by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 28, 2010 | Blog
Steven Curtis Chapman and his family have been through a lot. God has used him to write about the darkness that can descend on a life–even in the life of someone who loves the Lord passionately and seeks to live for Him. Steven’s fight of faith is chronicled in his songs from his “Beauty Will Rise” album. If you battle with depression or are in a season of suffering, I hope you will find encouragement from this song, Faithful, that is one of many on that album that can minister to a hurting heart. When I wasn’t in this season, I didn’t care for the album that much. Funny how being there causes songs that you didn’t like before to minister to deep places within you instead.
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 22, 2010 | Blog
The Word of God and the God of the Word are the only things that will remain unchanged, even when the rest of the world is doing crazy things. Nothing else is reliable.
God could choose to keep us from pain, but the truth is, He doesn’t. As long as we are in this world, we will experience pain. He has a purpose for it. As pithy as that may sound, there is something astonishing that happens when we choose to stop striving and surrender to Him, “Ok, Lord, you have chosen this pain for me for this moment in time. I know that it can’t come to me unless it is your will. So I choose to cling to you through it and to allow the fires of testing and suffering to be used by Your hand for Your purposes.”
I hope you are encouraged by this song. It is by Kerrie Roberts: “No Matter What.”
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 19, 2010 | Blog
From a letter I wrote to a friend last night:
I don’t know what to do or say. Things change moment by moment. My hysteria one hour gives way to hope for a brief moment the next only to be overshadowed with overwhelming despair the next. Talking about it seems to capture in time moments that are so changeable. I am not trying to shut you out at all. I just don’t know what to do or say. God is using this time of suffering in our lives to show me so much of my own sin. It is horrible and tender all at once (mostly horrible). My sense of my own sin is overwhelming at times and then I find myself floored by his love for me again. Nevertheless, I feel like I am being sucked in to a vortex…it is like a maelstrom threatens to overtake me and has, in fact. Wednesday I was as low as I have ever been, as the blackness of another seeped into my own soul… Yesterday and today have been similar, only today has been pock-marked by strange manic episodes where I eagerly, energetically think I am making sense of something that I see now really can’t be pinned down. There are no diagrams or equations that can depict this.
I probably am not even making sense.
…
Late last night, after I wrote this, and again this morning, I sense to the depths of my soul a call to arms. This is not the time to allow my flesh to determine my choices. This is not the time to focus on “feeling.” I CHOOSE not to allow my feeling to define what is FACT. I must cling to what I KNOW is true and what I KNOW is true is the Word of God and what God says to me in it. That is the only thing that will never change–that and the God of the Word. Those are the two things to which I choose to cling right now. They MUST determine my choices. All else is shifting sand, a vapor, a mist.
I will not pursue dreams. Instead, I will pursue the reality of my Living God who shows me the depths of His unending love for me at the cross. He chose suffering. He chose to take on the raunchiest of all sin and the shame that goes with it…he chose to be rejected by the Holy Father so that I will never have to be forsaken, so that I will never have to wonder about His love, so that I will be guaranteed the privilege of enjoying his presence for eternity.
I choose this day to serve God Almighty. I will not serve my vain imagination, my fleshly impulses that want to reach at even more trinkets to pacify me. I will not give in to impulses to surrender to what seems easy.
Instead, I choose to put on the full armor of God.
I choose the path of praise.
I choose gratitude.
I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith who for the joy set before Him endured the cross and scorned its shame. That joy was the people he gave his body to redeem. To justify. To perfect.
Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
3 Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”
– Hosea 6:1-3
God has granted as a gift, this season of suffering. I will choose to embrace what he offers.
Though he slay me, yet will I trust him. This challenges me to my core as I would really rather he *did* choose to slay me.
Yet I know that sorrow lasts only for a night and I look forward to the joy that comes in the morning. Even now, as I anticipate the morning that WILL come, I can experience the joy in this moment that this knowledge brings.
As surely as the dawn comes, as surely as the rains come, HE will come. He will bring healing even though for now he has chosen to tear apart.
Thank you for your prayers.
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 13, 2010 | Blog
This morning my heart is heavy. It ebbs and flows during this season of suffering. I can choose to cry my way through the minutes and hours, or I can choose to focus on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith. Right now, even as tears stream down my face, I know that I have a choice set before me. I can go inward into the pain I feel and focus on my disappointment, my pain, my heartache, my loss…Or, I can focus on my incredibly sufficient God who has promised never to leave or forsake me. This isn’t denial, but it is, instead, bringing to him all the heartache and loss, even as it surfaces.
