What happens when change happens? Will I praise God even then?
Today, I choose to look to the Lord for the grace to accept change where I need to accept it and the strength to pursue godly change, to observe and correct, confess and repent, where that is the appropriate response as well!
Praise the Lord!
I released 100 pounds from June 2006 to October of 2007 by eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was no longer hungry. I kept all of the weight off for a year–until the fall of 2008–but toyed with an anorexic mentality during that year…wondering how low I could get my weight, losing even more, grasping then at “normalcy” again, rebounding back up, and so on, in a cycle of sorts.
Then I began to gain steadily. Some of this was understandable, as I allowed the subtle erosion of godly boundaries. Having now been in the same jeans since December of 2009, I know that things have sort of stabilized. The dust has settled, the smoke has cleared and now I survey what remains.
First, I have to confess–this blog is not written by someone who is “cured,” “healed,” “victorious” forever onward. I choose to praise the Lord anyhow! 🙂 I believe God uses my constant challenges to build in me an inherent dependence on him. Oh! How I NEED him, desperately! I used to want to be “normal” (whatever that is). Now, I just want to learn to lean on him all the more. God will continue to use my challenges with food to draw me closer to him–Praise the Lord!
Secondly, I can see now my body has changed (age-related things, if you get my drift :-)). My size isn’t the only thing that is different. My hunger and satisfied signals have changed. What I had become dependent upon (wow…I just realized this) and relied upon and learned…these things have changed. With menopause have come a number of changes, including what my body feels like for “0” and what it feels like for “5.” (Not to mention how what weight I do carry is distributed very differently than ever before!) I am getting reoriented. I choose to praise the Lord!
Thirdly, the Thin Within principles still work and I continue to be committed to apply them. I have found that the adjustments I need to make now are similar to those that I have had to make in the past when I was sick, taking medicine, or under a lot of stress–the body reacts differently and some things change…like hunger signals. It has taken me this long to see that I am not like I was even a couple of short years ago. I choose to praise the Lord!
So, my story is that of a sojourner imperfectly walking the path and finding her way. My desire has always been to “arrive” and to tell you that you can, too. But instead, I see now that my message is that God is found here…out in this wandering, winding, path through the wilderness. Where everything else I depend on has changed, he remains the same. So, I am here, in the desert, needing him and the provision of “manna” daily…He alone is dependable. I choose to praise the Lord! I have HIM!
I have never really been here before, in this particular place. God really IS doing a new thing!
In many ways, I am beginning this journey afresh–as if for the first time!
God has extended me grace to know and accept that change happens. My body has changed…it looks different than it ever has. My hunger signals have changed. And I am growing to a place of accepting all of this. Now that I am over my disappointment that things aren’t like they were before…that this might not be quite so easy (the physical part of this…the rest has *never* been “easy”), will I allow HIM to be my motivation? The bathroom scale can’t taunt me or reward me as I don’t have one any more.
I choose to praise the Lord!
I am thankful for the grace to accept change happens, but I am also thankful for the grace to enact intentional change. I won’t embrace the mentality of “victim” and bemoan the realities of my aging body. Instead, I choose to praise God that I am at this new stage of life, that there are yet many new things to learn.
I will press on and choose to praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord!
How about you? Are there changes you need to accept? Are there changes you need to resist–they represent compromise and erosion of godly boundaries?
—- This is the last day for the Praise Changes Thing Book Contest! You can win one of three copies of Ethel Herr’s Lord, Show Me Your Glory. Just comment here and you will be entered to win! Today is the last day to comment to be included in the drawing. I will randomly draw three names from my “hat” first thing (California time) Tuesday morning.:-)
Mother’s Day is tough for me. It is hard to get misty-eyed and sentimental for her.
My mom has played a huge role in
my battle with disordered eating.
True Confessions: Eating “nutritious” foods–those dense in vitamins, minerals with a lot of nutrient bang for caloric buck–is impossible for me without gagging. I can’t do it. Nope. Nothing doing. At least not as a general rule. I can’t eat salad or steamed veggies to save my life. I really can’t do it. I grimace involuntarily at even the *smell* of a stray piece of lettuce on a snack wrap at McDonalds ordered “sans” anything green on it.
