Have you ever been startled, as if from sleep, to “awaken” at the bottom of a carton of ice cream or an empty cookie bag? You didn’t even see it coming, but somehow you binged your way through most of a half gallon of “Tin Roof Sundae” ice cream. What now?
Or, perhaps, out for Mexican food, you were physically hungry and planned to eat within godly parameters. After enjoying chips and queso, however, by the time your meal arrived you weren’t hungry any more and you ate half your meal anyhow. Each bite threw an accusation your way. What next?
What we choose to do with the moments that follow is vital!
So often, when faced with these or similar scenarios, we pull out what Thin Within calls “the club of condemnation” and beat ourselves up. The very things we need–comfort and forgiveness–are the very things we deny ourselves. When we refuse to rest in the grace that Jesus purchased for us with his life, his heart is grieved every bit as much or more than the thing we did that caused our shame in the first place. He created us for so much more than the shame we embrace when we find ourselves in a place of sin. In fact, when he died on the cross, he took on all the sin and shame. He doesn’t intend for us to wallow in shame now.
Last year, I studied the book Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. He speaks about the affects of shame:
Shame usually results in guilt and self-deprecation, but it can also lead us to search for God and his answers. Our inner, undeniable need for personal significance was created to make us search for Him. He alone can fulfill our deep need. In Him, we find peace, acceptance, and love. The Search for Significance, p. 101 (emphasis mine)
When I trespass God’s boundaries for me, those “what then” moments can be spent the way he desires–redeeming what came before! He intends to use the very sin and “gunk” that I think makes me so awful in his sight to draw me even closer to his heart. When I overeat (again) or head to food when I am not hungry and fail to stop it before “damage” is done, in the “what now?” moment, I can choose to turn to him and experience his peace, acceptance and love.
I wonder…why don’t I? Why do I insist on living as if he counts all my sin against me? Why do I act as if the cross never happened and Jesus didn’t pay for my sin and shame? Why do I wallow in shame?
We often behave in a manner that is consistent with our perception of ourselves…seeing ourselves through the eyes of shame usually results in a pessimistic outlook on life and a lifestyle of destructive behavior. The Search for Significance, p. 102 (Emphasis mine.)
“Destructive behavior”…like repeatedly engaging in poor choices followed by self-condemnation!
When I allow shame to go unchallenged in my life, it has a way of seeping in to all the cracks and crevices, pervading every aspect of who I am, almost defining me if I let it. When I first realize that I have allowed myself to go down a path away from God’s best for me–when I ask, “What now?”–I want the answer to be to stop, confess, and repent or, to use a Thin Within term, observe (dispassionately) and correct (more about this after we start our study of the book on June 14). I don’t want shame to define moments that follow! When I feel shame, I tend to make more shameful choices. Shame doesn’t belong in the child of God!
Instead, I want to break free from this cycle completely, exercising the freedom purchased for me by Christ. Instead, I will live free from shame controlling me or my decisions. I will reject shame, which looks backward, and I will reject all of the things it represents in my life. I will embrace grace which embraces Christ in the now and looks forward to that for which Christ Jesus lay hold of me.
I choose to keep short accounts today. If I do find myself having eaten more than I should have (or snapping at the kids a bit more harshly, or having missed an opportunity to speak the truth to a pre-Christian neighbor), the “What next?” question will be answered with “observe and correct,” confess and repent. I will reject allowing my indiscretion in the past hour, day, month, or decade to define me.
How about you? Have you allowed shame to have a say in your life? What can you do to expose it and reject it? God calls us to press on and move forward!
======= NOTE: Don’t forget, we continue to have a random drawing for a free copy of Thin Within! Comment to be entered in the drawing. The next winner will be selected late Sunday evening.
Ron and his wife, Cheryl, have a heart for Kingdom-building, including in their own home. They have two sons, Jeremy, 21 and Nathaniel, 19 who have both experienced a call to full-time ministry. ========== Pick Up Your Mat And Walk
Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” John 5:8 NIV
In order to appreciate the value of Jesus’ command, you need to consider the culture of the day. Today, although some may feel we don’t do enough, there are limited opportunities for the physically handicapped to work and lead productive lives. In Christ’s time on earth, the handicapped were outcast. They lived off handouts they could obtain from begging.
