by Heidi Bylsma | May 10, 2010 | Blog
What happens when change happens? Will I praise God even then?
Today, I choose to look to the Lord for the grace to accept change where I need to accept it and the strength to pursue godly change, to observe and correct, confess and repent, where that is the appropriate response as well!
Praise the Lord!
I released 100 pounds from June 2006 to October of 2007 by eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was no longer hungry. I kept all of the weight off for a year–until the fall of 2008–but toyed with an anorexic mentality during that year…wondering how low I could get my weight, losing even more, grasping then at “normalcy” again, rebounding back up, and so on, in a cycle of sorts.
Then I began to gain steadily. Some of this was understandable, as I allowed the subtle erosion of godly boundaries. Having now been in the same jeans since December of 2009, I know that things have sort of stabilized. The dust has settled, the smoke has cleared and now I survey what remains.
First, I have to confess–this blog is not written by someone who is “cured,” “healed,” “victorious” forever onward. I choose to praise the Lord anyhow! 🙂 I believe God uses my constant challenges to build in me an inherent dependence on him. Oh! How I NEED him, desperately! I used to want to be “normal” (whatever that is). Now, I just want to learn to lean on him all the more. God will continue to use my challenges with food to draw me closer to him–Praise the Lord!
Secondly, I can see now my body has changed (age-related things, if you get my drift :-)). My size isn’t the only thing that is different. My hunger and satisfied signals have changed. What I had become dependent upon (wow…I just realized this) and relied upon and learned…these things have changed. With menopause have come a number of changes, including what my body feels like for “0” and what it feels like for “5.” (Not to mention how what weight I do carry is distributed very differently than ever before!) I am getting reoriented. I choose to praise the Lord!
Thirdly, the Thin Within principles still work and I continue to be committed to apply them. I have found that the adjustments I need to make now are similar to those that I have had to make in the past when I was sick, taking medicine, or under a lot of stress–the body reacts differently and some things change…like hunger signals. It has taken me this long to see that I am not like I was even a couple of short years ago. I choose to praise the Lord!
So, my story is that of a sojourner imperfectly walking the path and finding her way. My desire has always been to “arrive” and to tell you that you can, too. But instead, I see now that my message is that God is found here…out in this wandering, winding, path through the wilderness. Where everything else I depend on has changed, he remains the same. So, I am here, in the desert, needing him and the provision of “manna” daily…He alone is dependable. I choose to praise the Lord! I have HIM!
I have never really been here before, in this particular place. God really IS doing a new thing!
In many ways, I am beginning this journey afresh–as if for the first time!
God has extended me grace to know and accept that change happens. My body has changed…it looks different than it ever has. My hunger signals have changed. And I am growing to a place of accepting all of this. Now that I am over my disappointment that things aren’t like they were before…that this might not be quite so easy (the physical part of this…the rest has *never* been “easy”), will I allow HIM to be my motivation? The bathroom scale can’t taunt me or reward me as I don’t have one any more.
I choose to praise the Lord!
I am thankful for the grace to accept change happens, but I am also thankful for the grace to enact intentional change. I won’t embrace the mentality of “victim” and bemoan the realities of my aging body. Instead, I choose to praise God that I am at this new stage of life, that there are yet many new things to learn.
I will press on and choose to praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord!
How about you? Are there changes you need to accept? Are there changes you need to resist–they represent compromise and erosion of godly boundaries?
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This is the last day for the Praise Changes Thing Book Contest! You can win one of three copies of Ethel Herr’s Lord, Show Me Your Glory. Just comment here and you will be entered to win! Today is the last day to comment to be included in the drawing. I will randomly draw three names from my “hat” first thing (California time) Tuesday morning.:-)
by Heidi Bylsma | Mar 14, 2010 | Blog
Please respond to the poll in the right sidebar. Thank you!
Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises, he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.
– Hosea 6:3
Sometimes, when I am drawn to food and I am not yet hungry, I sense that I should sit a while in my need. I am to recognize it, give it a voice, offer it to the Lord and wait.
I do this, rather than use food to silent the voice of my heart or to distract me from something that I would rather forget. I quiet my heart, instead, and focus for a moment prayerfully on the Lord.
Often, I don’t want to be still in my emptiness. I am afraid. I may think I can’t handle feeling the emotions that well up in me. I would much rather run away, or busy myself with something, anything—even fixate on how to manipulate my next hunger or obsess about what foods I will eat, exercise compulsively or check the bathroom scale again.
