by Heidi Bylsma | Jan 13, 2010 | Blog
I have an example of a “do over” (as mentioned in yesterday’s blog entry) that I am slowly, surely, going through, that I *am* doing God’s way. How about that! 🙂 I want to share a bit about this with you…not only to show you an example of what I have been talking about, but also to sort of add some element of accountability here for me. It isn’t settled yet.
One of the things I LOVE to do is to worship God. I love to sing and praise and love leading his people in worshiping him, too. I get an image in my mind of standing before the throne of God…He is the only audience and we are all there before him, worshiping Him and honoring and exalting Him. I am transported to a heavenly place where I have no sense of SELF and a total awareness of how HUGE and AWESOME and WONDERFUL the GOD I serve is!!!
I am quite insecure and care waaaay too much about what others think of me. It is something I have struggled with all my life in spite of God working with me on this for years. I see it can be an idol in my life! Anything that determines my steps, my choices, what I do and say, other than HIM, is suspect as an idol in my life. He wants to be what drives me, what sustains me and that is what I want, too, in the deepest part of who I am.
When you gain and lose and gain weight as quickly, often, and as much as I have (and do) over the years and when even Christian circles tend to evaluate people based on how they look, and when you are up front on a platform leading worship…well, you begin to think that any overhead light in the auditorium is shining directly on your hips, that people can’t worship because of you, that every extra pound points out your failure to live for the Lord…in front of “tons” of people! You become convinced that the people who aren’t closing their eyes when they worship are specifically analyzing YOUR pants size THIS week…and evaluating YOUR godliness based on what they come up with. It is a HORRIBLE place to be. SO self-preoccupied. And in the middle of worship??? Yuck! How fleshly can I be????
And, of course, this is based on the lie that people even CARE! It is a place where the enemy loves to taunt and torment me and try to keep me from being able to worship him freely, even as I help (hopefully) to lead the people in worship from the platform! It is AWFUL!
So, in the past, when I have gone through one of my “gaining” periods, I have bailed. I have said no to any requests to help out with leading worship, to sing solos, or any other “up front” ministry. I have refused to use my gifts, skills, talents and joys…whatever it is that HE has given me that allows me otherwise to serve and minister as He leads. In essence, I have allowed shame to beat me down–back into hiding under a bushel again. And shame begets sin begets shame begets sin.
So here is the do-over part. 🙂 As I have shared here, for the past 16 months or so (wow, has it been that long?), I have really been struggling with being obedient to the Lord. I know he wants me to learn obedience (I think previously, I wasn’t so obedient either…but masked it well, but that is best left for another blog entry). And my “struggle” has been manifested on my ever-widening hips once again. Each week that I am on the worship team, I have thoughts that flit through my head…I entertain the idea of quitting…of letting shame, once again, win the battle. On my really bad days, I torment myself about it. On the good days, it might be a fleeting thought that I dismiss with prayer and praise…but it is always before me. :-/
This time I know what is going on. I know that the Enemy of my soul is at the root of this. I know that he wants me to wrap my excuses in a “godly” reason, too:
“I dishonor the Lord by my disobedience, so I am not qualified to lead in any way…I should step down until I can be an example of honoring the Lord in my choices.”
The truth is, I have a call from God that trumps that so-called “godly” reasoning. God has told me without a doubt that this is one of the do-overs. That THIS time, I need to learn to praise him through it, to get eyes off of self and others and to press on to know Him more…
So that is what I am doing. Each Sunday when I get irritated with myself about what I will wear on the platform again (hopefully something that hides the obvious, is my thought), I entertain the notion of quitting…but He reminds me that this isn’t an option because He wants to teach me that if I keep my eyes on HIM, that is all that matters. I am there to praise HIM, exalt HIM, no matter what. So that is what I do. Sometimes it is a HUGE battle and I have to fight, even as I sing and play…for everything I am worth, to fix my eyes on HIM.
