In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
– Proverbs 16:9
During my quiet time this morning, Proverbs 16:9 struck me afresh. No matter how much “predictability” I may feel life has, no matter how much I have structured things, it is actually God alone who has things completely planned and figured out.
I had no idea when I read that this morning, just how this would flesh out.
Knowing that my mom has been lingering, rallying, lingering, rallying in various stages of health, slowly heading toward a transition out of this life, yesterday, at church, a good friend suggested I write a letter to my Mom. She suggested that if I had the chance, I could then read it to her, even as she sleeps.
I liked the idea and knew I needed to carve time into my overly-stuffed schedule to do that. How would I find the time? Mom’s condition, I was told, could last a long while…and there were things on the calendar that had to be done.
I got up early this morning, having arranged to take our family dogs to meet a lady in Fair Oaks (about an hour away) who would be their “sitter” in when we take Daniel to college in Montana. I knew this was likely a half-day project.
I went to bring the Yukon XL up–the only vehicle we take the dogs any place in–and the tire was as flat as a pancake. I couldn’t figure out how that was possible, given we had used it for a Father’s Day family outing just last night!
Upon close inspection, my husband found a screw in the relatively new tire. LSo, the schedule had to be rearranged (thankfully, the dog sitter was flexible!)—I needed that tire fixed. I would have to go “down the hill” about 40 minutes’ drive for that to happen.
I was reminded that Proverbs 16:9 is TRUE. I can plan my day out but the Lord, in His wise sovereignty, is going to order my specific steps.
Hubby used some “Fix a Flat” and an air compressor to get the tire safe enough to drive down to Roseville. While I waited for the terrific guys at America’s Tires to repair the flat, I had time to type up my letter to Mom on my iPad. It was a great exercise, reminding me of many blessings that have come to me through my mom.
After the tire was repaired, I had no doubt what I needed to do. I just “happened” to be only 10 minutes away from where my mom was staying. The letter just “happened” to be written.Thanks to a random screw in a brand new tire, I just “happened” to have enough time to be able to visit her. Seems like something other than “chance” was at work here. God was definitely ordering my steps.
Off I went.
When I arrived at my mom’s place, a hospice nurse greeted me: “I am so glad you are here. Your mom is close to the end.” To be honest, I was surprised. But then I realized that this was precisely what God had ordained for this day, this time.
Rosalie Gianino Hattersley, February 5, 1926-June 18, 2012
So, I entered her room and with tears and laughter I shared my letter with a sleeping Mother.
Hi Mom,
I came here today to be sure you know this one thing: It is ok to leave this life if you are called. This world isn’t your real home…heaven is! If you are having a hard time letting go, I want to just tell you some things that might make you feel better about letting go.
First, Mom, I know you have felt guilty for a lot of the things you did in your life…as we all do. I know a lot of these have to do with mistakes you made in raising me. I want you to know…these things are forgiven. Not only do I forgive you, but more importantly, Jesus forgives you. GOD forgives you. All of the things that you have regrets about and even those things you may have forgotten…no one else is holding on to them, so please don’t you hold on to them either. Let them go! Break free from those things!
Secondly, there is so much I am thankful for that I haven’t told you about previously. I want to do that now. Thank you for loving your grandchildren the way you have. You took them fun places, let us swim in your pool all the time–they have only happy memories of being at Grandma Rosalie’s house! They loved the adventures you took them on to Capital Aquarium (like you did me when I was little!) and to the park.I got a much needed break any time you took them for a couple of hours and for that, I am very thankful, too. I know you didn’t agree with some of the things I did to raise them, but your own mother didn’t agree with the way you raised me, so I guess that is par for the course! J
Daniel and Michaela have wonderful memories of special dolls, car play sets, videos and books, that they got to enjoy *only* at Grandma’s house. They appreciated the ice cream bars and hugs and kisses most of all. Thank you for being one of the best grandmas in the world to my babies! They are going off to college now and may just meet their future husband and wife. I can only hope that I will be as wonderful and fun a grandma to their babies as you have been to them!
Mom, I want to tell you some of the happy memories I have about my own childhood, too, so that you know that I have positive things that I am pondering today. I remember playing with “Goop” and “Creepy Crawlers” out on the back patio. I remember long swims at Lake of the Pines (before there were many houses there!), hikes in Desolation Wilderness, fun at Stanford Sierra camp and singing in choirs when I was still in 3rd grade.
