“Oh…if I get the house clean, I will have a little treat.”
“I am swearing off of all junk food.”
Food phrases come in all shapes and sizes, but I have discovered that certain words and phrases can be “little foxes” spoiling the “vineyard” in my eating life!
“Snack” – In the past, I, like many other people, would use the word “snack” to mean “free” eating—an “eating occasion” that doesn’t count. 🙂 It didn’t matter if I was hungry or not (or so the reasoning went) because it was “just a little taste of something.” While it probably wasn’t really a “sit down meal,” these “feedings” (as my naturally thin sister refers to them) count! Now, I prefer not to use the word “snack” at all because it carries years of meaning from my dieting background. If I DO refer to a “snack,” it typically means sitting down and enjoying a smaller portion of anything when I am at a 0 and just shaving off my hunger—not eating all the way to a 5…like stopping at a “2” or “3” on the hunger scale. True Thin Within “snacking” happens only at a 0 and it does, indeed, “count!” I know this isn’t a “fun” revelation. 🙂
I find it most helpful if I consider every single time food crosses my lips as a “meal.” With Thin Within we come to realize we don’t need that much food to sustain our very efficient bodies. So, if every time food crosses my lips I think of it as a meal (or “feeding”), I am more likely to use more discernment about what I choose. This is a basic boundary for us. (I can see you cringe…But where has NOT having this boundary really gotten us?) In the past, the quantity of food that I now consider a “meal” might have been called a “snack.” This is another reason why I don’t use the word “snack” much any more.
Think About It: If you have been doing Thin Within very long, consider the size of your portions and how they have changed. Is it possible that what you now consider an appropriate-sized meal you might have formerly called “just a snack?” How might this continue to change over time as you refine your hunger numbers?
“Junk Food” – It is popular to believe that some foods are “junk.” When we think of certain foods as “junk” it usually means we have declared those foods as “bad.” While it is true some food choices are better than others to feed my “perfect 0,” when I call something “junk,” I imply that the food is the culprit to my weight and eating issues. The truth is, *I* am the culprit with the way, the why, the when, of my eating. Food is not immoral in any way. It is not the culprit in my eating challenges. Instead of thinking of food as “junk food” (or not), I prefer to categorize foods the way that Thin Within speaks of in the second (Discernment) phase, as “teasers,” “pleasers,” “whole-body pleasers,” and “total rejects.” If I like the way a food tastes, but I feel lethargic after eating it, it might be a total reject or it may be a “teaser.” But I try not to think of it as “junk food.”The problem is typically more with ME and what I will DO with those foods than it is with the foods. (Even with a food that has no nutritional value, I find it helps me to just call it a total reject.)
Think About It: Are you like me? Needing to take responsibility for your eating instead of laying blame with the food? I have found that when I refer to foods as “junk” I beat myself up for eating them…which just sends me into a downward spiral. By referring to them, instead, as “total rejects” or “teasers,” I remind myself how *I* respond to them is what matters.
“Treat” – Ever notice that the foods that are in the “junk food” category are also often those referred to as “treats” as well? Calling something a “treat” sets up whatever-food-it-is as desirable to me. I end up seeing it as a reward. Do I really want to call food a “reward?” If I do that, it definitely lures me to eat outside of 0 and 5 whenever I am deserving of a “reward” and we know that I am always deserving of a reward (supposedly)! If I am happy, I deserve a reward. If I am sad, I deserve a reward. If I worked hard, I deserve a reward. If I run errands, I deserve a reward. If I stay home and vacuum, I deserve a reward. What if we think, instead, of things like “Time alone reading a good book,” or “A long hot bath” as rewards? Consider non-food blessings. 🙂 If I think of food as “treats” then those foods are in my mind as something I get when I am “good.” This sets me up for failure.
Think About It: What are some other non-food ways you can “treat” yourself? Is there any chance that viewing some foods as “treats” is hindering your victory? Do you find that some of the foods that you may have considered “junk food” are the very foods you have also considered “treats?”
