I have had you, a reader of my blog, on my heart a lot lately. I wish I could claim it was some noble, godly reason. I suppose, if I really try, I could claim that this is so. But truthfully…I have been ruing the fact that I shot off my mouth and ever claimed “Ok, so I love my thighs.”
It was much easier to claim when the weather was unseasonably overcast and cold. Jeans for normal wear and warm-up pants for tennis or racquetball kept everything hidden.
But yesterday…yesterday…it was 80 degrees and sunny for the first time in a while and we had a date to play tennis with another family.
I tried figuring out how I could justify hiding my legs beneath my warm-up pants. But in 80 degrees, black “warm-up” pants seemed ludicrous. Then, I thought of you. I remembered posting here about loving my thighs. I really hate it when I catch myself not living up to something I have said to you.
So, thinking of you and my desire to be authentic, real, faithful, I donned shorts. Yikes. I have never felt this way about my legs. Oops…that’s right, I still have to keep up the facade…I have to claim I love them, right? Well, nuts…I can’t say that. With an act of my will, maybe, but it sure isn’t easy! I am praying that I will quit being so visual about this and appreciate the service of my legs to the rest of my body. 🙂 Yes, when I focus on the service of my legs, I can be thankful. So I guess that is where I will have to land for now.
Anyhow, I guess in some strange way, I want to thank you for being here–a part of my virtual world. There is some manner of accountability for my words. Which is a good thing. You are a blessing to me in that respect, even in spite of myself.
There is no doubt about it. I am definitely in process. 🙂 Thank you for being with me on this journey.
I don’t mean “God doesn’t matter,” because of course He does! What I do mean is, He doesn’t count sins.
Do you believe that?
Or do you think: “I have stuffed my face again. I know this time God has had it with me. It is only a matter of time before he says ‘That’s it. No more. I am through with you!’ “
If you are convinced that you can out-sin God’s love and kindness (which leads us to repentance), then ask Him to help you believe Psalm 32:2 a which says:
Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him.
You see? God doesn’t count.
He can out-love, out-forgive, out-kindness anything you can possibly throw at him.
He doesn’t stand up in heaven with a tablet, making a list and checking it twice to see if you have been naughty or nice and, suddenly, do a second take…
….Oh no!! Horrors of horrors!
“No! That sin, right there…that one sin…is one too many! No more forgiveness. No more pardon! No more kindness. No more long suffering! I count one too many sins for ________ .” (Insert your own name there…)
That just won’t happen, thankfully.
Further on in Psalm 32, we read:
Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD “
and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
King David knew what it was like to struggle with starting a day with good intentions–to begin again, and again, and again–only to cave in to temptation. Instead of hiding from God, though, he typically acknowledged his sin, confessing his wrong to the Lord.
And, God forgave.
David moved on.
Jesus paid an exorbitant price so that forgiveness could be constantly, freely extended to you and to me–no matter how many sins. If we believe that God “has had it” with us, then we suck the life right out of the cross of Christ, saying the death Jesus died has its limits. That it isn’t sufficient.
Do we really want to say that?
Let’s believe! God doesn’t count. When we begin again, we really do begin again–fresh start, clean slate.
First John says God is love and 1 Corinthians 13 says that love keeps no record of wrongs done. So, I have to figure, then, God doesn’t keep a record of wrongs.
No, God doesn’t count.
Do you feel like you have “let God down?” Are you worried that God will “give up” on you? Can you choose to believe him–that he says he doesn’t count your sins against you? What can you do right now to walk in that truth?
==== Don’t forget we are having a drawing for a Thin Within book by Arthur and Judy Halliday. Each Monday morning until June 14th, I will announce one winner. Your name is entered when you post a relevant comment here at the blog. I draw one name randomly from those that commented the previous week. It’s that simple and you can enter multiple times!
Note: If you have come here from Twitter or Facebook, please click on this link to be taken to the BEAUTIFUL post. ============
Goodness, girls! I am too verbose for words! I tried to post this looooong comment in response to comments made on yesterday’s blog post about an Antidote to Steamrollered Intentions. But it was too many characters. So, I will learn from this and do differently in the future. LOL!
