Relish the Wilderness

by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 3, 2009 | Blog

Wow. If I could figure out a way to convey what it is that God has been really trying to teach me lately…oh, if only! My words simply don’t do it justice. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it–so that is part of the problem.

The wilderness represents that place that I have always considered UNDESIRABLE. It is a place like the old joke says that you would rather be FROM than be in right now. For me, one example of a wilderness place is the place where I find myself unhappy with my physical body. I want something else. I want to be fitter, thinner, yada yada. When I view myself through my “wilderness hating eyes” all I can think of is “I have to get out of this place.” Discontentment. Worse than that…it is with a total lack of acceptance of the place. So applied to the body thing it is “I have to look different to be ok.” Obviously, this isn’t God’s plan for me, but before we dismiss it, consider how this so permeates our thinking in subtle ways…

In this place my eyes are fixated on “Canaan”…the place where the wilderness will only be a memory. To continue the analogy, it is the place where I hope to be thin, to have the body I feel ok about and living there “in freedom.” It is that place where I assume I will never worry about gaining weight back ever again, I will be “normal” and no longer “struggle.” Hmm…even thinking this through, I see the defects in my thinking! But let me press on.

I thought I had landed at the “desirable” place, in Canaan, and even stayed there a year. If all that this was about was the physical, then I had!

God showed me something…I had missed the point of the wilderness. Missed it COMPLETELY. If I had gotten the point of the wilderness, I wouldn’t have been in the state I was in once I arrived “in Canaan.” Once I was thin, I wouldn’t have been freaking out about staying there, clinging to the bathroom scale for all I was worth.

So off I trudged back into the wilderness again…very begrudgingly. Again, my eyes on the “if only” and discontentment with where I am now. The wilderness seems to be lackluster and stretch endlessly without any promise.

But…here is the thing…in the wilderness, at the farthest end (check your bible map) away from Canaan there emerges a place of wonder…Mt. Sinai. And what did God use Mt. Sinai to do? To rock the world of His people. To unveil His bigness. If parting the Red Sea wasn’t enough, if appearing as a pillar of cloud and fire daily wasn’t enough, if providing manna and an oasis, sweet water from bitter…if all of that wasn’t enough, God’s intention was to show up as holy, almighty GOD in a way that would cause Israel to know that He is God and that He wants a relationship with his people.

The wilderness is all about God. It isn’t about MY discontentment. It is where God takes me to learn to lean on him. If I relish the wilderness, I am learning to relish HIM and learning to value depending on HIM.

This is huge for me. It takes my eyes off of the supposed promise of things to come and causes me to anticipate the NOW. My physical body has little to do with anything really. What matters HUGELY is God…is GOD…is ALMIGHTY GOD!!!

He is challenging me…will I let go of my insistence that there even be a “land of promise?” Will I release my hold on the “if only” and allow my gaze to be pulled from Canaan? Will I crucify this posture of pride that says my hope is out there somewhere? Will I choose instead to relish this wilderness walk, in the now, and delight in the pillar as my Lord travels with me–NOW? Am I on the edge of my seat (so to speak) as to what God will do next, how he will show up, how reliable he is? How sufficient He is to be my all, to be what satisfies…no, not instead of food, but COMPLETELY??? Oh, my heart is convicted with the answers to these questions!

The wilderness is where “stuff happens!”

Check out Isaiah 35 by clicking this link. Look at all that happens when God shows up in the wilderness! WOW!

This blog is titled “God is Doing a New Thing.” That comes from yet another passage, Isaiah 43:18-19:

¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

This, too, is a description of the wilderness, the wasteland. Notice the word “IN!” It is IN the desert, the wasteland, IN that place where “it is good to be FROM” supposedly where God does a new thing…constantly…This is out IN the wilderness. He is at work. He wants me to relish the Wilderness Walk because there I can see HIM at work, I can experience HIS awesomeness, I can know HIM. More than my health, being thin and fit…blah blah blah…oh how he wants my heart!