“Healthy Eating“ – What IS “healthy eating?” It is most helpful to me to consider it “Living within God’s parameters.” Or eating according to physical need (empty) and physical satisfaction. Eating whole-body pleasers when my body needs food is my idea of “healthy eating.” It is important to note that my whole-body pleasers may be different from everyoneelse’s! This is NOT a one-size-fits-all approach! Healthy eating isn’t about which foods, but why (because of physical need) and when (when I am hungry). To think of “healthy eating” this way is definitely not the norm. Usually when we think of “healthy eating” we think of people who eat fruits, veggies, and lean meat and it isn’t about being hungry or not. I have known people who do not “eat healthy” even when they choose foods that seem more nutritionally dense. They still over-eat and don’t have a healthy relationship with food. Maybe you know some whole food connoisseurs or vegans who struggle with their weight just like others who eat primarily “junk food.” This really isn’t about the food, but about why we eat.
Think About It: What does healthy eating really look like for you? Is it what you choose to eat? Or is it when (hungry)? Or how much (enough to satisfy only)? Or a combination? What if you were to select only fruits and vegetables and lean meats, but eat for emotional reasons without regard to physical cues–would that be “eating healthy?” If you grab for the pita crisps instead of the Oreos when you just had a fight with your daughter is that “Healthy Eating?”
“Healthy Food” – This is like the other phrases that describe food, like “treat” or “junk food.” The problem with “healthy food” is it, again, seems to indicate that if I fix the food, then it is good to eat it…even if I don’t NEED food at that time. Sure, some foods are more nutritionally dense…more nutrition “bang” for energy “buck” and other foods are more “energy dense”…a lot less nutrition for the amount of energy consumed. But food is really inert, neutral, amoral. It isn’t the food that is healthy so much as how I relate to it. Is it “healthy” to eat a large salad when I am not hungry? I guess every person has to make this decision for herself, but the answer for me as a faithful Thin Within participant and veteran…NO. Eating anything when I don’t need to eat it isn’t healthy. It becomes recreational eating again! Categorizing foods into “healthy food” and “junk food” keeps me from owning my need to scrutinize the why and when of my eating choices. I have found it much more helpful to consider foods as teasers, pleasers, whole-body pleasers and total rejects for the reasons I shared above. I also have found that if I set up a category of “healthy food,” then if I want to be “healthy” I end up trying to force myself to enjoy those foods. While I am all for expanding our culinary horizons and venturing out into new tastes and textures, if I don’t like something and eat it just because it is a “healthy food” then I am setting myself up for a fall.
Think About It: What are whole-body pleaser foods or meals for you? Would it be helpful to you and support your godly goals to consider food this way instead of “healthy food?” Or as “beneficial foods?” I am not advising not to care about nutritional value, certainly, but giving an eye to nutrition and an eye to how foods make you feel might help you not try to force yourself to eat only foods that have certain nutritional content…so often that backfires! Or is that just me? 🙂
“Sort of Hungry” – Hunger/satisfied signals exist on a continuum. But I try to stay away from speaking about being “sort of hungry,” because I have found that if I do this, it “sort of” justifies “sort of” eating! 🙂 In fact, there are even times when I need to strip the hunger scale back to simple terms: “Hungry” or “NOT Hungry.” If you are experiencing limited success with your 0 to 5 eating, consider if you are possibly pre-empting “hungry” by entertaining the idea that being “sort of hungry” justifies eating.
Think About It: Do you find yourself eating when you are “sort of hungry” or “a little bit hungry?” Is that working for you? If you are not seeing the physical results you think you should be seeing, maybe honing in on a true zero … completely empty… will be helpful.
“Kind of Full” – If I am “Kind of Full,” that means that I think I “still have room” for more food. Maybe I need to see if my body is satisfied with less food, rather than if I can get away with more! (If you have a history of restricting, I am not speaking to you. Please know that God wants you to eat what you NEED to sustain good health!) Again, for me personally, it has helped to go to “bare bones” with my terminology with the hunger scale. Instead of looking at “AM I at a 5? Or is this only a 4 and I still have room for more food?” I need to look at “HUNGRY” or “NOT Hungry.” “Kind of Full” is definitely in the “Not Hungry” category. If I am NOT HUNGRY it is time to stop eating. Getting rid of “Kind of Full” helps me be faithful to the boundaries that God has set for me.
