by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 6, 2008 | Blog
…more on the wonderful way gratitude can change a life…from irritable, to thankful and joyful–and even from carrying extra weight on my body to releasing even the extra weight…
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Another way God has used the intentional practice of gratitude in my life is to pull the focus off of self. This, too, feeds the power funneled to fight against habitual sin. But by pulling the focus off of me, my wants, my body, my food, my rights, my this, my that, I am freed up to focus on God. He alone is worthy of that much focus! He is worthy of being magnified! I can’t make him too big. The fact is, even though it may seem remote to me at times…he IS good. No matter what may come my way, that TRUTH won’t change. By choosing to focus on HIM and not on my SELF, it puts everything into perspective.
Gratitude transformed our family vacation–and our family! As I mentioned previously…but this is a bit more about that…I hate going out of town. I don’t like to be gone long. I don’t like to go anywhere else and I don’t want to be away from home. I don’t like the traveling process, PERIOD. So, when my husband planned for our family to go to the East Coast for EIGHT days–our longest family vacation ever…AND the farthest away from home we would all have ever been–I was NOT very excited. (This is an understatement.)
But the cool thing is, we all chose to look for things to thank and praise God for during our trip. We did so frequently and some times earnestly…typically in response to something appearing not to be going our way…LOL! For instance, when my husband insisted in his perky positive way (why is he NEVER like that at home? LOL!) that we would do the DC Death March…the other three of us had head colds…OOOoooh it was painful! But we managed to praise God…and you know what? The next day when we were heading back into DC and got caught in a LOOOOONG traffic jam we could praise God that we had seen SO much of Washington DC the previous day since it was clear we weren’t going to get to see much of it on day 2!
In fact, on day 8 as we were coming back from the airport in our car heading home…(we live in California, so that tells you something about how long of a day it had been)…we were all excitedly talking about the NEXT family vacation! Can you believe it? The two days following our trip, we sat down to add entries of things we were grateful for from our trip to our online gratitude blog (which is in need of being updated now…). Click here and here to see those entries.
We truly felt like God blessed us so much! We could have gone on with more “normal” things to praise God for on our trip…like the fact that tons and tons of metal stayed in the air…who would ever think that an *airplane* would fly? LOL!
Tomorrow, I will share HOW to foster a heart of gratitude. đ
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 5, 2008 | Blog
…the continuing lessons that God has used to transform my life…IS using to transform my life, including my physical size. Yes, gratitude IS connected to “weight loss!” đ
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Each moment I have a choice. I can practice gratitude–magnifying HIM and HIS purposes–or another approach. Typically it boils down to the path of self-pity or the path of praise! When I choose the path of praise and gratitude, I discover GOD’s purposes in my situation. I discover not only how awesome God is, but the things he has in store. Life truly DOES become an adventure.
Whatever we focus on or magnify–that will consume our vision. That will be all we can see.
I have a choice about what I will be consumed by…I can be Grandma #1 or Grandma#2…a son of Korah or Korah.
So how *has* God used gratitude in my life?
He has used gratitude to transform our family. First of all from making stupid decisions based on discontentment and bad attitudes! When we don’t know what God’s will might be in a situation and the answer to our prayers seems slow to come, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds me that we can HOLD tight and PRAISE and THANK him in ALL circumstances! This IS God’s will right now!
The biggest way that I feel God has used the practice of gratitude in my life is to enable me to overcome sinful patterns–even besetting sins. This is where the overeating, gluttony, overweight body comes in…or, rather, where it goes out.
The gluttony that led me to carrying 100 extra pounds on my frame was a direct result of allowing discontentment to breed in my life.
Let me back up…the reason for any sin in my life seems to be able to be reduced to a couple of simple truths…for me, anyhow:
1.) I believe a lie–that if I have x, y, or z, I will be happiest. This leads to the second:
2.) sin is often rooted in wanting something that isn’t mine to have!
This goes back of course to the first part of my lengthy story…where I wanted something that God had not called me to!
Here is how it plays out with regard to overeating (or not).