In the above instance, the man had been crippled for a long time. Probably the only possessions he had were the clothes on his back and the mat on which he lay. The mat was almost a symbol of the only hope in his life. His existence was one to be pitied. There was no known cure for what ailed him (except Jesus), and even if there had been, he certainly couldn’t have afforded it.
Jesus had sympathy for the man, and with the spoken word, the man was healed. Jesus told him to “Get up!” take his mat and walk. Obviously, this was a gift greater than anything money could have bought.
Whenever I read this verse, this question comes to mind:
What mat am I holding on to today? What mat are you?
This man was holding on to his mat. It had surely become a treasured possession to him. He slept on it, rested on it, and watched the world pass by on it. He couldn’t have imagined facing the day without it. Jesus tells him to pick it up and walk. When Jesus was finished with the man, he didn’t need the mat anymore. It would take faith to trust Jesus and attempt to walk, but the victory was worth it all. Instead of a mat of hope, this man had the hope of Christ!
What would Jesus have you and I pick up today? What are you holding on too tightly as your hope?
Are you drowning in your sorrow, because you refuse to completely trust God? Are you moping about the setbacks of your life, because you have failed to accept His grace? Are you suffering from the sin that has wrecked everything around you, because you won’t submit yourself to accountability? Do you hold back from committing to God because you are afraid He won’t accept you?
Whatever you are holding on to tighter than your faith, I believe Jesus would say, “Pick up your mat and walk!” Trust Him with that in which you currently trust the most. Permit Him to see you through the difficult days of life. Allow Him to carry your burdens, strengthen your walk and brighten your hope for the future.
Jesus wants to help you. Listen for His command to pick up your mat and walk!
What is that one thing you’ve never been able to let go of, but know you need to do so?
Earlier today, my almost-16-year-old daughter, plopped down on the bed next to me where I was working on my laptop:
“Is this the longest you have ever kept your weight off?,” she asked.
Though I was taken aback by what *seemed* to be a question out of the blue, I retorted quickly enough: “But I *haven’t* kept it off!”
“Mom, you have had little ups and downs, but you aren’t anywhere close to where you were before!”
Her praise surprised me. I was about to wax eloquent, minimizing the “success” and maximizing my “failure.”
Then, I thought about Peter. He is often remembered for many things, including sinking after Jesus made it possible for him to walk on the water. We remember so much about that story…but the thing that stands out seems to be that Peter sank when he took his eyes off of Jesus.
Peter walked on the water!!! He got out of the boat!
How quick we are to forget just how amazing that is.
Was Peter changed from the experience of walking to Jesus on the water? Was he in awe of what is possible when he fixed his eyes on Jesus? Did he allow that thought to envelop him? Or did he brood:
“I sank…nuts…I sank!”
How easy it is to focus on apparent failure, but think of those other eleven guys who were all in the boat. None of them failed. None of them sank. But none of them ever got out of the boat! I have done similarly with my transformation. There have been big internal changes in addition to the outward physical ones. Today, I choose to delight in the fact I got out of the boat. I am changed inside and out because of the things God has shown me–about him, about me, about what is possible. If I am honest, I know that, at my smallest, my mindset wasn’t healthy. I am following this path imperfectly, but in my weakness, God Almighty is made evident and strong!
I am not where I was. I got out of the boat!
Why do I minimize my victories and maximize my defeats?
How about you? Can you celebrate that you have gotten out of the boat? Delight in all that is possible when you do put your eyes on Jesus. It changes you inside *and* out. You are never the same.
What will it take today to get you to stop focusing on the “sinking” and start celebrating the fact that you have gotten out of the boat and walked on the water at all? How might doing so change you today and change your approach to food, difficult situations, people, yourself, and God?
Thank you everyone for all your relevant comments. I have sure enjoyed our dialog this past week. I had hubby draw a name from all of those who have commented this week. If you commented, I put your name in the baggie. If you commented twice, you had two chances to win. If you commented 5 times, you had 5 chances! The single name that hubby pulled out of the baggie was:
praizer4ever
I think she has visited this blog once! LOL! I hope she comes back to see she has won!