Think About It: Do you push to see how much food you can eat before you have pushed too far? Or are you happy with eating until you know you are not hungry any more and call it good? Again, if you are not seeing the physical results that you think you should be seeing, you may want to evaluate this. One strategy that has been helpful for me (when I do it!) is to have a boundary of always leaving some (even just a bite or two) of food on my plate. Sometimes, this gets fed to the family dog, but I find that it helps to cure me of my tendency to be greedy! (But builds bad begging habits in my dog!)
How About You?
Are you willing to eliminate these words or phrases from your vocabulary to see if that might help you move closer to the victory that you desire? What other words or phrases do you find might be like “little foxes,” hindering your realization of the victory that you know is yours?
Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. Song of Solomon 2:15
…A taste of the spaghetti sauce while it is simmering…”SooOOOOooo good!,” …it requires another taste and just one more!
…A french fry (or two…or six!) from a family member’s “Happy Meal”…”Ooh! I need me some of these!”
…Just one more handful of popcorn at the movies…”Ok, well, maybe one more….”
While it is certainly true that Solomon probably didn’t have these scenarios in mind when he penned the request to “Catch for us the foxes that ruin the vineyards,” there is definitely an interesting principle that we can draw from the biblical context of the verse.
Small foxes can ruin a wonderfully good thing.
Do you find that you aren’t quite experiencing the physical results that you feel you should be as you apply yourself to eating between physical hunger and satisfaction? While it is my deepest heart’s desire to convey that this journey is about SO much more than food and weight, the fact does remain–at least in part–most of us chose to connect with Thin Within in the first place because we felt that we could/should be a smaller size than we were (I know this isn’t true of everyone…many of you hope to be willing to eat what God calls you to eat instead of restricting).
It IS true that God may be teaching you personally that HIS desire for you is to be content at a certain size instead of something as small as you had hoped, but if the size that you think you are supposed to accept contributes to extreme health problems, perhaps there is still yet work to do. If you aren’t seeing some progress in letting go of the physical weight, I want to suggest that you evaluate:
Are there little foxes ruining this vineyard?
It takes a lot of work to get a vineyard to produce! The worst thing to a vineyard owner is to put all that time, money, and effort into having a producing vineyard only to have the little foxes ruin it all. Charles Wesley is credited to have said:
Spoil vines – foxes do this many ways, by gnawing and breaking the little branches and leaves, by digging holes in the vineyards, and so spoiling the roots. Tender grapes – Which are easily spoiled, if great care be not used to prevent it.
I realized that the little foxes running amok in my life and my attempts to adhere to the principles and boundaries that God has led me to embrace (0 to 5 eating) were a problem for me. I had waited for my definitive hunger signal at one particular lunchtime. I eagerly put left over Mexican food in the oven to heat up. Even as I set the timer for 15 minutes, I realized that my hunger was INCESSANT! I reached for small fox #1…a few chips. “Yum!” Then small fox #2…A cookie. “Yes, perfect!” Small fox #3…A bite of frosting from the jar…”That will do.”
All three foxes had dashed through before the meal emerged from the oven. By the time my leftovers were heated, I wasn’t hungry any longer and the amount of food that I had placed in the oven was based on my eating it from hunger to satisfaction…not from whatever-hunger-number-I-was-at-currently to a 5. Meaning, by eating the amount I had prepared, I was almost assuredly overeating! Being a “veteran” Thin Withinner I had put a fist sized portion in the oven, but only now I needed to be honest…there was a “three-finger sized” amount of space left in my stomach!
This didn’t happen just once before I became aware of the little foxes, either. It happened numerous times…each time with the justification of “Well, I am hungry!'” The truth is, if all of those little bites were going to be a part of my meal—used to satisfy my hunger—they needed to be considered. The portion I was yet waiting on from the oven might not even be necessary at all!
Having shared this with some of my coaching clients who have lamented that they wonder about their physical results not being quite what they had hoped, they have approached their eating with additional vigilance. You know what has happened? You guessed it. The physical changes are happening once again.
How About You?