In every moment, I have a choice of magnifying on my desire for food that my body doesn’t need. I want a hot fudge sundae, but I am not hungry. I get irritated and frustrated and allow my thoughts to run away with me and before you know it, I have resentment toward the Lord that he is “holding out on me.” I want it and I should have it…and on and on my thoughts go, crescendoing into one big climactic binge…or it could go that way. This is the path of self-pity…Poor me. Everyone ELSE gets to eat, but I can’t…(do you hear the whine?). What am I magnifying if I do this? This is a CHOICE I can make!
On the other hand, the MOMENT I sense that I am not hungry but want whatever food, bite, taste, etc. of that food…if I in that moment refuse to MAGNIFY my want and, instead, choose to magnify what IS true–that God is worthy of PRAISE (this is the Path of Praise)…it will transform the moment. For instance, I can praise and thank God that my body is so efficient. It might go something like this:
“Lord, right now I want the chocolate chip cookies that I could make from the tub of dough that is in the refridgerator. But I am not hungry right now. You know, Lord, I praise you that my body is so efficient that I don’t need food very often to fuel me! I am able to make it for hours on just a little bit! Thank you that this means I am ‘cheap to feed!’ Lord, we *have* saved a lot of money since I began eating this way. Thank you so much for that added blessing. I am thrilled to know that my body is reliable and you will allow it to signal me when I need fuel again. I really *am* fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you, Lord! And thank you that I have the freedom to eat a cookie or two when I am at 0. There are no diet laws…I am free, Lord. What a joy that is to finally be FREE of all the dieting laws I was so ensnared by for all those years! THANK YOU, Jesus!”
At first, I may need to do this with an act of my will. I may not FEEL thank-FULL…but as I choose to GIVE THANKS for the many ways God is at work in my life now and in the past and will be in the future…anything and everything I can think of…I begin to realize that having what I thought I wanted is not the big lure that it would have been had I kept on thinking about it. Again, it is all about what I CHOOSE to magnify! What HE has given? Or what I want that is out of His will for me?
In this way, fostering a heart of gratitude has not only changed the moment for me…my NOW, if you will…but it has changed my hour, my day, and ultimately my LIFE!
More next time…to be continued…(I promise we are almost done!)…
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 3, 2008 | Blog
Let me put it another way…God has used gratitude–something that many of us roll our eyes about and say “yeah yeah…tell me something NEW” over…to make me my natural God-given size! SO THERE! How is that for a sales pitch? đ Over the top? Here is the continued message (transcript sort of) that I shared on retreat with ladies from my church. They weren’t all Thin Within’ers so I am modifying it for those that may visit this blog…
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This takes me to the “Tale of Two Grandmas.”
Grandma #1 was in her 80s, she had a leg amuptated, moved to a nursing home to live the rest of her days (and she knew it at the time), but she consistently chose to focus on the Lord and what HE had in mind for this situation.
She chose, moment by moment to MAGNIFY God. To make HIM the biggest thing in her life. She knew that God still had a plan for her in her new situation. Rather than magnify her physical pain, the fact that her husband lived elsewhere, how hard it was to learn to get around without two legs, the hollering of a patient in a nearby room or the smells from across the hall, she chose to ask the Lord what HE wanted her mission on this earth to be. God wasn’t done with her yet and she knew it and relished it!
So, she chose to learn Spanish! She wanted a way of connecting with the employees and many of them were Spanish speaking–they would help her learn Spanish and she would, in turn, teach them about the love of her Savior through her words, actions, and attitudes. People loved being with Grandma #1…all her days. She magnified the Lord and others saw him through her.
Grandma #2 is also in her 80s. She is in relatively good health–both legs in tact. But she has made the opposite choice–like I did on those Sundays at church and like Korah–to magnify everything that isn’t “perfect” in her estimation. The food isn’t tasty enough where she lives, there aren’t enough special speakers and events to stimulate her mind, and there are too many inconveniences. She magnifies these things and this leads to depression. She is convinced that moving is the only solution.
