Warning! Consequences Ahead!

Warning! Consequences Ahead!

I forgot something very important last week that nearly sent me on a downward spiral. I am praising the Lord for helping me to remember this important bit of information. I forgot that when Jesus Christ died on the cross for me and was resurrected and because I have placed my faith and trust in Him as my Savior and Lord, that I have His power to say no to sin. 

He broke the power of sin in my life.  

Romans 6.6-7

I think I became forgetful because we are going into the summer months. It’s during the summer months that many of us “take time off” from activities we do during the school year: like corporate Bible Study and co-leading classes for Thin Within/Hunger Within. I know that if I hit the summer without a plan in place, I tend to flounder and waste time. I tend to use the freedom from activity as an excuse to be lazy. And, this past week I used the excitement of upcoming freedom to put me in a dangerous place concerning my disordered eating. 

Yes, through Christ Jesus, I am free from the power of sin, but that doesn’t give me the right to freely sin.

I wonder if you can identify with me. See, I was looking at freedom from weekly responsibilities as an opportunity to run wild so to speak. I know it is easier for me to keep my focus on the Lord in what I am doing when I have responsibilities. They give me things that I have to get done in my spare time. But, sometimes I get tired and in my tiredness, I start to look forward to some freedom. With the summer months in front of me, I started relishing the freedom ahead, forgetting that I am not good with too much free time on my hands.  So, I started eating outside of hunger again. I couldn’t understand what was happening until I took it to the Lord. He showed me that even though I thought I wanted the freedom that the summer would bring, I was really afraid of the freedom. Why was I afraid? He showed me that I hadn’t made a plan to take Him into that freedom. Without Him in my free time, I don’t have His power to say no to sin. It is only through Him that sin has no power over me.

Running wild into freedom without Christ Jesus is no freedom at all. It is running straight back into bondage.

Consequences

There is an old saying that I heard at a 12 Step meeting years ago that goes, “An addict lost in his own mind is in enemy territory.” I’m going to expound on that to say, “An addict lost in too much freedom without Christ along is in enemy territory.” That is where I found myself.

So, what did I do? I asked the Lord to help me. He helped me remember that I have an accountability partner in Thin Within (if you don’t have one, I highly recommend you get one ASAP). I reached out and found out that we both were struggling. God is so good! We had a divine appointment. My accountability partner and I have agreed to stay in contact daily via text or personal message, and voice to voice via phone on a more regular basis. We are being vulnerable and admitting our weaknesses to one another and to Jesus. We are sharing our 0 to 5 eating, our plans for renewing our minds, our temptations and our victories.

I am no longer afraid of the freedom of summer because I have asked Jesus and my friend to walk with me.

I praise You

Dear reader, the moral of what I just shared is simple. If you are finding yourself in eating situations that leave you feeling unsettled, unhappy and condemned, would you consider doing what I did, and take them to the Lord, surrender to His wisdom and accept what He shows you? Look for those He has placed around you and reach out to them. There is freedom ahead and you don’t have to walk into it alone.

Suggested reading: Romans 6 through 8
Time to Unpack

Time to Unpack

Matthew 6:19-21

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Storage UnitThey just built another storage unit center that I pass on my way to work. Do you ever wonder why we as a society need so many storage unit centers? Why do we have so much “junk” that we need overflow areas outside of our homes? I know that some are used as temporary storage for furniture and other belongings while housing is in transition. I also know that many are used to store the overflow of “things” we refuse to part with but take up too much room in our daily lives to have at home, so we place this overflow in a storage unit. The new place is aptly called EZ Stor. Pull in, dump, and pull out…what could be easier: Out of sight, out of mind. And “things” just keep piling up. I can’t help but see a pattern here that also points to the things that keep us in bondage.