So, right now, I choose to turn to a place in my Thin Within workbook (inside the back cover) where I have been keeping my running list of God’s attributes–what He is like and what He does for humans. I choose to use this list as a prayer to Him–right now–before my thoughts runaway with me and take me down an even darker path.
God, you are doing a new thing. I praise you. (Isaiah 43:18-19)
Lord, it blows me away that you desire intimacy with me. (Isaiah 40:12) Thank you.
I am your beloved, Oh, God. How precious is that to me right now to know that you love me so tenderly and so completely. How my heart needs to focus on that. (Jeremiah 31:3).
You draw me with loving-kindness. You will never reject my love for you or me. (Jeremiah 31:3)
Lord, you esteem me. (Psalm 5:3-8)
I thank you that it is your nature to love and that it gives you pleasure to do so. (Ephesians 1:5; Hebrews 12:2)
You are aware of my ever breath and thought (Psalm 139:1-5).
You work in me to do your good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13) Lord, I need that today because apart from that I know I will revert to trying to comfort my broken heart.
You draw me to yourself–you never push me away. You never tell me “Not now…” (John 6:44)
You pursue me.
You are my Maker. (Isaiah 54:5)
You are my Husband. (Isaiah 54:5)
You are Lord Almighty–there is no weakness in you. (Isaiah 54:5)
You are my God, “my Righteousness.” (Jeremiah 23:6)
You speak. (Jeremiah 1:4)
Your love reaches to the heavens. (Psalm 36:5)
You are faithful…your faithfulness stretches to the skies. Even if everyone else I know abandons me, you won’t. (Psalm 36:5,6)
Your unfailing love is priceless. (Psalm 36:7)
You invite me to take refuge in you. Oh, Lord, I choose that today. I need you to harbor me, to hold me close. I know apart from you, I will look to counterfeits. I am so very needy. I despise that neediness and the sinful ways I choose to stifle the cries of my aching heart. Thank you that you invite me close, even now. (Psalm 36:7)
Thank you that when I pray, you listen. Even now, you listen to my pleas, my cries. (Jeremiah 29:12)
You bring me OUT of captivity. Thank you for this promise. (Jeremiah 29:14)
You love me with an everlasting love and draw me closer with loving-kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3)
You are with me (Zephaniah 3:15)
You are mighty to save me, Lord. Please save me from myself today. (Zephaniah 3:12)
You take great delight in me even if no one else does. (Zephaniah 3:17)
You rejoice over me with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
You dwell in me, Lord…You are ever and always with me. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
You will completely satisfy my longing. Nothing else will do. (Psalm 73:25-26)
You, Lord, are the strength of my heart, my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25-26)
You want me to know you better. (Ephesians 1:7-ff)
You are my shield. (Deuteronomy 33:29)
You are my helper. (Deut. 33:29)
Lord, I could continue, but I must move from this place of quiet and rest today. May I take these truths with me. Thank you that you travel with me. There is no place I can go that is outside of your presence (Psalm 139). Help me to fear God more than I fear man. Help me to esteem your love for me more than I esteem the praises and love of man. Amen.
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 11, 2010 | Blog
I have been thinking about Saturday’s blog post.
Jesus loves me, this I know…
WHY do I “know” this?
…for the Bible tells me so.
My emotions, the world, my experiences…they will all “tell” me things contrary to this truth–that Jesus doesn’t love me, that He has forsaken or forgotten me. My experiences may tell me that He is remote and distant, unkind, unloving, UNinterested.
But the truth is…
Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
Sometimes, I have to just cling to what the Bible says:
Jesus will never leave me or forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5-6)
The Lord is my helper. (Hebrews 13:6)
Jesus in me is the hope of glory. (Colossians 1:27)
It is His nature to love and it gives Him pleasure to do so. (Ephesians 1:5; Hebrews 12:2)
He draws me to himself. (John 6:44)
He dwells in me and has purchased me to belong to Him. (1 Corinthians 6:19,20)
He is tender mercy. (Luke 1:78)
Jesus is, in very nature, God. (Philippians 2:5)
He saved me because of His mercy. (Titus 3:5)
He enabled me to see God as the Father of Compassion and the God of all Comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3)
…and this list could continue for quite some time…
Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
I ask myself the same question I ask here: How might your life be impacted–your thinking and your actions be changed–if you were to base your feelings on the facts as presented in God’s Word, the Bible, today?