How about you? Are there ministries that you have allowed yourself to stop being involved in because of shame? Are there experiences you deny yourself and others…ways that you keep God from using you because of shame in your life? How about allowing God to make this into a do-over…and choose not to let shame and the Enemy win. Choose to praise Him in the midst of it. Choose to do THIS do over the way God would have you. Discover HIS sufficiency, His strength!
by Heidi Bylsma | Dec 1, 2009 | Blog
The HEAL book by Smith and Halliday turns to a discussion on “God-Breathed Friendship” on page 107. This is a bold move, considering that these days, “friends” are connections we make with our husband’s former secretary’s sister on Facebook (ok, in all fairness, I DO ride horses with her, too!). In fact, I just looked over my “friends” list on Facebook and I definitely don’t know many of these folks. Sure, I get updates each day about their visits with out of town guests, shopping or how work is going, but wow…that doesn’t make us “friends.” At least not in the biblical sense of the word! I wonder if any of us are buying the definition of “friendship” that Facebook (or MySpace, Twitter, etc) is selling?
I hope not!
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I am not sure how we can live out this passage when “intimacy” is something we do with “instant messaging” and texting on our cell phones! There *must* be real-time, real-world connection with one another. I wonder if we have forgotten that true friendship includes sitting down and looking at one another, opening our mouths, making noises–in the form of words–and listening to our friend do the same? Even better if those words have something to do with what is on our hearts or an invitation to hold me accountable to pursue godly living!
In our busy lives, we have turned commitment and friendship into a convenience accomplished with technology.
God’s people have to resist this trend! I know I have to be VERY intentional about it.
There are many reasons that I tend not only to allow myself to be swept along into this trend, but actually to welcome it… When I connect face-to-face with real people I have to be much more accountable for what I say and do. Who wants that? :-/ (Hopefully, any disciple of Christ’s!) With keystrokes on my Blackberry, I can get away with loose words and no one asks me about ungodly choices I make in my life if they can’t see me!
How many of us have either sent or been on the receiving end of an email that someone let fly before it was considered how it might be received? There is a *real* person on the other end! Someone with a heart, with thoughts, feelings…someone who can be deeply wounded. If I let my fingers fly on the keyboard and press send, I can deeply affect someone else…someone I supposedly care about.
If I would hesitate to say what is in that email to the other person’s face, then I have no business sending it.
Gosh, I didn’t intend for this to become a tirade! In fact, Facebook has a lot of value to me…I love “connecting” in some way with people who I wouldn’t ordinarily talk with at all. But for those who I have committed to doing life with…if I have reduced that commitment to updating the world on my “status” then something is seriously wrong.
The authors of HEAL remind us that intimate friendship is a vital link to walking with God including in our choices to allow God His way in our emotional, spiritual, and physical health. We really can’t compartmentalize our lives.
As you and I consider our relationships, do we have anyone with whom we let down our hair? Anyone with whom we confess what we do when no one is looking? Or do you (or I) find that you maintain some pretense with everyone. While we know that the Lord knows all, there is something intensely liberating about being real with another–being authentic. In fact, I will suggest that the shame/sin/shame/sin cycle can actually be broken when we allow authenticity to be a part of our relationships with real people in face-to-face encounters.
God has allowed me a number of people over the years with which I have had accountability at some level. Some of these were intentional accountability relationships, formed and shaped specifically for the purposes of being accountable. Others were relationships that were definitely friendships that grew to include a level of intended accountability. There have been seasons of my life, as well, where I haven’t had relationships like this and, as I look back over my life, I have to say…I think this was an intentional attempt on my part to isolate, to hide. It never helped me to reach godly goals. So, if I or you find ourselves without anyone in our lives with whom we are intentionally real with, it is probably good for us to evaluate why not. Is it because we are running from the truth? Is it because we feel shame? If that is the case, we must be, must be, MUST BE intentional about bucking this! This is from the enemy of our souls who loves it when we operate (or try to) in isolation!
Real authentic relationships DO open me up for more heartache and pain, but if God is allowed to be at the helm, these very situations can also be used to stimulate His healing for me and to enable me to press on to know Him more and to live for Him more fully. I have someone who can celebrate with, too!
As the HEAL book says, “Girls we are not meant to do this life alone!”
