Reminder: I don’t recommend the free online version of The Lord’s Table as it comes with an assigned mentor that may or may not color the experience positively. The written workbook, gone through prayerfully with the Lord as guide, receives my heartiest recommendation. 🙂 =======
From my journal on October 19, 2008:
Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness. – Psalm 115:1 This is a turning point for me. It seems strange because it hardly seems “new” and yet it is new. I’ve been focusing on food–having less of it (or else!)–and my weight–trying to keep it steady. These are wrong things to have my focus. The more I try to focus on these as my goals, the less “successful” I am at achieving these. I must focus on God and His glory. That is the only proper motivation.
I begin the Lord’s Table workbook. My goal is to focus on how satisfying the LORD is. The intro says, “The Lord’s Table (TLT) places a radical emphasis on satisfying your soul in Christ. We also stress the need to repent of overeating and/or any other sinful eating habits.” I need to quit minimizing my attitude toward my eating and body. I’ve allowed it to take on a life of it’s own.
See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of afflication. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another. – Isaiah 48:11 Whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect (or contemplate) the Lord’s glory are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. – 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 Lord, I choose to contemplate YOUR glory. I choose this holy obsession…YOUR glory, Lord. To fixate on you and your glory. Please show me what this means, Lord. The testimony on page 3 of the workbook of TLT is powerful. There are some thoughts that come from it for me.
* So often I eat to satisfy whatever craving I have. THIS SHOULD NOT BE! Lord, please forgive me.
* My eating is often SINFUL – don’t lustfully – greedily. Yes, I eat a LOT less than I used to, but the heart attitude must change to one of giving thanks for the portion He alots me.
* My eating is often SELF-CENTERED and not honoring to God. Lord, please forgive me and change me.
* Lord, please set me free from sinful eating and a sinful focus in my life.
* I want to seek satisfaction in walking with and fellowshipping with Christ instead of in food.
Summary of Day 1 of TLT workbook: Only God’s glory is to be my motivation for this journey–for all of life. Not to maintain my weight loss. Not to get glory. I want to do ALL I do with God’s glory in view and as my primary motive.
Application: What motivation do I have for this journey?
During the next couple of months, it is my intention to share with you this journey more diligently..the journey that began a couple of weeks ago when I posted that God has revealed to me that I have made this (again) more about food and weight than about DELIGHTING in Him. In order to focus on feasting on the Lord, on turning to HIM for my satisfaction, in slaking the thirst in my heart that is really what life is about, I decided to get out a workbook. It isn’t a Thin Within workbook. Having been one of the writers of Thin Within, I occasionally like to enjoy something that I didn’t have a thing to do with! I mean that with all humility and appreciation. But I have gone through the TW workbook and the book about 10 times each…and while God always brings me something new and I LOVE the material, I felt like this time he was guiding me to something different.
So a clarification…while I will share about a different workbook here, I do so with hesitation. I will explain that in a minute.
I have NO such hesitation about Thin Within. 🙂 Any of the materials associated with the Thin Within ministry, anything with the Hallidays’ name on it…is definitely, in my view, God-touched.
In fact, I think the same is true of the material I will share about on this blog over the next couple of months…and I will explain my hesitation along the way. For a couple of weeks, I have grappled with whether I should even mention this or not. But I feel God leading me to do so…so, I will share my journey through a “non-Thin Within” workbook! 🙂
I realize that ANY workbook, program, teaching can be misconstrued, misapplied, misinterpreted…and the one I will share about is no exception even on its own. But this is even more so the case because this workbook has an online version of it that is available for free. But frankly…I feel like there IS a cost involved…it is risky. When a person signs up to do the free version, they are assigned a “mentor.” This is, of course, a wonderful idea and often turns out beautifully (as it did for me when I went through it last spring).
But it is just as likely that a human mentor can flavor the experience negatively…and that happened for me about 6 years ago when I first tried the online version.
So…that said, I highly recommend NOT giving in to the temptation to using the FREE version. Instead, I HIGHLY recommend that a person purchase The Lord’s Table in the workbook version from Amazon or some other source.