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 9, 2010 | Blog
When everything is stripped away, when circumstances and people change and nothing seems reliable or dependable, it is then that I need to know who God is and what He is like. I need a rock to cling to–something, anything really, that is unchanging and unchangeable. God seems to be shifting, or so my senses tell me. When my experiences tell me that God is not reliable, then I have to take a step back. My experiences, my feelings–don’t define fact. They don’t even tell me the truth.
I feel like I am back in Kindergarten, singing “Jesus loves me this I know…”
Jesus.
There is no sweeter name. Truly. When I stop and consider … why did Jesus come to earth? Why did he set aside the glory he had before the world began (see John 17)?
Simply, Jesus came to make God–the true God–known to us, to me. I need to return to Jesus.
No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only,
who is at the Father’s side, has made him known.
– John 1:18
Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.
– John 14:9
The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being…
– Hebrews 1:3a
I am in kindergarten again so I can get back to the foundation. My very “grown up” experience, my “adult” circumstances, and the storm I am in, have wreaked havoc with my view of God. Thankfully, in the midst of the storm, I hear Jesus’ very human voice, urge me to come to Him, to focus on Him, to rest in Him, to gaze on Him…and to remember that when my circumstances and experience seem to indicate that God is vastly different than my (oh-so-carefully-crafted) theology says, that HE CAME SO I MAY KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT GOD. He came so I might know GOD–not just “about” God.
So, right now, I am casting off the assumptions created by my experiences lately. They have created a false god. An impotent god. A god who is a victim of the whims and choices of man.
Jesus shows me that this god created by the images of my experience is no god at all. He is a fraud.
“Jesus loves me this I know…”
Is your view of God in need of “re-educating?” Do you need to go back to Kindergarten, too?
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 7, 2010 | Blog
I woke up this morning and had a good time with the Lord before focusing my attention on a challenging physical workout. By 8:15am I headed to a nice, long, luxurious bath–which always seems to be where I am still enough long enough for God to really get through to me. I heard him as clearly as if it were an audible voice (it wasn’t). Would I choose to forgive? Or will I only write about it?
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances
you may have against one another.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
And over all these virtues put on love,
which binds them all together in perfect unity.
– Colossians 3:12-14
In all my years, I have had the challenge of forgiving many things, but never have I been in a situation where it is likely that I would be called to continue to forgive someone(s) who would continue in their behavior without repenting or even being sorry. This is a first. (I have led a charmed existence, I realize!) Forgiving everything else–even for things that have wounded me deeply–seems mild in comparison. There is something challenging to my core about choosing to forgive something/someone(s) that is/are likely to be ongoing. And to know that Jesus calls me to forgive not 7 times, but 70 times 7 (the equivalent of an infinite number of times).
But if I am to pursue Christ, if I am to live as He calls me to, I know that I am without an option here. To choose not to forgive–even in the midst of ongoing wrong–is not only to resign myself to a life of anger and bitterness, but to deny Christ what he requires–that I forgive just as in Christ God has forgiven me.
How have I been forgiven? Constantly, repeatedly, even when I haven’t been sorry or truly repented. He paid for ALL my sin once for all. Not only that, but he has attributed righteousness to my account. This is unbelievable!
Look at these statements that come from Colossians 3:
1. I am chosen
2. I am a dearly loved child
3. I am wearing different clothing – that of compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility and patience
4. The Lord forgave me
When I am aware of my identity as a chosen, dearly loved child, when I have cast off the clothing of my past with sin, shame, and vengeance, when I wear, instead, the clothing of Christ, when I am in touch with my own identity as a forgiven child myself…wow. Then I can only follow the Lord in His example and choose to forgive as well. How could I say no to him?
There is a sense where this step of forgiveness is as letting the one doing the wrong “off the hook,” but the truth is, what I am really doing is letting go of my “need” to control things. I am ultimately just prevailing upon God to take what is going on and to be God even in this. I am daring to believe that God will have his will and his way in me and in the one committing the wrong(s) and I believe, say, act: “It is well with my soul” and trust God that it will in actual FACT be “well with my soul.” (Huh…imagine that!)
