by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 6, 2013 | Blog
Boundaries are good things. They keep us safe–like on the highway. I sure am glad that most everyone abides by the idea in the US that staying on the right side of the double yellow line is a good idea. 🙂 A BOUNDARY! 🙂 I have a boundary when I go into a store. I see something and I may want it, but I don’t stick it in my backpack and walk out until after I pay for it. That is another boundary that I adhere to routinely. I bet you do, too!
Boundaries
There are moments of weakness when I may struggle with adhering to 0 to 5 eating as a worthy, godly, helpful boundary. For those times, I “whip out” my trusty Blackberry (any device will work for this–in fact, I could use Evernote for it!–but you could just have an index card in your purse or pocket, too) and have a list that I refer to. Sometimes I need to be reminded that 0 to 5 eating is a boundary that I can delight in!
I have written the following in a file on my Blackberry:
REASONS WHY 0 to 5 BOUNDARIES ARE GREAT, GOOD, GODLY and I WANT TO ADHERE TO THEM:
- I end up “naturally” being the size God intends, and being the size God intends, I fit into my clothes more comfortably.
- Being the size God intends, my blood pressure is more manageable, my joints hurt less, I can get around the tennis court easier, and new activities strain my joints and muscles less.
- Eating 0 to 5, I enjoy the variety of foods that God provides without having to obsess about content…this makes it easier to travel, to go out to eat, to do activities, and to generally live the life I enjoy for the glory of God!
- Eating 0 to 5 I am free to make decisions in the moment…I can rely on God to lead me. It keeps me dependent on him in a way I wouldn’t otherwise be. Eating and drinking (and anything “ordinary” for that matter) can all be done for his glory.
- I like not worrying about food and eating. When I have dieted in the past, worry seemed to be a constant companion!
- I want to be healthy, physically *and* mentally–dieting was horrible for my mental and spiritual (and emotional) health!
I have some additional reasons on my list, but they are a bit more personal. I am sure you can come up with some of your own.
The bottom line for me is FREEDOM! Eating 0 to 5, I naturally land on and maintain the weight that is best for me. If I am especially active, my body tells me it needs fuel. If I am sick or less active, my body signals me it needs less. It is so much easier than anything else. I have found that it not only helps me to maintain my closeness with God instead of causing me to bow before a diet god, but it causes me to be closer to God than ever before!
What are some reasons that you think 0 to 5 is a good boundary for you?
Note: “0 to 5” eating is eating between physical stomach hunger empty (0) and physical stomach satisfaction (5). This is the approach endorsed by and taught in Thin Within. For resources and support, please visit the Thin Within website!
by Heidi Bylsma | Apr 9, 2012 | Blog
If you have visited this blog for any time at all, you know that I celebrated a loss of 100 pounds using only the Thin Within principles…eating when hungry, stopping when no longer hungry, eating any food I wanted to, and not being involved in any exercise routine of any kind. Because of all the reasons I tended to want to eat aside from hunger, I learned to depend on God a whole lot to be my “portion” when heart hunger and head hunger called. These can’t be satisfied with physical food. During the time I released the weight, my walk with God deepened as I leaned on him for strength. So, from Nov. 2006 to Fall of 2007, I released 100 pounds of physical weight and emotionally and spiritually, I felt set free as well.
But what has happened since then?
Four and a half years later, I remain a healthy size. That is the good news.
But, I haven’t kept all 100 pounds off. I think there was something magical about “100” pounds for me…the number became almost more important than anything else. I don’t think that was where I was supposed to land for the rest of my life. So being that thin isn’t God’s “ideal size” for me.
In fact, last year at this time, I saw just how easy it was for me to be obsessed with weight, size and exercise again! I revisited an obsession I hadn’t known in over 15 years! I exercised 2 hours a day in addition to the tennis I was playing. That clearly was out of line.
Truthfully, since 2007, my size has fluctuated. I have remained a healthy size during all that time, but there IS in fact, a lot of work yet that God is doing regarding how I view food and my body. I am definitely still a work in progress.
In my rather lengthy dieting history before 1999 (when I stopped dieting), I never stayed a healthy size for more than a year once the weight was lost, let alone almost five! So I continue to celebrate the fact that I am still a healthy size! WHOO HOO! It is, after all, so easy to beat myself up (even now!) for ways I fall short.
