I’ve never known that, when you do wrong, it breeds more wrong-doing. After all of the progress I’ve had, I overate early this morning and completely fell off the rails.
Just one misstep, and I was back wanting to do wrong today. I want to eat everything in sight.
Now this is where the choice comes in. What are my choices? I have two:
One is to turn off of the TV and reset myself by getting into the Word as much as I can all day. Today will turn out to be a great day if I do that.
My other choice is to eat all day, receiving condemnation from the enemy. He’ll be accusing me and telling me that nothing has changed. He’ll taunt me saying “It’s no use doing Thin Within! I told you, you haven’t changed! It really doesn’t matter. Mind renewal is just hogwash! Just go ahead and eat!”
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But I want to tell you the outcome of the day!
I finished well today!
I did not let the enemy get the best of me!
What a huge victory for me. Yes, I fell off of the rails, but only for a short while.
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This time was different from all of the other times! I finished by eating a modest portion only two meals after I had blown it!
Had I had this fall in my bingeing days, it would have been a disaster!
But guess what? The mind renewal is working! It’s actually changing me from the inside out!
There are a few words that I have now banned from my thinking vocabulary. These are:
I’ll start tomorrow.
You might as well.
More.
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The word less is good; not more.
I still use the word tomorrow, but it has a new meaning and use…
Instead of saying “Well, you’ve blown it, so you might as well go ahead and eat now and just start tomorrow,” I tell myself “You can have that food tomorrow, if you want.”
Next time I will not get tripped up with just one bite. But I’m glad that at least I learned a lot from that trip!
I’ve noticed that, as I’m getting close to zero ~ truly hungry, but not starving ~ anxiety rises up in me. If I’m busy and my mind is occupied, anxiety is less likely to happen, but it often does.
I obviously need the Lord to renew my heart and mind regarding zero. So I thought I’d start by defining anxious.
The word anxious has two different, almost opposite meanings, and I feel both aspects of the word as I approach zero…
One kind of anxious is what you feel when you’re looking forward to something and you have tingly butterflies in your tummy. Like when you think of meeting a friend for coffee, or going to get a pedicure, or an upcoming vacation to a fun destination. Eating my next meal may not be quite as exciting as vacation or a pedi, but my resident butterflies nonetheless say otherwise.
Linked to the fun kind of anxiety is the other kind of anxiety – where you feel nervous with a sickish sense of dread. Like…
• a test coming up that you haven’t studied for, or…
• stopped-up traffic on the freeway when you’re trying to get to the airport, or…
• someone told you they want to talk to you, but didn’t tell you why, and you have a hunch it’s going to be hard.
Because of that dreadish kind of anxiety, just getting down to zero is a huge victory for me!
In my “pre-Thin-Within” days, I seldom felt hungry! Seriously! I often went months without ever feeling a single hunger pang! If I ever did, it was purely accidental; never planned for, and certainly not something I desired or sought!
So I’m thankful that I’ve become much more acquainted and comfortable – in an uncomfortable way – with zero! It’s not quite my “friend,” but we’re definitely more than “mere acquaintances.”
Instead of rushing to fill my tummy once I hit zero – and thus stuff that anxiety with food – I have asked the Lord to give me a fresh view of zero, to help me renew my mind about it.
I want to deal a death blow to the dreadish anxiety, but doing so is a process. And, thanks to Thin Within, I have a wonderful array of tools to help me deal with these anxieties!
I’m “attacking” it from four different angles, which I think of as the four sides of a boxing ring. I actually hate how violent boxing is! Why would any sane person would put themselves inside a ring where the sole intent of their opponent is to punch them repeatedly and win over them by knocking them out! But that is exactly what I want to do to my unruly appetite! Deal its unruliness some death blows and gain victory over it!
The four “punches” I’m utilizing are to: 1) Renew my Mind about Anxiety, 2) Make Truth Cards (or a Truth List) about Zero, 3) Gain Wisdom Regarding Eating (Once I’m at Zero), and 4) A Prayer as I Approach Zero.
Let’s take them one by one…
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1. RENEW MY MIND ABOUT ANXIETY
I did a word study on anxiety using a study tool I share in “Two Forms for Studying Scripture” called the “Word Alive Study.” Here’s the one I did on the do-on-your-computer version. (There’s also a print-and-write-in version for those who prefer handwriting.) I copied the definition from Webster’s 1828 Dictionary and pasted it into a box on this form!