Sometimes…catch this one…bad choices happen all because of things we focus on. What we magnify often motivates actions…My husband and I wanted to move, get a new job, change churches…the truth was, nothing was wrong with any of those things…or not enough to make a huge decision! We were magnifying things that bothered us and allowing them to get bigger and bigger until they were reason enough for making life changing decisions! Just like Grandma #2. Just like Korah–the course of his life was changed by allowing rebellious thoughts to become rebellious actions…
Discontentment, allowed to breed unhindered in our lives, results in actions that we regret…maybe immediately, maybe over the long haul.
To be continued…
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 1, 2008 | Blog
…God has used gratitude to transform my “fatloss” journey from the inside out…This multi-part posting on gratitude is shared hopefully to demonstrate in part how gratitude can transform your life, too!…
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I think it is awesome that the “sons of Korah” learned from their great-granddaddy’s mistakes!
It is soooo much better to be a “mere” gatekeeper…to know you are in the heart of God’s will than to be up on a stage or anywhere else when you are not called. It is this way with everything…it is so much better to joyfully delight in that to which God calls…even if it is a supposed “pittance” of what we may think we “deserve” than to have all we want to lay claim to…if it is out of God’s will. No thanks!
What does all this stuff about the Kohathites and Korah have to do with gratitude? I hope the connection becomes obvious soon if it hasn’t already.
Psalm 84 is a psalm of gratitude from where I sit. Korah (and I) lacked gratitude as we looked with envy at the roles of others and we thought we wanted what they had.
Relative to food and eating, I can be a Korah when I longingly yearn for that to which God doesn’t call me to eat…and resent that it “only” takes a fraction of the amount of food I *want* to be what my body *needs*…Better is 1/3 of a portion that God calls me to eat than a thousand portions of that to which he doesn’t call! (Ok, I am stretching things a bit for the “weight-conscious” folks visiting this blog…but I hope the connection works for you! :-))
The key for me in all of this has been…what did KORAH focus on? What did he fix his eyes on? The answer…seems to me it was that which was not his.
Psalm 34:3 in the New American Standard Bible says:
O magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
When you use a magnifying glass, what are you trying to do? Typically, uses for magnifying glasses include:
1.) Making things look bigger than they are
2.) Seeing details
3.) Focusing intentionally on something
4.) Studying it
Korah had a critical spirit magnifier. So did I when I came to church all the time. I would allow anything and everything I could find to criticize fill my vision as if I had a big old magnifying lens fixated on it.
What are YOU magnifying? Are you like me or Korah, using a magnifier to make things that bug you look even BIGGER?
Or are you allowing yourself to magnify the LORD. We can’t make him bigger than he is! He is so worthy of all our attention, study, focus, and exaltation. We can make him “bigger” in our lives or we can make trials, irritations, worries “bigger.” What will it be?
O come magnify the LORD with me!
Sometimes when we magnify things that irritate us, little things get so big that we think we have to change them in order for our lives to be happy again. We can make some really stupid decisions if we aren’t careful. If we take a step back and allow the Lord to fill our vision (Be Thou my vision…oh Lord of my heart…), we can get a more godly perspective. Sometimes, if we feel like we are being faced with a bunch of BIG decisions, it isn’t so much a decision that needs to be made. If we have been in a habit of magnifying irritants and difficuties, this is especially so…we feel like we have to change churches, change jobs, move out of the neighborhood…all at once! Could this possibly be God’s will? Well, maybe, but if we feel like we can’t figure out God’s will, maybe it is because of the magnifier fixated on the wrong thing. We can’t make a decision about what God’s will is because his will is plain and just not something we want to hear…
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says what it is!
…give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
So what is God’s will? To give thanks. When? In all circumstances.
The word “thanks” above is also translated “gratitude” elsewhere in the New Testament. It is so easy to magnify anything and everything else *but* the Lord! If we take our magnifiers off of the circumstances and on to the Lord, we can give GRATITUDE even in these circumstances…and know that we are in the heart of God’s will.
Yes, decisions may still need to be made, but made from a seat of wisdom and gratitude rather than a seat of discontentment. This is so vital!