If a person goes with the online program and is assigned a mentor who is, for instance, a bit legalistic, this will totally ensnare a person…or it can potentially. The material isn’t legalistic when taken alone. The online program doesn’t allow for a person NOT to have a mentor. Let me be specific. Of the 5 or 6 different mentors that people I know of have been assigned (including myself 2 times), all but one of them has affected the participant with an all out legalistic approach to the material. This grieves my heart as I believe the material in The Lord’s Table is definitely God-touched! So please…don’t run to the free version because I recommend the material so highly. I would hate to think that someone is ensnared in legalism because of a recommendation they thought I made…
But please do consider the WRITTEN workbook called by the same name: The Lord’s Table. Here…a link to find it at Amazon…please make my day by buying the workbook…and do NOT sign up for the online program…pretty please!!!! I know that many people probably LOVE the online program, but in my experience with friends who have come out of legalism and dieting mentalities, all but ONCE, The Lord’s Table online experience has been *detrimental* and they had to bail.
So that said, and disclaimers hopefully suitably stated and heeded :-), I will be sharing daily (it is my hope) how God is using this material in a fresh new way…cuz BOY is he!!!! I love that about God!
Just a recap…I will be sharing about the workbook called The Lord’s Table. There is a print version available and I recommend it. The free version online is the same, but comes with a mentor who may negatively color the experience for you…so please don’t consider this a recommendation to sign up for that. It is most definitely NOT a recommendation for the online program. (My apologies to many folks who may read this and take issue with my statement. I would love to hear from you about how positive your experience with a mentor has been. I just haven’t heard many stories like that so must speak about it…)
Lord, may my words here not hinder anyone in their walk. You know I have struggled with sharing about how you are using this material in my life out of concern…yet I know that this material may be precisely the trigger that flips the switch to help someone walk in freedom. I must trust you with the results…this is in your care, Lord. I hope that my words don’t come across as unloving. Certainly, Lord, as humans we are frail…and any of us may come across in ways we aren’t even aware. Please, Lord, keep us free from legalism…from trying to win your approval through our deeds or behavior. Thank you that in Christ we have your full 100% approval. I pray that we might sense your grace and love afresh and that, as we do, we might desire to show you how much we love you by the way we live our lives. As I am even slightly aware of all you have done and do for me, I want to commit my life and actions and thoughts and desires to you…may my life reflect the fact that I am so thankful and grateful for all you do for me. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.
A thought struck me during my quiet time during the weekend. I think it was when a couple of thoughts came together at once for an “A HA!” moment.
At the Thin Within forums, Julie made a comment in her journal to the effect of: “I can’t hate myself into change.” (I can’t remember quite how she said it, but that was the gist I got out of it.)
This comment resonated with so many of us on the forums that an entire discussion was begun with that comment as the launching point. How many of us hate ourselves for our overeating, for being overweight, for keeping on with the very thing we want to be done with???
The thought that I had last week as I was quiet with God in response to “I can’t hate myself into change” was: “So true! I can’t hate myself into change, but I can hate SIN enough to choose to change.”
I think this is a vital key. This thought came to me originally almost a full two years ago when I “returned” to Thin Within and began this blog. The pastor of my church said something sort of as an aside during a message from Hebrews. But it was that little comment that really stood out to me. It was that, as Christians, God doesn’t just call us to forsake sin…to longingly look back over our shoulders at what we have left behind and wish we could enjoy it in freedom again like “the good old days.”
No.
God calls us to HATE SIN.
I want to hate the sin of overeating, of gluttony. It is indulgence of my flesh. God doesn’t endorse my targeting ME with hatred, but he is all for me hating sin. I think I will make this a more diligent aspect of my prayer life. Lord, please help me to hate sin in my life enough to change…to never flirt with it or consider or ponder it…
I love it when God works with a theme. You know…when a song, a bible study or two, a devotion, a sermon all seem to be pointing to the same principle? Does that happen to you? I am so much less likely to miss what he has in mind when he does this!
Yesterday, my time in the Word reminded me of 1 Corinthians 10:31 that whatever I do can and should be done for the glory of God. I shared that I have changed my focus so much that I had forgotten that my eating matters to GOD. Not just to my weight, but to GOD.