Bringing it home: Take a moment to prayerfully consider your relationships. Who are your closest friends? If something went horribly wrong in the middle of the night, who would you call on to pray you through? What can you do to foster that kind of friendship with another person today? What can you do to be that kind of friend for another person today? If you ask the Lord, “Who are you calling me to develop trust in?” what name does He lay on your heart? Perhaps you can begin praying about what God would have you do and that he would prepare her heart as well. God exists in Trinity…three persons intimately related to one another…three, yet one…and he has created us in His image…that sure sprains the brain, but since he has created us for intimacy somehow, how can we cooperate with His plan for us to live out His call on our lives?
by Heidi Bylsma | Nov 25, 2009 | Blog
Begin to think of what you will do next as you contemplate this journey through the HEAL book coming to an end. What will you study next? What will you do to reach your goals and objectives to be healthier physically, spiritually, emotionally? Plan now for what will come next. If you have an accountability partner, you could plan together. If you don’t have an accountability partner, consider prayerfully asking someone to help you in this way. It can make a world of difference! It is so easy to remain STUCK when we isolate. Ask God to help you have the humility it may take to partner up with someone for 3 months and see if he does something amazing!
Read and work through Lesson 6: Abundant Living, found on pages 105-113.
Keep visiting here at the blog regularly and participate in the comments option. In this way, you solidify anything God is teaching you and also minister to others who visit and see your comments–even for months to come!
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 17, 2009 | Blog
Still hanging out in the living room together for our group study! 🙂
Moving on, then, to level 3. We will do level 4 tomorrow. If you want, to, you can move on to lesson three, but I don’t think I will post that assignment until Tuesday. I want to take as long as we need to cover the material. 🙂 This little book offers a lot to think and pray over!
Level 3: Hunger-Fullness Eating I am persnickety about labels. For me, “fullness” is too much food. So I prefer to have my goal be to eat to “physical satisfaction.” This is basically when hunger is no longer present. Since, scientifically speaking, there is a delay of about 10 minutes between the time my stomach is no longer empty and the time my brain registers this fact, I know that once I feel like I am no longer hungry, I am definitely good…filled with fuel for my body. To continue eating past that point will be too much food. In fact, 10 minutes after I stop is the real sensation…and it is definitely a fuller sensation than the one I stop for.
In the HEAL book, the authors have a different hunger scale than in the Thin Within materials. -5 (negative 5) to -1 (negative 1) is undereating. 0 to 5 is healthy eating…from stomach hunger to a comfortable place in the stomach. and 6-10 is overeating.
This stage is about abandoning any tendency to either overeat or undereat while learning to rely on the internal hunger and fullness cues God has given you. (HEAL, page 45)
Many of us don’t know what true physiological hunger feels like. We are so used to ignoring those either because we are on a diet and have had our allotment of points, carbs, or calories for the day (so we have to ignore our body’s legitimate call for more food) or because we want food and don’t care if we are hungry or not and dive in! So waiting for true physiological hunger seems foreign to many of us.
Add to that the fact that we are used to eating the amounts we are told, either by our diets (a half cup of this or a quarter cup of that) or by our “Full Meal Deals” at fast food restaurants or even the nice places we may choose to dine. Everyone seems to want to tell us how much we need to eat.
The truth is, only our bodies can tell us what we need and God has made us fearfully and wonderfully. He will use our physical hunger and satisfaction cues to direct us in our eating if we allow him to do so!
If you have never tried adjusting your eating to eat only between 0 and 5 (phyiscal hunger and satisfaction), this may rock your world! It makes a huge difference in everything. Without obsessing about what you put in your mouth, if you prayerfully seek to learn what your body feels like when it is hungry and what it feels like when it is satisfied physically, and commit to the Lord to allow these boundaries to direct you when you will eat, you will release weight and develop your dependence on the Lord, too.
When we stop eating for all the many reasons that we think we need to (sad, happy, celebrate, stressed, depressed, etc., etc…) we find that a lot of emotions go unanesthetized…and we need the grace of God to help us get through. We find that we have come to rely on food in more ways than we can imagine. But as we persevere and allow the Lord to get us through, not only do we release physical weight, but we experience the healing of our hearts and minds through the only One who can truly satisfy what ails us.
Here is my level 3 goal.
Level 3 Goal: To eat only when at a 0 and to stop at or before a 5.
Action Steps: To slow down, to be aware. To allow myself to take sips of a beverage between bites and put the food or fork down. I have been distracted while eating and I think this has caused my portions sizes to be larger. Also, for now, I will take half of what I have been normally. I will wait 10 minutes before getting another serving to see if I am still really hungry or not.
