HEAL Week One Assignment

by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 4, 2009 | Blog

Hi, everyone! Have a wonderful Lord’s Day! Today, I will relish the presence of God in the wilderness.

Last night, I confessed during bedtime prayers with my son and husband that I was anxious about today…helping on the worship team with songs that are out of my voice range…or certainly at the higher end AND having to play chords that I prefer to avoid (F# and G#m…ugh…) all at the same time. My son prayed that I would be filled with “a spirit of worship.” Oh wow…how perfect is that prayer.

I pray that all of us might be filled with a spirit…Spirit (big “S” perhaps, as it is the HOLY Spirit that floods us with a desire to worship the true God of the universe instead of to bow to self or something else!)…of worship today. May we bow before the true God and be flooded full of a desire to worship him no matter what circumstances face us!

About the HEAL study:

The assignment for this week from the HEAL book is as follows:

• Read the beginning material…The Acknowledements, Introduction, Endorsements, and How to Use this Book. Based on this material, answer these questions:

1.) How does the author strike you? What does she seem to be like?
2.) What connection does she say this material has with Thin Within and/or Judy Halliday, if any? Does this connection encourage you? Concern you? Why? Why not?
3.) Consider inviting a friend on this HEAL journey with you…there are “Accountability Moments” throughout. Create a plan for using those to maximize all that these next 6 weeks can be for you. Options include: a real life friend who goes through the material, too; an online friend who goes through it too; or someone in email or who you can talk to on the phone who will just be there for you to process with when these “accountability moments” come up; someone to pray for you as well; lead a group through HEAL and take advantage of that as an opportunity for accountability; use this blog as a place to be accountable; create or write in your own blog as a place to be accountable and then tell us about it.

As you can see, there is no shortage of ways of being accountable.

• Do Lesson 1: You Are Wonderfully Made, pages 15-29.
• Prepare for the Group Study on pages 31-33
• Additional Challenge: Memorize Psalm 139 – which provides a foundation for this study
• By Friday, we will do the “Group Study” here at the blog and I will look forward to seeing your thoughts about this week. We will spend Friday (maybe even sooner) and any time through the weekend, interacting about the Group Study pages.

If you are not able to join us with the HEAL book, no worries! I trust that there will be something in the posts and dialog that others can glean from, even if they aren’t studying the HEAL book.

Pray for a willing heart to sustain you! Until the pain of staying where we are, overcomes the pain of moving forward toward change, we are bound to staying stuck. Let’s agree to ask God that he will give us the motivation to become “unstuck!” Even if it is painful! (Do we dare?)

Love in Christ,
Heidi

Weighing In On The Scale

by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 17, 2009 | Blog

Truth Inventory ~ Part 1
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As I sat before the Lord with this verse my prayer, asking the Lord, “Where am I now?” “Where do YOU want me to be?” “What must I do to get there?” He was faithful to point out some things. This entry shares just one of these things. 🙂

The very first thing, that he brought to mind had to do with the bathroom scale.

I have lived without a bathroom scale in my life for about three and a half months. God pointed this out to me as something that delights HIS heart! YAY! 😀 So I am thrilled to know that this is definitely something that I am on the right track about.

Choosing to live without the scale was not for the purposes of living without accountability, as some might think. It was to be free from ungodly constraints and obsession. During the two years that I was focused on what God called me to do in 0 to 5 eating, faithfully following his lead, releasing 100 pounds and keeping it off, I allowed the bathroom scale to define me. (Doesn’t this sound contradictory? It is, but there it is anyhow!) I was a slave to it, living in fear of “What if my weight goes up?!”

God has been teaching me during the past three and a half months that I am not defined by what the scale says each day or, even, by what my size is. This isn’t coming naturally to me and I have struggled for all I am worth (at times) to resist heading in to town to purchase a new scale! I remember saying to my husband how motivating it is to see the needle going down…gosh…the Lord wants me to find His voice “motivating!”

Time and again, God has encouraged me with “Won’t you let my voice direct you? Won’t you stand on *my* promises and *my* reassurances instead of a man-made arbitrary device to which you have bowed slavishly your entire life?”

So, God has confirmed that, though I have struggled with obedience in my eating and my self-perception because of more weight on my body than I would like, that I am, indeed, learning lessons that he wants me to really get. Now is not the time to quit by getting a new bathroom scale. I sense his leading in this. YAY!