On your way to your God-given natural size, every so often you might have to re-evaluate, refine, hone in on what is going on. Is it possible that you could benefit from evaluating if the little foxes are ruining your hard work? They can be quite subtle and we tend to justify and minimize them. Consider this thought, though…When we justify them not only do those small bites here and there represent energy that we are consuming that our body may not need, but might it also be adding a little bit of hardening to our hearts spiritually speaking? Maybe we can ask God to make us sensitive to His leading so that we get rid of the little foxes and welcome His Presence as the good Vinedresser that He is into our Vineyard!
On Mondayand Tuesday, I posted parts 1 and 2in this series. Today is the final installment. Evening eating is one of the things that many of us struggle with–it is that “bewitching hour” between dinner and bed-time. Often the kids head off to bed and we want the reward for a day well done! Or conversely, we are lonely and want to comfort ourselves. Whatever the primary reason is for giving in to eating in the evening when we aren’t hungry, we can FIGHT the lies we believe with truth. I have been sharing my truth cards with you this week. I hope it is helpful. I would love to know what other truths you use to fight the lies that lead to night-time eating. What you share may help one of the people who visits this blog! 🙂
My enjoyment of my family/husband is NOT dependent on my eating with them when I am not hungry.
If my husband or kids start munching on something in the evening, there is nothing that says I have to join them. I can relish their company even more when I focus on them instead of the food. I wonder what it is that has created the lie that fellowship is equated with eating in our minds? It certainly doesn’t need to be that way. I can absolutely enjoy my family members without eating!
My enjoyment of movies, games, etc., in the evening does not hinge on eating too!
This is another lie that I tend to believe…that if we watch Netflix or play a game together that it is made all the better by eating. Truthfully, I feel like my conscience kicking into overdrive and the physical misery I end up in diminishes the enjoyment of the food AND the movie or game that I might be enjoying (AND the company of my husband and kids!).
I can RELISH the precious hours before bed and TOTALLY enjoy them—ALL THE MORE when I don’t blast through my boundaries and eat outside of 0 and 5.
This gets back to yesterday’s truths as well…that it FEELS SO WONDERFUL to be tender hearted to my boundaries. Don’t you think? Those hours before bed when I am not hungry are made so much more rich…so much more of a blessing when I don’t defy my conscience!
How About You?
Do these truths sound like they might work for you? How might you amend them to be more applicable? When do you use your truth cards for the most victory?
Ok, so maybe I haven’t posted about truth cards 856 times. In fact, I think I have only posted a half a dozen times specific truths that are in my truth cards.
Do you find it helpful? I hope so!
It certainly helps ME to review them yet again and I hope it helps YOU to have some “ammo” so that you can take captive runaway thoughts and replace them with God’s truth! 🙂
In my years of being on this journey with Thin Within (since 1999), I have found that for me and many others I have spoken with Entitlementis perhaps one of the number one challenges leading us to eat outside of 0 and 5. I know I say that about everything, but this time I mean it! 🙂
Seriously, if we can recognize when an attitude of entitlement has reared it’s ugly head and stop it dead in its tracks, I think we will find that a lot of our eating outside of 0 and 5 STOPS.
Reviewing truth about entitlement is a great way of doing that.
1. When I feel entitled, I feel like eating *anything* I want because I *deserve* it. THIS IS A LIE.
2. I do NOT have a “right” to eat in that particular situation. God ALONE determines when it is time for me to eat.
3. God is DISHONORED by my attitude of entitlement. He wants me to approach all His blessings with humility.
4. When I live by my “rights” and feelings in the area of food and eating, I OVEREAT and GAIN WEIGHT. I AM MISERABLE PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, and SPIRITUALLY.
How About You?
Does an attitude of entitlement affect you at all? Does it cause you to reach for food out of the boundaries that you believe God has set for you?
Hi. A friend of mine who frequents this blog, sent me an email following my post last week on Truth Cards. I asked her if she would be willing to write a blog post to share her perspective with the readers of this blog. It is incredibly valuable, but one I have little experience with. I hope you will share the link with anyone you know who may need to see this!
——-
I find truth cards to be extremely helpful. But my truth, as someone who has suffered from years of restrictive food plans of my own making and through various anonymous organizations, seems to be almost the flip side of your truth.
One of your truth cards, which you shared with blog readers on 9/3/13, reads, “Today I will have to give up food I want to eat in order to follow my boundaries.” When I read that I immediately thought, “that is not true for me.” For me, I MUST eat food I want in order to follow my boundaries.
