Hi, dear Reader. If you are anything like me, you have found that following eating 0-5 (between hunger and satisfaction) isn’t always “easy.” Sure, there may be a honeymoon period of sorts…but then reality sets in.

The question popped into my head to ask directly…”What is really holding you back? What is *really* holding you back?”

This question is for anyone who may visit this blog who continues to “struggle” with responding to the Lord’s prompts to not eat yet or to stop eating or…well, any prompt from God to do or not do anything at all.

For years, I “played” at this. Pathetic really, given all God did to surround me with the most amazing support system. How many people have Judy Halliday as their accountability partner? God knew I was such a hard case that I needed that sort of accountability.

Well, I was tougher even than that….It has been years….years and years of mechanically doing the 0 to 5 thing on and off…releasing the weight only to grab a hold of it again…and always always…there was something REALLY holding me back.

The more I did this, it was like the harder my heart became.

Truth is, I was meant to fly on wings of eagles. I was meant to soar. I was never meant to stay in captivity…be it in a chicken coop, a cage, or a self-imposed prison of fat. I was meant to FLY free! God created me for it! (And YOU TOO, Reader! :-))

For me, when someone got in my face and said “What is really holding you back…” I knew it was God asking me that. I couldn’t blame it on much of anything any more…it was ME…I had something going on in ME…and I had to choose. It was that simple. Would I DEAL with it? Or keep shoving it aside…”Later…we will cope with that later….”

God helped that wall be destroyed this past November/December.But even now…I see my temptation to rebuild that wall that was holding me back…Even though God has exposed what I allowed to hold me back…even though he has reached out to me with such amazing compassion…even though he has again told me He has called me to ministry in this area specifically…even though 30 pounds (and counting) have been released and I can sense that freedom…I can taste the sky for the first time….I STILL see I am drawn like a dog to my vomit. It baffles me.

(Please note, I have been thin and fit before, but I was NOT *free*…I don’t care about the weight…I care about the freedom. I just know that the weight will leave as I live in the freedom that Christ purchased with His blood….)

Daily…if not more frequently…I have to allow Him to remind me…that what REALLY holds me back…what He showed me…must be laid down, offered to Him. It hurts…it really does–no, that minimizes it. It is EXCRUCIATING! But I know apart from that letting go, I will never do what I was created to do. Never.

I guess it is like Paul who said “I die daily.” Good grief…it hurts to die, doesn’t it? This isn’t just daily, either….bah…

Even now…in this moment, I can see that the barrier has like the first layer of bricks to it again…I have been rebuilding it. What EVER for?!?!?

I have allowed reconstruction of the barrier to begin again…I must beg God to help me have the strength to tear it down and keep it down.

I want NOTHING to hold me back. I want to run the race with perseverance. I want to fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith who, for the joy set before Him (which was fellowship with all of us…we would be set free from sin to be holy in His sight!), endured the CROSS, for goodness sake! HE endured the CROSS! And I whine and moan about enduring so much less….The writer of Hebrews goes on to say “You have not yet suffered to the point of shedding your blood.” Boy, isn’t that the truth. I won’t come close to suffering that much, but I sure whine like I am!

What is really holding you back, Reader? Tough question to answer…at least for me….If I weren’t such a sinful, prideful creature, maybe it wouldn’t be! LOL!