As I have returned to godly boundaries, this has been even harder. (Go figure!) I want the instant gratification of seeing the scale nudge downward. Boy, the flesh can sure pitch a fit! God lovingly speaks to my heart, “How about the ‘instant gratification’ of ME whispering to you, ‘Well done, child’?” You see, this tendency to grasp at “instant gratification” — that which the bathroom scale seems to feed — is the very same tendency that fuels eating outside of godly boundaries. “I want that NOW! I don’t *want* to wait until I am hungry to eat more of that…” If I am really to be *healed* of the *heart* issue that is at the root of my overeating, one great place to focus is this tendency to “Give it to me now!” Any place where this mentality appears in my life, must come under close scrutiny if I want it eradicated completely. Does that make sense? This incessant drive to hop on a scale each morning, actually fuels the very same heart that insists I have more brownies, or another meal when I am not hungry.

So, living without the scale is a good thing. This is where I am and have been for a while and this is where God wants me to be. YAY! I am so glad that this “Truth Inventory” isn’t all about things I have sploogied about…done wrong. God is so gracious!

Now, along these same lines, what other truth must I face? This is the harder thing to swallow, but the same grace that spoke to me about the above, spoke to me about this as well. I have not been relying on the Holy Spirit to guide and direct me…or, rather…and this is REALLY hard to admit…I have heard his voice and chosen to disobey…to ignore Him. In fact, the bathroom scale would be much “easier” to obey or to sense approval or correction from! Can you believe it?

Here is the thing…The HOLY Spirit resides in me as a child of God in part to empower me to make HOLY choices! He wants to give me the desires and the strength to carry out the desires of God for my life. He requires that I surrender self to Him in order for this to happen, however. He requires this. He will not MAKE me make good choices. He offers me everything I need for life and godliness and it is up to me to embrace it and walk it out in my life.

So where does this put me now? I believe that I am learning invaluable lessons. God wants me to learn to do this thing without the bathroom scale. My evident weight gain over the last 4 months (since the start of our summer study…not much, but enough…) as seen in the way my clothes fit, tells me (as if I needed it to) that I have not been a submissive, obedient, loving child. I knew that already, though! I don’t need my body size to tell me that! In fact, I recall times in my life where I wasn’t obedient, but my size didn’t change…I had “gotten away with” eating outside of godly boundaries. If I were to depend on the scale to “weigh my heart” then it had lied to me during those times…just because my weight hadn’t gone up during those times, didn’t mean I was on target with honoring the Lord with my eating and drinking. I know the truth! God’s Spirit speaks it to my spirit and there is no doubt!

So I will continue to live without the scale. I have continued this week to delight in godly boundaries and feel the burden of my heart lifted. It is such a joyful place to be! Even if my body weight hasn’t changed a bunch, my heart is lighter and I am back where I need to be, willingly surrendering to the canopy of his grace, following the path of GOD’s provision, not grasping at what I want NOW.

I am learning delayed gratification…more…I am learning true satisfaction in a new way. Getting rid of the scale and keeping it gone is a big part of that for me. It has been a frightening step to take, but I am confident that it has been the right place to be…so I press on! AND I press IN to the Lord, to lean on Him, to listen to HIS voice and…to obey it. His boundaries for me are because He loves me.

There is joy here!

Assignment for Week July 27 – August 2

by Heidi Bylsma | Jul 27, 2009 | Blog

If you are continuing with us through the Thin Within book by Judy and Arthur Halliday, this week we will only focus on two chapters because the material is so dense.

Please read chapters 20 and 21 this week and complete all the exercises in these chapters.

Give yourself plenty of time–especially for chapter 20. It is vital material.

Again, I can’t overstress the value of forgiveness in overcoming tendencies to overeat. Please prayerfully immerse yourself in time with the Lord, His Word, and this material this week. If you aren’t at chapter 20 yet, no worries. Please feel free to go the pace that GOD leads. You can still respond on the blog if you like or keep your own blog to record your observations.

Additionally, you may want to consider these things:
1. Is there a Thin Within tool (such as the observation and correction chart, flesh machinery log, food log, or hunger graph) that you can incorporate into your life this week for added accountability?

2. If you have never considered it before, you may want to consider an accountability partner. This blog entry mentions how to consider selecting an accountability partner. An AP can pray for you, help you to keep focused on what is important and be valuable for all sorts of things–not just your Thin Within journey. Please prayerfully consider it!