In Hosea 2 God speaks of rebellious Israel this way:

¹⁵ There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

The wilderness is an opportunity to know Him. It is definitely related to letting go of the bathroom scale, too. That piece of metal kept me constantly looking somewhere else other than now and here. I missed what God was doing NOW. He wants me…not just for the purpose of him being enough so that I don’t turn to food and can get thin. He wants me PERIOD.

Lord, please work in me a true delight in the Wilderness Walk. May I thrill to being alone with you, leaning on you, waiting for you and seeing you show up and be God. Open my eyes that I might not miss a thing. Keep my eyes and heart from any focus but being here, now, with you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

The Purpose of the Journey

by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 21, 2009 | Blog

Truth Inventory Part 3
=================

Got back yesterday from a weekend in Lake Tahoe with my daughter and 16 other women from our church. It was a beautiful weekend with lots of time to enjoy dear friends. I love those women SO much! 🙂

Note to self: When allowing 15 year old daughter on retreat weekend, be sure she leaves the camera at home! Boredom is the “mother” of too many photographs of Mom! (However, this one with the guitar by the lake is ok. LOL! She also caught many of ME ME ME with ladies I LOVE LOVE LOVE. If you want to see a bit of our weekend, click here to go to my SmugMug gallery….)

While I was on the retreat, I continued my bible study by Priscilla Shirer, called One in a Million. I won’t take the space or time to review it now, but suffice to say that God is using it to dialog with me very personally. As it turns out, he used the study in it to continue my “Truth Inventory” on Saturday morning.

I released all my extra weight (and then some) as I have shared in this blog. I kept it off for a year, clinging in fear to the bathroom scale. I began to deal with other strongholds and emotional challenges to which I had numbed myself for years and began to struggle with eating “just” outside of godly parameters, as I have also shared. In effect, God marched me around in the desert for a long while and there I stood…on the edge of Canaan. I even entered it…or thought I did. But something wasn’t right. The work of God wasn’t “finished.” I thought “finished” looked like 150 pounds. But God was looking at something else.

Off I went again to march around in the desert. I am continuing that march now. But the cool thing is…I feel like there is some light dawning on my understanding.

Priscilla Shirer says on page 42 of the study:
…God should remain their primary focus and hearts’ desire as they approached the beauties and glories of Canaan.

When I got close or even in Canaan (metaphorically speaking) I let my focus shift blatantly…from God, to ME! My body was again the focus! My accomplishments, MY success, MY need to remain at 150 pounds NO MATTER WHAT…yikes!

On page 43 of the study Priscilla Shirer says:
The key to taking full possession of the land God promised was obedience, but the key to finding full appreciation of it was found in remembering God’s goodness and protection through their extended years in the wilderness…Moses encouraged the Israelites to value their wilderness experience.

I didn’t value the time in the wilderness. I viewed it as a means to an end. In fact, the sooner I could get out, get the weight off, the better!

I didn’t value the time spent seeking him, begging him for strength not to give in to my flesh, leaning on him, seeing him come through for me, worshiping and praising him for the victories, experiencing his sufficiency during temptation and especially when my emotions ran rampant and he came through for me…this is what he wants me to value the wilderness for. He wants me to value HIM and the closeness I experience through this challenge and lure of over eating. HE is the goal! HE is my treasure, my hiding place, my safe refuge, my comfort. HE is the goal. Not some weight, size, or fitting into a pair of jeans (that if I were not so vain wouldn’t even be on my radar screen!).

In fact, he doesn’t even want me to value “good health” as much as all of this! He may or may not allow me to be and remain in good health all the days of my life. (Of course, he *does* want me to do whatever I can to do my part to be healthy…that is a given as a steward of this body, HIS temple…)

But what he wants is my heart. I have said this again and again…but it has taken on such a different meaning for me. He REALLY wants it. ALL of it. NOTHING ELSE is to eclipse Him in my sight. NOTHING.