Please contact me by Friday at harleysheidi at gmail dot com letting me know the name and address that you want the book sent to.
Starting fresh with week 3 comments…two more books left to win. One more a week from today and then the last one will be the night before the official beginning of our study!
I have had you, a reader of my blog, on my heart a lot lately. I wish I could claim it was some noble, godly reason. I suppose, if I really try, I could claim that this is so. But truthfully…I have been ruing the fact that I shot off my mouth and ever claimed “Ok, so I love my thighs.”
It was much easier to claim when the weather was unseasonably overcast and cold. Jeans for normal wear and warm-up pants for tennis or racquetball kept everything hidden.
But yesterday…yesterday…it was 80 degrees and sunny for the first time in a while and we had a date to play tennis with another family.
I tried figuring out how I could justify hiding my legs beneath my warm-up pants. But in 80 degrees, black “warm-up” pants seemed ludicrous. Then, I thought of you. I remembered posting here about loving my thighs. I really hate it when I catch myself not living up to something I have said to you.
So, thinking of you and my desire to be authentic, real, faithful, I donned shorts. Yikes. I have never felt this way about my legs. Oops…that’s right, I still have to keep up the facade…I have to claim I love them, right? Well, nuts…I can’t say that. With an act of my will, maybe, but it sure isn’t easy! I am praying that I will quit being so visual about this and appreciate the service of my legs to the rest of my body. 🙂 Yes, when I focus on the service of my legs, I can be thankful. So I guess that is where I will have to land for now.
Anyhow, I guess in some strange way, I want to thank you for being here–a part of my virtual world. There is some manner of accountability for my words. Which is a good thing. You are a blessing to me in that respect, even in spite of myself.
There is no doubt about it. I am definitely in process. 🙂 Thank you for being with me on this journey.
I don’t mean “God doesn’t matter,” because of course He does! What I do mean is, He doesn’t count sins.
Do you believe that?
Or do you think: “I have stuffed my face again. I know this time God has had it with me. It is only a matter of time before he says ‘That’s it. No more. I am through with you!’ “
If you are convinced that you can out-sin God’s love and kindness (which leads us to repentance), then ask Him to help you believe Psalm 32:2 a which says:
Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him.
You see? God doesn’t count.
He can out-love, out-forgive, out-kindness anything you can possibly throw at him.
He doesn’t stand up in heaven with a tablet, making a list and checking it twice to see if you have been naughty or nice and, suddenly, do a second take…
….Oh no!! Horrors of horrors!
“No! That sin, right there…that one sin…is one too many! No more forgiveness. No more pardon! No more kindness. No more long suffering! I count one too many sins for ________ .” (Insert your own name there…)
That just won’t happen, thankfully.
Further on in Psalm 32, we read:
Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD “
and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
King David knew what it was like to struggle with starting a day with good intentions–to begin again, and again, and again–only to cave in to temptation. Instead of hiding from God, though, he typically acknowledged his sin, confessing his wrong to the Lord.
And, God forgave.
David moved on.
Jesus paid an exorbitant price so that forgiveness could be constantly, freely extended to you and to me–no matter how many sins. If we believe that God “has had it” with us, then we suck the life right out of the cross of Christ, saying the death Jesus died has its limits. That it isn’t sufficient.
Do we really want to say that?
Let’s believe! God doesn’t count. When we begin again, we really do begin again–fresh start, clean slate.
First John says God is love and 1 Corinthians 13 says that love keeps no record of wrongs done. So, I have to figure, then, God doesn’t keep a record of wrongs.
No, God doesn’t count.
Do you feel like you have “let God down?” Are you worried that God will “give up” on you? Can you choose to believe him–that he says he doesn’t count your sins against you? What can you do right now to walk in that truth?
==== Don’t forget we are having a drawing for a Thin Within book by Arthur and Judy Halliday. Each Monday morning until June 14th, I will announce one winner. Your name is entered when you post a relevant comment here at the blog. I draw one name randomly from those that commented the previous week. It’s that simple and you can enter multiple times!