I loved holidays at our house–the extended family gathered for Christmas and fourth of July. You were such a great hostess. I loved Tiny Tots preschool…it is amazing that I still remember it and Virginia Young, my preschool teacher. I had a great education at Sacramento Country Day school, even though I know that the cost of a private education came only with many sacrifices you had to make. Thank you for that. You raised me knowing that God was real and even though I didn’t understand Jesus provided life for me by dying on the cross for me until Leslie told me about that part when I was 15, I nevertheless had a rich foundation because of the early years spent at Sunday school and church. I have had a love for the bible ever since I can remember and even in third grade, at Calvin Crest Camp, I bought my own copy of Good News For Modern Man…must be because of that foundation you gave me!
I know I gave you a hard time about practicing piano–I hated practicing, but now I am so thankful for that musical foundation as I understand chording and harmony and what notes work in different keys. Gosh, I can read music—so many aren’t so blessed!—and it is because of those early piano lessons–first with Mrs. Lang and then Mrs. Carver. Thank you for that. There were drama lessons and ballet lessons (which I hated, but I am still appreciative of you having me try it out) and tap dancing lessons. The recitals and shows all through the years I grew up, the carpooling and driving me all over to Rio Linda for horse lessons. Thank you for all of that, Mom. So much of who I am and what I value today is rooted in you having gone an extra mile (or many) and made sacrifices of time and money so that I could have opportunities to learn and enjoy new skills.
I know there are many things I have forgotten…oh! Like the horse camp I went to for two weeks and I loved going to Washington to stay with Caral Beaver and her family for two summers. And all the different sports that you always encouraged me to be involved in. I never doubted that I could be an athlete! Even as a girl! How could I forget! The tennis lessons that you paid for and chauffeured me to! Thank you for that. Gosh…when I think of how important tennis is to me today and how much joy I get out of it…thank you so much for those early tennis lessons with Bob Mitchell and then with Mike Reid. What ever would I do now without tennis!? J
See? There are so many things that I am thankful for about you.So, Mom, I hope that these are the things you ponder as you drift in and out of sleep now. Just like it says in Philippians 4:8…
Finally…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
I hope these wonderful memories are the ones you turn your mind to, Mom.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I am going to be ok if you let go to the embrace of Jesus, Mom. He will greet you with peace forevermore! I also believe the animals you have loved will be there to greet you as well. And lots of people that you have loved and have missed. Phyllis, Bob’s mom is there…and bodies are whole…yours will be, too! It will be great!
A couple more Scriptures I want to encourage you with, Mom:
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
-2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV84)
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
-Revelation 21:1-4 (NIV84)
Mom, I love you. Be at peace. Fare well in the arms of Jesus.
—–
After reading this to my mom (and some added commentary), I kissed her and left. I called my sister about 11:00 am from the porch at Sunrise Senior Living in Rocklin—a wonderful place to live, by the way. I drove home and within moments of posting to Facebook, my sister called and told me mom had died just an hour after I read those words to her.
I am in awe of the gift that God gave me…that he determined my steps today would be different than the course I had planned ahead of time. I can’t tell you how loved and cared for I feel by a wonderful, intimate God. How he cares about the small details of my life. It boggles my mind. Most of all, I am thankful that my mom is now at peace in his embrace as he delights over her with singing.
In this day of psychobabble and “new age” easy believe-isms, there are many truths that have been tainted with just enough “lie” that we often want to steer way clear of them.
The problem is truth may be buried there — truth that God may want us to embrace. If the enemy didn’t want us to believe a truth about GOD, His character, ourselves, or about life because he knew that by doing so, we could experience being more than conquerors in Christ, the perfect way to do it would be to associate it with a train of thought repulsive to faithful Christians. That way, Satan would be sure we would throw the *truth* aside as well.
We need to be discerning. We don’t want to throw out the good and godly because Satan has associated it with something else from which we need to steer clear.
Nothing else makes this more clear than the power of our minds and what we think. What we think about will have a huge impact on what we believe. What we believe will directly affect our actions. This isn’t new age or “spooky,” this is truth! In fact, we may grit our teeth to *obey* God, but it is HARD to do so without changing our thinking–our beliefs!
If you think thoughts such as: “I will never break free from _______” (insert addiction or bad habit of choice), chances are you will remain stuck. The thought, repeated enough over time will become a belief and you will discover that you will never break free from whatever-it-was.
This doesn’t have to be!
God tells us that our thoughts are important!