(Click on this form to see it more clearly in a new window; click your back arrow to return here.)
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2. MAKE TRUTH CARDS (AND/OR A TRUTH LIST) ABOUT “ZERO”
To get a fresh view of zero, I created several Truth Cards about it and made a Truth List using the same truths. So the two are the same in content; one is just in card form, with one truth per card and a pretty picture or page, and the Truth List is just a list of the same truths. This can be hand-written on a piece of paper, or typed and printed out, in a list on your phone or computer. Or you could make them into a small booklet.
Here are several truths relating to “zero”:
When I reach my zero, it is not an excuse to chow down, but to simply replenish my body’s fuel.
I need to be more thoughtful about my zero, and “spend” it wisely and with self control.
Zero is not to be feared; it is God’s design for my body – as is self control.
“The Lord Himself is my inheritance, my prize, He is my food and drink, my highest joy.” (Psalms 16:5)
“Nothing tastes as good as obedience feels.” ~Heidi Bylsma
“When I eat at zero, food tastes so much better, I am free from bondage to food, and I feel peaceful and content.” ~Christina Motley
And here are several of the above truths made up into Truth Cards. These first four are photo/graphic truth cards I made in Canva(.com):
I also make many on my phone using Word Swag, an awesome free app. Here are three using that:
I keep all my digital Truth Cards in an album on my phone, and have printed some out and added to a pack of Truth Cards.
These last two are actual physical cards in a spiral card pack that I made like small scrapbook pages, using stickers, pretty papers, and buttons:
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3. GAIN WISDOM REGARDING EATING (ONCE I’M AT ZERO)
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EATING PARAMETERS & ENVIRONMENT
The Keys to Conscious Eating are the foundation of becoming wise in how we eat. These are presented and discussed in:
However, even though the concepts are simple, for those of us with disordered eating and food addiction, it’s not so simple. This is why there are several more resources to help you dig down and deal with the reasons behind our disordered eating. (It’s not just a simple matter of loving food!) These resources each have different but dove-tailing messages that will greatly help you gain freedom from food addiction:
There are no food rules in Thin Within! No “taboo” foods, omitting of entire food groups, nor focusing on just a few certain foods… just common sense, really. And, while there are some basics that don’t vary much, specifics vary from person to person.
Here are a few words from Judy Halliday in Hunger Within, page 112:
There are no forbidden foods. Nevertheless, as we follow the leading of the Spirit, we will find ourselves making wiser, healthier, God-honoring choices. While we have the freedom to choose what we will eat or drink, we know not every food or beverage is beneficial for us, nor do we want to be enslaved by anything. When we are guided by the grace-giving keys to conscious eating, we recognize that certain foods can be detrimental to our health, and are best enjoyed in moderation or avoided. We also develop discernment about what we call “trigger” foods and beverages.
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4. A PRAYER AS I APPROACH ZERO
Finally, in my prayer, I want to cover what I’m feeling as I approach zero: the good anxiety of looking forward to eating, the harmful anxiety of fearing that I will throw off all restraint and just binge.
Lord, I’m getting close to zero, and I need You to help me process this anxiety that I’m feeling, and not just rush to squelch it with food. I’m excited to eat, but I don’t want to use it as an opportunity to indulge my flesh.
I don’t want to have my heart be so connected to eating that I look forward to eating more than is appropriate. So help me utilize the Keys to Conscious Eating and really take time to enjoy what You have provided for me.
I’m also feeling some fear that I will lose self-control and just devour everything in sight, so would You live Your life through and in me so that, “by the mighty power of the Spirit of the Lord at work within me,” I can eat as You originally designed me to eat? I want to learn how to “eat to live instead of living to eat”!
We do not earn grace or our salvation. Salvationis “the free gift of God to those who believe in Christ Jesus” and graceis “unmerited, unearned favor.” Which means we don’t have to DO a single thing to get them. Both are entirely free!
So I think of doing “all the above” work not as a way to earn my healing and victory, but simply as applying all that He has given me to “work out [my] salvation,” making it my own, especially as it relates to this very difficult area of my life. This helps me get all the hindrances out of the way that keep me from receiving all God has offered me! And you, as well!
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Please feel free to share any prayers YOU pray as you approach zero, as well as any insights you have gained in this arena that would bless and encourage your fellow journeyers!
