In the closing pages of HEAL, Lesson 6, we are challenged to get our eyes off of outward aspects of “beauty,” and to allow God to change us inwardly, to cultivate inner beauty. We are encouraged that it isn’t that God is against ways of being beautiful outwardly necessarily. Hair styles, makeup, clothing can be acceptable means of working with the outward expressions of who we are, but they are not to be our focus.
Instead, we are to pursue having that gentle and quiet spirit that is mentioned in 1 Peter 3. The authors encourage us regarding pursuing this:
Such a woman is at peace with her God. She trusts him completely as the number one relationship in her life. She understands where her true value and worth lies–that it’s not in the clothes she wears, the guy she dates, or her socioeconomic background. She’s fully aware of her identity as a beloved daughter of God. Her spirit is at rest–gentle and quiet because she knows that no matter what trouble comes her way, her future in Christ is secure. No amount of striving, accomplishments, or external beauty can make her more valuable or loved in the eyes of her Lord. (Smith and Halliday, HEAL, page 113)
Every rare once in a while, I get a glimpse of what this might look like practically–at least in part. Earlier this week, I had one of those rare moments. I was truly physically hungry and had been for a while. As I sat down at the dining table, I was filled with gratitude to God for the beauty outside my kitchen window, for the family present under the safety of the roof God has given, for a husband that works diligently to provide for us and the wonderful job that he has. I was moved to praise God for the flavors and textures of what I was sitting down to eat as fuel for my body.
When, after just moments and only a few bites I sensed a nudging in my spirit that this was all the food I needed, I didn’t question or argue or fuss, I just gave the rest to my dogs :-), thanked God that my body needs so little food and was done with the meal. I didn’t argue, justify, rationalize. (How strange!)
It wasn’t an experience filled with anxiety, striving, stressing…how many calories, points, or pats on the back for how “good” I was being. It was just a moment that I (super)naturally heard the Lord and responded…that was all. Peace, confidence, rest. Hmmm….
On I went with my day.
When I surrender to His authority in my life, there is no striving over how much I can eat or how frustrated I am at not being hungry sooner (or at all). There is delight in His presence. I can’t say that I am in this place terribly often, but when I am it is worlds apart from the tenor of my “typical” life!
There is peace and beauty and rest…and I know that the way I feel inwardly likely radiates outwardly, too!
It comes back again and again to gratitude, to giving thanks. You see, when I give thanks or gratitude to God, I assume a humble posture. God is the giver. I am the one so blessed. He gives what he gives according to His wisdom at the proper time and I praise Him for that. I can’t give thanks to God and grab for “my rights,” “my food,” “my smaller size” at the same time. When I give thanks, I esteem HIM. He is lofty. He is exalted. I am in the place where I should be.
In HEAL lesson 6 on page 111, Kenon (who shares an incredibly powerful testimony, I might add), says:
Each day overflows with gratefulness in the face of significant losses and challenges. He has shown me, time and again, that our abundant life is rooted in his presence. No matter the circumstances, his love is confirmed and his beauty shines through me as mine is set aside–what a privilege.
You see, no matter what we may face, we have His presence, His love, His beauty to enjoy. Kenon has gone through numerous bouts with cancer and chemotherapy. She knows what she is talking about.
Meanwhile, I fuss about how little food I “get to eat”–I don’t require much! There is something seriously wrong with my perspective. I am so thankful for people like Kenon who boldly speak the truth, praising God as the giver of every good and perfect gift in spite of incredible hardships.
There is so much discussion of “How to Know God’s Will” (21 MILLION entries for that on Google alone!!!) and yet in this short verse (1 Thessalonians 5:18) we are told…give thanks in ALL circumstances…THIS IS God’s will. It is a path to peace (Psalm 119:165) as, when I take the posture of humility, I recognize God’s authority and right to rule in my life. This is huge. My struggle with food, eating and my body is just a way of being distracted from God’s right to rule my life.
When I CHOOSE to give gratitude each day, when I CHOOSE to praise and THANK the Lord, I am transformed from the inside out. No amount of external “control” tools (charts, graphs, scales, etc.) can come near to transforming me as much as this can.