Consider these verses:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true,
whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. – Philippians 4:8
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. – Colossians 3:1-2
Dear friends, this is now my second letter to you. I have written both of them as reminders to stimulate you to wholesome thinking. I want you to recall the words spoken in the past by the holy prophets and the command given by our Lord and Savior through your apostles. – 2 Peter 3:1-2
Brothers, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults. – 1 Corinthians 14: 20
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:4
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess. – Hebrews 3:1
God places a premium on what we think. As we choose to think thoughts that are TRUE and reject thoughts that enter our minds that are defeating and NOT true, we will begin to change the way we act. I have seen this happen in my own life.
For instance, “It has been a hard day and I deserve a milkshake at the drive-through.” This isn’t true. It may have been a hard day, sure enough, but I don’t deserve or NEED a milkshake at the drive-through. I have begun to take this thought captive and replace it with other TRUE thoughts, such as, “I don’t need a milkshake to feel better about today. I need to remember that God has called me to the things I did today and He says, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant.'” “I can live without the milkshake.” “I will enjoy a hot bath at home and drive PAST the drive-through.”
Obviously, this is a rather simplistic example, but given that when I indulge myself in milkshakes when I am not hungry, I then follow that behavior with self-condemnation…it becomes a maelstrom of negativity that doesn’t honor God and isn’t best for me either!
What thoughts do you need to take captive? What truth will you replace them with?
Pretending is something we are raised to do so well. First, it begins as a game, our little girl, make-believe, fantasy world, where everything-is-oh-so-perfect times of being princesses, super heroines, and grown-ups! But later, it becomes something we must do to survive.
Some of us pretend we are happy when we aren’t. We may pretend not to feel violated when we do. We pretend not to be bothered by all of the pretending when we look in the mirror and wonder…”Who are you…really?”
Real…It is something my heart aches for. Does yours? All of my training as a child and up through these 50 years…well, I balk at it now. In fact, I want to throw it all off so that I can be real.
Sometimes when I let go of pretense and allow myself to dare to be me in front of others, I feel like Lucy in the CS Lewis books…I see Aslan in the glade. No one else sees him. I rejoice at the sight of him! He is there! Beckoning me to follow him and for others to join us! And no one else sees him. I can choose in that moment to remain REAL or to succumb to the way I should be…normal. Feet on the ground. No more Jesus talk. Like Aslan gently rebuking Lucy, Jesus speaks to my heart: “Follow me even when the others don’t, Little One.” If I am real, I do that very thing.
Roll your eyes if you will, but this is me. This is who God has made me to be. This is my “real.”
What is yours? =============
This is my first stab at “5 Minute Friday,” something encouraged at one of the blogs I follow. If you want to give it a shot at your own blog, visit Gypsy Mama’s Blog and see what it’s about!
In the movie, Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home, our heros and heroines from the 23rd century have time-traveled back to 1986.
There is a scene where Chekov (the guy who seems to be in a brown leather suit) is stuck in a Nuclear “wessel” collecting photons that he needs to fix the now stranded star ship left cloaked (invisible) in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park. Because of the lack of power on the ship, though, Chekov’s usual request “Beam me up, Scotty…Now…Scotty…” is met with a squeak and a fizzle…Even as the American Navy descends on Chekov–a Russian man who clearly doesn’t belong on an American Naval Vessel in the mid-1980s, with rifles aimed straight at their foreign target point blank–nothing happens. No beaming out.
Chekov, in one final burst of hope murmurs into his communicator: “Now would be a good time…”
I can hear his words and I echo them even as a prayer right now to God.
“So, God…can you beam me out?”
Though desperate–like Chekov–I get no response…
“Now would be a good time…”
Have you ever felt this way?
I just updated my status on Facebook:
Sooooooooo tired… He gives me everything I need for life and godliness…but does that mean THIS life? Now? In this moment? Ok..I sit here and wait. Dump it on me, God. Cuz if I get up now, I get up without it!
That is about the end of it. I know that I can choose what I will think about and maybe that is why I am left in silence right now. It is a choice God clearly leaves to me. I can “eject the core” (another Star Trek term) of negative thoughts.
OUT into the stratosphere go “Poor me. I am so tired” and “I really can’t see how I can possibly make it through this day.”
Instead, I “beam in” thoughts that pass what my former pastor, Mike Ernst, called The Philippians 4:8 Test :
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy
—think about such things.
“I DO have what I need to do that to which GOD calls. He promises it and it is SO.”
Period. End of discussion. End of whine.
It really IS a choice. It boils down to what I will CHOOSE to set my mind on. Upon what will I fix my heart?
So, I sit here (having given up on waiting for the beam-out!) and choose to give gratitude to God. I choose to praise my King and Redeemer. I choose to thank Him for the many blessings of life even though they may seem millions of light-years removed from this moment.