I love that this verse says to GIVE thanks. It doesn’t tell us to be thankFULL. We can’t just drum up a heart FULL of feelings of thanks. But we can, with an act of our will CHOOSE, in faith, to GIVE thanks. In fact, if, with an act of my will I choose to GIVE thanks, thankFULLness may follow.
The questions before me are:
–> What will I choose to magnify?
* Will I magnify what God is doing?
* Will I magnify his character? I know he is good, sovereign, perfect, loving…
* Or will I magnify my irritations, complaints, trials and difficulties?
Whatever I choose to magnify…that is what will be BIGGER and LARGER than LIFE and consume my vision…until that is all I can see.
I promise to wrap this up in the next couple of days…
Tomorrow, a “Tale of Two Grandmas…” đ
…to be continued…
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 29, 2008 | Blog
That morning, as I was battling with this “insult” to my “personal value and significance” (HA!), we started to sing the next song in the worship set. One of the songs perfectly chosen by God through His chosen instrument had these words:
How lovely is your dwelling place, Oh Lord Almighty…My soul yearns and even faints for you. Better is one day in your courts…than thousands elsewhere.
I LAUGHED out loud! My previous experience with studying the bible caused me to recall the psalm that this song is based on. If you have a bible handy, turn to Psalm 84. Or click here to find it online. Have a look at the notation that most modern translations include before verse one. It tells us who wrote this particular psalm. Do you see it?
The Sons of Korah wrote this particular psalm!
And who are the Sons of Korah? They are the descendents of the man who led the rebellion mentioned in Numbers 16–you know, the guy who wanted a “better job at church?” The one who wanted to LEAD worship instead of serve in another capacity? Do you see the irony! Oh, my, does God ever have a sense of humor!
Here are verses 1 and 2 of Psalm 84:
How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty!
My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.
and verse 10 says:
Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
The gentleman in church in charge of “greeters” had just asked our family–me included–to be a greeter. Where does a greeter typically stand on Sunday morning? đ At the DOOR!
Better to be a greeter at the door–a “doorkeeper”–than to be up on that stage when HE HAS NOT CALLED ME TO BE!
If I am not called to be up there and I am up there, the best case scenario is I can do a good job in my flesh, but it will be empty of the Spirit’s power. Who wants that? The worst case scenario is I can do something really stupid and end up humiliated…er…I mean humbled. Well, I don’t really want to do that either! NO THANKS!
The same day that all of this happened, after church I ran into the guy who was the “back up worship team leader” at a restaurant in our little town. He asked me if I would like to help out by being on the back up worship team that would fill in when the main worship leader was out of town. HA! Coincidence? No…I don’t think so…and not only that, but some weeks later when it was finally time for my first experience on the worship team, what song did the back up leader choose for us to sing? “Better is ONE DAY!!!!”
Ok, Ok! I get it God! (Er…I hope! LOL!)
I do NOT want to be a Korah. I want to be a son of Korah!
…to be continued…
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 24, 2008 | Blog
I was so much like Korah…it is scary to me. Thank you, Lord, for your mercy!
I would come to church week in an week out and habitutally critique everything in my head. The worship, the sermons, the people–it was like I felt *I* could somehow do a better job of this, that, or the other thing. Of course, this was only true in my arrogant and vain imagination! *I* could pick better music. *I* could sing them in a better key. *I* could find better harmonies. *I* couldn’t play the guitar better…I knew that…but that was beside the point!!!!
Ok, NOTHING about ANY of these things was even CLOSE to being true, of course! When I stopped to really expose my thinking, I KNEW this! None of this was rooted in truth, but only the sin in my heart!
I confessed the pride in my heart, but week after week, my thoughts would run away with me and I would struggle.
Can anyone relate to this? I certainly hope so! Sticking my neck out and admitting this truth, of which I am ashamed, can’t be only for my own “clearing” of my conscience! Can you relate?
