How Could I Say No?

by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 7, 2010 | Blog

I woke up this morning and had a good time with the Lord before focusing my attention on a challenging physical workout. By 8:15am I headed to a nice, long, luxurious bath–which always seems to be where I am still enough long enough for God to really get through to me. I heard him as clearly as if it were an audible voice (it wasn’t). Would I choose to forgive? Or will I only write about it?

In all my years, I have had the challenge of forgiving many things, but never have I been in a situation where it is likely that I would be called to continue to forgive someone(s) who would continue in their behavior without repenting or even being sorry. This is a first. (I have led a charmed existence, I realize!) Forgiving everything else–even for things that have wounded me deeply–seems mild in comparison. There is something challenging to my core about choosing to forgive something/someone(s) that is/are likely to be ongoing. And to know that Jesus calls me to forgive not 7 times, but 70 times 7 (the equivalent of an infinite number of times).

But if I am to pursue Christ, if I am to live as He calls me to, I know that I am without an option here. To choose not to forgive–even in the midst of ongoing wrong–is not only to resign myself to a life of anger and bitterness, but to deny Christ what he requires–that I forgive just as in Christ God has forgiven me.

How have I been forgiven? Constantly, repeatedly, even when I haven’t been sorry or truly repented. He paid for ALL my sin once for all. Not only that, but he has attributed righteousness to my account. This is unbelievable!

Look at these statements that come from Colossians 3:
1. I am chosen
2. I am a dearly loved child
3. I am wearing different clothing – that of compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility and patience
4. The Lord forgave me

When I am aware of my identity as a chosen, dearly loved child, when I have cast off the clothing of my past with sin, shame, and vengeance, when I wear, instead, the clothing of Christ, when I am in touch with my own identity as a forgiven child myself…wow. Then I can only follow the Lord in His example and choose to forgive as well. How could I say no to him?

There is a sense where this step of forgiveness is as letting the one doing the wrong “off the hook,” but the truth is, what I am really doing is letting go of my “need” to control things. I am ultimately just prevailing upon God to take what is going on and to be God even in this. I am daring to believe that God will have his will and his way in me and in the one committing the wrong(s) and I believe, say, act: “It is well with my soul” and trust God that it will in actual FACT be “well with my soul.” (Huh…imagine that!)

The pressure is off, though. I am free from having to be clever and witty enough to convince the other of their wrong. I just let God be God in it and let His Holy Spirit move in His way, in His time. It doesn’t mean I don’t speak the truth in love, but once spoken, I allow the Spirit to be the HOLY Spirit and I step aside. Sometimes, it is all too easy to try to be the Holy Spirit for another brother or sister in Christ. I have to have to have to let go of my longing to control my world and the people in it. They are not pawns for me to do with as I please.

I don’t want to be hurt. And, certainly, there are times when godly boundaries must be established relative to repeat offenses. God alone can direct in each individual situation. Situations of physical abuse, for instance, or illegal activity–there is little question that these call for godly boundaries and quite probably getting out of the situation entirely (at least temporarily). There are still other situations in which the biblical mandate calls for bringing someone with me to lovingly confront the one sinning. If there is no repentance, then there are other steps that follow in succession, but even in these situations, we choose if we will forgive…or not.

In light of how great my sin has been and, even, continues to be today, how could I say no to the Lord when he asks me “Will you choose to forgive, child?”

Even as I stretched out against the jets in my tub this morning, the atmosphere muted by soft blue light and the sounds of nature music, with an act of my will I released my way — I said “Yes, I choose to forgive,” to the Lord…His peace descended and confirmed a thousand times over that what I chose in that moment of dying to myself was a gift–not to the one who needs forgiveness and doesn’t yet accept that–but to me. It was a gift given to me. A gift paid for by Jesus. Yes, his forgiveness OF me is a gift to me, most certainly, but I don’t think I ever realized just how much Him working in me to forgive another is a gift to me as well. I sensed shackles falling and my spirit rising. Truly, from the ashes I rise as I choose to forgive.