I turned in another study I am doing and the video session for that study was on, of all things, God’s glory! Isn’t that cool? In fact in that bible study video session, Beth Moore traced the appearance of the glory of God and how it FILLED the tabernacle and then FILLED the temple. I turned in another bible study (back to the first one for today’s lesson in it) and it was on BEING FILLED or SATISFIED.
I love this connection, especially when I put that together with 1 Corinthians 3:16 that says that *I* am God’s temple now.
So what I get from this is this progression:
1. God is brought glory through my life…even mundane things like eating and drinking (or not…)
2. God’s glory can show up and FILL to fullness (satisfaction) the earthly taberncale or temple — my soul and body…(or not)
3. I can prepare, anticipate, welcome the glory of God to show up by my EXACT obedience (boy, I don’t like that “O” word…) — or as Beth Moore referred to it… “Standing on the LINE…”
Which brings me back to the first point…I can choose to do what I do, even mundane things like eating and drinking to the GLORY of God. Welcoming HIS presence in my life, demonstrating that I am prepared and waiting and anticipating.
Like with the earthly tabernacle, God’s holiness required things be “just so,” God calls me to respond to what He has revealed to me–not what I don’t know yet, but what I DO and what I know is that focusing on food, focusing on my size, focusing on how I look…on ME at all…is NOT going to bring him glory.
I love that the word used in the Old Testament for “filled” when referring to the glory of God filling the temple can also mean “satisfied.” That is too cool. I won’t be satisfied in my soul by turning to food. But if I respond to what the Lord has called me to do, as His glory shows up, I am filled…satisfied in my soul…where I really need it.
As Beth Moore described in the video the departure of the glory of God from the earthly temple based on the prophecy (fulfilled) spoken by Ezekiel, I couldn’t help but plead with God…Lord, let me not do ANYTHING to cause you to remove your glory from my body, your earthly temple…I want my life to welcome his holy presence at all times.
Along these lines, I read Ecclesiastes 6:7 which says: “All man’s efforts are for his mouth yet his appetite is never satisfied.”
The word “appetite” can mean soul, self, life, person, appetite, mind, living being, desire, emotion, passion, that which breathes, the breathing substance or being, soul, the inner being of man, the seat of appetites, the seat of emotions and passions.
The word “filled” can mean to be full, fullness, abundance, be satisfied, accomplished, ended.
The Message Bible renders Ecclesiastes 6:7 this way: “We work to feed our appetites; meanwhile our souls go hungry.”
I don’t know about you, but I have had enough of this toil, misery, labor, travail, trouble, sorry, grievance, and pain (words for “work” or “efforts”). Especially if it will result in my heart hunger remaining unanswered…that silent hunger going unsatiated…a thirst that is never slaked. No…I don’t want all my efforts to be for that sort of emptiness, where I think I am going to be satisfied (focusing on food or staying a certain weight)…No. I want to know Christ and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings for the sake of his glory showing up and satisfying, flooding full, this earthly tabernacle.
Dear Lord, let it be in me…let it happen. Keep me from the futility I have known in the past and that which I seem to be drawn so readily. Help me to yearn for soul satisfaction that is found only in you, only in coming and “Standing on the Line” — that place of exact obedience…Let me not compromise. I know that I can’t win your approval as I have that in Christ. I thank you that I don’t have to perform to please you. Christ did it all. But because I love you, I *want* this, Lord. I want to welcome your glorious presence in my life…that others may see you, that you might be magnified in my life. In the precious Name of Christ I pray, Amen.
It occurred to me…like a “No duh!” sort of moment.
I have made this about the food and about the weight…again. Wow. Interesting.
When the motivation for this journey…for keeping to the path…is physical or in any way focused on ME, it just isn’t enough.
The only valid reason for this journey is to glorify God, to honor and exalt Him, to walk in holiness and purity. Gluttony is a sin–plain and simple. I know people don’t like to call it that, but the bible (God!) certainly does. I would be wrong to “pull punches” and to try to minimize what gluttony is.