Your turn! 🙂 For Level 3, write your goal in your journal if you don’t have the HEAL book and/or share it with us here at the blog if you want added accountability.
Goal: ________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
Action Steps: _________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
Don’t forget that our relationship with God is the foundation and is to permeate everything else. Once the focus shifts to 0 to 5 eating, some of us may struggle with leaving God out of it. Be aware of this tendency and the tendency to hop on the scale repeatedly through the day. Again, I urge you to toss the bathroom scale out or to, at least, send it to a girlfriend’s house for a couple of months and see if God and you can do this thing without that tool. 🙂
Tomorrow, level 4. Remember that we may not “accomplish” these levels in succession. We definitely will have to continue to work on level 1 all our lives long! 🙂
Have a blessed Lord’s day!
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 16, 2009 | Blog
Pull up a chair and get something you enjoy to drink…fresh water works, too, if you aren’t hungry! 🙂 Let’s put up our feet and, if it is cool in the part of the world where you live right now, get a comfy blanket to snuggle up in.
I have just done these very things. It is a beautiful morning in Cool, California (yes, I live in a place called “Cool!”) With the windows thrown open wide, the sunshine is pouring in, but so is the cool air (it is about 56 degrees!). So, I have my throw, my mug of yummy white chocolate caramel cappucino. In my living room, I can easily imagine sitting around with my cyber-space girlfriends. I wish we could all be together in real space and time! 🙂
Lord, please guide and direct this “group” study of the second lesson in the HEAL book. Most of all, I pray that we might catch a glimpse of what you want for each of us individually. What an author calls “Basics” may be challenging to me, Lord. I ask that you help me not to embrace a burden of condemnation–likewise, I pray that you would keep me from making excuses. Maybe you are calling me to take a larger step forward than I have been willing to make in a long while. Lord, help me to believe you for what you want to do in my life. Help me to follow you…if you want me to take a big leap, help me to do so and to trust you to catch me. If you want me to take a baby step forward, I pray that I would do that. Help me not to condemn myself using the words of others (including an author of a book I read or study), but to allow you to challenge me to experience the new thing you say you are doing even now! In the Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
If you have the HEAL book, I am on page 51. We are asked by the authors if anything in the lesson resonated with us. What did God teach you through lesson 2? If those of you who completed the lesson respond here, God may use your words to encourage even those who don’t have the HEAL book. PLEASE respond here! 🙂
Other questions we are asked include:
- Have you ever dieted? If so, what was that experience like?
- How is your previous concept of “healthy eating” similar or different from HEAL?
- When do you engage in all-or-nothing thinking?
- What lies about yourself have you believed?
- How have your accountability moments been going?
- What phase of the HEAL pyramid do you need to grow in the most at this point on your journey?
Wow! There is so much here in just these questions alone! I want to give you all a chance to respond to these without my own commentary about each question.
I will share this, though (of course!)…I think one of the things that struck me was how controlled I am (even still!) by my dieting past. No, not in the same way, but controlled in an opposite sort of way. I don’t want to be obsessive about “healthy foods” like I did in the past. I don’t want to fixate on calorie content, fat grams, carbs, and proteins and labels. So, I swing way to the other extreme…where I don’t even allow myself to consider these things as tools that God can use in my journey. Sure, sometimes, I sort of do…but generally I don’t.
I think it boils down to being controlled by a spirit of fear. I am so fearful of allowing myself to be obsessive again with exercise (logging minutes, miles, repetitions, sets, etc., etc.) and with food that I throw out (almost) all intelligent thought about these things. Truth is, this is being controlled just as much as I was before–when I obsessed. God wants me to be free from this fear so that I can walk in knowledge and in peace. He can use information about food content to encourage my heart, my health, and my life so that I can glorify him. Will I dare to grow in this? Yikes!
Oh dear! There it is again! That call for balance! I don’t trust myself to handle it well, I guess!
Or…hhmmm… even as I type that, I wonder…am I making excuses again for indulging my flesh? Hmmm….I have a lot to pray through!
Ok…YOUR turn! 🙂
This time I know what is going on. I know that the Enemy of my soul is at the root of this. I know that he wants me to wrap my excuses in a “godly” reason, too:
