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5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
~ Psalm 16:5-7
Gosh, there are so many other reasons I might turn to food…other than the ones I have shared about here during the past week or two. I hope to continue to talk about that…but it occurred to me that I should probably address something.
I have offered a challenge here: When you are drawn to food, to commit to waiting just five minutes before eating and to use that time to prayerfully ask some questions honestly…maybe with a journal or maybe in a quiet moment (even in the midst of a busy life with people everywhere!)…
Why am I drawn to food right now? Is my stomach empty? If not, what is this about?
I have suggested that this be something we just committo doing.
Some might wonder, “But isn’t that a rule? Isn’t it like a ‘diet rule?'”
I consider this a godly boundary for myself, instead. Sure, some might call it a “rule,” but I don’t look to it to make me righteous. My performance isn’t what it is about at all. In fact, God has declared me righteous in Christ.
But a boundary is something that keeps in good things…keeps things from going “wonky,” keeps sheep from straying for instance. 🙂
A boundary is also something that stands guard–prevents things that are not so good from coming in…like excuses to eat when I am not hungry.
So, to me, this “Promise to wait 5 minutes before eating” is a boundary that will guard my heart, my mind, my body from the world, the enemy or my own fleshly tendencies. It will protect my resolve to honor the Lord with my eating and drinking and keep me from wandering off even when my feelings don’t line up with that so-called resolve!
This promise to wait 5 minutes also keeps me in the moment. Instead of mindlessly eating, I will be present.
This is GOOD!
So, if you haven’t “bought in” yet, I challenge you, give it a try. I am going to recommit, in fact, as I have gotten lazy! Enough of that! 🙂
There are a couple more things that struck me in recent weeks when I began to more carefully scrutinize my reasons for being lured to food. I know many of these (if not all) sound ridiculous! But that is just the point. There are times when the lure to food seems so tremendously strong. This journey is about figuring out *why* that is, *what* is *really* going on, and dealing with it in a godly manner instead of by throwing food at it. When I throw food at it, I am short-circuiting what God intends to do in my life. I want to do this His way. If I do insist on short-circuiting the process he through which he wants to lead, it requires that he bring yet another “opportunity” for me to learn this. This is why journeying around in the wilderness might take 40 years instead of the 30 days that might have been all it required in the first place had I really cooperated! (Boy, I think I mixed my metaphors bunches here…)
So that said, in the moments I have designated (5 minutes’ worth) to pause before eating, when I am not physically hungry and still want food, I ask “If I don’t need food right now, then what is this about? What is the reason that I am going to food?” Or another way of thinking of it:
What need am I looking to food to meet?
In recent weeks, I found that I had a lot on the emotional line. After being on the search team for a lead pastor at my church, we had unanimously recommended a wonderful candidate. He came to our community four times. The elders then recommended him to the church membership to be voted on.
I really feel strongly that God’s hand is on this man and felt like wherever God called him, I wanted to be there! 🙂
Yet, during the week prior to the congregational vote, I realized that maybe there was a chance that people would not agree with my assessment or my enthusiasm or just for any old reason vote “NO” about calling this pastor to our church. For some reason, I felt very personally about this. I realized this only after someone I appreciate and respect told me she would not be voting yes for him. I didn’t want to, but I felt somehow like she doubted my integrity. This is silly, I realize. But my heart felt it nevertheless. The more the “grapevine” passed on to me about how “people” (nameless, faceless, anonymous people?) felt about the entire “search process,” the more unsettled I became. Somehow, my SELF was inextricably bound up in this! I didn’t realize it until I was facing food again and again (without being hungry) during the week preceding the vote.
When I asked myself the questions, this is what I discovered:
I am afraid of rejection and food will somehow make rejection easier to take.
I basically wanted to numb myself to the pain I felt…rejecting “my” candidate was, for some reason, the same as rejecting ME! Go figure! I know this has to have roots in something because this just doesn’t make any earthly sense…
I had to prayerfully pull this apart.
Lord, I don’t understand why I feel rejected right now–and fear being rejected more. People aren’t rejecting me even if they DO vote no about this pastor! Please help me to see why I feel the need to connect with this entire thing this way.
God was faithful. He showed me that there was an issue of pride bound up in even being selected for the search team in the first place. If I felt it was “my performance” that somehow resulted in my having been selected for the search team, then it is no small wonder that I felt somehow like “my performance” was on display and the evaluation of “my performance” was seen in the congregational response to the pastoral candidate that I was so excited about. God had to show me just what a lie this was!