Everyone tends to define it differently, too…but for me, gluttony is born in the heart. It is an attitude of greed, of insisting on MY way, MY rights, MY food with a focus on all of that and MY body instead of humbly bowing before the Lord.
So, with this realization afresh in my heart this morning, I will focus on the Lord (again). I will quit trying to control MYself and MY eating and MY food in the way I have been. I am just not motivated to do it for ME.
But if I realize that whatever I do–even eating or drinking–I can do it for *GOD’S* glory…that is huge. If I ask him…beg him really…to kindle a heart in me ablaze with a yearning to bring him glory and to make him known, to delight him and in him…to love him with a burning zeal that affects every choice I make…well, I think there will be headway in the choices I make in life…He will not look upon that request with contempt, certainly. I think he will answer!
It is about so much more than food, body, clothes…Gosh…I think someone said something like that before… “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well…” 🙂
Hi. I just wanted to touch base. God has been so patient with me. The past week has been a challenging week with many things that, even individually, in the past could have set off ungodly behaviors, including eating uncontrollably. I am so glad that God HAS done a new thing in me and IS doing a new thing in me. He has made me aware that I am under fire. Where I can’t say I have been a star student, I do see His hand at work in my life and I am cooperating somewhat with it.
My husband has been traveling quite a bit, my special horse, Doc, is doing away for a month (I always act like my children are leaving for college when one of my horses goes to our trainer! I get all teary eyed…it is silly of me, really…), and –the biggest issue of all for me, perhaps– my 83 year old mother has moved to follow her 88 year old boyfriend…This is causing my kids, husband and I a lot of grief. But I know God will get me/us through it.
I am reminded today that before I had my act together, before I had any interest at all in loving the Lord, he demonstrated his love for me. Romans 5 tells us that God demonstrates his own love for us in this that while I was still a sinner Christ chose to die for me. Ephesians 1 tells me that before the foundation of the earth he chose me to belong to Him…
It is my birthday today and I will rejoice that these things are true. I am HIS. That is my primary identity. 47 years ago today, he began my days. He has appointed each one…and since today is a day that He has made, I will choose to rejoice and be glad in it…I will live for HIS purposes today. This day belongs to him. I will choose to press in to him, to cling to the hem of his robe, to allow him to shelter me beneath the shadow of his wings, to wrap me in the folds of his kingly robe…
I guess naming this blog entry “Humbled” is definitely a misnomer.
I can’t truly be “humbled” until I bend my knee. Which I haven’t…yet.
I know it is imminent, but I am busy having my fit, thank you very much. Sometimes I *want* to be miserable and I will thank anyone and everyone to stay out of my way and definitely NOT to remind me of all the things I have spouted off about here on my blog (and elsewhere) about *gratitude*.
Isn’t it “interesting” how we spout off ever-so-arrogantly about something and then discover–lo and behold–we don’t live what we have spouted off about?
Right now I don’t even want to think about that…Instead, I will just say that it is a sorry case of irony that I named the previous entry “Some habits are hard to break.” It was about a binge that didn’t really happen.
Well, this one did.
What is UP with this?
For months, I have considered finding or making up a recipe for peanut-butter, granola, almond slice cookies. Yesterday, I went into a bit of a tizzy about some things that happened. Got careless with my eating in the afternoon and evening. Wait…let’s be honest. It wasn’t “careless.”…it was intentional and rebellious. I got mad at God, if I boil it down.
Today, I continued my tizzy fit. I didn’t plan to, but I did. So by 10am I had enjoyed raw peanut-butter, granola, almond cookie dough…refridgerated it for 2 hours only to cook them up and have cookies for lunch and for mid-afternoon snack…when was the last time I felt a 0? About 10am just before the raw cookie dough which was absolutely wonderful, I might add.
Nuts.
What is this about? It is about my two biggest issues…things I thought I had dealt with again and again…only to discover there is yet a need. More forgiveness work…Mother again.
So what can I say to someone who might be reading this blog who looked for encouragement by visiting? Well, I know this…this is a temporary setback. Even a “naturally thin person” who had been thin all her life might have episodes like this. So I will NOT, decidedly NOT…allow it to define me now or tomorrow or any more moments.