3. Please keep on generating a list of God’s attributes and his behavior toward you, His child.

4. Take time to practice gratitude statements to the Lord.

5. Praise God for some of the attributes on your list of God’s attributes.

Let’s hunker down and refocus. We still have about a month left to complete the book. This is plenty of time for us to accomplish the godly goals that he set for us. When the book was written it was intended that it be a 30 day book! Can you imagine? 🙂 That would mean we would have had only 10 days left. But the pace we are going affords us about 30 more days! We have as much time for the rest of the material as was intended for the entire book! So, we can DO this! 🙂

I am praying for you today!

Chapter 6 – So…What IS Fat Machinery?

by Heidi Bylsma | Jun 18, 2009 | Blog

Have you ever been doing your thing, going through your day, trying to cope with what comes your way and found yourself mid-way through a half-gallon of Oreo Nut Fudge ice cream–wondering “How did I get here?” It is possible that what you were dealing with was what is called “Fat Machinery” in chapter six of Thin Within.

To illustrate this concept, I want to share a video with you. Actually two video clips edited into one.

First video clip: In this clip, we meet two unique beings discussing food. The man on the left has never been human before. He is an alien who never felt hunger or tiredness, but is now being punished for naughty behavior by being made into a human with all a human’s failings and frailties. The man on the right is an android. He wants to be human, but isn’t. He has earnestly studied humans and human behavior so that he can emulate them in his quest to become “more human.” In this clip, the robot offers advice to the alien-turned-human. What he shares is his observation of fat machinery in action.

Please watch the first part of the video clip below, then pause it and read the description of the second clip before viewing it.

View the first part of the clip now. When you get to the girl dressed in pink, click on pause and return here. 🙂

Did you view it? 🙂 Good…now answer these questions:

• What is the fat machinery in this clip? What unconscious behavior pushes the humans that the robot has studied to choose food?

• What did the alien say was his reason for ordering TEN chocolate sundaes? Can you relate?

• The truth is, we sometimes DO feel better when we eat when in a bad mood. But (and this is an important “but”)…the greater truth is we still have to cope with what made us unhappy or in a bad mood.

In the second video clip, we will see Princess Mia (dressed in pink). She is in line to inherit the throne of Genovia. She has been groomed by her Grandma for this job (played by the inimitable Julie Andrews). At a ball, Mia danced with the man who introduced himself, simply, as “Nicholas.” She accidentally stepped on his foot in the ball scene (not shown) and there had been much made over it. The evening had ended without her ever learning more about the “dashing, mysterious” Nicholas. Now, in the scene you are about to view, she is told someone is challenging her right to the throne of Genovia and he is coming to stay at the palace. In this scene, she greets the nasty person who wants the throne, only to discover it is the gentleman she had been so taken by at the ball…As we begin our clip, Mia is dismayed and disgusted by “Lord Devero’s” claim to the throne…and even more so when she sees who he is.

Watch the rest of the video now. When you get to the end, return here. 🙂

Did you watch the rest of the video?

After you watch the rest of the video clip, answer these questions:

• What emotions did Mia have that she was trying to bury in the Haagen Daaz?
• Can you identify with this at all?

In the book, another example of fat machinery is discussed…It is the way we use, and our responses to, the bathroom scale. Last week I challenged you all to get rid of your bathroom scale. My accountability partner drove off with my scale and I am still THRILLED–but, honestly, it has taken me two and a half years to be willing to do that!

Read the comments by the authors on page 59 about the bathroom scale. Please prayerfully consider the challenge to let go of relying on your bathroom scale–just for the summer if you can’t imagine a lifetime without it! Instead, wait on the Lord, focusing on HIM for what he will do inside your heart and on your body as you trust Him to lead and direct you!

The more we abide by God’s hunger scale (hunger and satisfied cues in our body), the less we feel the need to rely on the bathroom scale. Remember it is about so much more than our size! After we release all our extra weight, God will continue to use the hunger scale to direct our eating.

Here is a thought…so often jumping on the scale is something we do to see “Did I get away with it?” more than anything else! This isn’t a godly approach. Do we really want to endorse it in our lives? I have to give that up. It is HARD for me…I must admit. But I know this is one thing God wants me to work through.

For your consideration:

1.) If someone were to video a scene in your life, would they likely find you turning to food for comfort like the alien or Mia? I know they would me! Invite God to help you to wait on him in moments like those…and to allow HIS truth–that HE is sufficient–to be what you feast upon!