In Chapter 7 of Hunger Within we read, “The weight we have struggled to release is only a symbol of what we’ve been carrying—the compulsions, denial, shame, guilt, old unworkable beliefs, and painful past experiences. As we become aware of our burdensome bindings, our patient Lord is always near, encouraging us to be unwrapped as quickly or as slowly as we are able to bear. Layer by layer, the loving hand of the Lord dismantles our crippling defense mechanisms and removes the self-protective devices we thought were necessary for survival, knowing we sincerely long to be set free from the encumbrances we have been bearing.”

2 Corinthians 5 17It sounds like we need to clean out our storage units. Our minds are a lot like those units. We file our pain, our hurts, our bad memories, our rejections, and our abuse (both done to us and what we have done to ourselves through years of disordered eating and restrictive dieting). If you are here in Thin Within/Hunger Within to seek the Lord for freedom, but are not finding John 8:36 – “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed,” resonating in your heart and mind, I would ask you to unlock the door to the storage unit of your mind and start unpacking and bringing into the light of God’s healing grace the items stored there. I know this isn’t an easy task. I’ve been unpacking my own storage unit for years. I know some of those old comfortable “things” are really hard to let go of. I’ve had to unclench my grasp of many of them myself. I know that we open that door and see such clutter and mess and feel that the task in front of us is impossible. I’ve been there. That was when I threw up my hands in despair and said, “Lord, I can’t do this! The mess is too big!” He gently said, “Deanna, I have been waiting to hear you admit your weakness, for in your weakness, my strength will shine. With you alone, it is impossible, but with God, all things are possible.”
Don't look backI know it is a huge temptation to go back to the way we’ve always done things in the past. To start filling up that storage unit and to keep paying the rent (go back to dieting and man-made rules about food or jump on the current band-wagon that everyone else is trying in order to lose weight). But we need to remember 2 Corinthians 5:17 – 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Let’s make a commitment to God and each other that we will not go back to the way things were before. We don’t have to because in Christ Jesus, we have been made completely new. We don’t live there anymore. Let’s renew ourselves daily with the truth found in God’s Word. The temptation to look back is strong, but we can rest and take a stand on His truth! We can live in Christ’s freedom. We have His promise in Galatians 5:1 – It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. It’s time to clean out those storage units and cancel the leases. We are never going back.
Fat Shaming

Fat Shaming

I heard the term “Fat Shaming” for the first time a few months ago in an article on Facebook.  It was written by a woman who has endured comments mainly from doctors that automatically assumed that she was unhealthy just because she was considered “obese” by the BMI scale. 150666859 All her blood work showed that her cholesterol levels were great, and all other “levels” that doctors look for in that type of test.  Her blood pressure was perfect.  She even ran several miles a week and was training for a 5K run! There really wasn’t anything wrong with her health other than she might have an illness every now and then like most of us endure when needing to see a doctor.

That led me to these questions:

Why do people automatically think that  a BMI scale, weight scale, fat pinch meter or a number on a pair of pants dictates how healthy I am?

Why is it that I know several “thin” people who have high blood pressure and some avid runners who are the outward picture of health have high cholesterol?

Ok…let me give this disclaimer: YES, it is true that obesity does lend itself to diabetes and high cholesterol. BUT really?  Is it the size of a person or is it the AMOUNT OF FOOD THAT IS CONSUMED that causes the health problem? Overeating does cause obesity.  That is a fact. But let’s put the focus where it should lie.  It isn’t the size or shape of our bodies that causes us to be unhealthy. It is too much food.  Too much fat, too much salt, too much sugar….but TOO MUCH. EXCESS.

No-body-shaming-beauty-redefinedSo let’s go back to the whole FAT SHAMING thing.  

The author of the article that introduced me to this term was simply saying that just because someone is considered overweight and the wrong shape or size by society, generally society frowns upon them. How many of us can relate to that? If you haven’t experienced that, just think back to the last time you were at the beach and might have been surrounded by bikini-clad and young beauties, some of whom look down their perfectly perky noses at you!

 

Fat shaming IS a real thing in our society.  