Shameful behavior doesn’t have to be given the “right” to determine more shameful behavior.
God is more powerful than my past…whether it was a past of 5 minutes ago, 5 years ago, or 5 decades ago. I will choose to believe the truth–that God will determine my present and future. My past behavior will not. PERIOD.
How about you? Are you, like me, right now…choosing to MAGNIFY something that chaps your hide? Something that sets your emotions into freak-out, hyper-drive mode? Are you making stupid decisions (like about eating) based on this stuff?
So after I go take a hot shower and kick the dog (just kidding about that part–though she deserves it)–and after the family and I sit and watch an Andy Griffith Show rerun on DVD…I will try to take time to be still and know that God is God…and, perhaps, to magnify…to choose to FOCUS ON and MAKE BIG…the blessings God has showered on my life.
About a week ago, my husband and son ventured off to parts unknown (Alabama) to take in all the excitement and events of “Talladega.” They are NASCAR fans and so this was an experience of a lifetime for them!
My husband is very dear to me. He is my best friend and so much more. Whenever he travels relative to work, I know that I have a lot of emotional stuff I have to deal with. It was interesting, however, all that I see in retrospect when I look back at this past week (they got home last night) and old behaviors and habits.
First of all, while my husband travels quite frequently with his work, he rarely is gone for 5 nights without coming home. Secondly, my son has never left home for this length of time. Clearly, this was new uncharted territory.
Truthfully, I felt on vacation, too…as with only Michaela home to be responsible for at home and given she is quite self-motivated when it comes to her homeschool education…well, it *was* sort of like a vacation for me, too.
In the past, when my husband left town *or* I was on vacation, I would console myself and/or celebrate with food food food. I would buy ice cream, cookie dough, candy and on and on and eat it with abandon.
I haven’t done that for a long time, true.
But last week, I guess I was tested without really realizing it. I knew that I needed to be guarded, but I didn’t see some of what I did as the old behaviors modified.
While I didn’t buy a bunch of stuff like that, I *did* get lots of foods I wouldn’t normally buy. “Dinner” types of foods…stuff from the “hot case” at Holiday market, for instance. Fresh french bread, garlic bread to heat up, lasagna, hot wings, chinese General Chicken and the like. It really was odd to see it in retrospect. These are more “normal” foods, though…not “binge” foods for me. So I ate them pretty much 0 to 5.
==== Editing: As I read this completed blog entry, I was reminded of one incident that DID seem perilously close to a real “binge.” But the odd thing was, since I used the keys of conscious eating, I was sitting at the table not doing anything else but eating…focusing on my food and had the thought suddenly strike me, “What am I doing? This is the old behavior! I know where THAT got me…” and by the power of the Lord I was able to throw away the carmel popcorn I was eating. Amazingly enough, I emerged from that experience not really past a 5 (from what I recall). I am so thankful. But I also was humbled to see how close to those old behaviors I really can be… ====
Additionally, my daughter and I went out to eat a lot and had left overs from those experiences. Basically there was a TRUCKLOAD of food from which to choose any time I was at a 0. It was the strangest thing to realize that, as I looked back over the week, I had pretty much done the first of the behaviors that began the binge in the past…the purchasing of foods. It *was* modified…which I found intriguing as it wasn’t intentional per say.
I then modified my response to it all without realizing it…eating pretty much 0 to 5. Though I do have to admit that I drank more diet soda than usual…and I wonder as I think back on it if this wasn’t the “bingeing” behavior showing up after all…drinking one soda upon another…
It is interesting to observe all of this. I think that it merits correction if there is a next time, though I am not entirely sure there *will* be a next time. All four of us in our family decided that we didn’t like having separate vacations this year…Michaela and I went to DisneyWorld during the summer for a week and the boys did the Nascar thing. Next time we want to be together. Maybe Daytona and DisneyWorld in 2009! LOL! I doubt it.
It is intriguing to me to look back over the past week and see that some behaviors that are from the “old” life were lurking there beneath the surface and I didn’t even realize it. I am thankful that God has worked such changes in me now that I didn’t just sit down and inhale one thing after another…Praise YOU, LORD!!!!