On the Thin Within forums, someone mentioned to me that I make this lifestyle sound so simple. These are the thoughts I shared on that forum:
Well, it is simple, but definitely not easy. I know folks probably get so tired of hearing me go on and on about it not being about food, diet and our bodies….
Truth is, I have found God taking me through an extreme desert of testing. Not with extreme challenges like many face, but with where I live such a blessed existence that there IS no excuse. None. For some reason, my own rebellion is smack in my face now. I am in the wilderness and I can see the truth for what it is…and it ain’t pretty! I am so surprised at how my pride kept me from seeing the truth! Even now, I wonder how much pride remains keeping me from seeing just how much truth! The thought scares me! One step at a time, though. He calls me to deal with where I am right now, this minute.
Regarding legalism hindering hearing the voice of the Spirit…
Wow. You sure hit that nail on the head. I know that for me “doing it right” has taken on an entirely new meaning. In the past, my dieting mentality dictated that “doing it right” would have to mean “on such and such a day, I start doing ‘this’ and do it ‘faithfully’ until all the weight is off and then forever keep the weight off.”
Wow…for me that really IS legalistic! That is all about me, my behavior, my success…Boy, I have found myself with my face in the dust now. My healing is there in the dust, too…and I reach for the hem of Jesus’ robe…
Regarding losing lots of weight with Weight Watchers, keeping it off for a time, losing some with TW, keeping it off for a time, gaining some back and finding ourselves so discouraged now…
God is letting me experience these same sorts of “set backs” so that I begin to deal steadily with the underlying causes. It isn’t about my body or food…it is about something so much deeper. I learned not to stay present for the disappointments of life very early…as a child. Now he is gently tearing my coping mechanisms away from me so that I am left vulnerable, naked, exposed. It is tough, but necessary. Though I feel like a 10 year old left to process the emotional challenges of an adult’s life, he is faithful…as I stay present in the moment and present to him, he has been showing me (and I am slow to be willing to see it all, so it is more like layers of an onion) how to become more healthy…I mean more an expression of his healing in a life. He shows me how to experience things I have avoided for years…or numbed out to…or gone into hyperdrive perfectionism mode over…and, instead, be, learn, grow, and allow him to show me his way of processing.
It is messy. It isn’t easy. But it has been this entire food/body/weight/eating thing that he has been using to do this in me. I don’t know if this makes sense….
But that is why I can say simple…yes. Easy, no way.
In fact, to complicate things further, I am unwilling much of the time…and yet another opportunity to learn the lesson he has been trying to teach me has to be presented. Again. Again….and, sadly…again! He is gracious, praise His name!
Regarding being able to beat so many other idols in our lives, yet still finding overeating and food/body issues a remaining stronghold and wondering why it still has such a strong hold on us…
For me, the answer to this question is this remains a way of avoiding the deeper issues in my life. If I can stay distracted by controlling things, my eating, my weight, my appearance, then I don’t have to be present to the Lord in the moment. I can even wrap my attempt to control in “godly” wrappings…Oh, I am so clever! It is just the same issue, with a slightly different appearance.
Regarding wanting to be obedient to the Lord in every area of life, and knowing that eating this way (0 to 5) is definitely God’s call on my life, yet struggling all the same…
Sometimes when I find myself churning I might even pray: “Lord! I just want to be obedient in every area of my life!” He has reminded me that, in moments like that, he calls me to just be like Mary…”obedience” is seen in just sitting at his feet and being present to HIM and what HE wants to do in my life. To set aside all my preconceptions and ideas about what obedience even looks like in this moment. How easy is it for me to even BE still?
The HEAL book asks, in lesson 6, how my life would be different if I wasn’t so focused on eating or food or weight or clothes or fixing it all. Wow…that is a convicting question. Life abundant, being used of God to minister to others…it seems so diminished in light of how much energy I have been pouring into this….aspect…. of my life. Yikes.