I had so many years of telling myself the following lies:
LIE #1. I cannot handle sugar.
LIE #2. If I start eating that binge food, I will never be able to stop.
LIE #3. There is something wrong with me at a cellular level.
LIE #4. The fact that I crave carbohydrates is evidence that I can’t handle them.
LIE #5. Desperate wanting (craving) is one step on the path to sinning.
Maybe these lies don’t ring a bell with you. If they do, if you have been like me and felt like you were evil for wanting things, and then denied yourself those very things in order to be “good,” then you can place yourself firmly in the “restrictor” camp.
I have been underweight, at my ideal weight, and overweight. I don’t think all restrictors are underweight. When I was overweight, I felt like a hypocritical restrictor. But wasn’t it inevitable? As I grew and matured physically and spiritually, I began to recognize the lies inherent in my beliefs. But that recognition was at a somewhat unconscious or perhaps semi-conscious level, and that’s when I transitioned from full-time restriction to binge eating. For me, binge eating is best described as intermittent restriction. It was restriction on the path to healing. But it was a very hard place to be, and it didn’t feel at all transitional. It felt permanent, and in fact it seemed like direct evidence that there was something very wrong with me. I told myself the lies, shouted them to myself sometimes, until eventually the unconscious or semi-conscious part of me said “NO!” and I ate every item of sugar that I could possibly stuff into myself in a short period of time. Bingeing seemed to confirm the lies, “see, I REALLY can’t handle sugar,” and “see, there REALLY is something terribly wrong with me.”
When I was finally able to see that the binges were actually created by the restriction and by my belief in lies, and I started to let myself eat the things I actually wanted, I was amazed and full of awe at the truths that God revealed:
TRUTH #1. I can eat sweets in moderation.
TRUTH #2. I can eat what I truly want and be satisfied.
TRUTH #3. There is nothing wrong with me (other than the fact that I believed a bunch of lies for years and years).
TRUTH #4. The fact that I crave carbohydrates is evidence that either I have overdone it in the sugar department and need some protein to balance out my overindulgence, or more likely, that I have not been eating enough carbohydrates and my body needs some sugar or complex carbohydrates to operate effectively.
TRUTH #5. Desperate wanting (craving) is a way of God communicating with me through my body. I can listen to God, honor my bodily signals, and take loving and nurturing action. Craving sleep, craving a hug, all my other cravings signal real needs that can be simply met. I do not need to be afraid. Cravings can be satisfied.
It all seems like a lot and as a person who is recovering from perfectionism, I tend to want to get it all right and find it overwhelming and want to retreat into a food plan that someone else has constructed because I still sometimes believe the lie that I am incompetent in the food department. When this happens, then I try to center on just one concept: My one goal for eating today is SATISFACTION.
When I am satisfied, I have no desire to binge. When I eat to satisfaction, I forget about food until next time I am hungry. In all those years of restriction, I was almost never satisfied, which is why I thought about food all the time.
Satisfaction is scary. It takes me to the next level. It solves my food problem and opens up new possibilities for me. I have been eating to satisfaction consistently for almost four months now. I have been eating to satisfaction and have been binge free for that entire time. This is coming from someone who five months ago and for the past 10 years before that was bingeing on average at least three times per week, with brief forays of binge free living that lasted at most six weeks at a time. It’s both a miracle and an incredibly simple answer to what seemed like a hugely complex problem.
It takes a lot of trusting in God to eat to satisfaction. But God is faithful, as always. If weight is a concern for you, then take heart. I had been bingeing heavily when I started, so I lost five pounds within the first week or two, of what for me has come to be known as “binge weight.” Over the subsequent few months, I’ve lost another five pounds. I am now at what I would consider an ideal weight for myself, a weight that I have not been at for over 10 years. And I got there by eating to satisfaction? Yup. Praise God!
Post by – Name withheld by request
How About You?
Prayerfully consider if you are someone who needs to write a different kind of truth in your truth cards. What does God’s Spirit testify to your heart? Are you, like my friend, in need of pressing on all the way to satisfaction? Are you restricting your eating in a way that is not trusting the body that God has given you? What is true for you? Are you willing to step out in faith and trust Him today?
