Last week, I created the Fire the Desire 3-Day Challenge form (did you download it on Tuesday?) in response to a request from one of my coaching clients that we “shake things up” to stimulate a change. I wanted to partner along with her, so I decided to take the challenge myself. Silly me. The first day I had stars in every box. WOOT! WOOT! YAY! I had an early breakfast 0 to 5 on the second day…off to a rousing start. Then, my daughter, recently returned from her first international trip, announced her desire to go to IN-n-Out. Hubby, Michaela and I headed off and, since I wasn’t hungry, I just got a diet soda. How about that! I would guess that was about when pride set in.
Next, I persevered through some tennis drills with hubby, still sustained by my breakfast. But after that? Well, I have no idea what happened. Something…I think when I got home I started “grazing” maybe because nothing sounded really good even though I was hungry (or was I?). So suddenly, my Fire the Desire 3-Day Challenge form had a big circle for one of the hours instead of a star! GASP!!!
THIS WAS NOT OK WITH ME! (Perfectionism rears its ugly head…it is not our friend!)
So, I did the mature thing…I crumpled it up (a tantrum, basically) and threw it in the trash. I printed out another chart so I could pretend to be perfect after all.
STOP!
Please tell me you won’t do this (or haven’t done this)!!!
And if you aren’t doing the challenge, I know you can relate even generally to applying yourself to eating 0 to 5, right?
Here is what I propose: If we have an hour when we feel hard pressed to put our star or favorite mark in the box (or experience victory if you aren’t doing the challenge with the chart), let’s circle the box, sure. Then, in the space below the grid, jot down an observation and correction. Prayerfully answer these questions: What happened to cause me to eat outside of my boundaries of 0 and 5 (or to drink sweetened beverages or not to have time praising the Lord at all during the day, etc)? What can I do differently next time so I won’t give in to whatever it was that got me during this hour?
Once you have answered these questions, you can consider the hour that is circled on your grid (or the choice you made to “mess up”) REDEEMED! You have allowed God to take your misstep (or, if you want to be really hard on yourself, a “failure”) and turn it into a victory where you have learned something to do differently when a similar situation presents itself the next time. THAT is a victory! This is what the Hallidays mean when they say failure can be a teacher, a coach, rather than your undertaker.
So, don’t do what I did and act like none of those starred boxes matter just because one of them didn’t have a star in it. Don’t assume that all the time you have made choices to honor God and to stay within your boundaries don’t matter just because of a mess up! Instead, observe and correct and praise God for the opportunity to learn.
In fact, let’s celebrate those boxes with stars in them. Let’s rejoice over the many moments we have made God-honoring choices!
But, of course, let’s have godly balance here…if you have more boxes that are circled than you do ones with stars in them, there is a problem–you may not be committed. But one hour out of 24–an hour where you were willing to observe (confess) and correct (repent) and make a plan for next time doesn’t a rotten day make!
How About You?
How are you doing on the challenge? Sure, you can start over from scratch if you want to, but why not observe and correct and press on now? This is the way life is. It is rarely perfect!
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10
Imagine sitting with a friend. No distractions, just the two of you. You share with the friend how you are struggling with a trial and then ask the friend what you should do. The friend looks at you with love on his face and says: Peace, be still.
What?!? What on earth do you mean “Peace, be still”?!?!? How could I possibly“be still” when I should be DOING something about it all?
For the past three weeks, at various times, I have sat with my prayer journal open…an exercise that is dear to me. I pour out my heart to God on the page, writing my prayers (it helps me to stay focused). Sometimes, I am impressed with something to write down–something that seems to be from the heart of God for me. The theme over the past three weeks has been “Be still and know that I AM God.”
Again. Again. Again.
And…
…again.
Do you notice the presence of “I AM” in the middle of that verse? You may recall that God used the “I AM” to identify himself to Moses when Moses asked God His name. He responded with “Tell the Egyptians that I AM sent you to them.” There is something supremely sufficient in this designation for God and while Psalm 46:10 may not intentionally be the use of the “I AM” name, it nevertheless causes me to think of this.
It has occurred to me that no matter what the question, no matter what the ache, the emptiness that I feel, God’s name, “I Am” is the answer. God is the answer.
“Lord, what will be enough for me?”
I AM.
“Lord, who will be my Comforter for my heartache? Who grieves with me when I grieve?”
I AM.
“What will finally be the solution to my struggle with eating and my weight?”
I AM.
No matter what the challenge, struggle or question, our God says we can know him, I AM, as the sufficiency we need, the strength in our weakness.
But I only experience him as the answer when I still my mind and heart and body. I must Be Still and Know. He tells me to Be Still and Know I AM God… and there is something that will happen as I do that. Are you like me at all? My mind tends to spin and spiral and go wonky if left unchecked. That is when I may grab for food to “center” me. Isn’t that strange? Then, my mind spirals and spins even more…
STOP.