So, I hope you don’t mind that I post my comments in response to *your* comments here as a new blog post! 🙂
Hi, Sandy, God is really working with me on boundaries right now. It is amazing in how many ways, in fact. When I know I am agitated, I can’t allow myself to eat as I know I am far from honest. It is like the boundary I had for myself with my kids when they made disobedient choices. I had to wait until I wasn’t emotional before chastising them…this was a boundary for me to keep me from becoming an abuser. In a very real way, i need to have these boundaries in tact for me not to be “an abuser” of my body by putting into it food it doesn’t need. Same sort of principle.
One thing I have found about pain of my past, sometimes God walks me back through it *now* so that he can be with me through it and experience what he intends for the pain in the first place. It means revisiting those earlier days walking with him through the valley of the shadow, but with *him*, there is redemption of those times and formation of my character instead of coping mechanisms and denial–which is what I have used in the past. So his “do overs” include opportunities like this…even though they are soooo very hard, they are for healing.
It *is* a lot of “work” to change what we do when we are in pain. I think this is why many people “quit” Thin Within. It is much easier for us to focus on food…counting grams, calories, points, whatever, then it is to really look at why we turn to food and to begin to learn new ways of coping. As we learn new ways of coping we are a bit raw. Not a fun place to be.
Yes, Father, I join Sandy in her prayer and ask that you would help all of us to have boundaries. Bless the ladies who will join in this study on June 14th, Lord.
Thank you for your prayers Sandy!
Hi, Kim. Isn’t that the truth? There is a lot of character building we may have missed because we learned to cope without the benefit of the guidance that would have helped our challenges to become opportunities for growth.
So true, Kim. As adults we *are* slow learners so often! LOL! I am with you. I, too, want to allow God to develop His character in me.
LeeAnne, I am so glad that God knows what we need when we need it. He always amazes me that way!
Hey, here is a thought! When we DO “blow it,” let’s celebrate the moments that came before and the one we have now and that will yet be ahead that we can capture for God. I think sometimes we allow our “defeats” to multiply because we mull them over in our minds and beat ourselves up for them…we don’t move forward.
Here is the thing we sometimes miss…or *I* do… we *are* free in Christ! We have to learn to *walk* in that freedom. I have a chinchilla. he is pretty old. He has spent all his life in a cage. When I have let him out of his cage, he has become fearful, uncomfortable. All the freedom offered to him and he prefers the familiarity of his cage. I think I am like little Dusty sometimes. God has given me freedom, but I don’t walk in it.
I am so glad you like the 5 minute idea. I have found it a VERY helpful “boundary” for me.
Hi, Believerkjk – Oh yes! We put such a burden on ourselves that God never asks that we carry. Yet we do and then we feel we have “let God down.” Oh my! We were never holding him up! 🙂 You are so right. It isn’t my job to make everything happy for everyone. I think in the book Search For Significance the author points out that my attempts to constantly make everyone happy is really my attempt to control them…it sounds so nice on the one hand…trying to make others happy. LOL! But you (and the author of that book) are right. It is my attempt to exert control on others! Yikes!
I hope you are finding much joy and comfort in crawling up into Abba’s lap. That picture I put on the blog of my husband with our baby girl (almost 16 years ago) is precious. She always rested so content with him. He is such a tender, nurturing father. I see in him so many characteristics of my heavenly Father. If I could just relate to GOD this way…the way my babies have related to his tenderness. WOW! That would transform everything! AND PRAISE GOD FOR THE VICTORY you experienced!!! YAY for another marble in the jar!