An exception: I can eat my husband’s fresh, home-made salsa…by the spoonfuls! My mom never made fresh salsa. So, she never beat the tar out of me for *not* eating it. She never literally shoved it down my throat. She never greeted me the next morning with it and declared I couldn’t have any other food until I had eaten it like she did with the peas…cold…shriveled, the asparagus…withered, limp, or the green beans…
Is it any wonder I took to sneaking food? And yet the behaviors that I learned as a child, before I had obvious conviction of sin and God’s saving grace, became spiritual strongholds as an adult. Behaviors that had helped me to cope when I didn’t know what else to do…as an adult they stood in the way of coping.
I wish I could say the freedom that I write about here at the blog after ten years of exposure to Thin Within includes enjoyment of foods that are wholesome and beneficial. In fact, I would love to be able to snack on carrots and apples and other yummy foods that God created to be enjoyed.
But the truth is, I can’t, I won’t, I don’t even bother trying any more.
Once upon a time, I prayerfully stood over my kitchen sink and begged God to enable me to defeat this. With tears, I begged him to infuse me with tastebuds that LOVED a carrot…and as I took a bite, in faith, that THIS time would be different, the gag happened and I ended up feeling traumatized, a flashback to when I was 8 years old. Only this time, traumatized at my own hand. And I wondered why God didn’t answer “yes” to a prayer that seemed soooo according to his will. :-/
I have worked through a truckload of forgiveness of my parents–including my mom for this very thing. I don’t feel bitter about it. But it is a part of what I deal with, still, today, now, and it follows me everywhere.
The reason I bring all of this up today is because Mother’s Day is painful for me, so, I wonder if Mother’s Day is painful for any of you. Is it true for any of you that Mother’s Day isn’t the perky positive rosey flowers and chocolate event that Hallmark and Dayspring have us wanting to believe it is? In church, when people stand up to give verbal testimony to their moms, I always feel so…well…unchristian for not finding something to say that elevates my mom to appropriate levels of esteem in the eyes of my friends.
God has used my heartaches, trials, and, even, the abuse for my spiritual formation. I am desperate for him, largely because she was so wrong. While I must own my sinful choices now, I also acknowledge that my eating issues are directly related to the way my mom chose to treat me. My eating issues keep me ever always dependent on him, clinging to him like the hemorrhaging woman in the dirt. If only for a touch of the hem of his robe…if only to experience him, his power…and to be healed.
Apart from this weakness–which really is a product of a Mom with her own issues getting in the way of handling a young, strong-willed daughter–might I be even more independent, even more arrogant, even more resistant to hear his voice in the whisper?
God redeems. I have no doubt of this in my mind.
Yet, Mother’s Day is painful for me. I won’t blog a post saying otherwise. I wish I could. But I can’t.
So, how about you? Is Mother’s Day hard for you? Is there some way in which God may want to redeem the challenges you face today, perhaps due to a very human, fallible mother years ago? Will you let him?
(Written on Thursday late afternoon for Friday morning’s blog post.)
If you want to be challenged A LOT with practicing gratitude and praise, just spout off about “counting it all joy” at your blog or in a manuscript you are writing for (hopefully) publication. Yesterday I really felt like hypocrite extraordinaire as I melted down over life….
So…
What do you do when you can’t seem to get along with the people you are with most and a beautiful spring day calls your names?
In three words:
GO WITH IT
Ok, so that is the short version.
This is the long, pictorial version! 🙂
Today, I knew the kids and I needed…NEEDED..to have some serious restoration time. So, today, instead of counting it all joy and about throttling one another, went in search of joy..I felt like today was a day I needed to be intentional about making it happen. You know, I think it is great when you can praise God IN the circumstances–that is the goal. As we see God as he is, we can do this more and more. I believe that. I know that. I have seen it transform my life.