I must be still and know that he is God.
When I stop the spiraling thoughts, when I choose to STILL myself…and this means sitting out on the deck, in the bath, in a chair with a towel over my head–whatever it takes so that NOTHING has my attention but my GOD… I experience a fresh wind. I experience fresh forgiveness. Strength. Peace. Calm. I experience HIM. I am still and I know He is God. He is my portion. I magnify HIM instead of whatever it is that I am struggling with.
We aren’t wired to be still. We are wired to DO DO DO. But we want to obey what he commands and he commands us to be still and know that I am God.
When we still ourselves, we may be surprised. There is much more victory in what another translation of this verse says this way: “Cease striving.” Doesn’t that sound like a great idea? Let’s just cease striving.
When we stop our spinning, spiraling, running, and striving and just rest and know, ponder, dwell on HIS character, His awesomeness, I believe we get the clarity we need.
Stillness is a path to victory.
What can you do to foster stillness today…if not literal physical stillness, perhaps a quiet, still heart that ponders the awesomeness of God–even for a moment? Share with us here what happens for you. If you do this when you are tempted to eat, tell us the outcome!
A frustrated dieter for years, you are finally taking the plunge! You have decided to give Thin Within a try. You are aware that the “freedom phase” — the beginning stage of Thin Within where you are encouraged to set aside all dieting laws and rules — is likely to be very challenging for you. You are aware at every turn that eating whatever you feel like eating can be tricky. It has been so long since you have enjoyed chocolate guilt-free, for instance. Regular dressing on your salad instead of fat-free has been unheard of until now. The idea sounds wonderful, but it is extremely frightening to trust this process.
You begin the day tentatively…some toast, an egg, and a bit of yogurt. You are hungry and the food actually tastes good…well, all except the toast–you know it would taste better with some butter, or at least some jelly, but you toss it out instead of risk it. You stop eating when you are no longer hungry and head into the day.
A few hours later, you sense hunger approaching. You finish the meeting with a co-worker and by the time you can break for lunch you are famished. Again, aware that you are allowed great freedom in your food selections, you nevertheless, “play it safe” with a salad at lunch. You want to reach for the regular salad dressing, but guilt overwhelms you. You are just positive that you need to be careful about things like this if you are to lose weight.
You pick up the kids and their friends after school. It’s the last day of class and they are in a celebratory mood! School is out for summer! They ask if you will take them by the grocery store to get the fixings for hot fudge sundaes. One thing these kids are is naturally thin eaters! Upon arriving home, they scoop themselves modest portions of ice cream, heat up some hot fudge in the microwave, topping the masterpieces with a smidgen of whipped cream, sliced almonds, and chocolate sprinkles. After enjoying conversation and their snacks around the dining table, they head to the TV room for a much-deserved movie.
Now, you find yourself alone in the kitchen. The refrigerator and freezer with aaaaalll those hot fudge sundae fixings stands there as if to say, “What are you going to do?” Your stomach is clearly empty–and no small wonder, when you consider what you have eaten today. The internal battle commences. Will you enjoy some ice cream? Or will you play it safe?
Prayerfully taking what feels like a large leap of faith, you scoop yourself a modest portion of ice cream, drizzle a tablespoon (or so) of hot fudge over it and forego the whipped cream and almonds altogether. Oh! Dare you really EAT this? Sure, you are hungry…but how on EARTH can you justify eating this? It is SO decadent and it really can’t be ok. Making a quick mental calculation for the premium ice cream and the hot fudge, you are just positive that this is an easy 350 calories if not closer to 500. “Surely, Thin Within can’t teach that I am not supposed to do the math!” You wonder how you could possibly lose any weight if you eat ice cream and hot fudge. You are just sure you need to learn to say NO to yourself. You are reminded of what the leader at your Thin Within class said only the night before about being willing, when you are hungry, to select foods you will enjoy. You know you would LOVE to have this sundae. So, you sit down, and try desperately to calm your mind.
You dig your spoon into the creamy ambrosia as hot fudge drips off the edge of the spoon. You savor the flavors slowly while an internal battle continues to rage. You can’t shake the guilt. “I can’t eat this! This is wrong! If I am going to do the right thing, I can’t eat this! This is so bad for me! I am abusing my body when I eat like this! I am such a failure. This can’t be ok for me–maybe for others, but not for me.”
You force yourself to finish eating the small sundae anyhow–after all, this is “freedom!” (“Thin Within says so!”) You, however, are plagued by guilt. It is a tremendous load on your shoulders. Even while you chastise yourself, something flips a switch inside of you. “That’s it! I have blown it! It’s over with now. I may as well GO for it!” Guilt guilt guilt and more guilt.