Dear readers, I am here to tell you that the biggest and strongest and loudest voice to fat shame you is YOURSELF! Yes, I said it.  It’s us!  We do the MOST shaming of all, don’t we?

But guess what?  THERE’S GOOD NEWS!!

In Christ we have no condemnation.  IN Christ we have no shame.  In Christ, we are loved the way we are.  In Christ we have a chance to be accepted and loved no matter our shape, size or number on a scale or pair of pants or BMI chart!

Romans 8:1

Therefore now there is NO COMDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus!

I believe it was Heidi Bylsma who once said “Jesus is not nearly as concerned about your size as He is concerned about your heart!”

Oh Dear Reader!

It is time for this FAT SHAMING to END!PicsArt_04-11-06.23.32

WE DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT!

It’s time to FIGHT!!!  It’s time to tell those shaming thoughts to “get packing!”

Tell the evil one that YOU WILL NOT LISTEN ANYMORE!

Renew our minds with HIS TRUTH!

 ….Goodbye SHAME…..

Hello FREEDOM!

 

How about you?  Would you like to learn more about kicking “shame” to the curb?  In Hunger Within, we learn ways to destroy shame and how it plays a part in our cycle of diet slavery.  You can order a copy to read or join a workbook study for tools to help with defeating shame.  Meantime, why not make a list of your identity in Christ? Here are a few scriptures to get you started fighting LIES with GOD’S truth about you:

I have loved you with an everlasting love, with unfailing love I have drawn you to Myself. ~Jeremiah 31:3

See how much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are.        ~1 John 3:1

The Lord our God is with you.  He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you.  He will dance over you with singing.  ~ Zephaniah 3:17

I am complete in Him. ~Colossians 2:10

You are beautiful for you are fearfully and wonderfully made ~Psalm 139:14

If anyone is in Christ, they are a NEW CREATION.  ~ 2 Corinthians 2:17

 

God is Doing a New Thing

God is Doing a New Thing

God is doing a new thing in you. I keep saying this to gals in the current Hunger Within class that I am co-leading.  I believe it.  I see it and I am awestruck at how God is working in the lives of these dear ladies. I see ladies taking the truth of God desiring to release them from the obsession of food and weight issues and I see them laying down all the burdens that He never meant for them to carry. I wanted to understand this saying at a deeper level, because I know the truth of this is grounded in His word and it is a testimony to how He works in our lives as we surrender daily to His leading and guidance.

new-thing

We see in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that God’s word says if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: the old has gone, the new has come! At the moment when I accepted Christ Jesus as my Savior and as He grew to be the Lord of my life, I became a new person. I didn’t feel new, and since I was 9 at the time, I wasn’t quite mature in the word enough to understand what was happening to me, but I knew in my heart that I was changed. Jesus and the Holy Spirit became real to me. I felt the Holy Spirit’s hand on me even when I was rebelling in my youth. I knew that I knew that were I to die, I would have gone to heaven. He called me to be His, and from that point on, I had a reason to live and every dark time and trial I went through, He was right there with me, leading me and guiding me through them.

We also see in Ephesians 4:23-24 that God’s word says that we are made new in the attitude of our minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. So, what I understand is that we put on a new self, which means we have to take off the old self. What does that mean to me, personally? What do I need to take off so that God can do a new thing in me? I’m going to be painfully honest with you, dear reader. I am taking off:

  • The Deanna who was not loved by her mother the way she needed.
  • The Deanna who was abandoned by her dad (through death).
  • The Deanna who is a compulsive dieter, food binger and restrictor, bulimic with laxatives to make the scale obey.
  • The Deanna who was sexually abused as a young child.
  • The Deanna who searched for love in the wrong places on the way to finding true intimacy.
  • The Deanna who feels sorry for herself (even though she is greatly blessed).
  • The Deanna who wonders how God can use her with her insecurity that she masks with pride.