I thought I would share with you some of the struggles I do have…
- “Nutritionally dense” foods are not my preferred fare. I am stuck in Phase 1 of Thin Within most of the time…the “Freedom Phase.” Since much of my childhood abuse was focused on food, I do try to extend some measure of grace to myself about not eating raw carrots or green salad. Truthfully, I only like vegetables in salsa and well-cooked stew or soup! I hope to “grow up” relative to my eating preferences.
- This continues to be a journey of my heart–much more so than of the body. It doesn’t take much for me to rush back to the comfort that I have found in food over the course of my life–maybe not with the abandon and zeal of my former years, but the thinking is still there…or there again.
- I got rid of my bathroom scale at least four years ago at the encouragement of my accountability partner at the time. It was a great choice then, but right now I am drawn to the added accountability of numbers! This BUGs me–the truth is, I know if I am eating according to the boundaries God has given me without a bathroom scale! If I eat according to those boundaries, I need not fear weight gain. If I don’t eat according to those parameters, I know I will likely “find” weight that was “lost.” Numbers are so motivating because they are so instant. But I want a heart that is transformed…both in terms of how I think of food and what is most important to me–heart change or body change? I could use the numbers of the scale to be motivated more to stay focused on 0 to 5 eating, but the expense to my heart might be rather high…I might become obsessed with weight–numbers–again. I don’t want to go there! Goodness! I am over-thinking this, I am sure. I just want to be normal!
- Fear has a grip on me again (still?). (I am sure that is obvious! LOL!) I live in fear that I will weigh 250 pounds again. I want to value having a heart change more than a body change…but honestly, I don’t live with such noble motivations much of the time. :-/ I know God wants to renew my thinking in this. I am even more fearful because of my role in the Thin Within company and with a possible book project (being pitched this month)–if I am going to be connected with “Thin” anything, I better be sure not to blow it and not be a healthy size! How is that for godly, deep, thinking?
Here is a photo that hubby took on Saturday…his newest hobby is photography and the silly man likes to take pictures of things in motion the most, it seems. I tend to be his primary “subject.” It definitely keeps me “honest.” So one more thing I guess I struggle with…when I see this photo, I see “fluffy.” I don’t like that. I want to see hardened, athletic muscles! I know this is something that God wants to change in my thinking, too. Somewhere between “fat acceptance” and “obsession with thin” is a place where I honor God with my eating, worship with joyful movement of my body, delight in who HE is, and who He is making me to be!
Well, there you have it. The truth tossed out on the table. So, though I have kept off most of the weight, though I am a healthy size, my mind is definitely stuck in a place that I don’t think is healthy for me! I need to “lose” the old mindset!
But I am optimistic that God is doing a new thing even now! I refuse to live in condemnation because I don’t “do this” perfectly. He is sanctifying me, one babystep at a time!
How about you? Can you relate to any of the struggles I have listed? What new thing is God possibly doing in you right now?
by Heidi Bylsma | Jan 18, 2012 | Blog
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
~ Psalm 131:2
Yesterday is yesterday. It is gone, past. It wasn’t like the day before and it is different from what today will hold. I choose to learn from it.
So, today as I rest in God’s presence, I feel a conviction in my heart. I know I need to bring something to him for his cleansing. At first, I feel like it is the food–my eating. Yesterday was a day filled with a lot of emotionally draining situations. Truthfully, I didn’t quiet myself with my meals…not at all. But as I evaluate, I realize that if I didn’t eat within my physical boundaries, I was close to it.
But what I *do* realize is that I didn’t quiet my heart. I didn’t really BE STILL. I didn’t follow the call of God found in Isaiah 30:15, that “in repentance and rest, is your salvation. In quietness and trust, is your strength.” I tried to find strength on my own…and that is defective. No wonder I was so spent.
A lot faced me yesterday. Each one of the situations individually would have been challenging, but it was a day filled with one thing after the other…four HUGE things.
As I look back on yesterday, then, I want to allow God, invite the Spirit, to invade my thinking. To, again, change the way I think–even in retrospect.
Lord, I thank you that I find strength when I am quiet, repent, rest and trust IN YOU. I tried to navigate the emotional and situational challenges of yesterday with my own strength and it didn’t work. Lord, sometimes it feels like being still and knowing you are God is a waste of time I could be using to get things done. Wow! Such arrogance. Thank you that you forgive me for that. You have said in your Word that being still provides strength. I choose your way, Lord. Today, I know I need your strength, too. Change my thinking, Lord. Transform me. Renew my mind. Being still in your presence is the most power-infusing place I can be. You will be magnified. My life is totally beyond me. I need you today. I choose to quiet my soul right now. Be Lord in me, in my life today. Here is my hand, Lord. I choose to walk with you. Thank you, Jesus, that you make it possible. Amen.
by Heidi Bylsma | Jan 17, 2012 | Blog
My accountability partner has been teaching me the value of renewing my mind about food and eating. This is helping me tremendously to get back on track. I haven’t been at peace with food and my body for a couple of years (if I *ever* was, really!).