Hi, Peggy. One of the things I sometimes do during tougher seasons is try to carve out even 5 minutes mid-afternoon of refocusing on the Lord and act like it is the start of a new day–even at 3:30pm! I commit “this day” afresh to him and that sometimes helps. Sounds silly! LOL! Thank you so much for your kind words. You encourage me so very much. At times, this weary wanderer needs that. 🙂
Oh, Diahn…thank you so much for your encouraging words, too. No, you aren’t alone. You can see from the comments here at the blog that we share so much in common. We really *are* sisters. It is amazing how God connects us, isn’t it? Prayers for you today, dear one. He is near to you. He delights over you with singing. Do you hear his voice in the whisper? 🙂
You all are such a blessing to me. Thank you for your ministry to my heart. God is awesome, isn’t he?
I don’t think I have shared this here before. I wonder how it would affect my view of myself, food, and eating (and a million other things) if I believed the words of this song? I hope it blesses you as it does me. 🙂
How about you? Do you believe the words of this song? How might it affect you to believe what God says about you in his Word?
Have you ever started the morning with quiet time with God, loved his presence, committed your day to him, resolved that you will move forward in your walk with God and make choices in line with godly principles–all day? Then, within five minutes of your final “Amen” of your quiet time, “POOF!” all your good intentions were steamrollered by who-knows-what? The very thing you wanted to do, you didn’t and the very thing you hated was what you did?
I have. A lot lately! It seems.
I do not understand what I do.
For what I want to do I do not do,
but what I hate I do.
– Romans 7:15
“Agitation” happens in my home and, when it does, a switch flips in me, taking me back to my challenging childhood. I end up feeling…trapped…. like I am walking on the egg shells I did when I was a kid growing up with a mom who tried to commit suicide a number of times, like the mental health (and possibly physical health) of the people around me, depends on me somehow. Good grief! I think that is taking on a bit more than God intends, don’t you? I end up living in fear, which is never a godly place to be.
In these moments, I feel like a kid, trapped in a dysfunctional, abusive, scary and out of control environment, grasping for some way to be in control and some way to comfort myself. All my positive goals seem blocked by the people I live with and something takes over my mind with the thought: I just want to eat. It is a rebellious feeling like: “I can TOO do what I want. YOU can’t STOP me…I can TOO be ‘in control!’ I can eat!”
Thin Within calls this “flesh machinery.” It is pretty clear why! I act like I am on “automatic.” Recognizing it enables me to stop it in the strength God provides in the moment.
I don’t want to eat when I am not hungry. What I really want is to be able to live in peace with the people I love, to live in peace with God, with myself, and with food. This is a longing for heaven, I realize. It won’t be realized perfectly until I am in heaven with Jesus.
However, something in me from my past looks to food for comfort, protection and control. This tendency is rooted in deception and recognizing that, I can replace lies with God’s truth. I am learning afresh that boundaries are designed to keep me safe, offer comfort, and godly control. Boundaries keep me safe as yellow lines down the center of the road–each driver stays out of the other side (hopefully). Boundaries keep me from taking what I want off store shelves without paying and getting tossed in jail. So, I must respond to godly boundaries as helpful guardians in my eating as well, instead of viewing them resentfully, as yet another block to my goal during the times of agitation in my home and life.
Obviously, God wants to be comfort, protection and control for me. He is these things. He is protection. He is comfort. This is one reason why studying the attributes of God is so powerful for me.
Knowing this tendency in me, in those moments when the kids are at one another’s throats, godly boundaries serve me well. Simply, if I am agitated, it isn’t time to eat…I must give a loving “no” to that little girl who feels trapped back 35 years ago in a home with two alcoholic, raging parents.
Instead, I will crawl up into my Abba’s lap and allow him to comfort me with his love and delight over me with singing.
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
– Zephaniah 3:17
How about you? Are you “triggered” in some way that sends you to food for comfort, protection, or control? What godly boundaries can you have that will offer you what you really need during those times?
Win a copy of Thin Within by being entered in a drawing to win. Just comment here to enter. Next drawing is Monday morning!
Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law.
– Psalm 119:70
Calluses have been an issue for me recently.
I used to play competitive tennis. At that time, I had quite a callus on my right thumb from the way I hold the racquet. A couple of weeks ago, I started to play again quite a bit. I ignored the pain in my thumb because I enjoyed playing tennis again so much. Without the calluses, my thumb objected strenuously! OUCH!