In the margin of my workbook next to the quote from Priscilla above, I wrote:
This is huge. OBEDIENCE is what I am to learn. I got close to entering Canaan, but was not obedient in a number of ways. Lord show me…I don’t want to wait or focus so much on my size and food issue that I miss anything else you may want to show me…I don’t want to miss YOU.

I continue…

Lord, I want to be so enthralled with YOU that YOU are the goal. And being in the desert, I GET to enjoy that…enjoy YOU, your presence, your sufficiency, your love, your joy over me…

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Psalm 73: 25-26

Truth Inventory

by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 14, 2009 | Blog

I am going to spend the next few days doing a “truth inventory” about where I am, how I got here, and what I am really willing to do to get over any obstacles that I have erected that are standing in my way to experiencing God’s best.

If you want, you can join me.

Since I am committed to making it through this season of my struggle…er…I mean LIFE (LOL!) withOUT a bathroom scale, all I have is the Holy Spirit to tell me if I am following God’s best for my life with regard to eating, drinking, activity. “All I have…” Gosh…as if that is the consolation prize or something! I have the SHEKINAH GLORY OF GOD ALMIGHTY at work in me…offering his power, his direction, his insight, his wisdom, his conviction, his STRENGTH! That is more than enough to enable me to press forward. Ya think? 🙂

So, in the days ahead, I will check in here after some time with the Lord spent asking him “Where am I?” “Where do YOU want me to be, Lord?” “What will I have to do to get there?” “What obstacles need to be removed?”

Chapter 8 – What Weapon Are you Wielding?

by Heidi Bylsma | Jun 24, 2009 | Blog

I have been struck by some thoughts about the incident at the Mount of Olives…when Jesus is with his disciples and a contingent of soldiers and, apparently, some others, comes for Jesus. Judas hands Jesus over. A number of Jesus’ followers are, apparently, carrying swords.

I have been thinking about Peter’s act–his intentions, his motivation, and his misguided notion that a sword was the answer to the problem…and the video below offers some of my thoughts on the subject.

I was reminded in my quick overview of chapter 8 in Thin Within this morning, that this is so like our situation…we have been given weapons with which to fight. But they aren’t the weapons that make “worldly sense.”

What makes sense…the quick fixes of focusing on the food, bathroom scales and so on…these things don’t really solve the deeper issue and can, in fact, make things so much worse. Just as they did for Peter:

The weapons we are called to fight with are not the weapons of this world! They won’t be those of worldly wisdom and what “science” seems to offer! Our weapons have DIVINE power to DEMOLISH strongholds!

Which would you rather, my friend? Hack off an ear? Or DEMOLISH strongholds in your life? 🙂

I know my answer.

Chapter 6 – So…What IS Fat Machinery?

by Heidi Bylsma | Jun 18, 2009 | Blog

Have you ever been doing your thing, going through your day, trying to cope with what comes your way and found yourself mid-way through a half-gallon of Oreo Nut Fudge ice cream–wondering “How did I get here?” It is possible that what you were dealing with was what is called “Fat Machinery” in chapter six of Thin Within.

To illustrate this concept, I want to share a video with you. Actually two video clips edited into one.

First video clip: In this clip, we meet two unique beings discussing food. The man on the left has never been human before. He is an alien who never felt hunger or tiredness, but is now being punished for naughty behavior by being made into a human with all a human’s failings and frailties. The man on the right is an android. He wants to be human, but isn’t. He has earnestly studied humans and human behavior so that he can emulate them in his quest to become “more human.” In this clip, the robot offers advice to the alien-turned-human. What he shares is his observation of fat machinery in action.

Please watch the first part of the video clip below, then pause it and read the description of the second clip before viewing it.

View the first part of the clip now. When you get to the girl dressed in pink, click on pause and return here. 🙂

Did you view it? 🙂 Good…now answer these questions:

• What is the fat machinery in this clip? What unconscious behavior pushes the humans that the robot has studied to choose food?