One Sunday, I was in the midst of my rebellious reverie. God reminded me of the story of Korah that is found in Numbers 4 and 16, specifically. This was following a bible study time where God reminded me that GOD CHOOSES THE ONES WHO WILL GLORIFY HIM. Will I really presume to glorify God more effectively than HIS chosen instruments? Wouldn’t I rather have people in those roles that God is best glorified by then some spot-light grabber??? I do NOT want to claim that *I* could glorify God in those roles, if he hasn’t called me to do that!
So conviction was there, but I continued to struggle with this. I was slow on the uptake.
One Sunday morning, we had just sung the opening song and it was time to “Greet your neighbor.” During the “fellowship” time, the deacon in charge of coordinating teams of people to greet folks as they enter the church on Sunday morning, asked my husband if our family would be willing to greet on Sundays. My husband said yes. He told me this as we took our seats for the next set of worship music.
“Bruuuther,” I thought. “How demeaning. So, God, I KNOW I am not called to be up FRONT, but really, shaking hands? Getting germs all over me? Making small talk? Bleah…is that really what you have in mind for me?”
HOW like Korah!!!
Of course, I was clueless as to the absolute blast our family would have greeting. What a JOY I have when we do that ministry! But that morning, I was definitely battling with this so-called “insult” to my personal value and significance! HA!
To be continued….
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 24, 2008 | Blog
So, are you wondering what on EARTH Numbers chapter 4 has to do with gratitude? Well, the connection is rather round about…it won’t be obvious any time soon! I hope you stick with it, though and see. đ
First some background, though.
Numbers 4 finds the Israelites wandering around in the wilderness some time after having left Egypt. God has met with Moses and given explicit instructions regarding almost everything imagineable, including the “Mobile Meeting Place” or tabernacle. This temporary structure would be built and torn down each time the Israelites moved. It was basically made up of curtains and rods on the outside, but inside, there were items that God had given very detailed instructions about creating. In fact, not just any craftsman was able to make the golden lampstand (for instance). God had given the Holy Spirit to specific people (yes, even in the Old Testament!) to enable them to have the skill needed. The golden altar of incense, the brazen altar of sacrifice…and many other special items were all set apart by God–considered holy. We don’t have anything in our modern churches that enables us to really understand the special place these items had. Everything, from the bowls and censers to the lampstand with its specific detailed almond blossoms and so on…all had a Heavenly reality…all of it was intentional by God in part to demonstrate His holiness and man’s need for God.
In this segment of scripture, God is telling the Israelites what to do when they break camp and how to move the tabernacle through the desert in the way that is acceptable.
This is one part of our background information.
The other part is WHO we hear about in this passage. As you may know, the Levites–one of the twelve tribes of Israel–had the job of ministering. Within the tribe of Levi, only Aaron’s line were to be priests. The rest of the Levites had supporting roles of ministry with the tabernacle.
In the passage of scripture we are looking at, God assigns duties to another sub-group of Levites, called the Koathites.
Numbers 4:4
This is the work of the Kohathites in the Tent of Meeting: the care of the most holy things.
Drop down now to verse 15:
After Aaron and his sons have finished covering the holy furnishings and all the holy articles, and when the camp is ready to move, the Kohathites are to come to do the carrying. But they must not touch the holy things or they will die. The Kohathites are to carry those things that are in the Tent of Meeting.
Now to verses 17-20:
17 The LORD said to Moses and Aaron, 18 “See that the Kohathite tribal clans are not cut off from the Levites. 19 So that they may live and not die when they come near the most holy things, do this for them: Aaron and his sons are to go into the sanctuary and assign to each man his work and what he is to carry. 20 But the Kohathites must not go in to look at the holy things, even for a moment, or they will die.”
To summarize, Aaron and his sons were the priests and one of their jobs was to assign who would carry what through the desert from the Kohathites. But how could the Kohathites carry the stuff if they weren’t supposed to look at it or touch it? Careful reading in Numbers 4 of verses not mentioned show that the priests were to go in and carefully cover everything “just so” and then with the poles through special rings, the Kohathites, directed by the priests specifically, would carry the holy items for the community of all of Israel through the desert.
It is important to know that these were roles of incredibly high esteem. This wasn’t slave labor or done by those who drew the “short straw.” Those who carried these items were respected as having a special role in ministry.