You get an edge–an attitude–you open the freezer door. Reaching for the ice cream you dig out a larger second portion and heat up twice as much hot fudge as the first time. This time, you heap a generous portion of whipped cream all over it, smothering it as if trying to smother your own guilt. Sitting down to watch an afternoon TV show while you eat you mindlessly inhale the second portion of ice cream. You find yourself back in the kitchen taking a spoon to the hot fudge. You hear the kids coming, so you steal away to the bathroom, hot fudge container and spoon in hand where no one will see….
You find yourself in the bathroom and, devastated, you sentence yourself, “I will never break free. I have to stop eating foods that trigger me!”
New Thin Within participants often share incidents such as this one. They explain that chocolate, bread, pasta, etc., “triggers” a response that keeps them stuck eating for the rest of the day once they have indulged in something not formerly on their “allowed foods” lists.
But I wonder…is it the actual food that does the triggering? Or could it, perhaps, be the thought that you are eating something that you are not supposed to be eating? Perhaps it is important to renew your mind about food before you eat it. If you haven’t informed your conscience and renewed your mind about the food, then no matter how permissible the food may be from God’s perspective, it isn’t from yours.Romans 14:23 says you may be condemned because you are defying your conscience. Maybe you need to inform your conscience.
But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat,
because their eating is not from faith;
and everything that does not come from faith is sin.
Romans 14:23
So let’s inform your conscience just a bit together. Reason with me for just a moment.
Let’s say that you have a choice to eat either a salad with low-fat dressing or a half sandwich with chicken, cheese, and veggies.
There is no doubt that the salad has less calories than the half sandwich.
You feel compelled that choosing the lower calorie option is the better choice, even though you are learning how to eat the Thin Within way.
Consider for a moment, though: What are calories? They are fuel. So the salad offers less fuel than the half sandwich. What this basically means is that while you may be taking in fewer calories in the salad, you will run out of fuel sooner…and get hungry sooner, when you will then have to make another choice about what to eat when hungry or choose to deprive yourself when you are hungry. The person who eats the half sandwich may be choosing the option that is higher in calories…which simply means it has more fuel to offer. The way our bodies run, that just means that she won’t need more fuel quite so soon if she is eating according to physical hunger and satisfaction. She won’t be signaled that she is hungry quite as soon.
You see, there really is no benefit to eating the item that is less calorie dense when you follow the Thin Within approach.
When I was releasing 100 pounds using the Thin Within principles, I never ate a single salad (I don’t like vegetables). Instead, I ate pizza, desserts, french fries (from McDonalds…I know, this is appalling to many :-)!), etc. I honestly lost all my weight eating this way. When I tell people that, they often say “You must have exercised a lot.” Not while I was still releasing the weight I didn’t. I didn’t do much exercising in addition to normal life (with kids, horses and dogs) until much later, after I had released the weight.
But because I ate these foods according to physical hunger and satisfaction, it meant that I ate small portions and these foods, because they are calorie–FUEL–rich, sustained me. I didn’t need to eat very frequently or very large portions at all.
Some might feel that by eating those foods that are so high in salt and fat that my cholesterol would go flying off the charts. Consider with me again: When we are concerned about these things, it isn’t the thing (like fat) itself that causes these problems in our bodies. Just like it isn’t sugar itself. It is the quantity. When you eat the small amounts of ANY of the foods that you desire, you will not end up with high cholesterol or diabetes (at least it isn’t likely) or any of the other health problems that so many of us relate to eating “too much of the wrong thing.” Portions served in restaurants are HUGE. You can enjoy a bit of any food on the planet and discover that it doesn’t take much to satisfy you AND it will not cause your blood pressure to spike, cholesterol to go up or your arteries to clog.
Back to our triggering example that we began with: I believe that the reason many of us are “triggered” as we try to break free from dieting is because we haven’t informed our conscience about all of these things. We haven’t explained to our brains the truth about food.
The Truth is: No food is more righteous than any other.
Sure, it is best to have a variety of foods with a variety of nutrients–something Thin Within calls “beneficial foods,” but having steamed broccoli instead of chips and salsa doesn’t make someone a better person, a godlier Christian, or a skinnier person either. The key is why we what we eat, when we eat what we eat, and how much we eat. In the past, we were told “You are what you eat.” That simply isn’t true.
My husband and I go out to breakfast every so often at McDonalds. I get the sausage biscuit. He gets the yogurt and fruit parfait. The sausage biscuit sustains me for four hours–even when I play two hours of tennis. The yogurt holds Bob about two hours, as he sits at a desk at work. Which choice is better? 🙂 (Gosh, I am spoiled, aren’t I?)
Do you see what I mean?
So inform your conscience about food. See if doing so doesn’t eliminate any “triggering” behavior. I really believe it isn’t the food at all. It is the false guilt that kicks in when we think we have “blown it” and want to quit.