Wow, that is a painful list, but it isn’t the end, so don’t feel sorry for that Deanna. You see, God did a new thing in this gal, and she is not the same. The attitude of my mind has been changed and this is who I am today, with my new self put on:

  • The Deanna who is a forgiven child of God.
  • The Deanna who is a set free child of God.
  • The Deanna who has been adopted into God’s family.
  • The Deanna whose mind is being renewed daily by God’s word.
  • The Deanna who was not given a spirit of fear but a sound mind.
  • The Deanna who let go of fear because Christ’s perfect love being worked in her life casts out all fear.
  • The Deanna who is made holy by Christ Jesus, because He is holy.
  • The Deanna who is a loved child of God.
  • The Deanna who is held by and is held close to her loving Father.
  • The Deanna who is confident in His strength.
  • The Deanna who will not be shaken because she stands on the Rock.
  • The Deanna who is fed by the Bread of Heaven and whose thirst is quenched by Living Water.
  • The Deanna who is victorious.
  • The Deanna who Jesus went to heaven to prepare a place for so that she will be with Him for eternity.

God is doing a new thing…in me. I am embracing my new identity.  I am claiming what He has done so that I can let go of the old self that blocks me from Him. I am watching Him as He breaks down all those false “self-protective” walls I built up so that my life can reveal the glory of the work that the Creator of All is doing in my life. I am claiming all that He tells me I am through all He did for me so that I can discover a hope and power like no other.

Have you ever heard the story of Jacob and Esau? You can find it in God’s word in Genesis 25:27-34. Esau was willing to give up everything he had and everything he was promised for a bowl of lentil stew. I have been there. I understand.  I have tried to fill that empty place with a bounty of food. I have been desperate for outward signs. I have wanted the empty praise of man for what I appeared to be doing in my own strength. When I look at these lists that I have shared with you dear reader, I have to ask myself what I have been willing to give up of my true self for the insignificance of a bowl of lentil stew?

The truth? Deanna is not that girl anymore. Deanna is a Jesus following girl. Her Lord Jesus is authoring and perfecting her faith. She is loved by and loves her heavenly Father and is held and comforted and taught by the Holy Spirit. She is letting go of self-determination for being Spirit-determined. She is embracing her true identity. God is doing a new thing in her.

Will you join me in claiming your true identity? Are you ready and willing to see what God is doing in your life? Will you put your name in each statement in my second list and embrace the new thing God is doing in your life.

 

When I Stop Chasing Skinny

When I Stop Chasing Skinny

IMG_7436b

If you’ve been following my posts in the last couple of years, you are probably familiar with my story.  I have had my  moments of serving the skinny idol.  Two out of three of my pregnancies have been while I’ve been on this journey toward freedom).  God has changed me and He’s shown me the truth about food.  And now…I’m SO excited…to say that He is doing something SO HUGE within me and I just want to shout it from the rooftop!  God is showing me what life is like when I stop chasing skinny.  I want to share some more of my story.

Side note: I realize that I write a lot about my story.  I could share the mechanics about how Thin Within works.  I could share a lot of things, but I believe there’s something powerful that comes from sharing our story and hearing others stories.  I hope my openness and transparency encourages you, wherever you are in your journey.  I know my story is unique.  I don’t have tons of physical weight to release, but I have had plenty of mental weight to release.  I’ve never had an eating disorder, but I’ve been tempted to not eat at my lowest point.  And I’ve had borderline signs of orthorexia.  And I know that there are those of you out there who can relate to my story.  I know this because you’ve reached out to me and shared your similar story with me.  I see these kinds of stories more and more and I know I’m (we) are not alone.  And if you don’t relate to my story, I hope you can find parts that you can relate to and that most of all, you will be encouraged to know that the same God who has freed me is the same God who will free you.  He is no respecter of persons.  He’s a good, good Father!