I had a season of exercising a lot and I “justified” eating outside of my boundaries, just like I would back in the dieting days! “I have worked out long and hard! I can ‘afford’ to eat this!”
Recently, I wondered about returning to 1-2 hours of intense cardio each day (in addition to the tennis I play almost daily). I also wondered about getting a bathroom scale again… “Just to motivate me!” I have to be honest with you…these are thoughts–temptations for me, really–that would short-cut what I need to learn. I need to learn to think differently. When I think differently, I will act differently.
My mind has to be renewed. How I view food, it’s purpose and place in my life, how I view boundaries…whether I will have them and which ones, etc…etc… All of this has to be determined, committed to.
This evening I am meeting my sister who is coming from out of town. Our meetings are typically somewhat intense as we have to make decisions and have conversations about our mother’s care. Add to this fact, this morning, my husband left town, beginning a long season of travel, which changes the dynamic in our home considerably given my 19-year-old son and I struggle in our communication. Bob typically runs interference for me with Daniel. So I find myself a bit keyed up (something else I need to renew my mind about!).
Soon, my daughter and I will leave to meet my sister for dinner at a buffet–“Fresh Choice.” I want to be proactive right now and plan to be very specific about what I will eat and how I will look at food given the abundance provided there coupled with the emotions I feel.
With the help of my accountability partner, I have learned how to ask myself questions and how to answer them, evaluating what I REALLY want. Affirming the TRUTH has made a huge difference for me. I am committed to doing this at least once each day regardless of if I have struggled with my eating or not. Practically, this is training me to think differently. But it *is* a slow process.
Right now, I am going to do this with the buffet and how I feel today. I thought I would give you a glimpse into this process, in case you might find it helpful. So here it is, happening in “real time!”
Lord, I am dreading what is ahead today. I am definitely dreading taking my Mom to the doctor tomorrow. In fact, I have dreaded these two days for a while. I feel so helpless. I know, Lord, that the buffet dinner tonight will offer a whole lot of options for “numbing” myself to the feelings I don’t want to feel. I reject that, Lord. Instead of viewing the buffet as an opportunity to do what I want, I choose to take captive my thoughts about food and eating. My body was purchased by the precious blood of Jesus and it isn’t mine to do with as I please. My body belongs to the Lord. I want to feed it only when it needs fuel and I want to feed it an appropriate amount that it needs.
Lord, I want to apply myself to following the 8 Keys to Conscious Eating, even in the middle of a restaurant with my sister and daughter present. Lord. I know I may FEEL like I *want* to eat more, but what do I really want? Lord, I want to eat in a way that is in line with 1 Corinthians 10:31…to glorify you in my eating! I choose to rejoice in eating appropriately, within God-given boundaries. I choose NOT to look to food to meet needs in my heart that can only be met through fellowship with the Lover of my Soul. Is the sacrifice really too great? Is it really too high a price to pay to lay down a second brownie or another piece of french bread? Isn’t experiencing joy in my eating experience with NO regret afterward worth NOT overeating? I get to eat whatever I want within the physical boundaries of hunger and satisfaction! No diets ever again! That is a gift! Lord, I don’t want to abuse that gift by stuffing more food in than I need.
Lord, I don’t need very much food at this buffet. I know that even arriving really hungry (which I will definitely be as I am hungry now!), it won’t take much more than a fistful-sized amount of food to satisfy me. I need to slow down and really take note of the wonderful tastes and textures and delight in how efficient my body is! Lord, thank you that I don’t need much food!
Lord, another thought that is a lie that pops in at buffets is that in order to get my money’s worth, I need to eat a lot of food. That is so silly! I am not paying for this meal so that I can harden my heart, stuff my face, and boast that I have a good cost-to-quantity ratio! That is ridiculous! I want to pay the full buffet price for a wonderful bowl of the chicken pozole I love (with cheese), a piece of french bread (slathered in butter) and a brownie muffin. That will probably be enough to satisfy me and it is well worth the cost since I enjoy the flavors so much and don’t have a soup recipe that I love nearly as much.