2.) Can you develop a list (maybe on index cards) of bible verses that you can use to “feast upon” when flesh machinery has kicked into high gear for you? If you have a “scripture pantry” of sweet words to feast upon in moments like that, perhaps you can defeat a tendency to run to food outside of physical hunger. Feel free to share any verses with us that God may use to encoruage you in moments like that!

3.) What other examples of fat machinery did you become aware of as you read the chapter? I remember in 2006 when I read this for the 10th (or so time), I became aware of a new one for me…it was weather! When it was storming outside I felt the need to bake! I am a weather weanie and used food to “comfort me” when I was worried about lightning striking a tall pine tree and smashing my house (I need a sanctified imagination! Can you tell?)

4.) Continue to keep your list of God’s attributes and take a few moments to praise him for his character and how he relates to you. My list grows each time I read the book. Sometimes it grows more than other times…But by now I hope you have a pretty long list…Why not pick 5 things on it and spend some time praising God for what these attributes mean to you?

I am heading out of town this evening for a couple of days…I may fall “behind” my tentative assignment for this week. I will actually be working with Judy Halliday on a new project (YAY!). I welcome your prayers for the Lord’s will in that.

Chapter 5 Part 1 – True Confessions About Being “Reconciled” To My Body

by Heidi Bylsma | Jun 16, 2009 | Blog

I have been putting off facing into this chapter, I think. I read the pages up to the place where the Mirror, Mirror Exercise begins. Funny how I did that…It is dated 4 days ago…haven’t touched the book since.

I realized last night as I thought about getting up and including the Mirror Mirror Exercise into my quiet time this morning that I was making excuses. This morning, I am heading out of town with my kids, my accountability partner and her kids to San Francisco. No time! I wanted to spend time in another study (or two) that I am doing…hmmm…Of course, as is typical, God faced me with the truth while I was in those other studies.

So I come to this blog to confess to you that I guess I have more “issues” to deal with than I thought. The thought of doing this exercise, while not as horrific to me as it used to be years ago, nevertheless causes anxiety.

I thought I would make “Part 1” about chapter 5 today about those other things in the chapter that I liked…and realized…I am just procrastinating. God is calling me to do this exercise.

Frankly…I don’t wanna.

So, I am stuck. I will give in to His will, but I know I won’t do it this morning…and I felt a sense of responsibility to tell you why.

I guess I still feel at some level betrayed by my body…But even writing that doesn’t resonate as truth. Maybe I don’t feel betrayed by my body so much as I feel betrayed by me. My behavior…my unwillingness to really lay down some strongholds…specifically this insistence that I get to have something sweet in my mouth all the time. :-/ It used to be diet cherry pepsi…and it is a battle now not to use diet drinks the same way. I am not, thankfully. I know that the battle isn’t so much about aspartame and the damage it can do, but it is a battle of my will…my taste buds being an idol in my life…my bowing down to them. And the damage that does!

While I haven’t been giving in to this temptation lately, I nevertheless feel like some of the weight I now have on my body IS related to giving in to my lust for sweet. Sweet apart from aspartame means sugar, means extra calories coming in when I am not hungry… :-/ That is the truth of things.

I have simplified things again and recommitted to drinking only water or carbonated water unless I am at a 0. I hadn’t realized just how much that boundary had eroded…and this will help, I know. Help not just with finding my natural God-given size, but, more, with conquering this stronghold.

Anyhow, when I look at my physical body like I am supposed to in Day 5 of the book and I know how much it has changed since the “after” picture was taken…I am faced with some truth…sure, I don’t need to be as thin as I was when I drank a lot of caffeine and aspartame…but some of the weight on my body, I believe, is there because I have continued to bow to sweet foods/flavors outside of God’s will for me. It is hard for me to accept about myself. That I am so weak. So rebellious and unwilling.

I know I have posted here about feeling ok about my body and all since then. I guess it is something I will struggle with on and off possibly my whole life long. All I know is that the thought of doing Day 5 in the Thin Within book has brought this to the surface and I am glad that I see the truth of it.

So tomorrow, I am carving out the time to do it in the morning…even setting my alarm to do it. I have an appointment with God in my bathroom…with the mirror. Gulp…

For your consideration (and mine): Consider going to iTunes and downloading Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, Fingerprints of God. (It is only 69 cents!) This is an amazing song with a lot of truth in it. When I lead TW classes going through the book, I make sure to include this song as part of our class time. Prayerfully ask God to show you if you believe the truth that this song speaks of. Let’s pray for one another today…to be fully reconciled with God and to our own bodies, laying down anything that hinders or entangles us.