Isaiah 61:1-3 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Recently, I found a publication that was very encouraging to me.  It’s called Thryve.  It’s an online magazine (although maybe it used to be in actual print at one time?).  I found out about it through a newsletter from Wonderfully Made.  Wonderfully Made is an organization founded by Allie Marie Smith (co-author of the book H.E.A.L.).  Allie wrote an article for the Mended issue of Thryve.  What she wrote resonated very much with that the Lord has been currently teaching me about letting go of this idea that I have to have the “perfect” body:

The problem is that, as we cling ever so tightly to the perfect version of ourselves, we are blinded by our own endeavors, to the cause and person of Christ.  In the process of gaining the whole world (in this case our perfect, ideal self), we forfeit our soul.  Chasing an ideal self leads to bondageResting in Christ leads to freedom.  By living for ourselves, we become enslaved and imprisoned.  However, by giving our lives to Jesus, we allow him to cleanse us of our addictions and show us the way to real life—a life free of destructive dependencies and brokenness.

I had been chasing skinny.  I had been chasing after my “ideal self”.  I had been captivated by the standard of the world instead of being captivated by Jesus Christ.

It’s interesting to me because last year my little word was “be free” and this year it’s “rest”.  Allie sums up what Christ is wanting to do in me with one sentence: “Resting in Christ leads to freedom.” Honestly, I was terrified to let go of skinny.  I remember the first time I read this truth written by Barb Raveling in her weight loss book study Taste for Truth: A 30 Day Weight Loss Bible Study:

Giving up the idol of skinny is essential for both our physical well-being and our spiritual well-being.

I did NOT want to give up skinny.  I felt like it was giving up and accepting an imperfect body (hello!).  I believed the lie that if I didn’t have that perfect, beach-body, sculpted, bikini-mommy body that it was less than what God wanted for me.  I really believed that my “ideal” body was what God wanted for me and that I was failing Him and myself and my family if I wasn’t achieving that.  It’s hard to even type those words, but that’s truly what I was believing.  I would read and hear about how in order to find freedom that I would need to love and accept my body right where it was at, but I didn’t want to let go.  I didn’t want to surrender and give up skinny.  I thought that accepting my body was giving up.

It’s funny because I don’t even know where this “ideal self” came from.  But I know the images I would see plastered all over weren’t helping.  Skinny is everywhere.  It’s held in high regard.  Shame is put on less than perfect bodies.  Culture paints a picture of what the “ideal” woman should look like and when we don’t reflect that image, we feel like a failure.  And then we diet and feel bad when we lose, gain, lose, gain more, lose, gain even more, and so on and so forth.  We set a goal for ourselves to BE that image.  We count, weigh, measure and become fitness fanatics—and we lose ourselves in it—and pretty soon we are serving that idol.  I was.  I was bowing down to that ugly thing and berating my body when it wasn’t living up to that standard.  Ugh.

I want to reflect Christ’s image, not the world’s image of “ideal”.

Lately, I have found courage through other women who have set out to encourage other women to be themselves, cellulite and all!  Allie says, “May you have the courage to break up with your ideal self and stop striving.”  The Lord is giving me courage.  And I want to give you courage to BE YOURSELF!  Be the person God has created you to be.  You are not less of a person because you don’t stand up to some worldly standard.  I feel courageous to LOVE myself and the body God has given me, accepting all of the parts of me—even the parts I used to scold and demand perfection from.  I know there’s a lot of pressure out there to be this “ideal self”, but there’s also a lot of encouragement out there to stop living under that pressure (and as I find more of it, I feel the pressure released more and more).

I want to be that brave woman who says NO THANK YOU to the skinny idol.  And I would love for you to join me.  Will you join me?

We will never measure up to the standards of beauty of this world.  I’m DONE trying to measure up to that.  How can we measure up when the opinions of beauty are constantly changing?  I’m also done paying the price of trying to live up to that standard.  It’s cost me my time and energy that I will never have back.  It’s distracted me from what’s most important.  It’s cost me money.  But praise God because He gives back what the locusts have stolen.  He gives us beauty for ashes.