Regarding doing all we know how to do…praying, reading God’s Word, more bible studies…repenting again and again…and yet still wondering what is missing…
Being still…sitting…what if, instead of praying, instead of reading His Word, you were to just sit, wait and be still. Can you do that? I know I can’t….or it is really really hard for me. Which tells me a whole lot about myself! What am I running from? During my “quiet times” I am rarely quiet in my heart. Waiting in silence and stillness, listening for the Lord…oh, that is so hard for me…
Don’t know if any of this can encourage you, or anyone else…but it has been cathartic for me to write it. Hope you don’t mind my self-indulgence! :-/
The HEAL book by Smith and Halliday turns to a discussion on “God-Breathed Friendship” on page 107. This is a bold move, considering that these days, “friends” are connections we make with our husband’s former secretary’s sister on Facebook (ok, in all fairness, I DO ride horses with her, too!). In fact, I just looked over my “friends” list on Facebook and I definitely don’t know many of these folks. Sure, I get updates each day about their visits with out of town guests, shopping or how work is going, but wow…that doesn’t make us “friends.” At least not in the biblical sense of the word! I wonder if any of us are buying the definition of “friendship” that Facebook (or MySpace, Twitter, etc) is selling?
I hope not!
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I am not sure how we can live out this passage when “intimacy” is something we do with “instant messaging” and texting on our cell phones! There *must* be real-time, real-world connection with one another. I wonder if we have forgotten that true friendship includes sitting down and looking at one another, opening our mouths, making noises–in the form of words–and listening to our friend do the same? Even better if those words have something to do with what is on our hearts or an invitation to hold me accountable to pursue godly living!
In our busy lives, we have turned commitment and friendship into a convenience accomplished with technology.
God’s people have to resist this trend! I know I have to be VERY intentional about it.
There are many reasons that I tend not only to allow myself to be swept along into this trend, but actually to welcome it… When I connect face-to-face with real people I have to be much more accountable for what I say and do. Who wants that? :-/ (Hopefully, any disciple of Christ’s!) With keystrokes on my Blackberry, I can get away with loose words and no one asks me about ungodly choices I make in my life if they can’t see me!
How many of us have either sent or been on the receiving end of an email that someone let fly before it was considered how it might be received? There is a *real* person on the other end! Someone with a heart, with thoughts, feelings…someone who can be deeply wounded. If I let my fingers fly on the keyboard and press send, I can deeply affect someone else…someone I supposedly care about.
If I would hesitate to say what is in that email to the other person’s face, then I have no business sending it.
Gosh, I didn’t intend for this to become a tirade! In fact, Facebook has a lot of value to me…I love “connecting” in some way with people who I wouldn’t ordinarily talk with at all. But for those who I have committed to doing life with…if I have reduced that commitment to updating the world on my “status” then something is seriously wrong.
The authors of HEAL remind us that intimate friendship is a vital link to walking with God including in our choices to allow God His way in our emotional, spiritual, and physical health. We really can’t compartmentalize our lives.
As you and I consider our relationships, do we have anyone with whom we let down our hair? Anyone with whom we confess what we do when no one is looking? Or do you (or I) find that you maintain some pretense with everyone. While we know that the Lord knows all, there is something intensely liberating about being real with another–being authentic. In fact, I will suggest that the shame/sin/shame/sin cycle can actually be broken when we allow authenticity to be a part of our relationships with real people in face-to-face encounters.
God has allowed me a number of people over the years with which I have had accountability at some level. Some of these were intentional accountability relationships, formed and shaped specifically for the purposes of being accountable. Others were relationships that were definitely friendships that grew to include a level of intended accountability. There have been seasons of my life, as well, where I haven’t had relationships like this and, as I look back over my life, I have to say…I think this was an intentional attempt on my part to isolate, to hide. It never helped me to reach godly goals. So, if I or you find ourselves without anyone in our lives with whom we are intentionally real with, it is probably good for us to evaluate why not. Is it because we are running from the truth? Is it because we feel shame? If that is the case, we must be, must be, MUST BE intentional about bucking this! This is from the enemy of our souls who loves it when we operate (or try to) in isolation!