But since most of my circumstances are shared with two other people (my teenagers) who don’t really *get* that just yet, it is true that there are times when you have to go with the facts. And the facts were…we were hating one another (in the way we acted) and life…NOT ok. I think it made it worse for them for me to keep saying “Tell yourself the truth! God is worth praising even in this situation.” They were NOT buying it. I don’t know that I was either by 4pm yesterday afternoon. 🙁 Just being honest.
Our facts were we were war-wounded and weary from our struggle yesterday. Nothing extreme. Just typical-run-of-the-mill yes-can-you-believe-I-am-complaining-about-this-piddly-thing sort of stuff! I am amazed we hadn’t strangled one another or literally cried our eyes out (it wasn’t for a lack of trying). Since we homeschool, we spend a LOT of time together. Basically 24/7 except in rare instances. The homeschooling thing has become very strained for us (prayers appreciated!). Add the wonderful weather and we are even more of a mess about it than we otherwise would be as we have SPRING FEVER!
Today, we chose to delight in the many things God has given us to delight in–away from home and schoolbooks. He gave us a LOT to delight in today! I sooooo needed that! THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS, Lord!!!
First, we headed off to the club. The three of us played a game of racquetball together and then the two kidlings played without having an argument! MIRACLE!
We followed that by running some errands and then having lunch at Mickey D’s. Still smiling!
Before heading for home, we decided to go scout out Folsom Lake’s Peninsula Campground to evaluate if it might be a place we could take the kayaks this weekend. This was the best part of the day in many ways. Check this out! They actually look like they love one another!
Maybe they do??? I am so thankful that even though life has been stormier for us lately than usual, we can have a great day like we did today
The lake at the Peninsula Campground is a GORGEOUS place to be…there were wild violets everywhere, the wind was a bit chilly, but the lake is almost full and it was BEAUTIFUL and my son has his arm AROUND his sister AND is holding her hand! A mom like me lives for a moment like that…and I didn’t have to put him up to it. Thank you, Lord, for giving me something to praise you for when I felt like I was really having to stretch lately…especially where my family getting along was concerned…
Snapped some photos on the way home. The cows probably don’t have many people get out and take their picture. Lord, thank you for how serene and beautiful this scene was and the way the trees framed the cows. Lord, it was another way you blessed us today.
Cool old buildings are along that road. I wonder about the men and women who walked under the roof of this barn…how old is the barn? What stories might it tell. I am thankful that I have an imagination! LOL!
The kids were thrilled when I told them we would be watching a movie together once we got home. WHAT? No schoolwork!?!?!? Not today. We took about three hours to watch Narnia for the 1000th time, stopping the movie and yacking with one another through it, talking (amongst many other things) about the various ways CS Lewis intended various scenes to be metaphors for the Christian life, etc. It was a GREAT time and I cuddled the insane golden retriever dog..Lord, I am thankful that Daisy has one wonderful redeeming trait. More than any other dog I have ever had, she lets me cuddle her and snuggle with her. Thank you!
I guess she and her cohort, Jordy, have their weaknesses.like begging! But thank you, Lord, that we have two sweet dogs and ice cream in the freezer! (Or we did until M. got to it…LOL!)
We had a delightful day playing hooky…God, thank you for giving us a wonderful day…we needed joy and you provided it. I am so thankful that I can homeschool so we can juggle and manipulate our schedule freely to have days like this. We are planning on schooling during the summer quite a bit…given what we have dealt with lately, this was the most precious gift in the world.
Lord, may this day serve as a reminder that we do love one another and that you love us. You gave us so many obvious blessings today. I felt so loved by you. That the kids would leave any resentment or bitterness about yesterday (and the days before) behind and be able to have a day like this…it was soooo restorative and healing. I am sooooo blessed. May I take this sense of your concern, love, and intimacy into the rest of this evening and into tomorrow, even as we take out our books and continue our courses. May we finish this school year well, Lord.
Don’t forget, if you want to be entered into the PRAISE CHANGES THINGS contest drawing for one of three free copies for Ethel Herr’s book, Lord, Show Me Your Glory, just comment here at the blog. I will be drawing names Tuesday morning. Ethel will be autographing the book personally!