Child, I ordained that you would be chosen to be on the search team–due to no behavior, character, or performance of yours. I will use anyone as my tool for my own purposes and for my own reasons. My ways are above your ways. Since it wasn’t anything in you that moved my heart to select you for this role, there is nothing in your performance that matters right now except that you do your best to discern my will. Trust me…
I realized that feeling rejection over this if people didn’t like “my” candidate was in some way saying that I could usurp God’s sovereign choice in who would become the pastor of our church! If this isn’t the height of arrogance, I don’t know what is!
Lord, thank you for showing this to me. Please forgive me. How many other times, do I feel “rejection” due to this misplaced pride and ego? How often do I need to trust you…how often is it “not about me,” and I make it be about me? How often does this, then, lead me to food when I am not hungry?
Obviously, even apart from all of this, eating will not make feelings of rejection go away. I have to deal with the root of why I feel the rejection instead. I have to deal with the root of why I feel loneliness, pain, heartache–whatever it may be. I have to go to the only source of healing for these things.
This is one reason why diets don’t work. They don’t deal with the cause of my going to food again and again. They deal only with my symptoms…the food! Diets tweak the food and make me feel so good about myself as I do…meanwhile, all the stuff that God wants to heal remain needing His touch.
So, I press on and in…
Lord, why do I turn to food to numb myself when I am hurting? Where did I learn this and can you help me with this so I can be free from this behavior forever? I want NOT to feel the lure of food ever again when I am in pain.
This is a lifetime journey I am on…but in the moment that I recognize what is going on, I can come up for air and choose to take captive my runaway thoughts…reject them…and choose to give this moment to the Lord. Sure, it may mean feeling the pain. Knowing how silly my feelings of rejection are over this candidate thing didn’t magically make those feelings go away, but it sure helped me a lot.
Oh, and our church ended up voting *for* the candidate. YAY! 🙂
If you are just joining us, let me bring you up to speed.
I have been working through a couple of “series” here at the blog that I hope will be helpful for those who are either starting out for the first time with trying this “non-diet” approach “to lasting weightloss,” or for those who are *re*-starting. Likewise, if you have been at this a long time, you might find something here that can help you to press on. That is my prayer anyhow!
I made a challenge for the readers here:
Whenever you are drawn to food, take 5 minutes and wait. During that 5 minutes, ask God: “Why am I drawn to food right now?”
The answer we *want* is: “Because I am physically hungry–my stomach is empty.” Any other answer means that we have the joy and delight 🙂 of using the remainder of the 5 minutes (and maybe more) to process what is going on that makes food appealing even though my body isn’t calling for it. I have been sharing here how I might process this in a journal or as I pray…I designate five minutes (at least) before I eat for connecting with the Lord and to evaluate if eating is really what I want to do when I consider all that I need to consider.
My use of 5 minutes is to try to peel away what is going on, so I ask prayerfully:
Ok, so I am not physically in need of food. What is this about, then, Lord?
I have shared possible answers here recently. Here is one more answer to this question:
I want it. I just want it. It sounds good, I want it, I can do what I want, so I will eat it!
When I stop to evaluate this, I see that it is a lie. (Well, the part about doing what I want…) It flies in the face of the truth of clearly stated scripture which says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19, 20)
So, simply put, the “I want it, I love it, I will eat it now” is my claim that I have the right to do whatever I want.
Do I really want to go there????
Lord, I am reminded that this choice isn’t about the food. It is about what eating for the wrong reasons does to my heart. With this simple choice in this moment, I can choose to add another layer to the callus that has been growing on my heart, or I can choose to soften my heart.
What will I do about it?
I can choose to take to heart what Jesus says to the church in Ephesus in Revelation 2. In that commendation and rebuke, he tells them all about the wonderful things that he appreciates about them first, but then says:
4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.
Ouch. That is an intense indictment. Jesus doesn’t just leave them there, though. I love that about him. Likewise, he doesn’t just say to me: “ARG! You are rebellious and hard hearted! What EVER will I do with you!?”
Instead he gives me a solution…and I can apply this solution in my 5 minutes with him:
5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.