Lord, I do have the emotions to contend with, but if I stuff food to numb my feelings, I will not only have to face the emotions again afterwards, but also disappointment in myself and feeling yucky physically for overeating. Lord, the benefit to eating more than I need is slight…it isn’t even a benefit. It is that I get to taste the food longer. Well, duh! If I eat half as much food twice as slow, I get to taste the food just as long without overeating! It makes no sense to overeat. Lord, I trust this to you.
Thank you that THESE are the truths. The lies have NO place in my mind. I choose to take captive my thoughts and make them obedient to you. I LOVE how I feel inside when I make THIS sacrifice. When I lay down my wants for the greater joy of following you. Thank you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
by Heidi Bylsma | Jan 13, 2012 | Blog
I have an accountability partner who is amazing. God is so gracious in giving her to me. I don’t know if she would want to be mentioned by name, so I won’t just yet. But I hope to introduce you to her one day.
Under her guidance and discipleship, really, I am learning to speak short (well, relatively! LOL!), direct statements, declaring TRUTH about my eating and living.
Today, I had an “eating occasion” that had nothing to do with 0 to 5 eating (eating between the parameters of physical hunger and satisfaction). I decided to renew my mind (in the way my partner recommends) this afternoon and these truths are the ones I want to wrap my mind around. Can you identify with any of them following an “eating occasion” that you regret?
TRUTH: This way of behaving is NOT in line with godly goals of being Christlike.
TRUTH: Eating what I want when I want doesn’t get me what I really want—which is to be more like Jesus!
TRUTH: I am CALLED to make sacrifices in love for the Lord, but also for the people to whom He has called me to minister.
TRUTH: Obeying the Lord actually delights my heart. The “deprivation” I feel at the moment is followed by a bunch of moments of a full heart, rejoicing that I gave that tempting moment to Christ.
TRUTH: I am forgiven in Christ.
TRUTH: I am a new creature in Christ.
TRUTH: I DO care.
TRUTH: I don’t have a right to this body of mine at all…it belongs to Christ. He purchased it…with his blood.
TRUTH: I need to practice what I preach.
TRUTH: There is NO condemnation toward me.
TRUTH: I must be gentle with myself remembering babysteps get me there.
TRUTH: I don’t like how I feel when I overeat and the long-term ramifications are a bummer, too.
TRUTH: Jesus is after my heart.
TRUTH: He is using my struggle with food to make me utterly dependent on Him.
TRUTH: I want to cooperate with His plan for my life.
TRUTH: I want to be faithful.
TRUTH: Waiting until I am hungry to eat is a GODLY BOUNDARY that I value.
TRUTH: Eating in a calm environment, reducing distractions—internally and externally—before I allow a bite to pass my lips and as I eat—will help me. It is a boundary worth keeping.
TRUTH: Praising God before I eat actually fills my soul and defeats “desire eating” (outside of hunger).
TRUTH: Eating while sitting helps me be more peaceful. It is a boundary I value. I believe God wants me to keep this boundary, too.
TRUTH: I am not “overspiritualizing” this since I know that 1 Corinthians 10:31 says that whether I eat or drink I can do it ALL to the glory of God. (Implying that I can also eat or drink in a way that doesn’t glorify him!)
TRUTH: I want to eat only once my mind and body are relaxed, even if it means being hungry a bit longer…to be sure I am aware and calmly enjoying my food.
TRUTH: I will eat and drink things I enjoy…(that isn’t really a problem for me). I want to learn to weigh carefully what I choose and be a bit more selective. Lord, please heal me of my tendency to be a sweet-a-holic.
TRUTH: Paying attention to my food instead of also reading or watching something or surfing with my iPad when I am eating is valuable for helping me “record” the experience as an eating experience.
TRUTH: Eating slowly, savoring each bite can help me grow in gratitude toward the Lord for the amazing flavors and textures that he has invented as well as help me to eat less. I will also eat less too.
TRUTH: Stopping before I am full is a happy place to stop. I end up eating with joy and stopping with joy and continuing on with my day/evening with joy. It is worth it.
TRUTH: Adhering to these truths/boundaries is something I want to do and is extremely rewarding. What I suffer when I violate my boundaries is NOT worth the short-term “joy” I have when I violate them. The short-term sacrifices that I make to adhere to my boundaries are sooooo worth the pay-off!
So…which of these can YOU identify with? 🙂