Someone shared here that she had the “God is Bigger Than the Boogieman” song going through her head as a result of some of the stuff here at the blog. So I couldn’t resist a little levity. From someone else’s channel at YouTube…
This may seem like a silly song, but the truth of it is…if I believed this, if you believed this…that God is truly bigger than whatever we face, it *would* affect our lives! Most definitely!
Bringing it home: Today, select an attribute of God that you can choose to praise him for. Praise him now and then every time a phone rings today. Just take a moment when you hear a phone ring to praise God for that chracteristic of his character.
What does this have to do with eating, weight, accepting yourself as the amazing child of God that He has made you?
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Don’t forget that you can still enter our Praise Changes Things contest to win a copy of Ethel Herr’s book, Lord, Show Me Your Glory. Make a comment at the blog through May 10th and you are entered automatically!
This is the second of two parts by guest blogger, Ethel Herr. We are having a “Power of Praise” Contest between now and May 10th. Be sure to enter to win! Three copies of Ethel’s book, Lord, Show Me Your Glory, will be given away! —– But there was another angle to this story that I had no idea of at that moment. The next week I had a mammogram, followed by another mammogram and an ultra-sound. I learned that I had ominous tumors in both breasts and went for a biopsy. By December 10, I knew they were malignant!
Where had God been? Why had He let me down? This couldn’t happen to me– not in my family, not to someone who took such good care of my health and nutrition… On my life journey, I found myself at a scarey intersection of Faith and Fear. Which road would I take from here on out?.
I looked at the street signs and pleaded with God to keep me on the Faith path. Suddenly, the words came back, loud and clear and reassuring: “Thou wilt keep Him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee.”
Ah! Yes, Lord, You gave me this message a month ago not just to share with my prayer group. You knew I was going to need it for myself– desperately need it. Thank You Lord!
A year and a half later, I can say that the truth of this verse has kept me on the Faith road. When I went into surgery, I focused on Him and He held me close. I came out into recovery quoting Scripture and singing His praises. Later, when I learned that my cancer was metastasized to my vertebra, my Father opened my eyes to see His smiling face still reassuring me. And when the day came that the doctor looked at my PET scan and told me that, after 3 months of non-chemo treatments, I was in remission, I knew His peace not just because all was looking good. I knew His peace, because He had been teaching me how to focus every day, not on the problem or the threat of what might lie ahead, but on Him.
Writing Lord, Show Me Your Glory several years before my cancer, had expanded my vision of God so much that it prepared me to keep my focus when the going got tough. I pray God will use it to do the same thing for you, regardless of what your intersections of Faith and Fear may look like.
Yesterday, I was really challenged with this. Would I choose praise? Or would I focus on the way I felt and the things I was facing? I battled with it more than I have in a long time. Perhaps it is no small wonder since I am spouting off about the Praise Changes Things here at the blog and in the project I am working on.
I found that it was like a runaway train. The longer I let it go undirected, the farther it took me into a dark place and the harder it was get out..
I have been trying to teach my kids to stop the “train” and to tell themselves the truth. The truth is, God is still on his throne. God is still at work in and through the circumstances. I need to learn this myself!
Today, I will choose to praise him.
When I head toward the snack foods to munch away my frustration or concern or anxiety, I will stop and spend 5 minutes praising God. That is my little boundary I choose to set for myself today. 🙂
Will you join me?
Share with us how it affects your eating and your life generally if you like!
———-
Our contest drawing is one week from today. Between now and May 10th, comment here at the blog and be entered to win one of three copies of Ethel Herr’s book, Lord, Show Me Your Glory. I believe this book can help transform us as we embrace the Lord for who he is! He is amazing!
Heidi and I recently met, first online, then in person at Mount Hermon Christian Writer’s Conference. It took us no time to discover that we are of one mind and spirit. The focus of our lives is God.
For me, this has been a long journey in the godward direction. It came to a sort of high point several years ago when He allowed me to write Lord, Show Me Your Glory.