I think having an accountabilty partner helped with that, though. I wonder what I would have done without her in my life? I am thankful I didn’t have to find out.
I know now that I need to be aware of my tendency to do *modified* versions of old bad habits. I will be on my guard.
In the meantime, some of the food is spoiling since we couldn’t possibly eat 0 to 5 and eat it all! But you know what? That’s ok.
I claim that practicing gratitude to the Lord on High has transformed my “fat-loss” journey from years of impotent attempts that resulted in “failure” to releasing 100 pounds and keeping it off for a year (so far). God is the one who deserves all glory and fame, recognition, majesty, power and dominion. Before I discovered the power of this vital key, I gave food more credit, more power, more glory than I did God…
In November 2006 I had to come to a decision…would I have my past have more say and power over my present and future? Or would I let GOD have power and say over my present and future? By fostering a heart of gratitude and praise–slowly at first and now more deliberately–I made and make my choice… You can too! =============
Well, reader, do you believe me? –That gratitude can transform a life and even put to death besetting sins and habitual unworkable habits in your life? So, how can you and I foster a heart of gratitude? Where do we sign up and what do we have to do?
First, please understand it IS a process. You won’t decide right now that you will have a heart flooded full to overflowing with gratitude and presto, that is all there is to it! I wish it was so simple! So don’t be hard on yourself. The cool thing is, this is a process and God LIKES that you even WANT to experience this…so you have His complete support and help.
That said, one of the best things you can do to foster a heart of gratitude is to simply start noticing things…and magnify them. Things? Like what, you say? Well, like have you ever noticed just how many shades of color there are this time of year? (Any time of year, really…) No matter where you live, the browns and rusts and grays of the desert, the multi-colored hues of the parts of the world where the trees herald fall by changing, the greens down-under as spring explodes on the scene…Wow! God is a master artist! Just noticing things like that and, simply, praising Him specifically for it!
Praising him for your body…the tastes of great foods, the ability to experience the comfort of goose down blankets on a cool morning, the smell of coffee and bacon, the sound of the birds or the wind through the pines outside…or even the cars going by! It is amazing that man is so creative that he could design and build and use and drive a vehicle that has an engine in it! It is astonishing when you start to think about it!
I was challenged in April of 2007 when I stumbled upon an amazing blog. There, I read this challenge. If you read Ann’s entry, you will get a really great taste of how gratitude works. She is extremely eloquent, however. I can’t pretend to even come close to that, so I just read what she posts and absorb it best as I can and then try my own hand at a similar approach. In fact, I took her challenge by choosing to form my own Gratitude Blog. I do some written gratitude journaling in a notebook here at home and haven’t kept my online gratitude blog current. I should get back to that, though!
I found that by browsing around various blogs of others who were fostering a heart of gratitude, I could be taught how to do this. Try it! Click here to see a page of the “Gratitude Community.” Be blessed and drink it in. Some folks are so gifted at giving gratitude. Others of us must learn…but we can be taught. The Lord loves that we want to learn!
So here it is! A challenge to YOU. Try it! Either keep a gratitude journal and try writing three things (or however many God may lead you to) daily…maybe at the close of the day. Or create an online gratitude blog. Then share the link here in the comments. I would love to visit your gratitude blog. It is amazing how God will actually tutor His children in giving him the glory that is due him.
In Richard Foster’s book on prayer, he encourages the reader to NOTICE. In fact, in one part of the book he says the following:
“Try to live one entire day in utter thanksgiving. Balance every complaint with ten gratitudes, every criticism with ten compliments. When we practice gratitude, a time will come when we find ourselves saying, not ‘Please,’ but ‘thank you.'”
What would happen if you were to commit to living one entire day taking captive any thought that wasn’t a thought of thanksgiving…and to choose to give thanks for anything and everything? What if you were to choose to NOTICE even the subtle hints of His presence and praise Him? What if you were to offset each complaint with 10 praises, thanksgivings, gratitude statements?
Let’s use our magnifiers to magnify God and His gifts. Let’s focus on these things…NOT on the things that we want and can’t or don’t have…Let’s be sons of Korah, rather than Korah!