There are times when I have eaten something, even within my boundaries (Thin Within principles such as eating between hunger and satisfaction), and I will feel guilty for eating whatever that particular food was. It probably goes back to my dieting days of the food labeling (the “good”, the “bad”, and the ugly). Recently, I was tired of the guilty feelings that were attaching themselves to what I was eating, so I sat down and typed out some questions to quickly renew my mind with when the thoughts would come. These are some questions to ask yourself ad renew your mind with when you are feeling guilty about what you have eaten.
Feeling guilty about what I ate:
Why do you feel guilty?
Where is this guilt coming from (satan, diet, friend, etc)?
Did you eat the food within your boundaries? If not, what could you do different next time you are tempted to break a boundary?
What does God say about this situation?
What happens when you believe the lie? What is your habitual response?
How does God want you to respond?
What do you need to accept?
What can you thank God for in this situation?
Colossians 2:20-23 Therefore, if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living in the world, do you subject yourselves to regulations—“Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle,”which all concern things which perish with the using—according to the commandments and doctrines of men?These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh.
1 Timothy 4:4-5 For every creature of God is good, and nothing is to be refused if it is received with thanksgiving;for it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.
Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
Matthew 6:25 Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Matthew 15:11 Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.
If you are familiar with Barb Raveling’s I Deserve a Donut (app and book), these types of questions may look similar. When you ask yourself these questions, the Lord will expose the lie and reveal truth. I notice when I answer these questions and meditate on these scriptures, it helps settle me down and peace returns.
There are times when I need questions to help renew my mind that are about these specific circumstances, such as feeling guilty about a particular food I have eaten. Diets teach us that there are “good” and “bad” foods, and I no longer want to be under a law that says, “taste not, touch not” (Colossians 2:21). There are no moral values attached to food.
I hope these questions are helpful to you. I have a few other sets of questions that have been helpful to me as well that I will share at another time in other posts.
Are there any other sets of questions that would be helpful to you? Let me know and maybe I could come up with some questions.
Image courtesy of Mister GC at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
My Thin Within journey hasn’t been so much about the physical weight, but more about the mental “weight”. The weight of worrying about my body image, obsessing about food, fighting the diet mentality and temptation of going back to a diet, and bowing down to the skinny idol. I’ve had people ask me why I’m so interested in this subject. Like, why do I feel compelled to encourage others in their journey toward freedom when I *look* fine? And my response is this: We all deal with the same lies, whether you are overweight, underweight, or even at your ideal weight. The enemy is right there saying that you are too much or not enough. So my journey has been more about releasing the”weight” of my thoughts and surrendering the obsession. If I could weigh my thoughts, obsessions, struggles, and lies I have dealt with over the years, they would be considerably very heavy.
I did, at one time, have physical weight to release. I’ve been 25-30 pounds overweight. I’ve dealt with emotional eating. I’ve dieted and then sought freedom from counting, weighing, measuring. I’ve dealt with fears about food. I know what it feels like to never feel good enough and to keep on reaching toward those temptations. I know what it’s like to eat when I’m not hungry and then to keep on eating because of guilt and shame. And I know what it’s like to have God’s peace in this journey, to taste the freedom He has offered. I know what it’s like to be free from worrying about food and to no longer overeat.
But I still struggle. I still find myself tempted to research about diets. I still think I need to be a certain size and look a certain way. I still worry about the unknown. I compare past success on a diet program with success while eating 0-5. I want the guarantee that this works. And I compare myself with others.
Sometimes, for encouragement, I will skim through parts of Hunger Within. Recently, I found myself in Chapter 6: Dependence Not Addiction. And even though it’s a hard truth to swallow, I realize I have been dealing with addiction in this. As stated in the chapter, addiction means to “give assent–to give up or to give over”. Somewhere along the line, I had surrendered myself to body image worries, to comparison, the researching diets, etc.
If we give ourselves over to food, performance, relationships, or other compulsive behaviors, we may experience initial relief, so then we cling to them, making them the objects of our desire.
I have done that. And it’s crazy to think I have found “relief” in researching and obsessing over my body, but I have.
As these objects grow in importance, our behavior becomes habitual and we can no longer satisfy or relieve our needs in healthy ways. Even if we want to break free, we find ourselves enslaved. Herein lies the greatest risk to our relationship with God: the addiction itself, rather than God, becomes the driving force or focus of our life.
