so on.

I found that my body is efficient and that even as active as I am, I don’t need much food at a sitting to stop being hungry….which is my goal. How much food do I need to stop being hungry? That is the place that God has led me *now* call 5. I didn’t call that a 5 before. I would have called that a 1 or a 2. (I know this sounds scary…if someone had said it to me, I would have quit right then and there…it has to be GOD’s doing in us…it isn’t anything I would have planned! Honestly!)

The cool thing is, I went from eating more food each time, but only 2 times a day (or maybe 3) to eating 4 to 7 times a day, but not very much food each time.

My body and my life have adjusted to eating that way just by heeding what the Lord has said to do (in his strength…honestly…)…but if I was to compare how MUCH I eat at a sitting now to how much I ate at a sitting when I weighed 250 pounds…no…I ate a lot more then than I do now.

My thinking has changed. I don’t have anxiety about not getting food, for instance. I am not fearful. Hunger doesn’t bother me like it did then. I also don’t have fear of regaining weight (that is a new thing that God has done in the past 3 months!).

Another thought that God has changed in me is I figure that if I don’t eat enough at this sitting–if I serve myself too little–…if I am hungry again soon, I can eat again! For instance, yesterday I had a funky new food for a meal. I ate to what I call a 5…and within an hour I was hungry again! No problem. I ate.

If you want to see photographs of my portions for a few days, you can check …but don’t freak! It may not be what God leads YOU to do now! What is right for me now, came after a year of God slowly evolving things…and it wasn’t intentional to do anything but to ask the Lord what His will is…and to ask for His strength to do it…to release my grip on things like “I MUST have ‘a sweet’ after every meal” and other lies I believed and built my life on.

Hope this helps…again, though, don’t use it to judge your own eating. It is totally personal and I would have FREAKED out if anyone had shared this with me a year ago! God does amazing things in each of us in HIS timing! I am thrilled to delight in what I eat…and I don’t feel deprived at all.

Releasing Weight or Not

Something that God has worked with me on is related to some of the disappointments some have shared recently with not releasing more weight. This is still coming home to me, though, I must admit. I continue to be slow to learn.

In my case, when I don’t release weight, first I have to ask the Lord, honestly, if I am submitting to his will. This goes beyond this notion of 0-5 eating for me. I can *fake* 0-5 eating pretty well. You know what I mean? I can rationalize things…I have found that a subtle “dieting mentality” comes in and “helps” me with this…it will casually do an estimation of calories and whatever and say “See? I have ‘suffered’ and so I should release weight.”

But the reality God is trying to bring home to me is, the Lord wants me to love HIM more than I love food. No, it doesn’t mean He doesn’t find joy in my enjoying food, but delighting in food more than Him…well, that is a problem. He has laid on my heart that He has given me parameters within which eating food is to be enjoyed. It is like sexual intimacy…there are certain parameters. Within those parameters, it gives God joy for me to enjoy intimacy, which He created. I believe He delights in my enjoyment of food within godly parameters as well. Outside of the parameters of marriage, “sex” is indulging my fleshly lusts and is sin…Outside the parameters of my body calling for food, eating is indulging a fleshly lust and is sin. Or that is how He has broken it down for me. I need it made really simple! LOL!

It helps me to ask WHY am I eating right now? Am I eating because I am hungry and my body needs nourishment? Am I eating because I simply want to enjoy the taste (which is so fleeting!)? God has laid it on my heart to enjoy the taste of food (YES!), but only when my body needs nourishment. How perfect is that? 🙂 I can oooh and aaah about the incredible flavor of cheese enchiladas all I want when I am hungry! YIPPEEE! I get hungry pretty routinely! There will be loads of opportunities in my life to enjoy enchiladas with a totally pure conscience, eating them because my body needs sustenance! Why do I want to mess with that?

When I don’t release weight, I have to honestly evaluate if I have been truly loving eating beyond the parameters God has for me. Am I living like my body is my own to do with as I please?

For me, it comes down to that.

Sometimes, when I am not releasing weight, this is as far as I need to go to have my answer as to why.

BUT…and this is a big BUT…sometimes this is where it gets pretty tough. (As if dealing with brutal honesty over my love of my sin isn’t hard enough…) If I really truly think that I have been living for the Lord and He seems to confirm this through His Spirit, if I have been heeding His voice pretty diligently, and I am *still* not releasing weight (and this has happened before), then He has shown me to ask Him what He would have me be in this moment. How does *He* desire that I responsd? This can be so eye-opening for me. Almost every single time, He has asked me “Heidi, am I enough? Am *I* your very great reward? Or do you love losing weight or being thin more than you love knowing I am pleased with the choices you have been making?”

The answers to these questions really do a lot to expose my motivations. I have found that the Lord sometimes wants to purify my motives and can do this by restricting the movement of the scale for a season…I lived a long time losing weight with praise of men being my motivation. I love verbal accolades. I know for a fact that now the Lord wants me to love Him more than that (He always has).

Additionally, during one of these little struggles with not seeing the scale go down, God laid on my heart that I had a bit of an attitude…if *I* did *my* part, I reasoned, He would do *His* part and see to it that weight would come off. After all, wasn’t that what this was about? In essence I had a truckload of subtle, but insidious, pride going on there. I got disappointed with *God* when I didn’t see the scale doing what it “should” be doing. I was holding up my end of the bargain…now what about Him holding up His? This led to my throwing in the towel often enough. I got frustrated with God. I told you I was the Queen of Pride!

I hate that I like seeing the numbers go down on the scale better than delighting the Lord with submitting my will to Him in each moment. This time around, my journey is about learning to love Him more–no matter what happens. I am daring myself to get rid of my scale, in fact. I don’t have the courage yet. I know if I seek to put pride to death and live for the Lord, the weight will leave my body! I am just soooooo slow to learn it. I still really really like seeing the numbers get lower…nuts!

Don’t know if any of these thoughts can be helpful for anyone else or not. As always, I have been too long winded!