Practically speaking, I find myself not nearly so agitated, not wandering into the kitchen so often, not wanting something to numb my pain. Forgiveness really is the “magic bullet” for me in so many ways. I know that this process has only just begun during this season of my life, but I will choose to practice forgiveness again and again as often as I have opportunity. How could I say no?

How about you? Are you willing to let go and forgive…now?

Pursuing Godliness? Or Happiness?

by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 27, 2010 | Blog

Photo provided by iStock.com

God has seen fit that this will be an extreeeeeeeme testing season for my family. I have never seen the fire turned up on us in quite this way and never seen so many of my own impurities surface. It is devastating to see just how ugly I can be (or is this only scraping the surface?! )!

Yesterday, I felt like I couldn’t handle even one person at church asking me that dreaded question: “How are you?” I am honest. I can’t handle saying “Fine” if I am not fine. Even if I am feeling a bit off, I don’t like to say “Fine,” let alone when I feel like my world is caving in…which I do…right now. (Note: If you are one of our church family, please know I love you dearly. Your hugs and prayers mean so much to us right now.)

So, I decided I was heading to an early service at a church some distance away.

You see, I had spent a very challenging night wrestling with God over big issues–over faithfulness (my imperfect perception of his as well as my own), forgiveness and my developing hatred toward other people (don’t worry, if you are reading this blog, it is doubtful you are one of them!), to name just a few. Yes, it is true! And even these words seem to sanitize what was really going on during the middle of the night. I had it OUT with God and it is amazing to me that I wasn’t given what I “deserve,” all right. I demonstrated in the dark of night that I am totally worthy of hell–my heart is so black. And even now, as I consider what transpired, I see I yet cherish sin in my heart. Oh, there is SO much work to be done…so much purifying. Why He tolerates me is beyond me.

Anyhow, with 100% attitude and 0% humility, I burst in on my family members’ sleeping reverie at 6:30am and announced to them we were going to an 8:15am service 40 minutes away so they had 45 minutes to get ready. (What a treat to be greeted by a mom like that on a Sunday…sheesh!). We normally attend a service here in our town five minutes from our home that starts at 10:30am.

Sherwood Carthen was the special guest speaker and he delivered a message which God, in spite of my arrogance, used to slap me (lovingly) upside the head. The question that brought me to the end of myself was, simply, “What am I pursuing? Godliness? Or happiness?” (It is related to the question asked a couple of days ago and echoing in the empty corners of my mind ever since…”Is Jesus enough for me?”)

In my anger and frustration with the trials I am currently facing, with my threats to God about how I intend on handling what he has ordained for me, it is clear that I feel happiness is not only my priority pursuit, but it is my RIGHT. This is defective. I know this. Even on a day when I am dim and lacking sleep I know this. But God somehow moved in and exposed just how selfish and superficial my insistence has been that I have things MY way. This simply isn’t pursuing godliness. Not even close. Even when the things that I insist on seem good, godly, wonderful, biblical, and like God has given them to me. (OUCH!)

I was broad-sided — if tears were equal to repentance (they aren’t), then I would be in good shape for a 180 degree turn and transformational shift in my paradigm. I realize right now, so many hours after hearing the message, though, that I still have an attitude toward the Lord about the things that are going on in my life.I need to invite God to soften my heart and remove the calluses on my heart that are building by my rebellion.

What will I do with the message God personally made sure I heard this morning? I believe with all my heart that I am accountable for what I hear. Here is an outline of what Sherwood Carthen taught:

When Happiness is my Pursuit:

• Anything is ok – there are no boundaries, no limits (this addresses things I dared to “threaten” God with during the night!)

• It often ends in frustration and blame (I am blaming a whole bunch…when all else fails and no one else is around to blame, I have been blaming God…)

• God is not the priority – This one is trickier because it sure seems like “I HAVE made you my priority, God!” But I think it comes back to that old thing of making God’s gifts the priority. This can be subtle…very subtle. Even my “right” to a “quiet time”…that sounds so wonderful, but the fact is, quiet is a gift. A sense of His Presence is a gift, too. Do I esteem the Giver of the gift as much as the gift? If I don’t feel Him, or the Word seems devoid of feeling, will I still trust He is here and that is precious enough? Or do I insist that He “behave” in a way that meets with my approval? Who is God here, after all?