That statement right there is an eye-opener to me. I have looked to something outside of the Lord to try to satisfy my needs. Some of us do this with food: we eat outside of our physical hunger because there is a need–but only God can reach that need. Wow! I really want to redirect myself (change my habits) so that I’m not reaching toward the avenues of addiction, but instead, I’m reaching toward my Lord and Savior and His Word!
The objects of our addictions become our false gods. These are what we attend to, where we give our time and energy, instead of love. Addiction, then, displaces and supplants God’s love as the source and object of our deepest true desire. (Gerald May, as quoted in Hunger Within)
I don’t know about you, but I’m so tired of going back to the same old behavior. It’s that old rut of thinking. But God wants us to get on His path of righteousness. His WORD is a light unto our path! He wants to pull us out of that old rut and onto His path of life. I want to release this “weight” over to the Lord so I can be free! And I know that will happen as I continue to press into Him and seek His truth. HE is the one Who will change me from the inside out. I want to press into HIM, not into the diet books and lies that I’ve believed for so long. I want to go to Him instead of putting hope in something false. I know it starts in my mind. That’s why it’s so important to renew my mind. That’s where the change starts.
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. 2 Cor 10:4-5
I cannot tell you how many hours I’ve prayed or how many journals I’ve filled (at least a few), asking the Lord for help, digging into His Word, seeking His truth as He dissolved lies. But I do know this–GOD is the One Who will change you. Your part is to go to Him, and HE does the transformation work! I cannot emphasize that enough. Renewing your mind is a vital part of this journey! Take those lies to Him. Lay them before Him and trust that He will reveal truth! Don’t give up! He will change you and one day you will realize that you aren’t struggling with certain things anymore. You will release “weight” and the physical weight. He will change you from within and it will not only be evident on the outside, but we will think and live changed. Praise God!
My journey isn’t over yet, in fact, recently it’s turned a corner and I’m so excited to share about that…but you will have to wait until next week. Stay tuned!
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
On June 6, 2014 at 3:00 am, the Lord gave me a dream. My son woke up shortly after I had the dream for a feeding. As I was feeding him his bottle, the Lord gave me the interpretation to the dream. I couldn’t wait to write the dream and the interpretation in my journal. This has been monumental truth in my life! I pray that this will encourage you as well!
In the dream, some other girls and I were kidnapped. I won’t go into the details, but I could tell that we had been with these kidnappers for quite awhile because we got used to them and after awhile we were looking to them to take care of us and protect us–even though they were still evil.
This is what I wrote in my journal at 3:30 am:
We are held captive for so long that we become friends with and trust our captors. We begin to rely heavily upon their “protection” even though they are harmful to us. And when we are actually free to run away or get help, we stay captive because we become like the elephant and think the rope is still tied to us–but we are actually free. We are actually strong enough to escape captivity, but being held captive is all we know. (I think it was Ginger that Heidi posted on Facebook about writing a book and she shared a story about how when they are training baby elephants to be in the circus or maybe the zoo, they tie a rope around one of their legs so they can’t go anywhere. As the elephant gets older, it stays in one place and doesn’t think it can move, but the rope has been removed a long time ago). It becomes a comfort to us. We get hurt because we are held captive, but we cling to our captors for help. It doesn’t make sense.
So this is what the Lord showed me–this is what I am doing with the diets and obsessive researching and thinking about trying to change things with what I am eating all the time. These are the things that held me captive for so long, and now I am free, but I’m like that elephant–I’m strong, but I am so used to being in one place and thinking that I am stuck in one place, that I haven’t moved. So even though the obsessive thoughts and diets have been harmful, it’s a comfort zone for me, so I keep on wanting to stick around. And even though in the dream I could have jumped out of a car, made a phone call, or cried out for others to help me get away from the kidnappers, I chose to stay because it was safer that way and didn’t cause me as much harm–even though these kidnappers could have harmed or killed me just like that and without even a care in the world. I have put my trust in my captors–in these programs, obsessive thoughts, etc.