These behaviors are leftovers of my former driven ways.
Now, He calls me to acknowledge Him in this moment, to strive to do so.
As I write, it has been raining quite a bit. I consider the days ahead and am confident that, because of the time of year and where I live, I can be sure of something—it will rain more.
As confident as I am in this, this verse shows me that God wants me all the more confident in Him. He promises that he will come to me just as surely as the rain falls on the earth. Do I believe Him? Will I wait expectantly in my emptiness? He will flood all the empty places in my heart, but He asks me to wait for him.
God will show up if I patiently wait for Him.
by Heidi Bylsma | Mar 9, 2010 | Blog
Another sample devotion follows.
Please vote in the side bar if you haven’t already. Thank you!
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What Must Die for Me to See Him?
Read:
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. – Isaiah 6:1
Consider:
Sometimes I wonder if something in me has to die before I can really see the Lord as He is.
When I make God too small in my eyes, He is easily eclipsed by my obsessions. When that happens, He seems remote, uncaring, and impersonal. He isn’t even on my radar screen.
For instance, when I insist that I should be a size 12, every pair of 14s I have to put on, chafes against something inside of me. I am resentful. To get to my self-imposed “goal,” I ignore the hunger signals that God has ordained, hardening my heart to His presence and tenderness. The truth is, when I am hungry, I should eat to fuel my body! I don’t want to refuse to eat for the sake of a pair of pants. I have to let go of my image of the “perfect” body.
What if God wants my vision for my body to die? What if the size I think I should be isn’t at all what God is after in this journey? What if God makes it clear that he calls me to never again get on another bathroom scale? Am I willing to let go of these things? What if he has something else in store? Something grander?
In fact, what if my entire struggle with food, eating and my self-image all my life isn’t about my body or food at all? What if it is about pressing on to knowing Him better? What if He wants to show me a vision of Himself, “high and exalted?”
Lord, please help me to let go of anything that keeps me from seeing you in your Heavenly glory. I choose to release my hold on anything to which I cling too tightly, anything that keeps me from lifting my eyes, my heart, my hands to you in honest, complete surrender. Lord, I want to see you and to allow you to remake me from the inside out. Take my dreams and my hopes. I refuse to let my dream of being a certain size cause me to harden my heart to your leading. As I let go, dear Father, give life to what remains. I know this is a marvelous trade!
Point to Ponder: When something in me dies, God gives birth to something much better.
For Further Study and Prayer:
1.) Read John 12:23-32. From this passage, what are some things that died? What came in their place?
2.) Is there something in you that needs to die in order for God to have His way with you? If so, what might it be? How do you feel about this?
Journal:
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by Heidi Bylsma | Feb 12, 2010 | Blog
We are going through a mini-bible study of sorts in Hebrews 12:1-3. You might want to open your bible up to have a look. I have asked the question “What does God want ME to do?” as I look at this passage.
We are in part 2. Part 1 was yesterday’s blog entry.
Action #1: (vs 2) Let
What are we to “let?” Us!
Think about this for a minute. I thought of skipping the “let us” of this verse, but then I realized that when we are encouraged to “let” there is something implied. It is as if there is something in the way of the action that needs to be removed. I think this points us back to verse 1–the things that hinder and the sin that entangles, perhaps. In other words, once I have thrown off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, I am freed up to do the “let” mentioned in verse 2.
Apply: Have you done the throwing off of what hinders? Have you intentionally tossed aside the sin that entangles? It is intriguing to note that back in verse one, sin “so easily entangles.” We don’t have to work at being hung up or caught up. So it stands to reason…those things have to be removed before we can do what comes next in verse 2.
Action #2: (vs. 2) “Fix our eyes”
Upon what are we to “fix our eyes?” JESUS!
What are things you tend to fix your eyes on routinely? When it comes to the area of food, eating, my body, etc., the answer for me can be: the bathroom scale, compliments from my friends, my clothing to see if it fits better or is looser, the food, hunger and coveting a chance to be hungry and eat again, the mirror, etc., etc. We have to be willing to choose instead to fix our eyes on Jesus.
This may sound like it is something silly, but consider for a minute other similar verses:
1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ,
set your hearts on things above,
where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
– Colossians 3:1-3
17For our light and momentary troubles
are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is eternal.