When Godliness is the Pursuit:

• The Spirit of the Living God changes the way you think – I really needed a change in my thinking in the wee hours of the morning…and I still need changes in my thinking…NOW. Pursuing godliness will ensure that I allow the HOLY Spirit access to my thoughts.

• Training for godliness is a priority – recently, I have begun to give more attention to fitness. Not in an inappropriate way (yet), but in a way that I believe is best for me. I want to be stronger and have better cardiovascular health. Am I making my training in godliness the priority (at least) that I am my physical training? I don’t just mean having a quiet time.  But am I considering all of life–the moments that challenge me–an opportunity to train? I do this when someone does something that wounds me and choose what I will say or do in response. I have a chance then to “train” myself in godliness. Or do I “indulge” myself in doing whatever I want in those moments?

• contentment is produced – this is a sweet promise, and absolutely true.

Therefore, the goal in this life:

• …is NOT happiness. This is a no-brainer, really, but nevertheless, I realized as I listened that it was precisely what I had been insisting upon. I had elevated my happiness to the place of “idol.”

• …nor is it heaven (heaven is a promise for those who are in Christ).

• …it is to BE LIKE GOD.

These points ALL spoke uniquely and personally to my personal “bullet points” laid out for God during the late night and early morning hours. In fact, God couldn’t have responded more obviously to much of my tirade had he spoken audibly at the time.

How about you? Can you relate at all? Is happiness your primary pursuit like it has been mine? Have you found yourself frustrated and blaming others (or even, like me, blaming God)? 

Let’s allow God to change our focus and our priority. He will change our thinking and we will experience contentment.

In what ways might this impact your eating or your view of your body? I know it definitely impacts me in this way!

Week 12 – Assignment Thin Within Book

by Heidi Bylsma | Aug 29, 2010 | Blog

Here is our last assignment! Let’s finish well, shall we?

1.) Ongoing assignments to keep at a tiny bit each day or as often as you can:

• Attributes of God list–don’t give up yet! His character is so broad and expansive! There are still things to learn and new depths to plummet!
• Praise and prayer time using 5 things from your cumulative attributes of God list
• Gratitudes – Keep thanking and keep on praising. It will transform your life! TRULY!
• Forgiveness phrases – Is God using this practice to transform you? I would love to hear about it, if so.

2.)  Take time to carefully read and complete chapters 27, 28, 29, and 30.

3.)  In chapter 27, we are reminded that Jesus invites us to come to him…not for more religious duty or impossible burdens. He doesn’t call us to him so that we might be inspired to be perfect, though knowing him definitely IS inspiring! He calls us, instead to receive rest. As you read the words that open chapter 27, journal an answer to this: “Are you in need of rest? What do you sense God is calling you to release a hold on at this point in your life? What might ‘rest’ look like for you?”

4.)  Of the three reasons for weariness mentioned in chapter 27, to which are you most prone?
           1. Investing yourself in things that are not a part of God’s plan for you?
           2. Investing yourself in godly activities that are beyond God’s plan for you?
           3. A tendency to rely on your own strength when doing that to which God calls?

5.) Chapters 27 and 28 challenge us to evaluate our schedules. As you may know, this is something God has called me to do recently. In what ways can chaos in your schedule lead to chaos in your eating or other areas?

6.) As you complete chapter 27 and 28 what insights do you get from God’s Holy Spirit? Is there anything that you want to share with our study participants?

7.) Chapter 28 hits us between the eyes by pointing out that procrastination is actually delayed obedience which is DISobedience! Share your response to this. What does this have to do with eating within godly parameters?

8.) What are some things that you can do for godly rest and relaxation? Sometimes the things we do aren’t terribly rejuvenating! Submit the things that you tend to do “for fun” to the Lord and ask him if these things are, in fact, “re-creational”–do they help to re-create your spirit, soul, mind, and body? If you feel inclined, share with us here!

9.) I love day 29, as it challenges us to think about what is next. If you have been involved in studying the book with us, what will you do next? Again, I want to challenge you to consider doing something “in real life,” face-to-face with people! God created us for community. When we isolate behind computer screens we deny ourselves some of the blessings we were created to benefit from!