Hmm…maybe he has been pouring out his answer on me, even now.
In fact, whatever the addiction, bad habit, or temptation…we often try to stop thinking about whatever it is just so we can be FREE!
But the more we try to STOP thinking about these things, the more we actually think about them. The more we feel ensnared.
Let me illustrate the point this way:
Do NOT think about a pink elephant.
(I know, I have used this illustration before…just work with me! LOL!).
Seriously…do NOT think about a pink elephant. NO PINK ELEPHANT thinking!
What are you thinking about?
Chances are, you are thinking about a pink elephant!
This is true with our eating. When we are trying not to give in to eating a hot fudge sundae when we aren’t hungry, the more we try not to think about it, the more we think about it, until we are overcome and we give in.
So, my theory (and one that has worked for me and others in the classes I have led) is that if we intentionally change what we are thinking about, we will experience the victory we long for.
Not only that, but if heart hunger is really what is luring me to food, then it seems like I need to feed my heart with heart FOOD to experience satisfaction.
Changing my focus from me and what *I* want and to the LORD is a great way of dealing with all of this! By focusing on the Lord, I stop thinking about pink elephants and hot fudge sundaes. 🙂 By focusing on the Lord, my heart is filled up on what it longs for…intimacy with God.
This is what the “God List” is for. It is to take the focus OFF of ME and on to God and to fill my heart up on what it really is missing…intimacy with God. God has placed a heart hunger within me to draw me to HIM. If I keep on feeding this heart hunger with physical food, not only will my heart continue to starve for what it was created to long for, but I will get BIGGER (physically). This starves my heart and over-feeds my body!
If you want to know more about the God List, view this video.
More on the God List and what to do with it next week! 🙂
Then there are times when I just sort of let it all hang out. Today is one of those kinds of posts, because truthfully, those of you who visit this blog probably don’t need the “super-sanctified” version of life. You are living REAL life and you see through the facade when it is put out there.
So, today’s post is taken from an email that I sent a small group of ladies who I am traveling with through the Thin Again book by the Hallidays. I hope it challenges you (in a good way).
========
God has been working on a theme in my life recently. Here are some thoughts that have come of it:
How much inspiration do I really need?
How many verses that convict and encourage?
How many great books and devotionals about making great choices?
How many study groups (and goes through the Thin Within book and workbook)?
How many accountability partners?
I have all of the tools, all of the knowledge, all of the conviction and more. I have everything I need for life and godliness, according to God’s Word! I have His Holy Spirit…so what on earth is holding me back?
I am nuts if I think I can be free without SAYING NO TO MY FLESH. The reality is, I have to DO what I know and I may not WANT TO, but then if I don’t want to do it, then I must want to live in bondage more than I want to live in freedom. Living in freedom will take some HARD choices, but God has given me so much to “inspire” me to walk that path.
What really am I waiting for? For it to get easy? It won’t. Or if it does for a while, it might be hard again. I have to say NO to myself just like I do when I want to buy something and can’t afford it, or want to zip around a slow driver, but the double yellow line tells me I can’t, so I don’t (even if no one is looking). I don’t take things I want from the store. I don’t slap my children’s mouths when they are impertinent. I say no to my flesh all the time, so it is high time I do the same with food.
I can keep patting myself on the back (“There, there…don’t worry….”) with an eye to all the things I have to process that have set me up to have this battle with food, such as:
the fact that my mom abused me regarding food/eating as a kid…
the molestations (my dad)
shoving down all the things that were true about our family so I didn’t have a voice as a child
my mom’s suicide attempts (too many to count before I was 16)
my parents’ knock-down-drag-out fights, even though they were “professional” and church people (we had to keep up the appearance) – and the Sheriffs coming to our house because of it!
the emotional and physical abuses of my childhood (in addition to those mentioned above!)
the other things I struggle with and feel “victimized” by more recently in life…
…but the reality is…this is the life God has sovereignly ordained for me to live…NOTHING has come to me that isn’t according to His plan. He intends for me to be VICTORIOUS through all of these things. If I put off obedience and making good choices until I have “processed my junk,” I am, simply, SINNING. I am called to obedience NOW. He calls me to this with gentleness and love—not one shred of condemnation. He KNOWs how hard it is, but he gives me Jesus as the example.
What choice will I make today—EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO? What choice will I commit to offering to Him as a sacrifice? What today will be an expression of my love for him and of dying to self?
What about you? 🙂 (You knew that had to come, right? Really…I would love to hear from you.)