During my 5 minutes, I can remember the heights from which I have fallen…Lord, I remember when I was at a place when I would do anything for you. I would gladly lay down extra food for you given all you have laid down for me. Lord, you laid down your kingly glory when you came to earth in human form! You laid down your life so that I might be able to live victoriously. That used to be so real to me, so pertinent. It used to…well…matter. Lord, help me to live a life of gratitude today. As I think of all you have done for me, I revisit that “first love” experience…when I was so blown away by your love and all you did for me that I couldn’t resist loving you with my choices. I pray that I would do that today.
For me, gratitude is huge in this journey. If I am in a place of “I want it just because it tastes good and I can do what I want,” then I really do need to get back in touch with the “first love.” By remembering how I loved and adored Jesus at another time and the ways this love affected my “doing,” I have a more tangible thing to relate to…to focus on. I am called in Revelation 2, to remember, repent, and do the things I did “back when.” At the top of the list is overflow with praise and thanks for saving me, for caring about me, for giving me His Holy Spirit. As I “repent and do” this again…not only are my 5 minutes transformed, but my day is…
Lord, thank you for all you have given to me, for all you have laid down for me. I see that my grabbing food in this moment is not something I really want to do as much as I want a softened heart. I don’t want the hardening of my heart that will happen if I choose to do what my flesh says in this moment. In fact, I can say no to my flesh right now and yes to you and know that this demonstrates that I want to love you with my choices, no matter how mundane they may seem. Thank you that you look at my heart. This choice isn’t about food at all. It is about something so much more of value to you. I choose to honor you in this moment instead of to turn to food to serve my flesh.
Continuing on with the theme of continuing on…I want food, but I choose to sit–or to be still first–for 5 minutes, again, because I said I would.
Lord, I want to eat now. Am I physically in need of food? Show me.
There is something in me that I seem to be interpreting as hunger, Lord. I guess the answer is I don’t need food right now. So, what is this about? Why do I want food? I have to leave the house now and go to worship band practice. I haven’t been hungry for dinner, Lord. But I won’t be able to eat until I get home after 10:00pm…I want to eat now so I won’t be hungry that long. The thought of not eating now and being hungry for that long, well, Lord…it makes me panic a bit!
Gosh. I analyze this and come up with some facts, some observations…I leave my house to go to the church at 7:15pm and, since I am not yet hungry,I don’t eat dinner. Worst case scenario: I get hungry the minute my rear hits the car seat to drive to church and I have to wait three hours until I get home to eat. Well, really…what is the worst thing that can happen? Truthfully…NOTHING is so bad. I could just be uncomfortable for three hours! What is so bad about that?
Lord, beingHUNGRY for three hours is HORRIBLE.
Really??? Is it?
What really is so bad about being hungry?
Lord, I think I get worried about feeling hungry for any length of time because of my past. I thank you that you have set me free from the helplessness I had as a child. I am no longer in an abusive situation. Physical hunger no longer has to be associated with abuse!
As I prayerfully go over this in my heart and mind, I see that this is rather silly, in fact! I am a mom, for goodness’ sake! I know how to be uncomfortable! No big boogie is going to get me. No one is going to beat me to make me eat foods that make me gag (whether I threw up due to the fear and stress of being hit and yelled at or due to the food itself, I don’t know). I am in a new place in life!
The truth is, at worship team practice, once I get singing and praising the Lord, I won’t even think about food again until I get home.
Lord, thank you that you have shown me truth tonight. I don’t need to be worried about being hungry. I am safe in your arms.
Preventative eating…nah…I won’t go there right now. No need to do that. The lure has passed.
So, assuming that I am at yet another point in time when I feel lured to food. I have committed to waiting 5 minutes before eating and to be still (even if just in my spirit for a bit) and ask myself in company with the Lord, “Am I physically in need of food?”
Once again (this happens more than I care to admit…is that the way it is for you, too?), the answer is “No.” I know that I really am not at “empty.”
So I go a step further (again) as this is the process I have committed to:
“So I am being lured to food. What is this about now?”
Sometimes, I simply *want* food. I just *want* to eat. The other day I was working with my daughter on something in the kitchen. She had to sit still. She had fixated on a package of Costco chocolate muffins that were on the counter. She kept commenting that she *wanted* one. I finally moved the package to a new location…not in ready view. You know what happened? She totally forgot about the muffins. She didn’t “want” them any more. This sure illustrated something for me. If I fix my eyes (or thoughts) on the food, I am more likely to just want it just because. To try to NOT want it, is to still think about it…So I have to focus on something else. I just have to! Sometimes, it can be as simple as putting food where I can’t see it–covering it with a napkin or putting it in a cupboard…or a take out container if it is at the end of a meal at a restaurant.