The pressure is off, though. I am free from having to be clever and witty enough to convince the other of their wrong. I just let God be God in it and let His Holy Spirit move in His way, in His time. It doesn’t mean I don’t speak the truth in love, but once spoken, I allow the Spirit to be the HOLY Spirit and I step aside. Sometimes, it is all too easy to try to be the Holy Spirit for another brother or sister in Christ. I have to have to have to let go of my longing to control my world and the people in it. They are not pawns for me to do with as I please.
I don’t want to be hurt. And, certainly, there are times when godly boundaries must be established relative to repeat offenses. God alone can direct in each individual situation. Situations of physical abuse, for instance, or illegal activity–there is little question that these call for godly boundaries and quite probably getting out of the situation entirely (at least temporarily). There are still other situations in which the biblical mandate calls for bringing someone with me to lovingly confront the one sinning. If there is no repentance, then there are other steps that follow in succession, but even in these situations, we choose if we will forgive…or not.
In light of how great my sin has been and, even, continues to be today, how could I say no to the Lord when he asks me “Will you choose to forgive, child?”
Even as I stretched out against the jets in my tub this morning, the atmosphere muted by soft blue light and the sounds of nature music, with an act of my will I released my way — I said “Yes, I choose to forgive,” to the Lord…His peace descended and confirmed a thousand times over that what I chose in that moment of dying to myself was a gift–not to the one who needs forgiveness and doesn’t yet accept that–but to me. It was a gift given to me. A gift paid for by Jesus. Yes, his forgiveness OF me is a gift to me, most certainly, but I don’t think I ever realized just how much Him working in me to forgive another is a gift to me as well. I sensed shackles falling and my spirit rising. Truly, from the ashes I rise as I choose to forgive.
Practically speaking, I find myself not nearly so agitated, not wandering into the kitchen so often, not wanting something to numb my pain. Forgiveness really is the “magic bullet” for me in so many ways. I know that this process has only just begun during this season of my life, but I will choose to practice forgiveness again and again as often as I have opportunity. How could I say no?
How about you? Are you willing to let go and forgive…now?
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 6, 2010 | Blog
Forgiveness is a powerful thing that has a tremendous influence on whether I will walk in victory in the area of food and eating.
When I don’t keep short accounts by readily extending forgiveness to anyone who I perceive as having wronged me, I find that I am on edge, irritable and ready to eat at any given moment for any given reason! Maybe I am just nuts (probably), but for some reason, when I haven’t forgiven even something as simple as a rude clerk at the grocery store, it sets me up for a fall relative to my godly food/eating boundaries. Perhaps it is because I learned to numb pain with food while still very young.
Many of us are in situations in which we have to choose to forgive even while the offender might yet continue to offend. For instance, if our parents are still alive and we have an ongoing relationship with them, we may have to face a disapproving spirit, knowing full well that they may never BE repentant, or truly change. They aren’t sorry and may not even know they judge us so harshly. We get to choose to forgive even those who will continue to wound us, even those who are not repentant…
This is a challenge for me.
Yet my example is Christ. Jesus prayed to the Father: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” in Luke 23:34. He was willing to extend forgiveness to those who were being brutal to him, even while they chose to continue their sin. In fact, Romans 5:8 says that God demonstrates his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for the ungodly. Christ chose to die for the very ones who wronged him. Not only did he forgive them and plead with the Father to forgive them, but he died so that this could happen.
In other words, there was no waiting for them to be repentant first. Christ forgave even as the wrong doers continued to do the wrong.
And he died by their hand even after he forgave them.
I am called to forgive–even those who will continue to wrong me. I don’t wait for everything to be perfect before I forgive. If I am to follow Christ’s example, I will forgive now. The offender may not know the difference or care, but it will radically affect me. It doesn’t let them off the hook (Jesus’ murderers had to answer for what they did), but it causes me to be freed from their control. *I* am the one who needs to forgive for *my* sake!
How about you? Can you relate? When you have built up accounts–haven’t forgiven as readily as you should–do you find that it affects your behavior–your eating? Who do you need to forgive today?
by Heidi Bylsma | Oct 4, 2010 | Blog
Hi, folks. Are any of you hanging in there with the Thin Within workbook study? I know I have been horribly flaky. I truly apologize. I will try to get my act together. I have been doing the study and showing up to lead my live group. Are any of you in a live group right now or leading one?
Remember, you can post here about any of the things God is teaching you. The God Is Doing A New Thing website has the assignment links posted, too. Please feel free to post to the Thin Within forums (the best choice) or here.
I hope to post assignment three this week.
Again, my apologies!