“Prisons can be safe and comfortable. They can become a known life, a familiar way. Resignation is safe; dreaming is dangerous. Letting someone else control your life is easier than rising up to deny them control; the relationship will never be the same…The known is always more comfortable and less risky than the unknown…Not a one of us was created to live in captivity.”*
So I am free! God has thrown the prison doors wide open. The shackles have been removed. I can walk in freedom! I just have to choose it! “We will have to choose freedom and fight for our freedom as the Scripture urges…You pay too high a price to stay in chains. Freedom is what you are made for; freedom is good.”*
Just like I posted about Galatians 5:1, I have to LET myself be free! I’m still learning this. (Even the night before this is being posted, I’m still trying to keep myself from being free by giving myself another food rule; this has got to stop! I have to choose to stop it!) It baffles me that I would even let myself be held captive when I really am totally free! The prison doors are open, so why don’t I just run out? Probably because this has been 12 years of familiarity to me. And honestly, it’s sort of scary! I’m sure the Israelites felt the same way when they were out wandering in the wilderness. Egypt was slavery, but it was what they were familiar with. For some, it was all they knew. They had never lived a life of freedom before. So why is freedom so scary to us?
“A known captivity is more comfortable than an unknown freedom.”
–author unknown
How do we hold ourselves captive when it comes to our eating and body image? For me, it’s been opening links to before/after pictures of someone’s success with a particular diet or exercise program, it’s thinking critical thoughts of my body, researching different ways of eating, focusing on a body part that I’ve never really liked (but I’m learning to love), etc. It’s also been thinking I need to change the way I eat, do an exercise challenge, or thinking I need to be skinny (I will be sharing another post about this some time soon). These are all things that hold me back from experiencing the freedom God meant for me. Being critical of myself and my body holds me back from loving who God has created me to be. Reading about diets or thinking that I need to change my eating is me searching for some perfect set of boundaries. Thinking I need to do some intense exercise program puts my eyes back on me, me, me, me, me–instead of Christ. These are the things that trip me up. The excessive focus and the obsession with food, my body, and thinking I need to be ‘skinny’ is like slapping the chains right back on. Christ is like, “You’re free!” And I’m like, “I’m scared of this freedom!” Christ is like, “Follow these simple boundaries.” And I’m like, “But Lord, I know these other paths will lead me to where I want to be (worshipping the ‘skinny’ idol).” I put the shackles back on.
You see, I have been comfortable with those things that held me captive for so long. It’s become like a friend. I could run away, but this is all I’ve known for a long, long time. For some of us, being overweight has felt comfortable because it’s sort of like a wall we have put up, a defense mechanism to keep the people away that could hurt us. For some of us, driving through drive-thru after drive-thru is comforting because we get to eat and numb ourselves. For some, not eating brings us comfort because we are in control (even though it’s completely out of control). I don’t know your particular reason, but I know that Christ wants to free you from those chains. The devil has spewed out his lies upon you long enough. It’s time to bruise him under our feet (Romans 16:20) and throw off those chains and RUN out of captivity!
Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains on your neck, Daughter Zion, now a captive.
Isaiah 52:2
Sometimes, I think, in a humorous way, that the Lord must slap His hand to His forehead in disbelief that I’m doing it again. But there I am, looking back at Egypt. “Those leeks and onions sure look good! What is this manna anyway?”
So how to I stop being so stubborn and free myself? I am already free, so how do I walk out that freedom? This is probably going to come as a big surprise to you (not really):
I need to renew my mind!
Big shocker there, right? *wink*
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
What’s God’s good, pleasing and perfect will for me? FREEDOM!
How will I be transformed and be free from the pattern of this world? RENEWING MY MIND!
What is the pattern of this world? To be selfish, proud, serving other gods, envy, greed, lust, etc.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of the “pattern” of this world. I’m tired of the world telling me that I *have* to be skinny, that I *have* to eat a certain way, that I *have* to bow down to the gods of this world if I want to be happy and blah, blah, blah.
Can you tell I’m getting feisty?
So I’m doing it! I’m taking off the chains and taking those steps in my newfound freedom! I’m renewing my mind every time I am tempted to go back to captivity. I’m going to choose not to open the books or sites on the internet that would trip me up. I have to keep my eyes on what Christ has asked me to do, not what the world is beckoning me to do. It also might mean excusing myself from conversations that would only ensnare me.
I’m going to fix my eyes on Christ!
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:1-3
Are you with me on this? Are you ready to release yourself from what has held you captive for so long and live your life in freedom? Freedom from diets, from being critical of your body, from counting, weighing, etc.? We can do this together! Let’s throw off those chains and RUN to Jesus!!! Let’s renew our minds together and watch the beautiful transformation take place!
*Becoming Myself: Embracing God’s Dream of You by Stasi Eldredge
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