Other times, I have to be intentional to start focusing on whatever is lovely, good, excellent or praiseworthy instead (Philippians 4:8).
So sometimes, when I put off eating for 5 minutes, to connect with God, it is as simple as I just want the food. I can reconnect with God and be reminded that the muffins will be there when I am hungry and I can eat some then…It really is simple. Not easy, but simple.
To be honest, it is at times like this when I get to see what is in my heart. Sometimes I rebel at the thought of waiting. I want it now. I have to realize that I really am rebelling against my Lord and Savior and what he calls me to do. He wants what is best. As small and insignificant as a chocolate muffin may seem right now in the face of eternity relative to my size, what DOES matter is what hardening my heart against my Savior does to me and my relationship with him. THAT is what really matters. Do I really want to do that????
When I ran the San Francisco Marathon in 1996, I vividly remember crossing the starting line. You see, I knew that my speed would be…well…not speedy. So I “strategically” placed myself at the back of the pack. As we waited for the “starting gun” to signal the begin of the “race,” the fog shrouding the Golden Gate Bridge was an accurate portrayal of what I had felt looking forward to this day for six months. There was no doubt that I was fit enough. I had trained hard. But the partner that was planning on running my first marathon with me had bailed out at the last minute due to a family emergency. Could I actually do it without someone there to be accountable to? I was so afraid of failure, that even being willing to start was a big deal. As I crossed the starting line, tears streamed down my face. You would have thought that I had won. In fact, I wanted to scream “I WIN! I WIN!” I had overcome my fear of failure and had actually crossed the starting line! The rest didn’t matter to me!
As hard as getting started was, it would have nevertheless been anticlimactic to quit a mile into it. Sometimes getting started IS tough. But sometimes once we get started, it is tough to keep going, one foot in front of the other.
I have been doing a “series” here at the blog on “How to Begin.” This is for those new to the “non-diet” approach or for those of us who just need to re-start…begin again again, sort of thing. 🙂
There are 5 parts to this series (sort of) and this blog entry is actually sort of a part 6 of that, but rather than call it part 6 of How to Begin, it occurred to me that really this post is about continuing…which is something we have to learn to do every day (maybe every hour) for the rest of our lives.
If you have read the other parts of this series, then, I assume that you are waiting 5 minutes when feeling drawn to food. Or that is what I challenged all of us to do.
And, as you wait, you are asking God “What is this pull to food about?” The various possibilities are first and foremost:
“I am drawn to food right now because I am physically hungry and my body needs fuel.” <–This is the answer we WANT if we are going to eat, of course! 🙂
So basically, the answer to “Am I physically hungry?” is “Yes” or “No.”
I have suggested waiting 5 minutes with the Lord asking him this question because if you are physically hungry, it typically won’t kill us 🙂 to wait 5 more minutes to feed the need for food.
However, if we aren’t physically hungry, we may have lots of other answers to the question of “What is this lure to food about?”
This post addresses what to do next if your answer to the “Why am I drawn to food right now” question is answered with *anything* other than “Because I am physically hungry.”
I shared with you some of my answers to this question. Here is the rub…when I am in the place where any number of other answers may be the honest one, I typically don’t *want* to wait 5 minutes! In fact, the very fact that I “can’t” wait 5 minutes may be evidence of what is really going on! That I am not physically in need! We tend to put physical needs off so much of the time without being bothered by it. For instance, when was the last time you knew you really should go to the doctor about something or other, but you put it off? With physical hunger, we have a way of being able to put things on hold for a minute without freaking out about it. (Not always, but often.)
So if 5 minutes spent with the Lord before eating seems impossible, then 1.) You aren’t alone 2.) Consider that an early warning that something other than physical need is likely going on…Instead of eating immediately, I put off eating for a mere 5 minutes. Imagine with me that I have the luxury of actually sitting down some place alone (this isn’t necessary, as you can go through the thought/prayer process in your head in the company of people any time at all) with my journal. This is what I might write.
Ok, Lord…here I am. I am thinking about those chocolate muffins and I am ready to go eat half of one right now. But, out of obedience, I will wait 5 minutes and I choose to take the time now to ask you…what is this desire for food about?