Still not sure what this has to do with gratitude? đ I know, I know…bear with me! LOL!
Flip in your bible to Numbers 16 if you want to see it yourself. Otherwise here it is…verse 16:1-2a:
1 Korah son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, and certain ReubenitesâDathan and Abiram, sons of Eliab, and On son of Pelethâbecame insolent 2 and rose up against Moses.
The word, “insolent,” means presumptuous, insulting in manner or speech; arrogant, audaciously rude or disrespectful; impertinent.
Look at WHO is being this way with Moses….it is Korah. And who is his “dad?” Kohath…mentioned back in Numbers 4. So here is Korah, one of those charged with the esteemed role of carrying the Lord’s holy items and furnishings through the desert.
Read on in Numbers 16:2b-3:
With them were 250 Israelite men, well-known community leaders who had been appointed members of the council. 3 They came as a group to oppose Moses and Aaron and said to them, “You have gone too far! The whole community is holy, every one of them, and the LORD is with them. Why then do you set yourselves above the LORD’s assembly?”
Who is it that confronted Moses? Korah and 250 friends who are RESPECTED, esteemed, leader type people!!! These aren’t low-life types. What did they want? According to Moses and Aaron they didn’t want the role of support servants to the priests. Look at what Moses says Korah wants in verses 8 – 11:
Moses also said to Korah, “Now listen, you Levites! 9 Isn’t it enough for you that the God of Israel has separated you from the rest of the Israelite community and brought you near himself to do the work at the LORD’s tabernacle and to stand before the community and minister to them? 10 He has brought you and all your fellow Levites near himself, but now you are trying to get the priesthood too. 11 It is against the LORD that you and all your followers have banded together. Who is Aaron that you should grumble against him?”
Korah and his men had allowed discontentment to fester. Misery loves company so Korah wasn’t satisfied to keep his gripe to himself. I don’t know about you, but I tend to do the same. If I want to gripe about something, I want company. I want someone who will listen and maybe even contribute more gripes to fuel my fire!
Korah wasn’t focusing on the honor God had given to him, but was fixating instead on what he wanted–to hey with support ministry–he wanted to be a priest!
In Numbers 16 we can read about what God did in judging these men for their rebellion. Suffice to say that God viewed their rebellion harshly and put an end to it…period.
I am thankful to God that in Christ, it isn’t likely I will ever have to be concerned about the ground swallowing me up in judgment for my discontentment. But do I want to be in a place where I am at odds with God because I was ungrateful for that to which he called and yearn for another calling? Far be it from me…
True Confession…
I have been like Korah…
To be continued…. (and yes, I promise it will tie to gratitude more obviously! LOL!)
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 23, 2008 | Blog
I wanted to share with anyone who might want to hear it the talk that God gave for me to present at the women’s retreat. I have no doubt after Saturday morning and the wonderful response that HIS talk received that it was HIS doing. I don’t know that it will affect others who visit this blog in the same way, but I share it anyhow. It is HIS and so here it be with all my disclaimers and so on..I will share it in parts over the next week.
When I was first asked to share on Gratitude, I was excited. “I was born for this!” I plunged eagerly into my study, ferreting out bible verses on the subject, comparing the greek word for gratitude with other words translated similarly. My study was incredible and rich! I read books and chapters of books on the subject, scoured the internet to see what my favorite authors and speakers had to say on the subject most recently. I even designed a diagram and had a transparency ready…you would take notes and YOU WOULD BE BLESSED!!!!
Yes, you would be SO blessed by having the privilege of having ME impart to you all the “factoids” I had gleaned about gratitude and the way God intends for it to impact our lives.
A week ahead of schedule I congratulated myself for being ahead of schedule! I practiced delivering the talk including the amazing đ diagram that I had so carefully constructed.
Something unexpected happened. God convicted my heart. I could almost hear Him. No…I couldn’t, but it was so powerful an impression.