When you inform your conscience that you can enjoy the hot fudge sundae with freedom between the godly boundaries of physical hunger and satisfaction, I am willing to bet my bottom dollar that you won’t go binge crazy and gobble down another hefty bowl of ice cream *or* find yourself hiding out in the bathroom with the hot fudge and a spoon.
What do you think? Do you need to inform your conscience about food and give yourself a chance to truly enjoy the freedom you have? What might that look like for you? Can you create a list of true statements about food and use it to renew your mind about food?
My husband and I have enjoyed one another’s company for most of our almost 30 years together. In fact, I can’t think of a time when we haven’t liked doing things together or even just hanging out together in the evenings and weekends–even through some of the most tumultuous seasons. (Maybe he wouldn’t agree! LOL!…Nope, I just called him to ask and he says it’s true.) Right now is one of those very very difficult times for us, but we still enjoy going out to dinner, watching a video, or on a drive. Sometimes, he even plays tennis with me. 🙂
For as long as I can remember, when Bob has gone out of town–something that his job has always required of him–I have experienced my most emotional, vulnerable times. This goes beyond merely missing him. I am not sure if it is somehow connected to what is an irrational fear of abandonment rooted in childhood experiences or if it is something else entirely. Through the years, though, I have come to see that I am prone to head to the freezer in the evening when he isn’t home. (Not that this isn’t a challenge when he is home, but the pull becomes even more significant when he isn’t home.) Ice cream is my nemesis at times like those. Not just one bowl of ice cream, but multiple bowls. Even better with hot fudge, whipped cream, and nuts.
Fortunately, I have came to a point of realizing this vulnerability. Planning in advance for this when I know my husband is going to be out of town enables me to be successful. I make provision for my spirit instead of my flesh. I try not to have ice cream in the house when I am in this “weakened state” 🙂 and I make plans to do something specific in the evenings to redirect my attention into something positive and encouraging–a tennis match, an evening spent writing, extra time in bible study, or going out with friends.
Developing an awareness of my emotions and various motivations for eating outside of my primary boundary of 0 to 5 eating, has been extremely helpful for me.
Personally, it doesn’t take much for me to think about eating. Being angry, annoyed, discontented, lonely, envious, frustrated, greedy, lustful, resentful, unforgiving, insecure, judging (of myself or by others), caught in perfectionism, prideful, regretful, stressed, rejected, worried, sad, disappointed, disapproved of, joyful, liberated, entitled, hopeless, justified, tired of the struggle, bored, etc., etc., ad infinitum, ad nauseum! These are all reasons I might turn to food outside of physical hunger. My heart insists I feed it at times like this! It seems to cry for food incessantly.
When I am drawn to eat, it helps to ask some questions:
1.) What is drawing me to food right now? Is it stomach hunger? Head hunger? Or Heart hunger?
2.) If the answer is heart hunger, I evaluate what emotion I am currently feeling. (Often, when I am angry, it is a secondary emotion…something else, usually more painful to feel, is the primary emotion. For instance, if someone during my day has said something mean to me, I may feel anger surge up, but what is often at work there is sadness, disappointment, fear.) Giving this question prayerful consideration is a good first place to start.
3.) What is the need that is currently not being met? Sometimes my heart is hungry for love, acceptance, assurance, etc. Pinpointing what it is really hungry for is helpful.
4.) Will food meet the need that is currently not being met?
5.) If I choose to eat anyhow, will eating in response to this emotion actually *cost* me something in addition to the emotion I already feel? For instance, will I be disappointed with myself and will it add to feelings of hopelessness?
6.) Often, when I am drawn to food because of emotion, my focus is on ME ME ME. Is there some way in which I can focus in a more positive direction? Perhaps on the Lord? What about some time spent working on my God List and having a Praise Fest?
Here is what I have found. Ecclesiastes 3:11 seems to indicate that God has set a God-shaped hole inside of me. It is a hole that only a God-shaped “peg” can fill. It cries to be filled. If I don’t understand that it is a God-shaped hole, I will reach for all manner of other “pegs” to fill it. Food is the primary “peg” I jam in there. All the while, the emptiness, the cry for deeper intimacy with God in this moment, calls to be satisfied, longs for me to recognize the only solution to the ache.
Intimacy with our Creator is the only solution to this Heart Cry. I have developed a series at my other blog for developing intimacy with the Lord–even through trials and heartache. The material there is a product of my Thin Within journey, to be honest!
When our hearts are hungry, we want to feed them what they need. At the deepest place, this hunger is one that only a good dose of “feasting on the Lord” can satisfy.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:25-26
What will you do today…or in the next week…to feed your Heart Hunger what it really is hungry for…intimacy with your Creator and King?