Yesterday I had the privilege of leading our church congregation at Cool Community Church in worship. All last week, I spent a lot of time in prayer and practice, working on the music that I felt God wanted us to use to worship him during yesterday’s service. I hadn’t played my guitar much in a number of weeks and I was reminded that calluses develop on the left fingers of a guitar player for a reason. I ignored the pain because I needed to practice. Without the calluses my fingertips objected strenuously! OUCH!
I just looked to the “repository of all knowledge,” Wikipedia, to see what calluses are exactly and how they develop. Not that I don’t already know from experience, but I thought it might be interesting. There wasn’t much information, but what was there was intriguing:
A callus (or callosity) is an especially toughened area of skin which has become relatively thick and hard in response to repeated friction, pressure, or other irritation. Rubbing that is too frequent or forceful will cause blisters rather than allow calluses to form. Since repeated contact is required, calluses are most often found on feet because of frequent walking.
An especially toughened area of skin which has become relatively thick and hard in response to repeated contact.
The callus on my thumb has begun to develop again. Already, enough repeated friction, pressure, or other irritation has caused the thickening and hardening of the skin to develop. The last time I played, I had hardly a thought for my thumb. All the ignoring of the pain served the purpose of developing the callus. Now I can play without pain.
In just a week, by repeated exposure of my left hand fingers to the metal strings of my guitar, playing again and again, the calluses have redeveloped. Yesterday morning, I played through the worship set without any discomfort to my left fingers.
It is amazing how quickly that hardening and thickening can happen.
And so it is with my heart. Last week I mentioned the responses to God’s voice that are evident in Exodus 7. God’s voice is, in many ways, a constant pressure. I am so thankful that I have “repeated exposure” to his voice. He continues to speak.
Yet I have ignored the pain of not obeying him. I have done it enough times now that I can do so with hardly a thought given to the entire thing. YIKES!
It hasn’t taken long to develop a callused heart.
Just as my thumb doesn’t mind the rubbing of the racquet handle any more and my fingers the pressure of the metal strings beneath them on the fret board of my guitar, my heart has sort of…well…adapted…and now I can ignore God’s voice without as much difficulty.
Rather than rejoice in the fact as I do with my thumb and my fingers, I actually want the pain that comes when I sense God’s voice and refuse to obey.
With calluses that are unwanted, there are ways of encouraging the softening of the skin again. One of the things is to no longer ignore the pain of friction, rubbing, pressure, and repeated exposure. The other is to take something to the skin–like oil or lotion–and gently rub it in repeatedly.
Today, I commit not to ignore the pain that is present when I ignore God’s voice. I will also allow his Word to be worked in and through me as I intentionally check in with him today and meditate on memorized verses. I have my watch set for every 15 minutes and I will not let any of those beeps go by without talking to him. Lord, here is my heart again. I want to be softened, tender, and responsive to your touch and your voice.
What will you do today to prevent your heart from being calloused? If you know you have a calloused heart, what practical things can you do to become softened again?
The primary way I notice the hardening of my heart is relative to my eating and drinking. These are a barometer of my relationship with God for me. Are they for you? 🙂
Didn’t want to have the day begin without announcing the winner of this week’s drawing for a Thin Within book.
Believerkjk has won! I will be sending her book on her way.
If you want to win a copy of Thin Within by Arthur and Judy Halliday, I start from scratch with an entirely new batch for our Week 2 countdown to our study starting on June 14th. The drawing will happen late Sunday night or early Monday morning.
We will be launching into a study of the Thin Within book on June 14th. I hope you will join us for this study of the book (not the workbook). I recommend getting a new copy of the book for this study–one that hasn’t been written in or highlighted.
Here is a post that describes the study a bit at this link.
I will also give away one copy of the Thin Within book each week between now and June 14th. Comment at the blog to have your name entered in a random drawing. The first name will be drawn tomorrow.