Our “dialog” about this (again, prayers and impressions, really), went something like this:
âChildâŠthis is NOT what I want you to share.â
âExcuuuuuse me, God?â
âPrecious child, you are outside of my will if you share the message you have prepared.â
âBut, God! I have visual aids, comparisons of greek words found in the New TestamentâLord, I even have a skit to launch the talk! And I found DISNEY songs to play to illustrate truths in your word! LORD what I have is PERFECT!!!!!…I mean…You must be kidding! I have a multi-media, multi-learning modality talk all plannedâeven Beth Moore would be envious of how incredible this talk is!!!â
âChildâŠI am not forming âBeth Mooreâ in you. I am forming CHRIST in you. THAT is what I want you to share with the womenâŠâ
âOh no, LordâŠyou donât meanâŠI have toâŠlike be *vulnerable*âŠYou mean, I have to share âŠstuff?â
âYes, child.â
âBut then they will know how petty I amâŠhow rotten I amâŠinstead of how polished I can be and how amazing a speaker I can be! God, I was BORN for this!!!!!”
âChildâŠshare my WordâŠthe LIVING WordâŠJesusâŠand how He is being formed in youâŠâ
âI donât wannaâŠâ
âChild, this is a retreat about a heart of gratitudeâŠâ
âI still donât wannaâŠâ
I can honestly say that God and I continued to argue a bit about this…well, *I* did the arguing, even up to moments before the presentation. I had hoped so much that he would say, “HA! Just kidding! I wanted to see if you were willing!” You know…sort of provide the ram in the thicket kind of thing before I had to really follow through…?
No such “luck.”
So if you are disappointed at all with what I share, you get to take it up with God…it is HIS fault! đ The talk *I* was going to give was really *good*. đ And because it is HIS talk, I will rely heavily on my notes. His talk is much longer than it should be. đ
The Problem
It all boils down to a simple thing, really. This entire dialog I have shared with you between God and myself even demonstrates the problem. Even when I have a clear leading from God without a doubt anywhere in sight:
I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
Even that which is good, honorable and possibly godly…when HE doesn’t call me to it, for me to insist on doing it…it is NOT “good, honorable and godly!”
Doing this talk the way HE wants is just an example of this problem in my life. I have struggled with this before. But before I share it with you and stick my neck out đ I have God’s permission to ask you to turn in your bible to Numbers 4.
…. to be continued…
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 19, 2008 | Blog
This has been an interesting week. God has such a sense of humor!
I was floating along preparing my talk for the women’s retreat this weekend. Sunday night, I was going through my notes…I was ahead of schedule! I was sooooo excited about the message I was going to present. I mean, I had a complete multi-media, integrated, multi-learning modality presentation ready and I was ahead of schedule! Wouldn’t the women be SO impressed! And SO blessed!!!! I mean, even BETH MOORE would be envious of the talk I had planned. đ
(You can probably see this coming…I know you can!!!)
Sunday night before I even got through my second dry run–this time practicing using the over-head transparency of the bang-up, awesome visual I had put together on gratitude–I was stopped DEAD in my tracks by the Holy Spirit.
“You are out of my will if you share that message with the women, Child.”
“No way, Lord…you have GOT to be kidding! But this one…THIS one…it’s GOOD!”
He didn’t let it rest. So, guess what…God has had a busy week writing a talk from scratch đ …trying to get me willing to share STUFF that I prefer NOT to share with the women for Saturday morning (the 20th–if you would pray for me, I would SO appreciate it! HA!).
God knocked me off my high horse you might say.
Simply, he said “Child, I am not forming Beth Moore in you…I am forming CHRIST in you…and THAT is what we will be sharing…” Shucks…I mean, I even had a Disney song to share as part of my message…one that illustrated one of my points…Sigh…no Disney song for this talk…I prefer song and dance to vulnerability and confession. :-/
The message is on gratitude and I have had a really hard time experiencing GRATITUDE for this derailing of MY plans!
Somehow, I think if I had ears to hear it, I might hear holy belly laughter echoing in the heavenlies.
God has something in store this weekend. I am on the edge of my seat in anticipation!
Can you identify with any of this? đ
