by Heidi Bylsma | Dec 15, 2007 | Blog
I praise God that His mercies are NEW each morning.
In my sin last night you know what? I got angry. Interesting how rather than humbly bow before the Lord, I would just cop an attitude and get angry. I can sort of laugh about it now…how like a spoiled child I can be!
I went to bed. That was a good move. I was tired.
I am up early this morning, planning to ride with my daughter on a trail ride…this day is new, stretching before me with possibilities to grow closer to the Lord.
I choose to forget what is behind!
I hope to write later today about how to pick an accountability partner since some of you have asked about that!
Then, in future “installments” I hope to post how to make it through the rest of this season without being like “most Americans” who gain weight this time of year! We don’t need to and we can still enjoy the holidays anyhow! I know it for a fact!
I praise you, Lord, that you have given all of us who are here, a new day, flooded full and overflowing with your new tender mercies. Thank you that because of Jesus, we can approach the throne of grace boldly to receive mercy and help in our time of need. Oh, how I need you today! Thank you that you are King, yet you are intimate with me. Thank you that you know me and love me and like the children’s story, The Runaway Bunny, there is NO place I can run where you aren’t there, arms open wide, beckoning me homeward. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Thank you, Lord! In the name of Jesus, Amen!
by Heidi Bylsma | Dec 10, 2007 | Blog
One of my goals for this go through of the Thin Within book has been to be more diligent in eating 0 to 5. This has included refining my hunger numbers. I typically have stopped eating when I am “No longer hungry” instead of “Just before too much.” I have been calling that a “3” though…what that has amounted to is that I “fudge” a bit at times.
Since that clearly has been a provision for my “flesh,” I have decided (not too long ago) to redefine that as a 5.
I also decided that this goal of “being more diligent about eating 0 to 5” would best be accomplished with the help of using the Hunger Graph.
Additionally, I have solicited the assistance of an accountability partner! I send her my Hunger Graph each day. She has been a tremendous help to me and won’t let me get away with justifying anything!
I have to say, a year ago, I don’t think this would have been helpful. But it is now. God alone knows why!
Yesterday’s Hunger Graph is below :
I had five eating occasions, as you can see. The first four were at 0. I did pretty ok until lunch and then “fell off the wagon” again later in the evening.
In talking about this with my accountability partner, it has helped me to see where I get derailed. It is emotions. I need to purposely invite God into my emotions. Yesterday I worked hard on developing a website for the lady who helps me with my horses (Melissa Pelletier…she is awesome!). I was frustrating myself and not getting other really important things done because of my stubbornness. I insisted that I could learn something, to figure it out…when the truth is…most who do that on web pages (I have found) have some sort of developer software that they use for it. I refused to “be beaten” by it…and I should have set it aside.
Anyhow, I got frustrated and decided to eat! Duh!
So, I am resolving to be deliberate about inviting God into my emotions. Here’s hoping.
by Heidi Bylsma | Nov 19, 2007 | Blog
Well, I am having some struggles with things…my body is acting whacko. Between that and a rebellious heart, I am misreading (or ignoring) my hunger and satisfaction signals. To combat this, I am going to do something I haven’t done much of in the course of my TW journey since 2001…The Lord seems to be leading me to pull out the “Temple Tool Kit” and use it for 10 days. At that time I will re-evaluate if I should continue for another 10 days (or whatever the Lord leads).
The pride and arrogance that filter back into my life so subtly can sure erode a willingness to ask for God’s direction and to heed it when I hear it. While the TW tools aren’t intended to be the voice of God, I feel like I will have some added accountability that way. While I haven’t been regaining weight, I wonder if my body being out of whack is partly due to my eating being out of whack…they feed one another.
I began faithfully giving my food and eating to the Lord early last November and released weight all through the holiday season. I know that He can remove temptations…but I also know that He fully intends to supply the strength needed to resist temptations as well, providing a way out each and every time I do call out, but the temptation isn’t removed… Therefore, I will use these tools to be honest with myself and with God possibly during this entire holiday season. My family has already begun to act like holiday time is a license to bring on MORE food! ARG!
Isn’t it funny how we use “holy” days (holidays) as excuses for indulging unholy lusts? Maybe I shouldn’t say “we”…but “I” instead….
Lord, I want to be set apart for you this “Holy Day” season…please help me to live as one who IS holy and set apart by you for your purposes. Help me to offer the parts of my body to you, as instruments of righteousness…my hands, my mouth, my taste buds, my stomach, my thoughts, too, Lord…Help my mind not to dwell on things of the world, but, instead on godly, heavenly things. Cleanse me, renew me, strengthen me. If any of my sisters here (and brothers if they are here) struggle in the same way, I pray these same things for them. Be exalted in our “holy day” preparations and celebrations. In the precious Name of Christ, Amen.