Would you pray for me? I want to be as authentic as possible and right now “authentic” feels pretty yucky! I would much rather hide. But I know that God continues to call me out of hiding. Nevertheless, that is how I feel. The enemy is wreaking havoc with me. :-/
I will continue to pray for you as well. God knows each one of you by name–all the intimate details of your life and he cares so very much.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
Psalm 139:7
If you can identify with my struggle, what will you do to step out of hiding?
I have a friend with thin thighs…she is in a wheelchair and can’t walk. :-/
My thighs aren’t thin, but I am blessed to be able to walk and run and leap.
I love my thighs.
I can’t get the little girl in the video I shared yesterday out of my head. (I do wonder where that little girl is today, nine years later, and if she still stands strong in affirming so many things about life and herself or if she has fallen prey to the joy stealers in life like so many of us do.)
The little girl really got me thinking about affirmations. Does it honor God for me to say “I like my thighs,” “I like my hips,” “I like my arms…” etc? Or is it, like my teenager suggests, lying? That is a good question, but yesterday, as I played tennis with my daughter, I found myself wanting to emulate the young girl in the video. I said it out loud to “try it on.” Chasing down tennis balls, I declared with boldness (after looking around to be sure no one was likely to hear me): “I like my thighs!” and you know what? In that moment, I really did! Saying so, really seemed like a huge step of victory for me! Without my thighs and legs and knees, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy playing tennis or any number of other things out there. No, I may not like the way my thighs look, but I know that the function of my thighs is worth far more than appearance and I think my wheelchair-bound friend would agree.
A couple of days ago, even before I shared the video with you all, I posted something at the Thin Within forums (found at http://www.thinwithin.org/forums) in response to someone lamenting that they don’t like the way her body looks. Since I have had so many changes in my own body, I responded:
I understand frustration with physical appearance. I used to think in my arrogance (I am ashamed to say) that people that blamed menopause for any number of things didn’t want to “own it”…but now I see that there are some legitimate things that come with menopause.
In my case, I lost 100 pounds using principles of Thin Within. I finally was a “success story.” Kept it off relatively effortlessly (though with fear, I must admit) for a year…and then started gaining some back. I threw out the scale a year ago. I have no idea how much weight I gained before I stopped gaining and, for me, it all connected with the timing of “The Change.” I started going through “The Change” of life when the weight came on and I stopped gaining when “The Change” was over.
Now my size has stabilized again and I feel like I am eating like I used to back when I was smaller, but it is sustaining a bigger size. (Please note, I know that I have not been “stellar” in obeying the Lord’s voice in my eating as well. )
So a couple of things are different for me… my “natural God-given” size may be different than I thought…and my shape is different…and…well, I look at my body now and I carry weight where I didn’t carry weight before…my thighs. I mean…disproportionately, it seems. Even at 250 pounds, I don’t remember my thighs ever looking like they do now.
But I can still walk, run, leap and play.
God is helping me work through a disdain for my body all over again…something that I thought I was past in 2006.
I have been pregnant three times and carried two babies to term. I have nursed them. I have climbed mountains, ridden horses, worked to build fences, played in the snow with my kids, run around tennis courts, stood to sing praises to God, bowed low to worship my God, held, hugged, laughed and cried. I have stroked away a child’s tears, I have loved my wonderful husband. I have worked to exhaustion and played until I could drop…My hands have strummed my guitar as my voice has led God’s people in worship. My hands have held rags that have wiped faces and my feet have carried me a million places…my body serves me well. It has for 48 years and it will continue to do so.
Goodness, my body is an amazing creation! The size, the shape, the lumpiness, of it really doesn’t seem nearly so significant. When I feel disdain for my body’s appearance, I realize that I am stuck in the mindset of the world and I now beg God to renew my mind so that I can have changes in my thinking.
I love my thighs…
How about you? Can you take time right now, in faith, to affirm your body, knowing that God has given each part of your body to you as a gift? Let’s ask Him to help us renew our minds and to truly delight in the amazing creation–our body–that he has entrusted to us!
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Don’t forget! We are having a book drawing on Monday for a copy of Thin Within, by Arthur and Judy Halliday. Comment to have your name put in the drawing!