– 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
We have a choice about what we will gaze upon or think about. In our passage in Hebrews 12:1-3, we are exhorted that, while we run with perseverance the race that is before us, we will do well to fix our eyes on Jesus. Let us press on to chase hard after him. Another verse that comes to mind is this:
12Not that I have already obtained all this,
or have already been made perfect,
but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind
and straining toward what is ahead,
14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which
God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
– Philippians 3:12-14
Part of running this race is choosing upon what my mind, thoughts, gaze will dwell. Will it be food? Will it be my next hunger so I can eagerly (if not greedily) eat? Will it be my weight? My clothing? How I look? These things have one thing in common…ME.
These verses all challenge me to choose another focus entirely…JESUS, His will, His way, His beauty, eternal things. These things are to be our focus. As we run this race, as we choose to surrender our desires to Him, he alone is to be the focus that drives us onward.
Apply: What are things that you tend to focus on that might keep you from focusing on Jesus? What can you do to be intentional about fixing your eyes on Jesus?
by Heidi Bylsma | Dec 22, 2009 | Blog
My family and I are still in the #1 vacation destination spot for families around the world–Orlando, Florida, USA. We definitely picked an interesting time to be here! 🙂 This is the favorite time of families to travel, too! Everybody and ALL their cousins are here right now!
But we have been having a lot of fun. Today is our last full day and tomorrow is our travel day. We make our way back to California in time for Christmas Eve. 🙂
This vacation has given me a lot of insights into myself, my family and…well, it has been really interesting!
I think the most astonishing revelation came yesterday, however. My son and I were pretty exhausted, so we opted to stay at the condo and to take naps and relax. For me, this also included firing up the HUGE whirlpool tub that is in the room my husband and I share. I don’t have a real bathtub at home and I LOVE baths–always have! Since this tub is SO huge, I just started filling it with hot water only, knowing that most condos and hotels rarely have a big enough hot water heater to fill the entire thing…by the time they are filled, typically, the water has gotten cooler. Only one thing is worse than NOT having a bath and that is having a lukewarm one!
Once it was all full, I carefully checked the temperature. It was scalding hot! I guess this place has a bigger water heater than all the others I have visited. I assumed that it would cool down rather quickly as they usually do. So while I waited, undressed, for the water to get a temperature that wouldn’t cook me :-), I noticed that there were mirrors EVERYwhere. Yes, me “buck naked” and mirrors everywhere. NOT a combination I would usually prefer. In fact, I like to AVOID mirrors when I am not happy with my body.
I dared to take a look. Other than the typical middle-aged-yes-I-have-had-two-babies sagging places, what I saw surprised me. I have definitely had a WARPED view of what I look like in my mind. I am relatively sure that there is nothing about ALL the mirrors in the master suite that is designed to make one feel thin (you know, like the carnival mirrors that make you look tall and thin, or short and fat…).
Instead, I think I had a moment of clarity…my mind was in a good place, so was my heart…and I saw…dare I say it…what was real? And what was real was, yes, I am not as thin as I was a couple of years ago, but by no means am I at the place that I have assumed. I look “fine.”
Of course, I want my mind and heart healed in such a way that I not only see what is real, but also where I am at a place where my body never is a cause for shame. It is not God’s intention at all that my body–no matter what the size or shape–be a cause for shame or disdain. That simply is NOT his will!
Eating on vacation has been good for me, too. I have been enjoying focusing on enjoying my family instead of food. Food is MUCH cheaper when we share meals — and we end up satisfied. Two regular meals each day (eaten 0 to 5) with two smallish snacks (that are probably less filling, but cheap and on the go at DisneyWorld eaten about 0 to 3 or 4, just to tide us over) really does work and keeps things cheaper.
Another revelation I have had while on this trip is that even the size 16 jeans I bought before leaving…they are too big for me. I think they “run big.” I know they run bigger than the 100% cotton Levis I prefer to wear. And, in fact, the black version of the same Lee jean fits just fine…but I have three pairs of pants with me that I have worn. All claim to be the same size. All fit differently. So, really…what is the number attached to the jeans anyhow? It is clearly as arbitrary as the bathroom scale.
I look at all the family pictures and I think I can see what is really there…and can actually say…”It is well with my soul.” At least today. One more step toward wholeness! Hallelujah!
I keep coming back to this…when my heart is right, when I have released my tendency to cling to food, when I pursue godliness in my eating, I end up having a better feeling about myself, my body, everything. My body is no different than it was on day one of our trip when I posted the thing about shame here at the blog. What is different is my heart…and I see with different eyes because of it.