Still, the journey goes on and on. At times I almost lose sight of some of the more practical aspects of this core truth. Then God has His ways of bringing me back and pushing me forward. I want to share one of the most recent of these experiences.
A group of women in our church meets weekly for prayer. In the fall of October 2008, our focus was primarily the Presidential election. Very little turned out the way most of the women were sure God wanted it to. On Friday morning after the Tuesday election, a horrible heaviness and panic hung over the meeting. God had let us down! He had not heard our prayers. What would become of us now? Was there any hope left for this country?
Woman after woman spoke up, bemoaning our sad plight. I felt burdened in my spirit that something was terribly amiss here.
“O God, “I prayed, “I know You have not forsaken us. Hope will never die so long as You live. Surely You have a word for us in this perplexing hour.”
I waited in quietness and then the verse came flooding through my brain, soothing my heart. I’d memorized it back in my Bible college days, fifty years earlier, but hadn’t thought of it for some time now: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee.” (Isaiah 26:3 KJV)
That was it, of course. So long as we looked at the circumstances, we would be held in the grip of fear. Only as we looked at Him would we find strength and courage to move forward with whatever He planned for us. And no matter how dark the days may grow ahead of us, His peace would always be available for our every hour of need.
As I pondered how to speak up and pass on this important message, one of the ladies said, “I think we should stop moaning about how things turned out and start praying for the people who’ve been elected.”
What a confirmation! God was in our midst and had it under control. When it came my turn to pray, the words tumbled out in glorious freedom– words of praise and worship centering on the God who would always be in control, even when we couldn’t see it.
Are you in a situation that challenges you? How might you choose to “stay your eyes” on God in this situation?
Part 2 of Ethel’s post, Perfect Peace Part 2, will be posted on Wednesday.
If you would like to be entered into the drawing for one of three copies of Ethel’s book, Lord, Show Me Your Glory, please make a comment here and you will automatically be entered. Check this post out to see details.
This week, Ethel Herr, the author of the book I am so excited about, Lord, Show Me Your Glory, will be a guest blogger here at God Is Doing A New Thing! We will feature her two part blog piece, Perfect Peace. You won’t want to miss it!
Months ago, I searched Amazon.com for a book that a Christian writing friend of mine and I could study. I stumbled upon An Introduction to Christian Writing, by Ethel Herr. In the “Preface to the 2nd Edition” of this book, I read:
We are God’s manuscripts–eternal, unique, precious to our Creator. Each piece we write comprises, on our part, an act of worship offered to the God of the universe. From God’s point of view, it functions as one more step in the process of producing His works of art in us–perfect, flawless reflectors of His image. (Page 16, Introduction to Christian Writing, Ethel Herr)
I sensed a stirring in my heart that this lady understands my heart and can offer insight about the entire “writing journey” into which God was, again, plunging me.
About that time, a generous someone offered to pay my way to the Mt. Hermon Christian Writer’s Conference. Truthfully, I never really thought it would be worth the time and monetary investment, since I couldn’t commit to writing at that time. Needless to say, that conference has already had the most amazing impact on my life.
I noticed in the program materials for the conference that Ethel was going to be at Mt. Hermon and so I visited her website. Though this is the first year she wasn’t scheduled to teach a workshop, I noticed that she was listed as one of the editorial staff, available to help review manuscripts that authors submitted ahead of time. I was definitely intrigued. (I decided *not* to submit a proposal or manuscript, as I couldn’t get one ready in time!)
Visiting Ethel’s website, I became even more intrigued by this lady who seemed to know how I felt in my walk with the Lord, where the two–heaven and the “earth-stuff” that writing seems to be made of–somehow merge. On page 23 of her Introduction to Christian Writing, Ethel unveiled God’s heart, as if to show me his glory :-):
…before we can minister, we must learn to worship and regard all our writing as an act of worship offered to the God of the universe. Everything we do and say must be an act of worship, done for God’s pleasure. Some of our writing goes on to bless others as well, while some does no more than bless God and ourselves. Whatever else our actions and ministries accomplish, if they don’t please Him, they have failed. (Page 23, Introduction to Christian Writing, Ethel Herr)
I was hooked. I eagerly looked for any other books Ethel has written and found Lord, Show Me Your Glory. It arrived soon before I was scheduled to leave for Mt. Hermon. Filled with self-doubt about what on earth am I doing going to a writer’s conference, I read the introduction and felt again, like scales were falling from my eyes and the callus on my heart was being sloughed off. I glimpsed afresh a sacred taste of the radiant glory of the Lord I love.