10.) Do the survey on pages 309 – 312. Compare your answers to the survey you did three months ago! You will find that initial survey in the “Before You Begin” section of the book, on pages xvii – xx. What is different? What is the same? What do you think about this? I would love to hear what God shows you!

11.) Compare the survey in Day 30 with the one you took 12 weeks ago on pages 16 – 17. If you feel so led, please share with us your answers to the questions on the bottom of page 321.

12.) Take time to come to our final CELEBRATION chat on Friday evening, September 3rd. We are meeting 5-6pm Pacific Time (7-8pm Central or 8-9pm Eastern). Come ready to share ways that you have seen God growing you through the past 12 weeks. What physical, emotional, or spiritual changes have you seen? How has studying the attributes of God, practicing praise, gratitude, and forgiveness affected your view of yourself, God, and others?

13.) Will you continue to pray for us as we all finish out this week together? 🙂

You are so dear to me. I hope you will all CHIME IN THIS WEEK! 🙂 Let’s finish well! 😀

Week 11 – Assignment Thin Within Book

by Heidi Bylsma | Aug 22, 2010 | Blog

Let’s press on and be faithful! Even if you have “fallen” behind…keep in mind PLEASE that God takes us where he wants us in HIS perfect timing! This journey is uniquely yours, so even if you are reading this assignment in the spring of 2011, no worries. You are right where you need to be. 🙂 I hope this encourages you.

Hang in there. Ditch the perfectionist lie. Be faithful.

1.) Ongoing assignments to keep at a tiny bit each day or as often as you can:

• Attributes of God list 
• Praise and prayer time using 5 things from your cumulative list
• Gratitudes – 3 each day is a great goal, but whatever you are able to do is great!
• Forgiveness phrases – being repetitious each day, writing these out, can really bring it home to your heart. When you find yourself going “back there” to a place of needing to forgive again, begin the practice again of writing out intentional forgiveness phrases.

2.)  Take time to carefully read and complete chapters 24, 25, and 26.

3.) Meditate on the following quote from Day 24 of the Thin Within book:

Look on your trials as an opportunity for the Lord to form and shape your character.  He will provide a way of escape if you are open to it.  You can be confident that He will not allow anything to prevent the accomplishment of His plan and purpose for His beloved, you. He will provide the grace and the strength you need to emerge victorious.

In light of your current circumstances, how can this truth move you out of a place of distraction, discouragement, or defeat, and into the way of escape and victory that God has for you? Journal your answer to this question and/or post a response here. Others may be encouraged by what you share!

4.) In Day 24, you are asked to re-evaluate your goals. We will be done with our study in a couple of weeks. God can yet do amazing things in your heart, your mind, and in your physical body. While we don’t want our focus to be on the physical, we also understand that often our eating is a barometer of what is going on within. It is not too late to revamp your goals…and then break each down into manageable pieces. Maybe you need to ditch your first set of goals all together! That is fine, too. Do this activity (found on pages 260-261) prayerfully. Share with us here what God leads you to do if you feel so led.

5.) Share with us here: Which Thin Within tools have you found to be the most helpful? In what way has the tool been helpful? Which TW tools have not helped you? Why is this the case for you?

6.) Chapter 25 has some wonderfully practical exercises. Eating the Thin Within Way With My Family can be extremely helpful. Even if you aren’t participating in our group study, you can answer this question! Brainstorm some of your potential obstacles to maintaining eating 0 to 5 eating, given your home life. Do that in a column on the left side of a piece of paper. On the right side, prayerfully brainstorm potential solutions to those obstacles. Share with us what God leads you to come up with!

NOTE: For those of you with children at home, Judy Halliday and Dr. Joani Jack wrote a book called Raising Fit Kids in a Fat World based on the same principles as Thin Within. It is a great book–easy to read, but power packed. I highly recommend it!

7.) On page 270, you have a chance to do a similar activity. What potential challenges will you face eating at a potluck or buffet? Write those in a left column. In the write, prayerfully brainstorm potential solutions. Share with us what you come up with here. We would love to see!

8.) Chapter 26 leads us into a discussion of the difference between satisfaction and gratification.  How does this distinction strike you? How might this affect you, your eating, your other choices in life?