Something I’ve had to do is look away from the images.  I’ve unfriended friends on Facebook, I’ve deactivated Facebook (for a season), and I’ve had to stop following feeds.  I’ve had to ignore the magazine covers in the check-out lanes.  I’ve had to stop asking the questions that would lead to diet talk.  I’ve purposely had to look away.  What feeds the image for you?  You have to stop feeding the idol and starve it.  You have to guard your heart and eyes from temptation.

Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.  Matthew 26:41

I will set nothing wicked before my eyes.  Psalm 101:3a

I really liked this article I read about one woman’s “cleanse” from the media’s display of skinny.  I had to stay away from social media for most of last year because it created such an issue and temptation for me. It’s really interesting for me to see that others have had to do the same thing.  So instead of thinking we need to “cleanse” by eating or not eating particular foods and/or diet, maybe what we really need to cut out is social media or anything that displays the image for awhile.  It can definitely feed the idol.

There was another article in the Thryve: Mended magazine that hit me right between the eyeballs.  This is from an article called So Glorify God in Your Body by Ashley Kirnan.  She says:

We are influenced to idolize the “perfect” body, yet as believers we are instructed to FLEE idolatry.

OUCH!!  When I read that, the Lord made it very clear to me that striving after the “perfect” and “ideal” body has been idol worship: worshiping skinny.  The skinny idol.  There it is…again!

So here God has created me…designed me…and I’ve been despising my body and ashamed of my body all because it doesn’t live up to some “perfect and ideal” standard!  Hold it!!  I am God’s MASTERPIECE!!  He says I am fearfully and wonderfully made!  Pretty much that says right there that I am beautiful and accepted and beloved—in His eyes!!  He sent His Son and He gave me life.  He saved me.  He purposely designed me.  He is enough for me.

Are you willing to starve this idol?  Are you willing to say NO and stop trying to conform to the image of this world?  Are you willing to be transformed by the renewing of your mind?  Are you willing to let go of the “ideal” and thank God for His masterpiece (that’s YOU!)?

This may be letting go of putting your hope in a diet or in hoping you will reach a certain size or weight that was never designed for you.  (I am not saying you won’t release weight, but for some, you are already at or very close to your God-given, set, ideal weight.)  This may be relieving the pressure you’ve put on yourself to eat a certain way, exercise a certain number of days a week or hours a day, or to fit into that dress/pants/swim-suit (I’ve had to do this—wear what fits and feels good on my body instead of feeling bad when a certain article of clothing may not).  And it may be accepting the love handles, your thighs, and how your body has changed after having a baby or getting older.  But it does NOT mean giving up!  What it does mean is taking that bondage, that heavy load, and laying it at the cross of Jesus.  That weight (bondage of the “ideal” and “perfect”) was never meant for you to carry.  You were meant for so much more—but it starts with you laying it all down and surrendering it.

And do you know what happens when you surrender?  Do you know what happens when you begin to love and accept your body?  You start to care for your body and honor the body God has designed.  You calm down.  You stop worrying about “skinny”.  You listen to your body.  You honor hunger.  You begin to eat in a calm environment–all of those principles of Thin Within naturally happen because now you love, accept, and care about your body.  You treat your body with respect.  You relax.  You stop demanding your body to shape up or squeeze into the skinny jeans you bought 3 sizes too small because they were on sale.

Will you join me?  Let’s do this!  If you are ready, let’s agree in prayer together:

Lord, forgive me for striving after ‘skinny’.  I’ve made it a god and I’ve worshiped it.  You are the One and Only God.  You are my Savior, my King.  Forgive me for comparing myself to others and trying to meet some “ideal” self.  Forgive me for trying to squeeze myself into the “perfect” body.  Help me to see my body as Your masterpiece and to be thankful for it.  Help me to let go of the mental weight I have carried for so long.  Make me whole and complete in you.  Help me know who I am in Christ. In Jesus’ name, amen!