Real authentic relationships DO open me up for more heartache and pain, but if God is allowed to be at the helm, these very situations can also be used to stimulate His healing for me and to enable me to press on to know Him more and to live for Him more fully. I have someone who can celebrate with, too!
As the HEAL book says, “Girls we are not meant to do this life alone!”
Bringing it home: Take a moment to prayerfully consider your relationships. Who are your closest friends? If something went horribly wrong in the middle of the night, who would you call on to pray you through? What can you do to foster that kind of friendship with another person today? What can you do to be that kind of friend for another person today? If you ask the Lord, “Who are you calling me to develop trust in?” what name does He lay on your heart? Perhaps you can begin praying about what God would have you do and that he would prepare her heart as well. God exists in Trinity…three persons intimately related to one another…three, yet one…and he has created us in His image…that sure sprains the brain, but since he has created us for intimacy somehow, how can we cooperate with His plan for us to live out His call on our lives?
This chapter in the HEAL book, by Allie Smith and Judy Halliday, is titled Abundant Living.
It is interesting to consider what “life” has consisted of for me most of my years on this planet. Food and weight has been my nemesis (in one form or another) since my earliest memories… I don’t know about you, but I am really READY (beyond ready!) to see this change! I know God is at work changing this and gosh, how I SO much want to cooperate with him in this!
So I ask myself a question…and I ask you, too (inspired by HEAL, page 107):
What ways would your life be different if you were free from being focused on food, eating, your body, weight and anything related to this (diet, exercise, the scale, etc)?
…it really is something to prayerfully ask the Lord to show us.
What do you think?
(PLEASE do not allow the enemy of your soul to use this as a voice of condemnation! The Lord lovingly longs to lead us into change! He does NOT use the voice of condemnation to do this. Reject that!)
Someone I spoke with a few weeks ago has a degree in Bible Exposition and told me that the Hebrew word translated “paths” of righteousness in Psalm 23 could also be translated “ruts.” He pointed out that when the sheep would follow the shepherd across the land to get water or good pasture again and again, a rut would be worn where they would travel. It is a groove in the earth. It is easier to choose that path in which to travel, as it is familiar and well worn.
I could relate to this as, where I ride our horses, the most popular trails are like this, too…at least a good 6 inches lower than the surrounding terrain–the path where the riders have taken their horses again and again is a definite rut.
The person I spoke with pointed out that there can be ruts of UNrighteousness in our lives, too. Wow…did this strike me. See, when my horse is out there on the trail and he can choose between walking in the rut that has clearly been followed many times before or walking on the higher road, he will choose the rut every time. The rut is the path of least resistance.
So, I wonder…am I following a rut of unrighteousness? Is there a behavior that I seem to fall into again and again? Have I convinced myself that I must remain in that rut? Or can I, like my horse, step up out of that rut and take the higher ground? Sure, it may be a bit rougher and untrodden–it may even take a bit of effort and definitely a choice…but the Lord will enable me to blaze a trail…a new trail…in my life–establishing a rut of righteousness.
Bringing it home: What ruts are in your life? Do you see a rut of unrighteousness that the Lord wants you to step up out of? Can you, with an act of your will, ask the Lord to empower you to lift first one foot then the other up out of it to the higher ground? Can you make the path of least resistance one that you do, in fact, resist?
Lord, I pray that you will keep me from falling into ruts of unrighteousness. I pray that I would experience your strength in my weakness and, with an act of my will, step up out of the rut, trusting you to make it be ok. I know you will do that, Lord. In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.
Every rare once in a while, I get a glimpse of what this might look like practically–at least in part. Earlier this week, I had one of those rare moments. I was truly physically hungry and had been for a while. As I sat down at the dining table, I was filled with gratitude to God for the beauty outside my kitchen window, for the family present under the safety of the roof God has given, for a husband that works diligently to provide for us and the wonderful job that he has. I was moved to praise God for the flavors and textures of what I was sitting down to eat as fuel for my body.