• What did the alien say was his reason for ordering TEN chocolate sundaes? Can you relate?

• The truth is, we sometimes DO feel better when we eat when in a bad mood. But (and this is an important “but”)…the greater truth is we still have to cope with what made us unhappy or in a bad mood.

In the second video clip, we will see Princess Mia (dressed in pink). She is in line to inherit the throne of Genovia. She has been groomed by her Grandma for this job (played by the inimitable Julie Andrews). At a ball, Mia danced with the man who introduced himself, simply, as “Nicholas.” She accidentally stepped on his foot in the ball scene (not shown) and there had been much made over it. The evening had ended without her ever learning more about the “dashing, mysterious” Nicholas. Now, in the scene you are about to view, she is told someone is challenging her right to the throne of Genovia and he is coming to stay at the palace. In this scene, she greets the nasty person who wants the throne, only to discover it is the gentleman she had been so taken by at the ball…As we begin our clip, Mia is dismayed and disgusted by “Lord Devero’s” claim to the throne…and even more so when she sees who he is.

Watch the rest of the video now. When you get to the end, return here. 🙂

Did you watch the rest of the video?

After you watch the rest of the video clip, answer these questions:

• What emotions did Mia have that she was trying to bury in the Haagen Daaz?
• Can you identify with this at all?

In the book, another example of fat machinery is discussed…It is the way we use, and our responses to, the bathroom scale. Last week I challenged you all to get rid of your bathroom scale. My accountability partner drove off with my scale and I am still THRILLED–but, honestly, it has taken me two and a half years to be willing to do that!

Read the comments by the authors on page 59 about the bathroom scale. Please prayerfully consider the challenge to let go of relying on your bathroom scale–just for the summer if you can’t imagine a lifetime without it! Instead, wait on the Lord, focusing on HIM for what he will do inside your heart and on your body as you trust Him to lead and direct you!

The more we abide by God’s hunger scale (hunger and satisfied cues in our body), the less we feel the need to rely on the bathroom scale. Remember it is about so much more than our size! After we release all our extra weight, God will continue to use the hunger scale to direct our eating.

Here is a thought…so often jumping on the scale is something we do to see “Did I get away with it?” more than anything else! This isn’t a godly approach. Do we really want to endorse it in our lives? I have to give that up. It is HARD for me…I must admit. But I know this is one thing God wants me to work through.

For your consideration:

1.) If someone were to video a scene in your life, would they likely find you turning to food for comfort like the alien or Mia? I know they would me! Invite God to help you to wait on him in moments like those…and to allow HIS truth–that HE is sufficient–to be what you feast upon!

2.) Can you develop a list (maybe on index cards) of bible verses that you can use to “feast upon” when flesh machinery has kicked into high gear for you? If you have a “scripture pantry” of sweet words to feast upon in moments like that, perhaps you can defeat a tendency to run to food outside of physical hunger. Feel free to share any verses with us that God may use to encoruage you in moments like that!

3.) What other examples of fat machinery did you become aware of as you read the chapter? I remember in 2006 when I read this for the 10th (or so time), I became aware of a new one for me…it was weather! When it was storming outside I felt the need to bake! I am a weather weanie and used food to “comfort me” when I was worried about lightning striking a tall pine tree and smashing my house (I need a sanctified imagination! Can you tell?)

4.) Continue to keep your list of God’s attributes and take a few moments to praise him for his character and how he relates to you. My list grows each time I read the book. Sometimes it grows more than other times…But by now I hope you have a pretty long list…Why not pick 5 things on it and spend some time praising God for what these attributes mean to you?

I am heading out of town this evening for a couple of days…I may fall “behind” my tentative assignment for this week. I will actually be working with Judy Halliday on a new project (YAY!). I welcome your prayers for the Lord’s will in that.