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 18, 2007 | Blog
God never ceases to amaze me. What an incredible privilege. After hoping and praying (on and off) for SEVEN years (!!!) that I could be involved with women face-to-face (not only online) to walk through the Thin Within material, that is now happening! I am so thrilled!
Monday morning I had the joy of having my first meeting with a lady at my church who wants support going through the Thin Within book. I SO enjoyed her company and I delight that God has provided her in *my* life to offer added accountability and prayer support as well. We are using the little study guide that Pam Sneed and I put together some years back and that the Thin Within Company (thinwithin.org) now has available for the cost of printing. I already am really enjoying being a participant again! 🙂
Today, I read the introduction material in the book and the first day’s worth…the first chapter. Boy…it is soooo weird to be in this place…instead of starting reading trying not to be afraid to hope, I am at a weight I never dreamed of being…God has done so much in my physical body…I know that it has been him. (There is so much work yet to be done in my heart, though…it almost seems like it isn’t right…) I have been applying the principles of Thin Within pretty faithfully (generally) for 10 months now and released 80 pounds or so (a few more fell off while at horse camp…go figure…I am not convinced they will stay off…).
Today, I journaled as I read the first chapter of the book again and these thoughts came to my mind and heart:
I know my heart is still (again?) not fully surrendered. I have changed what I *demand* certainly. What I declare ever-so-subtly as “my rights” may not be quite the quantity they once were…but I still have a defective–no, let’s call it what it is…a SINFUL–heart attitude! It needs to be submitted to the Lord!
I see that I have wandered consistently from applying the Keys to Conscious Eating. While I am not restricted to a series of laws…the keys are helpful. I want to recommit to eating only when I am truly physiologically hungry. It is like I know what I can get away with to stay at this weight now…but what if God wants to remove more weight from me? Of course, the weight isn’t the point…I KNOW that he doesn’t want me to cling to the things I cling to (Oreos, for starters). I should cling only to him!!! But it is like I know what I can get away with and so I keep sneaking or something…
Another Key I need to apply is to eat more slowly…boy, I can still inhale food and when it is less food than it used to be, it is gone in nothing flat! I also need to savor each bite. I need to pay more attention to the food. This morning, I actually read EMAIL while eating! Good grief! I wonder if I have been doing that for long? When I was done, I realized I hadn’t given Daisy (my dog) the bites I usually do…and that meant I hadn’t been mentally present for my breakfast!
As I think ahead to leading the Thin Within class starting October 3, some things have really struck me. A big focus of Thin Within is to encourage the participant: 1.) To no longer be anxious about food or SELF and 2.) to learn to trust the body God has designed…that it is reliable for telling us when and what we need to eat and when to stop.
It occurred to me that these two things may seem pretty near impossible for some participants to imagine! It is really something to be looking at this material from a completely different place…I am so thankful that God has a wonderful way of making all things new…He is doing a new thing yet again…wow. Thank you Lord.
Lord, I desire to really be surrendered. Please do your work in me. In Christ Jesus’ Name, Amen.
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 16, 2007 | Blog
Goodness! What is God up to? (Why doesn’t blogger have smiley faces? LOL!)
October 3rd begins my first real live LIVE group! I will be leading a live group for women at my home church. I am excited and nervous! On Monday (day after tomorrow) I will begin meeting with a lady who will be in accountability with me…she will help pray me through leading this group. I am very excited and I hope she grows through the experience and experiences goals of becoming healthier too. I SO need support.
This week, I was gone ALL week at bible horsemanship camp. It was quite an intense week. WONDERFUL, but they schedule everything. While I wasn’t totally on their program (I took my own breakfast foods and foods I could eat if hungry), the lunch and dinners were so amazing…I hadn’t eaten that richly in a long while. I am paying for it today with a stomach in upheaval! I hadn’t realized just how much my palate had changed! WOW! Tomorrow I will weigh and see if there was any damage…I know the truth without weighing…I didn’t submit completely to the Lord. Some, yes, but I went back for another bit of home made cheesecake last night (oh my word, was that yummy and I think it is what pushed me over the edge with my tum tum at 3:30am when I was whining in the outhouse, shivering my socks off! LOL!…sorry…too much info, I bet! LOL!)…anyhow, that little tidbit of cheesecake isn’t the problem, but the attitude of pride is…that says I can do what I want and get away with it…that was with me a bit more than I would like to admit this week.
I munched on granola and almonds when I was hungry, but there were times when I had to really stop and evaluate…AM I hungry? Or am I just wanting to CRUNCH?
:-/
Well, here is to regaining my focus right now!
Lord, I reject the toe-hold that the enemy is attempting to get in my life. I know his plans for me ARE for Harm…to hurt me, to warp my mind, to thrash me, to give me a terrible “future,” one burdened and with NO hope. But you have set me free from that! Shall I return to slavery! NO WAY! Thank you, Lord, that your grace is enough for me! In the precious Name of Jesus, AMEN!