The first afternoon everyone gathered at Mt. Hermon for lunch, Dave, the “M.C.,” called Ethel up to the front and interviewed her a bit. I got to hear her heart for Lord, Show Me Your Glory. Her heart for the Lord and for writing for the Lord…that is what I want SO much! I want NEVER to have anything eclipse my love for HIM. Not a desire to be published, or, even, to be used of him in effective ministry, but HIM. Just HIM. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone else, but I feel like Ethel not only understands, but that her writing keeps this desire as a goal ever before me.
The more I studied the attributes of God that Ethel so expertly, tenderly, and beautifully shares in Lord, Show Me Your Glory, the more I knew I wanted others to learn about this book. I have seen that a right and true understanding of the Lord, who he is, and what he is like, transforms my perspective about life, about myself, about sin and pursuing sanctification. It is directly related to defeating struggles with perfectionism, inappropriate eating, and everything wrapped up in it.
Tomorrow, you will get a chance to meet Ethel “personally.” She will share her heart with us specifically. Isn’t that cool!? I praise God for that.
God IS doing a new thing. He IS transforming us and that means our freedom, as Scripture says:
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord,
are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory,
This morning, “Shepherd” and “Provider” are the attributes to which God has drawn my heart and mind through Ethel Herr’s book, Lord Show Me Your Glory.
How do these attributes of God relate to my Thin Within journey? I am so glad you asked! 🙂 As I get to know the Lord as my Shepherd, I see that he is with me through the challenges I face. He is the one I follow. As my Shepherd, he will lead me to food when I need it–when I am physically hungry. Likewise, whey my soul and spirit and heart are hungry, he will lead me to provision for those needs as well, making sure I get what is necessary, what is truly satisfying instead of a counterfeit.
God is showing me that as I know and believe him to be Shepherd and Provider, I begin to trust him more and more. If he leads me to experience something that is uncomfortable or downright challenging for me, I can know that he will see me through it. I don’t have to turn to the false comforts that I have used for so much of my life.
I learned to turn to these things when, as a child, I was wounded, hurt, or, even, abused. I continued into adulthood without ever questioning these practices. They seemed to work and I took them for granted. I didn’t realize they short-circuited what God intended to teach me. Instead of healing they only numbed me, in essence postponing the inevitable–the need to be cleansed, to bring the wound into the light to be nursed.
Now, God wants me to experience the true healing he has in mind, the true antidote to the fear, the insecurity, the confusion, and the pain. It is HIM.
Ethel’s book is helping me to respond more and more to God as he is, instead of as the god (little “g”) that I have made him to be for much of my life. He IS more than sufficient. He IS my supply. All of Him is more than enough.
Shepherd me, Father, over all the rough and perplexing ways of life. It is my nature to wander, to stumble, to lie on my back and flail in the air until, exhausted, thirsty and malnourished, I die. How desperately I need your shepherding.
Cuddle me when I tremble.
Guide me when I cannot find the way.
Chasten me with your Rod when I disobey.
Prod and correct all my erroneous wanderings.
Ever and always, gently lead me home.
The above quote is from Ethel Herr’sLord, Show Me Your Glory, page 267. If you want one of the three copies I am giving away (with Ethel’s autograph), just use the “comment” link to respond to one of the posts here through May 10th. You may enter more than once.
Lord, today may I know you as Shepherd and Provider in a fresh way. Lead me to the places you ordain, Father. Direct me in the paths of righteousness for your name’s sake. Teach me to respond to what you bring by looking to you instead of to the things (like food) to which I have looked over many years of my life. Teach me to stay close to your side. Thank you for being a good, loving, strong shepherd to me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