Imagine with me that I then consider my stomach…do I have the hollow feeling in it that I have come to associate with physical hunger? Well, no. Not really…No, not at all. I continue to write/pray/journal:
Lord, I can tell that I am not physically hungry yet, so I must be lured to food for some reason other than physical need. Please show me what this is about. Please meet me here. I want to know truth. You have said that knowing the truth will set me free. I want freedom so badly in this, Lord.
As I sit in His presence, he shows me what is going on…
Lord, I have been busting my tail around here lately. No one seems to notice or care. In fact, they seem bent on making my job a bigger one by messing up things just as soon as I get them cleaned up or fixed up. I have worked hard and I deserve something to make me feel good.
At this point, it is really important that I speak what is really going on. As “spoiled baby” as it may sound to actually type that up (here) or write it in a journal or to say it in a prayer to God, this is what is going on! If I am truthful about it, it really does help me to see things more clearly.
It is important then, to declare this for what it is in the presence of God. Again, you can do this prayerfully any time any place in the presence of any one…or alone, with a bible, journal, pen in hand…or anything in between.
Lord, I see that I am believing a lie. I know you desire that I bring this feeling to you. Help me to see the truth about my attitude. Lord, I need to ask you to help others to be more thoughtful. Help me to do what I do out of a heart that wants to serve as if I am serving YOU, my Master, Lord. Help me to be loving…not to do something out of a sense of obligation, or false guilt. I see that these feelings are what are stirring me up…and the most important thing, Lord, is that shoveling half a muffin down my face will NOT make me feel better. Or if it does, it will be fleeting. I will be left with the same feeling I have had that people have done wrong to me and I will be upset at myself for stuffing food in my face.
It is here that I have discovered a vital, life-changing truth…this may not sound like fun–truthfully, it isn’t, but it will TRANSFORM THIS JOURNEY for you! I have to realize my own need to take captive my thoughts toward these folks. Just allowing these thoughts to run away with me takes ME captive to do things and to think things I wish I wouldn’t. Here is the thing that will transform everything…I really believe this. At least it has for me. I must choose to forgive the people that I am resentful towards for being thoughtless and uncaring. In fact, I can choose to do this even while they continue the behavior and ask the Lord if I should have godly boundaries in place, too, so that I don’t continue to return to the same situation again and again in a way that doesn’t honor him or help others (or myself).
In fact, if I see that I have an out-of-proportion response to people…I am really angry over something that, if I step back, seems rather minor (wrong, but minor nevertheless), it may be that God is allowing this situation to show me that there is something unresolved from my past affecting my ability to function in a spiritually and emotionally healthful way in the present. And this can affect my desire to eat!
Can I do something about this in the mere 5 minutes that I have suggested we wait before eating? Well, ideally, once I discover that my lure to food is NOT about a physical need and I begin to analyze why I am drawn to food, I will give attention to whatever needs attention instead of the false “solution” that food offers. If I am praying or have a journal that I am writing in, I might continue with…
Lord, it is obviously a lie for me to think that food will somehow make me feel better about this situation. What willactually make the difference is if I choose to forgive these people for their thoughtlessness. Lord please show me if I need to establish any godly boundaries and if my reaction to these people is at all rooted in things in my past or in my own behavior right now. Please help me to own it. Lord, you alone are sufficient to enable me to make it through this moment without turning to food. Show me, Lord, what I must do to feed the true need I have. Lord, I choose to forgive…and please forgive me for…
Hopefully, when we give even a little bit of time to this process, we experience a sense of deep satisfaction that goes beyond anything food could do when we are not physically hungry.
Some may think this is making a huge deal out of nothing. If that describes you, then try to figure out why you keep doing the same thing again and again (over-eating) and expect a different result…the fact is, if I keep feeding my emotions or agitated thoughts with food, I will continue to struggle with godliness in this area and with my size physically–not to mention all the health concerns that can go with carrying too much weight.
Phew! This was a long blog entry. Tomorrow maybe I will be able to get on to the other possibilities I have listed so far for me. Many of them are related to this very thing.
I would love to hear if any of this is helpful, but then, maybe God is just having me write all of this for my own benefit!
A boundary is also something that stands guard–prevents things that are not so good from coming in…like excuses to eat when I am not hungry.