9.) In chapter 26 we are encouraged to write a “Goodbye” letter. If you feel so inclined, share your letter with us here and how this exercise has affected you.

10.) Join us for our chat this week.  It is Thursday, from 2-3pm Pacific time, 4-5pm Central, 5-6pm Eastern. I hope you can make it. Visit http://www.thinwithin.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2256 to find out how to join us.

11.) Keep praying for yourself, for me, for others in our study.

12.) Plan now for the fall. What will you do to press on in your journey? If you don’t want to do a Thin Within study, here are some other ideas that may help:

• Search for Significance by Robert McGee. Get the version that has the book in the front and the study guide in the back. I HIGHLY recommend this for those of you who have discovered that perfectionism is having an impact on you. This book is amazing and you will be changed! 🙂 I promise.

• Breaking Free bible study by Beth Moore. This study has been updated. Yours truly got to be at the taping of it. 🙂 This material is incredible and dovetails beautifully with Thin Within. I hope you will consider doing it. You can download the videos from Lifeway for $5 each. It is worth it if you have the money. But if you can’t afford the videos, the study is still outstanding!

• Get Thin Stay Thin by Arthur and Judy Halliday – this book gets to the heart behind much of our struggle to put the principles of Thin Within into practice. It isn’t a workbook and the material is very deep. But this little book is POWER PACKED. It was previously published as Silent Hunger and then as Thin Again. God used this to transform my thinking and to set me on this path.

Press on! Be faithful! 🙂

Week 10 – Assignment Thin Within Book

by Heidi Bylsma | Aug 15, 2010 | Blog

If you are having trouble keeping up with us, don’t pull out the club of condemnation! Instead, just keep pressing on.

Something that I am learning more and more in my life and thanks to a wonderfully wise new pastor at our church is that God looks at faithfulness. He doesn’t hold us responsible to be perfect. So often, we allow perfectionism to defeat us. That isn’t from God!

We assume that perfectionism is some sort of godly attribute. NO! God is perfect, but he knows we aren’t.

I think I will be blogging on this more later this week, as I really believe that our insistence on maintaining perfectionism gets in the way of walking that path that Jesus calls us to walk! We bail because we aren’t doing it perfectly! So we MISS being FAITHFUL!

This week, I will make this assignment simpler (I hope).

Chapters 21-30 move into “Mastery,” where we broaden our view somewhat to see that God is sanctifying not just our eating, not just our view of ourselves and our bodies, but also other aspects of our lives! This is an exciting part of the book, so even if you aren’t following along *now*, don’t worry. Keep hanging in.

Be Faithful!

1.) Continue to keep your gratitude list, attributes of God list and also keep writing forgiveness phrases. If you choose, respond here about how any of these things are affecting your life!

2.) Take time to carefully read and complete chapters 21, 22, and 23.

3.) In chapter 21, you have a chance to survey what God has been doing in your life. I urge you–no matter how you THINK you have been doing, generate a list of the things you have seen God do in your life. Complete the chart on page 226 and use it as a praise-fest time to God! Even if you have not released the weight you hoped to, God is doing a NEW thing! How many times have you lost weight only to “find” it again? You see, God is doing a deeper work. Don’t minimize the work of the Almighty in your life! 🙂

4.) Chapters 22 and 23 may be time intensive. Not in the same way as chapters 19 and 20–which take a lot of time to hash over emotionally. But chapters 22 and 23 sort of walk you through some sample “quiet times.” Or at least that is how I think of them. If you need, take a couple of days to prayerfully work through each.

5.) On page 246, there is a chart. You may want to copy this on to another piece of paper in your journal and expand it. It is a great activity! You may need more space than the book offers.

6.) Respond here answering the question: How did God speak to you personally through the activities in these chapters? What “new thing” is He doing this week? 🙂

7.) Join us for our chat this week. We will only be having one this week. It is Friday, from 5-6pm Pacific time! I hope you can make it. Visit http://www.thinwithin.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2256 to find out how to join us.

8.) Keep praying for yourself, for me, for others in our study.

Press on! Be faithful! 🙂